It continued with Pool Sex
by Leviosa0812
Summary: Sequel for It all started with Truth or Dare. Logan and Kendall are still happily together, but something will happen that changes their whole world. Mpreg.
1. Pool Sex

****Here it is! The first chapter of my sequel for It all started with truth or dare! You don't have to read that story to understand this one, but I'll use some things that I used in that story. I hope you all like it, please tell me?****

**Pool sex**

"Hey Logan?" I asked my boyfriend, who was lying next to me reading some kind of medical book. He looked extremely cute.

"Hmm?"

"You wanna have pool sex?"

"Sure" He didn't even look up from his book, so I got the idea he didn't really know what I just asked. I decided to take advantage of that.

"Come on then" I said and jumped out of bed. He looked up from his book and eyed me suspiciously.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, you said you wanted to have pool sex, so I thought we'd do it now" I said happily.

"I never- you-" He stuttered. I picked him up bridal style.

"Come on, Logie! It's gonna be fun! Don't be a buzz kill! Please?" I pouted and made the best puppy dog eyes I could manage without turning into a second Katie.

"I don't fall for the eyes anymore, Kendall. I'm immune"

"No you're not"

"Yes I am"

"No"

"Yes"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"You wanna have pool sex?"

"Yes! I mean no!"

"Too late now, Logie. You already said yes. It will be fun, I promise"

He rolled his eyes, but I saw him giving in. "Fine, but only if James and Carlos are sleeping" He struggled out of my arms and grabbed a shirt, so he wouldn't be walking completely naked through the Palm Woods. I followed his example and tip toed to the room of our friends. I peeked around the corner –they always slept with the door open, how weird…- and saw them lying in one bed, in boxers and shirts, but still.

"They're sleeping" I whispered to Logan.

"Good" He whispered back. We sneaked out of the apartment as silently as we could be, but we were both pretty excited. It was such an adrenaline rush to do something like this in the middle of the night. We crept through the halls of the Palm Woods to the lobby. We heard snoring coming from Bitters little apartment next to his office and had to keep ourselves from laughing out loud. We walked outside to the pool on tip toes and pulled of all our clothes. When Logan wasn't watching, I pushed him into the pool.

He squeaked and almost fell flat on his face on the surface. I chuckled while I waited for him to come up again and then jumped right in front of him, splashing water all over him. He got me back by dunking me when I tried to catch my breath.

"Are we even now?" He asked.

"No" I slowly trapped him in a corner of the pool and tickled his sides. He automatically tried to get away, but he couldn't go anywhere.

"Now we're even" I said when he couldn't breathe anymore from laughing so much.

"Such a pity. I wanted to kiss you, but I'm not going to after this" He pouted and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I can play that game too, you know" I smirked and started to tickle him again. "I'll just continue this until you kiss me"

He immediately slammed his lips on mine and wrapped his legs around my waist, forcing me to his body. His hands were in my hair and I stroked his sides.

Normally, I was the dominant one. Logan always let it happen and didn't even try to fight for it anymore. He licked my bottom lip, more a sign that he wanted more than a sign for me to open up, since I would take control anyways.

So, when I opened my mouth and started tongue wrestling I let him win.

He was so surprised he stopped kissing me completely and looked at me with disbelief in his eyes.

"Fine. Then I'll dominate again" I attacked his lips and forced my tongue in his mouth roughly. He fought back, now he knew I let him win once, he wanted to try again.

"You wasted your chance, love" I mumbled between kisses.

"Afraid for a little competition?" He breathed, grinding his hips against mine.

I snickered softly. "You're no competition for me, Logie. You don't stand a chance" I pushed him to the wall of the pool with my body harshly. He whimpered softly, but kept fighting. I rolled my hips to his again and smirked when I heard him moan my name. I did it over and over again until he was a complete mess in my arms.

"Who wins, sweetie?" I asked sweetly. He shivered when he felt my breath on his ear.

"Not you" He muttered.

"Really?" I chuckled softly and traced his hipbones with my fingertips, making him whine in need and anticipation.

"Nah ah" His hands in my hair loosened their grip, simply because he hadn't got the strength anymore.

"Give it up, Logie… Who wins?" I breathed over his neck and placed my hands on his ass.

"You" He panted.

"Great" I let go of him and tried to break free from his grasp.

"Kendall, please!" His arms and legs tightened around me.

'What, love?"

"Anything! Just don't stop!" His hold grew stronger and his erection was brushed against mine.

We were so lucky to be the only ones at the pool. "Turn around" I whispered softly. He would for sure have protested about pool sex if he hadn't been this turned on. He unwrapped his legs and gripped the edge of the pool with his hands to steady himself. I couldn't really lube my finger or something, because the water would wash it of before I could get it inside of Logan, but I was extremely gently. I lay my arm around his waist when I let a second finger join the first.

He made a sound that was either a groan or a hiss and leaned his whole body back against mine.

"Relax sweetie" I whispered in his ear. I made scissoring motions inside of him before adding a third. He whimpered and I stroked him to ease the pain a little, only to find it unnecessary when I brushed over his prostate.

"FUCK!" He yelled, thrusting back on my fingers, practically fucking himself on them. I pulled my fingers out and turned him around.

"I want to be able to look at you" I explained when he shot me a confused look. He wrapped his legs around me again and I slowly entered.

He sobbed silently and laid his head on my chest, while I filled him completely. God, it felt so good, but I restrained myself and stroked his back soothingly.

"You can move now" He said after a minute.

I made sure to hit his sweet spot dead on to make it just as pleasurable for him as it was for me.

"KENDALL!" He screamed in ecstasy. His nails scraping my back open. I slowed down a bit; Logan loved it if I showed him how much I cared about him during sex. All I wanted was him to feel good and I would reach my climax without much trouble. I got off on the fact that he was enjoying it.

"You really need to be quieter if we ever want to have pool sex again" I panted, bringing his face to my shoulder. He got the hint and bit down in my neck, muffling most of his moans. He bit down harder with every thrust, but it didn't really hurt. Yet.

"I'm so close" He whispered almost too soft to hear.

"Me too, Logie" I stroked him again, torturing him with my slow movements for the last moments.

"You better move that hand faster or we'll never do this again if you're not handcuffed to a bed" He snapped.

"Never going to happen" I continued my little teasing game and Logan lost his control completely.

"KENDALL YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" He screamed and he came in my hand in the water. One thrust later I came inside of Logan. He groaned when he felt it filling him.

"Fucking bastard?" I asked amused. Logan was too tired to respond and lay completely devastated in my arms. I pulled out of him and held him close. "That's a new one"

"Well. You are. But I love you" The last part sounded much warmer.

"I love you too. So much" I kissed the side of his head and started to walk to the stairs to climb out of the water. I let Logan climb up first, but when I tried to follow him I felt a stinging pain in the crook of my neck.

"Ohw!" I hissed. Logan helped me out and took a better look at the wound. He pulled a painful face.

"I guess I bit a little too hard. You're missing some skin. I'm so sorry Kendall, I didn't mean to do this" He grabbed our clothes and helped me pulling on mine, his tiredness completely forgotten. He led me back to 2J and sat me down on our bed while he searched in his night stand for his first aid kit.

He cleaned the wound gently with some stuff that stung like hell. Logan kept apologizing and put a band aid on it, before laying me down and straddling me. He kissed me sweetly and lay down on my chest. It didn't take long before we both fell asleep.

**1!1!1!1!1!1!1**

I woke up at three in the morning to find that Logan was shivering and sweating against my chest. He felt cold and I couldn't help but worry. His forehead wasn't hot, so he didn't have a fever yet, but that could only be a matter of time. He shivered again and snuggled closer to me, gaining as much body heat as possible. I pulled the sheets closer around him and stroked his back hard to warm him up a little.

"Kendall?" His voice sounded so pathetic and small it shattered my heart.

"Shh. I got you, sweetie. Go back to sleep" I hugged him closer and made sure to cover every part of his body with the blanket.

"I'm cold" He whispered.

"I know, baby. Just sleep, okay? I'll stay right here to warm you up"

He nodded and closed his eyes again. It took only a few minutes before I felt his breathing slow down again. I stayed awake until I was sure he wasn't that cold anymore, still hugging him as close to me as possible.

**1!1!1!1!1!1!1**

The next morning Logan's fever came up. He didn't wake up, but I was glad about that. He could use the sleep now. I laid an extra blanket over him and then went to the kitchen to eat. James and Carlos were already sitting there, both with a very annoyed yet amused expression on their faces.

"Why exactly are you a fucking bastard?" Asked James, while he tried to suppress a yawn.

"You heard that?"

"Who didn't?"

"Oh god, Logan's gonna kill me" I groaned. I sat down across from my friends and grabbed a bowl to make cereal.

"So, pool sex, huh?" Asked James suggestively.

I smirked back. "Yes"

"You two had actual sex in the pool?" Asked Carlos in disbelief. "That's gross! I'm never going to swim in it again!" He pulled a disgusted face.

"He thought you two were wrestling" He shook his head and smiled about his innocent lover. "Who bottomed?"

"What's bottoming?" Asked Carlos curiously. I just had my mouth full so I couldn't answer James, but I choked when I heard Carlos' question. James eyes' grew wide. God this was going to be so much fun! How could Carlos not know what bottoming meant when he himself was in a very gay relationship? Only Carlos could manage that. This was going to be one awkward talk for James.

"Yes James, what's that?" I asked when I swallowed my food. Smug grin on my face.

He glared at me before turning to Carlos. "You seriously have no idea, do you?"

"Not unless you're talking about checkers" He said innocently.

James looked helplessly at me, begging me silently to save him from this one or to help him out. "Oh, no James. I'm not going to explain this to him. Maybe Logan would, but you're not allowed to wake him because he's feverish and BOTTOMED last night" I told James, grin still plastered on my face.

"Baby, can we please wait with this talk until tonight? Logan can tell you so much more about this then I can and I swear I'll tell you everything if he doesn't" He begged Carlos.

The Latino thought about it for a moment and then shrugged. "Okay. Wanna play videogames?"

"Sure, baby" James stuck his tongue out at me and joined his boyfriend on the couch.

I made tea and toast for Logan and went back to our room. He was still fast asleep and I didn't like it to wake him up, but I had to, to check his temperature. I put the tray on the nightstand and sat down next to him. He was completely curled up in fetal position. I softly ran my finger through his hair and stroked his cheek. "You've got to wake up, sweetie. I need to check your temperature" I mumbled when he blinked his eyes.

"Hey" He cracked. It was nothing more than a whisper.

"How are you?" I asked worriedly.

"Good" He lied.

"Yeah right. Don't lie to me, Logie"

"I might feel a little cold" He said unwillingly.

"Do you want another blanket?"

"No, I want you to stay with me" He blushed and softly pulled me closer by my sleeve.

"Then I'll stay with you, but I want you to eat first"

He did and drunk the tea and then we lay down. He was shivering again and curled up under the cover against my chest. He was like a little kitten.

"How are James and Carlos?" He asked, his voice sounded muffled from under the blanket. Of course Logan didn't give a shit for his own state of being and cared about others more. It was something that irritated me so much. I was the only one who looked out for him a bit. But now was not the time to make a comment about it.

"They're a little annoyed from waking them up in the middle of the night. I guess we were a little louder than we thought. And with 'we' I mean you"

"It's all your fault" He pouted. "You talked me into it!"

"I'm really sorry about that. I didn't mean to get you sick" I kissed the top of his head that peaked out from under the blanket.

"Don't worry about it. We really got some great sex out of it"

I smirked. "That's so true. Carlos is going to stalk you, by the way"

He crawled from under the cover so he could see my face. "Why?" He asked suspiciously.

"Because he heard the term 'bottoming' today and he has no idea what it means" I chuckled. Innocent little Carlos. Poor James would be a virgin for live.

"So you told him he should ask me about it?"

"No, James did actually"

"Doesn't matter. Do you really think it's a good idea I tell him when I won't be able to walk normally because of it? Do you want to keep James a virgin for life?"

"Think about it. That might not be such a bad thing. That would actually be very funny"

He rolled his eyes. "You want to keep your best friends from having sex? That's so cruel, Kendall. I'm not going to tell Carlos about it. I'm just not gonna do it"

"I never said you had to, sweetie. I just told you about it"

He groaned and started coughing badly. It sounded dry and sore and really not good.

"Are you ok?" I asked worriedly when he stopped.

"Y-yeah" He whispered.

"Go back to sleep, Logie. You need it"

He nodded and buried himself to my chest again. He fell asleep quickly.

**1!1!1!1!1!1!1**

His fever didn't break that day, but he came out of bed anyway that night. He wanted to eat normally with us at the table. So, I packed him in the blanket and we slowly walked to the kitchen. I always hated it to see him hurt after sex, but he convinced me it was worth it.

"You look terrible" Stated James. He and Carlos were already sitting at the table, waiting for us.

"Thanks" Logan said sarcastically. He tried to sit down, but winced and instead of that leaned against the counter in his blanket.

"Does this have something to do with bottoming?" Asked Carlos curiously, gesturing to Logan's standing form. The brunette glared at James.

"Yes Carlos" He said, trying to stay calm.

"Do you care to explain?" Carlos asked hopefully.

"Absofuckinglutely not" Snapped Logan. Carlos looked offended, but turned to James.

"Explain to me why this is such a big deal and why Logan's bitching at me for no reason at all" He commanded irritated.

Logan laughed sarcastically. He was livid. I didn't see him this mad often. "This is a big deal because it's about my sex life, no one" He pointed at James "should make me tell things about that. I'm allowed to snap at you because I've a fever from the damn pool and Kendall fucked me so hard I can't sit. Then you two come around and make me tell things I really don't want to say. Like this"

Carlos' eyes were wide in shock from Logan's revelation. The words 'sex life' and 'getting fucked' were enough for him to figure out what bottoming meant.

I stood up and hugged Logan to calm him down. "I'm sorry, sweetie" I whispered.

He nodded and I guided him to the table, sitting him down in my lap. I spread my legs a little so he could sit comfortably without too much pain. He leaned his back against my chest and buried his face in the crook of my neck.

"Thanks for clearing that up" Said Carlos awkwardly. He stood up and motioned for James to follow him. They disappeared into their room.

"Now I ruined everything for them" Mumbled Logan guiltily.

"They'll be fine, Logie. Don't worry about them for a while. Just focus on getting better, okay?" I whispered in his ear.

"I love you"

"I love you too, sweetie. So much"

**Here it is! The first chapter of my sequel for It all started with truth or dare! You don't have to read that story to understand this one, but I'll use some things that I used in that story. I hope you all like it, please tell me?**


	2. What's up with Logan?

**What's up with Logan?**

Three months later I was worried about Logan again. For six weeks now, he's been throwing up every morning. It was so weird. He assured me it was nothing serious, but I didn't know if I had to believe him. He emptied his whole stomach and seemed incredibly hungry all day, which wasn't really surprising. What was surprising was the fact that he really gained a few pounds. He never hold anything inside of his body for longer than a day, but he still was slightly heavier than normal. His front was no longer flat, but showed a little bulge. I thought it was incredibly cute. He'd been so skinny all his life and this was such a welcome change. It was still a mystery how he got it, though…

I thought the main reason was his sudden longing for pineapple with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles. It was absolutely disgusting, but I said nothing about it. He loved it so much and he would just start crying if I told him that. He'd been crying a lot lately. Everything made him cry. A little kid that fell? Logan's eyes watered. A dead goldfish? Logan burst out in tears. Yesterday it was because we didn't have any more sprinkles and he 'needed' them for his disgusting creation. I started to count the crying and it turned out I had to comfort him at least three times a day. For the last month. That's a lot.

With all that, I could live. There were some things I really had problems with. The first was that we hadn't had sex in three months. That wasn't good, but I could live with it. My relationship with Logan wasn't about pointless fucking, so if he didn't want to make love, we didn't do it. But three months was very long and the only pleasure I had was with my hand. That's pathetic when you have a boyfriend. I thought I could get an orgasm out of one kiss from Logan, but that didn't happen either. Because that was the second thing, he didn't kiss me anymore. The last one was a week ago, but that wasn't even a kiss. That was a peck on my cheek. This really, really hurt me. I could go another few months without sex, but kissing wasn't that bad right? Even when you're sick you can kiss your boyfriend every once in a while… right? Yes. So I was worried. Very worried. The only physical contact we had was in bed, when he was sleeping in my arms. He always did that and I was so glad that it hadn't changed. At the end of the day he would just cuddle with me and I would forget about why I was irritated with him all together. I just couldn't stay mad at him for long. I loved him too much, but what if he didn't want to be with me anymore?

That nightmare only won in power because of the third and worst thing. He didn't tell me he loved me anymore. The last time I actually heard him saying it was the day of the last day we'd sex. Three fucking months ago. In the first month, every time I told him that I loved him he would just respond with 'you too' or 'same here'. The second month was worse. The only response I got was a 'hmm' or a 'yeah'. Exactly twenty days ago, he didn't answer at all and ten days ago I just gave up. I didn't say it anymore, because his reaction –or the lack of- hurt me too much. I would wait for him to tell me. If that was going to happen again. But I missed it so much. He was really breaking my heart with this. Was he preparing me for a break up? Was he really planning on dumping me? I was sure I couldn't handle that yet. Or ever. And then it happened.

When we went to bed, he lay down on the other side instead of next to me. I waited a while, but he had his back turned to me and never showed any intention of scooting over. In half an hour, he was fast asleep. Without me. That's when I broke.

Silent tears ran down my cheeks while my body shook and trembled. I turned away from him and sobbed quietly. The only thing I could think about was that it was over. He was going to leave me. He didn't love me anymore. This was the first time in almost four years –yes, I counted the days- that I was sleeping alone. The first time since we became a couple that his little body wasn't pressed against me chest. The first time that I couldn't listen to his breathing and feel the rising and falling of his chest to make sure he was alive and healthy. I felt so cold and alone I couldn't find the urge to sleep anymore. So instead, I cried the rest of the night. Or until I had no more tears to spent.

That was at three pm. My pillow was cold and soaked from all the salt liquid that came pouring out my eyes. I'd been shaking so much I was surprised that Logan didn't wake up from it. But why would he? He didn't care about me anymore. I so desperately wanted to reach out for him and pull him in my arms, but I couldn't. It hurt me too much.

"Kendall?" He asked tiredly. I felt him pulling on the blanket when he sat up a bit. "What's wrong?" He asked worriedly when he saw me trembling.

"D-don't y-y-ou lo-love me a-an-anymore?" I sobbed, not turning around. I didn't want to see his face when he found out that I knew.

"What makes you think that?" He asked shocked.

"You ne-never s-say it anymore an-and y-y-you d-didn't cu-cuddle with m-me t-to-tonight. Y-you a-al-always d-do t-that, Logie. W-why n-not n-n-now?" I felt new thick, harsh sobs coming from my throat.

He didn't answer me, something that scared me even more. Was it really true? Why didn't he say anything? Can't he just tell me so we get it over with? I felt a soft hand rubbing my shaking shoulders. He came closer and moved his hand from my shoulder to my hair. "I'm so sorry Kendall" He whispered, his own tears sounded through in his voice. "I never meant to hurt you like this. I've no idea what has been wrong with me lately. I now see that I've been so mean to you. I can't believe I did those things. Or what I did not do anymore. I love you Kendal. I really, really do love you so much. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. I'm sorry for not kissing you anymore. I'm sorry for not cuddling with you tonight. I've no clue what has gotten over me to do that. I love it all so incredibly much. You've been amazing while I was sick and grumpy all the time. I love you. Please let me make it up to you?" He practically begged me the last part.

That calmed me down somewhat. He really sounded like he still loved me, but now I was mad. How hard was it to tell me that every once in a while? Three little words, how tough was that?

"I just want you to remember me. That you kiss me and tell me that you love me back when I tell you that. A little affection, that's all I'm asking for. But now you didn't even sleep in my arms? You always do that, I can't even sleep without you anymore. Why didn't you, Logan?"

"I don't know why. I can't even remember" He whispered miserably. "Please let me make it up to you" He pleaded. He hesitantly lay an arm around my waist but I shook it off.

"Please Kendall. I feel so bad and guilty right now. I can't believe I did this!" He said, on the very edge of tears.

I didn't respond, just kept staring at the wall in front of me. I heard him sigh and then the sound of footsteps walking around the bed. He sat down on his knees on the ground so our faces were at the same level. He used his index finger to pull up my chin so I had to look him in his eyes. The huge brown eyes I fell in love with were filled with guilt and regret. I couldn't see pain and disappointment behind the first emotions, but most of all I saw the love and longing I missed so much. I really thought I would never see that in his eyes anymore when he would look at me. This only made me angrier, why did he had to scare the shit out of me first before he told me it wasn't even true. Why was it so hard to tell me he loved me?

"I love you, Kendall. Please, let me make it up to you, I'm begging you. It hurts so much seeing you like this and it's a million times worse because it's my fault. I've no idea what made me do all this, but I promise to never treat you like that again. Please, Kendall?"

Again, I didn't respond. His eyes filled with tears. He waited two minutes before he got up and walked back to his side of the bed. He turned his back to me and curled up in fetal position. I swear I heard a little sob. Ten minutes later we were both still awake, but neither of us said anything. I couldn't handle it anymore and scooted closer to him. I spooned him and pulled him closely to my chest.

"I-"

"Not a word" I hissed. "This is only because I don't know how to sleep without you anymore and I really need a few hours. I'm still mad at you"

I felt him nod and he turned around in my arms so he could bury his head against my chest. He kissed it once. Or maybe twice. And it was such a sweet gesture I almost forgave him then and there. Almost. I rested my chin on his head and it didn't take long before we both were fast asleep.

**This chapter was first much longer, but I decided to split it in two. In this way I have more time to fill the period until I go to Paris. I hope you won't hate me then for not updating in three weeks…  
>But what did you think of this one? <strong>


	3. Logan finds out

**Logan finds out**

I woke up from the smell of pancakes with chocolate sauce. It was delicious. I opened my eyes and noticed that Logan was no longer sleeping in my arms, but was standing next to the bed. He had a tray with a huge pile pancakes on it in his hands.

"Hey" He said uncertain. He stood there hesitantly. Scared for my reaction. "I made you these"

I smiled softly and took the tray from him. "Thank you, sweetie" I put it on the nightstand and pulled Logan to me with his hand. I hugged him and it felt so lovely having him back in my arms that I really didn't want to let him go. I'd missed his little form.

"So do you want to go out with me today?" He asked when I released him to eat the delicious smelling pancakes he made for me.

"Depends on what we're going to do" I said while eating a piece of his amazing cooking.

"I thought we could use a day together" He blushed and looked down, still scared for my answer. "So we could ditch rehearsal and go to my special spot on the beach?" He asked softly.

I thought about it for a minute. Logan was okay with skipping rehearsal. He never skipped any kind of lesson or workday. Which meant he cared more about fixing this than working. That was progress. He really did want to make it up to me so badly. "I'm in"

I laughed softly when he smiled that lop sided grin and beamed. He kissed my cheek and stood up.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I was going to eat filthy cereal so you could eat your royal breakfast in peace, your highness" He bowed.

I pulled a thinking face. "I like that thought, having you as my servant. So you're willing to do everything I ask you?"

"Yes, Kendall. If that's how I can make it up to you"

I pulled the thinking face again and eyed him with mischief washing all over me. "Then you're staying here" I decided. "Don't leave me" That had a double meaning. I was sure Logan caught them both.

"Of course" He said and sat down on the foot of the bed. I watched him suspiciously while he pulled of the covers to reveal my feet. He did something I really didn't saw coming. He massaged my feet.

It felt really good. He had some amazing fingers, I already knew that, but still. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"What? Don't question it, just enjoy. This isn't something I'm going to do every day or to anybody else. You should feel really honored now"

I chuckled and continued eating while he continued his massage. When I was finished Logan told me to roll on my stomach. He seated himself on my butt and massaged my back and shoulders. He was really good with his fingers. He did this for ten minutes and then was suddenly gone. He sprinted to our bathroom with his hand over his mouth. I quickly ran after him and found him hanging over the toilet, retching his organs out. I rubbed his back comfortably and got him water and toilet paper for his mouth when he was done. He sat down and leaned against the wall heavily.

"This is seriously growing out of hand, Logan. I want you to see a doctor" I said worriedly. There was another reason I wanted him to see a doctor. If we found out what was wrong with him, maybe I could find out why he'd been acting so unpleasant to me.

"I'll be fine, Kendall. It's only in the mornings, if it was something I would have told you guys weeks ago. I'm sure it's just a bug or something"

"Logan, even I know a 'bug or something' doesn't last this long. I really want you to go to a doctor"

"Fine, but not today" He said stubbornly.

"Why not? Logan-"

"I'm not going today, Kendall. We're going out together remember? I want to do this the right way from now on. I want to make you forget the last three months and that's not going to work if I have to go to a doctor"

"I would've kissed you if you didn't just throw up" I said regrettably. "You know what the last time was when we shared a real kiss? I can't even remember" I told him bitterly.

His face dropped and the tears came back to his eyes. He stood up and hugged me, leaving butterfly kisses on my chest. "I'm sorry"

"Come on, go brush your teeth. We're going to shower together, but I'm still not going to kiss you if you taste like vomit" I whispered in his ear.

He blushed and turned to the sink while I got out of my boxer and under the shower. Logan joined me two minutes later, his mouth completely clean. He was staring up at me and pulled me closer with the hands on my hips. He kept looking in my eyes while he trailed his hand over my abs and chest to my neck to end on either side of my face. He cupped it and slowly brought it down until our lips almost touched. He let his lips flutter over mine, not really kissing but something so sweet and so Logan that I almost cried of happiness. He finally stopped the teasing and gave me the kiss I'd been waiting for so long. His lips moved against mine tenderly. Pure and innocent and sweet, everything that represented Logan. My Logan, who I'd missed for three months. The Logan that was so sweet and lovable I was surprised he didn't feel sticky like other sweets. Who actually loved me back now.

I kissed back and ran my tongue over his bottom lip, asking for access to the mouth I'd been away from way too long. I grabbed one of his legs and wrapped it around my waist. He got the hint and did the same with the other.

We made out for at least half an hour. I couldn't believe how much I'd missed this. It felt so wonderful to have him back in my arms. It seemed almost impossible that I could have last this long without him kissing me. His kisses were amazing. We held onto each other almost desperately, gaining as much possible contact. Logan was giving me everything I'd desperately needed for so long, but didn't get in three months. Neither of us felt the need to go any further then this. Me because I still hadn't really forgiven Logan yet and he for some unknown reason that had caused him to act like he did the last quarter year, but I still loved him more than anything and I knew for sure that by the end of the day I won't remember a thing of what happened. He was clinging to my body and needed the contact almost as mush as I did. It felt good that he realized how much he'd missed this too. Our chests were pressed together so tight that the water couldn't reach our stomachs. The little bulge he had there felt rather hard. _Strange…_

There was only one thing wrong. Since he was slightly heavier than before, I couldn't hold him up for much longer. I was a little afraid to tell him that, since he would start crying so easily. I pulled my tongue back and kissed him a last time.

"I love you" He whispered and rested his head on my shoulder while he wrapped his arms and legs around me tighter.

"I love you too, sweetie" I said while stroking his back. "You know, I can't hold you up much longer. You became a little heavier the last few months" I said uncertain. _Please don't start crying again!_

I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for it, but it never came. I slowly opened one eye and saw him staring at me with wide eyes. They were full of terror.

"No way" He whispered. He gently climbed off me and leaned against the wall, his eyes still on me. "That's impossible…"

"Logan? What's wrong? You're creeping me out here!" I said anxiously. He was still staring at me, but there changed something in his eyes. He seemed hopeful, maybe even happy. He was thinking deeply and I think I saw his lips moving. Was he counting? He was seriously scaring me right now. I waved my hand in front of him and he snapped out of his staring. He shook his head and looked away from me.

"I might be… I think I know what's wrong with me" He said softly.

"Then tell me!" I begged.

He turned the water off and stepped out of the cabin. "Not until I'm sure. I have to come back on my decision. We've to go to a hospital. Immediately"

**You are such lucky bastards. The only thing you had to do was giving me some amazing and sweet reviews and I update AGAIN! Now I'm forced to write more to make up for the time I'm in France… Not that I really mind (:**


	4. Kendall finds out

**Chapter 4: Kendall finds out**

I was currently alone, sitting in a waiting room in the hospital. After Logan's announcement we went out of the shower and dressed as quickly as possible. He took one of my shirt, that are way too big for him. It successfully hid his stomach. We avoided my mom, Carlos and James by sneaking out of the apartment when they were all still in their rooms to get ready for the day. We left a note to tell them where we went. I noticed Logan was being extremely careful. He watched where he walked and in the car he instantly fastened his seatbelt, the one thing he hated in cars and he did not always use it. He was very silent and thinking deeply all the way to the hospital and in the waiting room. When his name was called I tried to go with him, but he stopped me and went in alone. I was worried now. Really worried. The look in his eyes never changed. I saw fear, hope and bliss. A very weird combination when you're sick right?

Three hours later I still hadn't heard a thing from Logan or a doctor. What could possibly take them so long? If it was something serious they should have found out by now, or not? And then the least they could do for me was tell me, right? They can't leave me in the dark, but maybe it has something to do with me… What if it was my fault? Oh god, what if it was my fault? I should've took him to a doctor months ago! But Logan wouldn't let me… Besides, he would tell me immediately if it was something serious. He would never lie about something like that.

Finally, he came out of the doctor's office. He walked over to me and as soon as I could reach for him I pulled him in my lap. He still had the same expressions on his face.

"Do they know what's going on already?" I asked him impatiently.

"They're almost sure, but the last blood test should confirm it" He explained.

"So you can tell me?"

"This is kind of a big deal, Kendall. I'm not going to tell you unless I'm sure. It would only make it more difficult"

"Fine. When do they have the results of that test?"

"Ten minutes, I think"

It was silent for a while. His words confused and scared me. I had no idea what to think anymore. I absentmindedly ran my finger through his hair, his head was resting on my shoulder.

"Logan?"

"Hmm?" He sat up to look in my eyes.

"Should I be scared?"

"Totally depends. I'm not going to die if that's what you want to hear" He chuckled softly.

I felt relieved now I knew that. "That's definitely what I wanted to hear. Thank you for concerning me all day and only now telling me it's not dead serious"

"Ahw" He kissed my nose and looked up when he saw a nurse walking up to us.

"The test results are positive. Congratulations" She told us with a smile. "We have the ultrasound ready for you" She walked to a door next to the doctor's office.

Now I still had no idea what was going on. Congratulations? With being sick? How could you be happy about that? What was an ultrasound? Logan however, knew exactly what it meant.

He beamed and his eyes sparkled. He kissed me long and deeply. Leaving me even more confused and frustrated than I already was.

"Logan, you really need to tell me what's going on now!" I said strictly.

He smiled widely. "Come with me" He grabbed my hand and pulled me with him to that room.

"Lay down on the stretcher, please, Mr. Mitchell" The nurse instructed while putting on rubber gloves. Logan did and pulled up his shirt to reveal his stomach. That was the moment something came dawn to me, but I still couldn't quite put my finger on it. I watched suspiciously while Logan giggled when the nurse spread some gel on his stomach and then started to move over it with a transducer. She was looking at a screen, definitely looking for something.

"You still have no idea do you?" Asked Logan amused. He was looking at my face expectantly, but couldn't held his gaze long from the screen either. What was so interesting at Logan's inside? He was switching his eyes from the screen to me and back again. His whole face lit up when he saw a rather big gray spot appearing on the screen.

"There's the baby"

My mouth fell open. The what? Logan was pregnant? But he's a guy! Guys don't get babies! They aren't made for carrying children. Especially not Logan. He was so thin and breakable, how could he possibly survive this? Then it hit me. I was going to be father. From Logan's child. My child. I felt a small, goofy grin appearing on my face. I got up and kissed Logan lovingly. "Thank you"

"For what?" He asked confused.

"For making up for three months of ignorance by giving me the second greatest gift in my life" I explained and stroked his cheek.

"Only the second greatest? What was the best?"

"You" I laced my fingers with his.

He blushed furiously and looked away from me to the screen where our baby –I could recognize the form now- was floating peacefully. I was surprised about how much it looked like a human being already. This explained so much. The morning sickness, the crying, the love for weird and disgusting food, the crankiness. It definitely explain the odd expressions on his face he had since that morning. Although I was very happy with this, hell I was on cloud fucking nine right now, I was still scared. Pregnancy wasn't without risks. Even woman died from them and I was sure it was way more dangerous for guys. Not that I had experience or something. I just had the feeling this all could go terribly wrong. It could probably even end in one of them dying. I was sure I could live without the baby, it would be hard and it was going to take years to get over it, but I couldn't live without Logan. I had seen that when he fell of that stairs four years ago.

"Do you want to know the baby's gender?"

I looked expectantly at Logan. "You can choose" I told him. I really didn't mind if I got to know right now or in six months. I would like a girl, but the gender wasn't going to change if I knew now or then.

Logan thought about it for a moment. "I want to wait" He said to her.

She nodded and checked up another few things before giving Logan a towel to clean up the gel from his stomach. She sent us back to the office of the doctor Logan had been talking to before the ultrasound.

It was a middle aged man with thin brown hair. He got something over him that made me dislike him immediately. "Hello again, Mr. Mitchell" He shook Logan's hand. "And who's this?" He asked with a look at me.

"I'm the father" I said proudly, before going confused. "Well, one of the fathers" _Oh, headache! _

"Kendall Knight" I told the man when I shook his hand.

"I'm doctor Young. Take a seat. I think you would like some explanation?" He asked me.

"That would be appreciated" I answered.

"Logan is a hermaphrodite. That means you have two sexes. He's just as much a female as a man" I noticed Logan shifting in his seat uncomfortably and grabbed his hand to show him I wouldn't leave him over something like that. "This means he has some girl parts too. What makes him able to get pregnant and carry children. It's very rare. Male pregnancies don't happen that much. Not every hermaphrodite has a relationship with another guy and even then not every hermaphrodite bottomed, so in the last twenty years it only happened nine times. Only four of them actually survived it. Male body's aren't made to carry children or to give birth. It would be better if Logan was a little broader, in that way he'd a better change. His hip bones probably aren't wide enough to get the baby out in the natural way. It could break his bones, or the baby's skull. My plan is to perform a c-section in the 8th months of pregnancy. That's the safest way for both of them"

I nodded slowly, processing the amount of information he gave me. "I think I'm okay with that. Are you?" I asked Logan insecure. He knew so much more about all this doctor stuff than me.

"Yes, I think it's the best way too" He said.

We talked some more about other pregnancy stuff I knew for sure Logan knew all about so I wasn't really paying attention. I was imagining how the baby would look like. I knew for sure it was a girl. With Logan's eyes. Huge, chocolate brown, sparkling, loving, wonderful eyes that would watch the world with curiosity and wonder. I wanted a mini Logan. In girl form.

We made a new appointment for three weeks later. Since this was a high risk pregnancy it was for the best. The doctor also wanted to study Logan a little. This didn't happen often and the medical world desperately needed more information over Male Pregnancies. We thanked the doctor, who I still didn't like, and went to the beach so we could finish our day together.

**I'm practically torturing myself now. If I keep continuing updating every single day, I'm forced to write another bunch of chapters… AND IF GOT ONLY ONE LEFT! AHH! I love you guys, I seriously have some of the best reviewers ever****3**


	5. That hurts you idiots!

**That hurts you idiots!**

Logan was lying between my legs, with his back on my chest and his face on my shoulder. I was always amazed about the fact how fast he could fell asleep. I had both of my hands on our baby, his hands lay over mine, our fingers laced. We'd been sitting here for at least two hours now, but neither of us felt the urge to do something else. We were on Logan's special place behind the rocks and it was really quiet here. The only thing you could here were the waves and the occasional seagull. I saw his eyes fluttering a bit and he groaned softly. He blinked and looked up at me, being adorable. "Hey, sweetie"

"Hi" He sat up a little better. "I've been thinking"

"In your sleep? That's pretty impressive"

"Jerk. What- No, when are we going to tell your mom? And James and Carlos? And Gustavo? I can hide this for another month, but then it becomes a little more difficult. I don't want to hide this, Kendall. Not from our friends and family"

"I don't want to hide it either. We'll tell my mom tonight. After dinner or something. Katie, James and Carlos will be there so we can tell everyone at once. Let's wait with telling Gustavo until we know how they react. We're going to need him if mom kicks us out"

"I don't want your mom to kick you out. You can just stay and I'll leave alone-"

"Don't even think about" I snapped. "You're not allowed to do that to me. I'm serious Logan. Don't ever leave me. I can't handle it to be away from you or our baby. That's way worse than mom kicking me out. You're stuck with me forever. Get used to it"

"I love you" He whispered. I held his face to my chest and kissed the top of his head before resting my chin on it.

"I love you too, sweetie. AND I love ML in there" I moved my thumb on the baby bump.

Logan beamed. "ML?" He asked curiously.

"Mini Logan" I said matter-of-factly.

He blushed a deep shade of red. "You think it's a boy?" He asked to distract me. Something that never worked since I was always focused on Logan. I just made him think that it worked to do him a favor.

"I actually think it's a girl, but I want her to look like you" He blushed again.

"You're wrong. It's a boy. One with hockey skills like his father" He said hopefully.

"My mom told me once she was dying from the pain in her back when she was pregnant with me and Katie around the third month. This can't be a Knight, Logie" I reasoned. Besides, who wanted another Knight when you could get a little Logan?

"It's a boy"

"It's a girl, sweetie"

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"But I want one! Shouldn't the wife always get her husband what he wants?"

He looked away from me quickly, but not fast enough to hide the tears that filled his eyes. Then it hit me what I just said. "Oh my god, Logan! That's not how I meant it!" I almost started to cry myself. That had been such a nasty move to make. I should have realized it was became a weak point of Logan. Of course, this would be anybody's weak point. Suddenly you find out you're part girl too, no one wants to know that about _him_self. "I'm so sorry, Logie. I wasn't thinking. I can't be leave I made such a mean comment"

I felt his little body shaking and my heart shattered. I whipped away the tears as soon as they rolled out of his eyes. I hated it to see him hurt, definitely when it was my fault. I realized how Logan must have felt that night. "I don't care what you are. I wouldn't mind if you had a third eye our four extra arms. I care about who you are. You're Logan. And I happened to worship Logan. I love you more than my own life and I'm willing to do everything for you"

"Show me" He muttered, turning around so he could face me. "Make love to me"

From then everything went the practically the same as the pool sex scene. I ended up in the water holding Logan up in my arms after his heavy release. It was cooling off fast and I didn't want to get Logan sick again, especially not now, so I carried him out of the water and dried off a little with my jacket so his own clothes wouldn't be completely soaked. We walked back to the car hand in hand, but I stopped him when we were hidden behind a thick group of trees.

"I love you" I whispered in his ears before kissing him lightly. "I can't believe how good this day became. Don't worry about what we're going to do, I'm almost positive mom won't kick us out and that James and Carlos are okay with this"

"I love you too"

**5%5%5%5%5%5%5**

"There you boys are! What have you been doing all day? What did the doctor say, Logan?" My mom asked concerned. I put the pizzas we brought on the table where everyone besides me and Logan was already sitting. I opened the boxes and began to cut it.

"Everything is fine, Mrs. Knight. I'm not sick" He smiled softly and shot me a look when I smirked widely. No, he's definitely not ill.

"Then how did he explain the throwing up?" She wasn't really convinced about his health yet.

"I'm perfectly fine, mama Knight. No need to worry" Logan sat down next to me. I divided the parts while mom got the drinks. I automatically gave Logan the biggest piece. Something that didn't go unnoticed by Carlos.

"Why does Logan get the biggest part? You always put him in the first place!" He said irritated.

"Since he has to eat for two people" I snapped back. I immediately realized my mistake and froze in my movements. Logan was not in a much better state. Mom was looking between me and Logan suspiciously and I could tell she was onto something. James seemed confused, but didn't find it that interesting and continued eating his piece of pizza. Carlos was still very annoyed and also didn't get the hint I gave. Something that didn't count for Katie. The moment I saw her face I knew she knew. Her eyes were fixated on Logan's stomach, eyeing the little bulge there.

"How can Logan eat for two people when he's clearly alone?" Asked Carlos confused and still pouting about not getting the biggest part.

The rest of dinner was tense. Katie knew exactly what was going on and constantly made suggestive comments. Mom was definitely onto something. She kept staring at Logan, thinking deeply. Something that made him very uncomfortable. James and Carlos were oblivious to everything during dinner so I didn't expect anything from them.

Then I saw it clicked. I saw it happen in my mom's eyes. Logan saw it too and grabbed my hand. I didn't realize how scared he was until now.

"Logan can you please get over here?" Mom asked politely. He let out an almost inaudible whimper, but stood up and walked to my mom's side of the table. Everyone was watching closely, pizza completely forgotten.

"Pull up your shirt" She commanded. Logan looked at me desperately, but I could do nothing about this. I was helpless too. I couldn't do anything.

"Why?" He asked softly. Mom looked up at him to see his face and then glanced at me, only to find I was just as terrified as he was. Her face softened.

"I didn't mean to scare you boys. I'm sorry and I'm very much okay with this. You're both 21 –or almost- so you can handle it. I'm very excited about this! Now, Logan, pull up your shirt and show me my future grandkid. (James and Carlos gasped loudly) It's Kendall's right?"

Logan rolled his eyes and pulled up his shirt. "No, it's James'" He said sarcastically. He saw my face and snickered. "As if I would do that to you"

Mom and Katie started to baby talk to his stomach and he focused on them. I found out I wasn't the only one who didn't like Logan's joke. James was still recovering from the shock and white as a sheet. While Carlos was very jealous at the thought alone and glared at me. As if it was my fault James still had a thing for Logan.

"Explain to us how Logan can get pregnant when he's very much a guy" Asked James when he saw Carlos' face. Probably to distract him, which worked. I told them the whole story about the hermaphrodite thing. Logan was listening carefully and added something where necessary. When I was done Carlos seemed curious and excited while James was thinking deeply.

"Do you have a period too?" Asked Carlos, oblivious to the fact that Logan was about to cry. James decided to make it even worse.

"I think it's a good thing you're bi, Kendall" He chuckled when he snapped out of his thoughts. Logan let out a sob and ran away to our room.

"Do you have any idea what you just said?" I yelled at them and sprung up. "How much that hurts him? Would you like it if you found out you were part girl and everyone was gonna make nasty comments like this?" They both seemed incredibly guilty when they imagined themselves finding out something like that. "I'm gonna see what's left of him. You two" I glared at my friends "Stay away"

I walked to our bedroom and luckily found the door unlocked. Logan was lying in bed, his back to the door and sobbing uncontrollably.

"Oh Logie" I whispered, it broke my heart to see him like this. I crawled over the bed to his side until I could reach for him. I lay down on my back and pulled him on my chest. "I got you, sweetie. Shh"

I cupped his face and whipped away the tears with my thumbs. A minute later I replaced my thumbs with my lips and kissed all over his face. He slowly calmed down, until he only hiccupped every few moments and was falling asleep.

"I love you, Logan. No matter what happens, I'll love you" I whispered in his ear. He curled against my body, pressing the baby to my side. My hand joined his on his stomach and it didn't take long for me to fall asleep as well.

**Poor Logan ): What did you think?**


	6. I do?

**I do?**

It was a month ago since the moment we found out Logan was pregnant and everything was going perfectly. The baby was healthy, only a little small. The doctor said we didn't have to worry about that yet. If it kept growing in this speed, the baby would be big enough to be born at the eight month. It was something positive for us. We talked to Gustavo and he was surprisingly nice about this. He slowed down our schedule and canceled all concerts we'd for the next six months. Logan didn't have to practice dancing anymore and only had to do the singing part. After talking with my mom, he even gave us our own apartment in the Palm Woods. We would move in there next month.

The four of us, my mom and Gustavo decided it would be better to try and hide Logan's pregnancy from the media. It would take months before they stopped talking about this and Logan didn't want all the reporters following him everywhere. Instead of that, we spread the news that Logan and I would adopt my cousin's baby, since her parents died in a terrible accident. In this way we got it covered if the kid looked like me. In the worst scenario, we would get an exact copy of Logan –YES, PLEASE- and we'd to tell the truth. It was easy to hide his stomach since the baby was so small.

I had my own personal dilemma too. It was something I´d been thinking about even for the whole pregnancy thing started, but now it felt almost as if I had to ask him. I would feel so much better if the child wasn´t adulterate. It would feel more mine if both Logan and our child had my last name. But I was scared. I was sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Logan and I was positive he wanted the same, because after all, he loved me. I only wasn´t sure if he wanted a marriage. I once heard him saying that he didn´t get the big deal of it, but then again, he was only fifteen when he said that… Back then I had no clue I would end up considering this. I was fantasizing about it, but I thought it would never happen in this life. Would Logan say yes? Did he want to make a promise like that? I knew I really wanted this. Hell, Logan knew I really wanted this too, I slipped on our first-time-sex-date-night. It would be like my biggest dream coming true. But did Logan really want this? That's where I couldn't find the answer on.

I decided to ask someone. I went to my mom, because, well, she's my mom and she always knows what to do. When I told her what I wanted to do she freaked out, before bursting out in tears. Something about how grown up I was and that Logan was lucky to have me etc. Of course he would say yes.

I trusted my mom, but I couldn't help but think that she would always say what I wanted to hear. So I went to someone who always said exactly what she thought. However, Katie was just as positive. She immediately called dibs on the position of flower girl. Something I'd never seen coming, but found rather funny.

At last, I talked to the two people I should have gone to straight away. James and Carlos would never lie to me about something like this. Which is why I found myself sitting in the living room nervously. We just ate breakfast with the three of us, because Logan was still sleeping and I hate waking him up when it isn't really necessary. It was Saturday after all. James and Carlos had plans today, but I wanted to talk to them before they left.

"I want to propose to Logan but I'm afraid he'll say no" I blurted out. Carlos seemed rather shocked, but there appeared a goofy grin on James' face. He was desperately trying to hide it. Not for me, more for Carlos it seemed. Weirdo.

When Carlos came down from the shock he smiled too. "Logan will never say no to you. Never. He needs you, Kendall. He completely depends on you, trusts you no matter what. Believe me, you're the last person that's gonna be turned down" He chuckled softly and shook his head in disbelief. James' face dropped a little at those words, hiding a frown, before returning to his very weird goofy grin.

"Don't worry, Kendall. Logan practically worships the ground you're walking on so he definitely won't turn you down. I've the idea he needs you more than he needs the fucking air he's breathing. Especially now. He won't even think about it, he's going to tell you yes" He said confidently. His eyes held that weird spark of mischief. I was really curious about what was going on with him.

"Well, we've to go. Good luck at the doctor's later" Said Carlos and he walked to his and James room to get their jackets.

"Your timing is precious, Kendall" Whispered James amused.

"I've been told before, why now exactly?"

James couldn't answer that because Carlos came back with their jackets. They left together and I was frustrated that James hadn't told me what he meant.

I was still thinking about it when I walked to my room to wake Logan. We'd had to be at the doctor's office in less then two hours and he was really slow in the mornings ever since he got pregnant. I watched him sleep for a minute when I reached the door. He was lying on his back, both hands on his stomach and his face turned away from me. He seemed always so small and peaceful when he was sleeping. It was adorable. I walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Wake up, sweetie. We've an appointment at one" I pulled the cover back so he couldn't hide under it.

"Why so early?" He whined and turned on his side, away from me.

"One o'clock isn't early, Logie. It's a normal time for everyone besides you. Now get up. Or I'll make you"

Logan was less then impressed with that threat and yawned, not even opening his eyes. He should have known better. I knew plenty of ways to make him wake up, but decided on the one that was also fun for me. I bent over and placed a kiss on the side of his neck. He shifted a little, but wasn't giving in yet. I sucked softly on his pulse point and slowly kissed and licked myself a way up to his ear. I took the lobe in my mouth and bite down softly. I heard a sigh, but his eyes were still closed. I blew hot air in his ear and continued my way to his mouth along his jaw. I got dangerously close to the place he wanted to have me, but I didn't go there. He turned his head to me and I pulled away completely. He groaned and opened his eyes to glare at me. I smirked down at him.

"No kissing until you get up" I explained.

"Fine" He snapped. "I'll get up"

"Great" I watched him sitting up and walking to his closet. He grabbed some clothes and disappeared into the bathroom. I waited patiently for him to come out, but I started to worry after thirty minutes. He never took that much time, even when he showered.

"Logie?" I knocked softly on the door, when I didn't get an answer I opened it and walked in. He was sitting on the lid of the toilet staring at the shirt he'd in his hand, tears in his eyes. "Hey, what's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

He looked up at me with big eyes. "Do you think I'm fat?"

"What? No! Where does this come from?"

He held up the shirt and now I could see it was ripped open at the seams. I burst out in laughter and he looked even more hurt than before. "That's not funny!" He whined while a few tears slipped out of his eyes. He hung his head and fisted the shirt. God, he really was adorable.

"I know, Logie. I'm sorry" I pulled him up and hugged him close. "But you knew that was going to happen at some point. The baby has to grow and for that to happen you get slightly bigger too, but this is good news!" I said enthusiastically.

"How can this be good!"

"Now you can wear my clothes all the time since you don't have anything else to wear!" I said happily.

Logan pulled a thinking face. "I can get used to that…" He slowly started to smile again. "Thank you"

"Anytime. Now, we've to hurry, so go plunder my closet" He grinned and nodded. But before he could walk away I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. I locked his eyes and leaned down to give him a simple kiss. When I pulled back he quickly leaned up so he could kiss me again. So sweet, lovely and so, so Logan. I stroked his cheek with the back of my hand and he blushed, but leaned into the touch anyway.

"Come on, sweetie. We've to get moving if we want to be on time"

**OHH! What do you think was up with James? **


	7. Kendall discovers something fun

**I'm extremely generous today!**

**Kendall discovers something fun  
><strong>We got to the hospital just in time. We hurried into the waiting room the moment the doctor opened the door of his office to let us in. He gave both of us a hand and said we could sit down. We discussed a few thing, how was Logan feeling? Any problems? Stomach pains? Blood loss? We planned a date for the c-section. That had to happen now, because Dr. Young wanted to get a good and solid team for this operation. Which meant only the best doctors and nurses. That made me feel a little better about the whole thing. I was really scared for what would happen around the birth.

The doctor told Logan to lay down on the stretcher. When he did that, the older male began to feel at his stomach, looking for any signs of things that shouldn't be there, but found nothing. After that, he let us hear the baby's heartbeat. That was a pretty emotional moment. I had no idea it would mean so much to me, but I certainly had to blink some tears away. Logan wasn't really in a much better state.

"I'll see you in two weeks. Have a nice day" Said Dr. Young when our appointment was over. He walked away fast, he probably had a busy schedule.

Logan turned to me. The moment I saw his face I knew he wanted something from me. "What?" I asked part suspicious, part amused.

He gave me the best puppy dog eyes he could manage. His big, gorgeous eyes were glistening in a way I could never resist. "Can we go baby shopping?" He asked hopeful.

"Sure, sweetie" I answered immediately. I knew the instant he used the eyes I would do whatever he asked me. I didn't even think about it when I said yes. He might be immune for my version of the eyes, I certainly wasn't for his.

But he beamed and seemed really happy and that's all I wanted. So if that meant I'd to go shopping. I would do it. It's all I needed for him, to be happy. I was glad I was the one who could make him this jolly.

That didn't mean that we had to go do this right away. We walked to the elevator when I noticed an empty bathroom and got an idea. When we walked past it, I suddenly grabbed Logan around his waist and pulled him inside. He squeaked and was frozen by surprise. That gave me enough time to lock the door behind me and push him up against it. I grabbed his wrists and held them above his head in one hand. I used the other to turn his head a bit. I leaned forward and when he felt my breath on his neck, his breathing sped up. I took his earlobe in my mouth and nibbled on it softly.

"You like this, don't you?" I whispered seductively. "You absolutely love it when I'm making you powerless like this, or not?"

He whimpered, but couldn't move because I'd my whole body pushed against his, almost squeezing him. I placed some open mouth kisses on his neck, travelling down to the place where his shoulder met his neck and biting down harshly.

"Kendall…" He panted and struggled to free his hands, but I didn't budge. I sucked on the abused skin, leaving one of the best hickeys ever. It has been a while since I gave him one. I kissed the fairly large purple mark a last time before going up to his ear again.

"How does it feel, Logie? Not being able to even move while I do things to you that turn you into a withering mess? Hmm?"

He gasped for breath and I attacked his neck again, leaving a bunch of smaller hickeys around the first one.

"Kiss me" He commanded weakly.

I stopped kissing his neck and looked him in his eyes. He was practically begging me. I smirked and placed a chaste kiss on his lips before letting go of him. I released his wrists, only to hook my fingers in his belt loops and pulling him with me until I felt the toilet behind me. I pulled the lid down and sat down on it, making Logan straddle me. Even when he sat higher than me I was taller. I cupped his face and kissed him slowly, tasting Logan. He moaned softly when our lips touched in the kiss he'd been hoping for. I moved my hands from his face to his hips and slipped them under his shirt on his back at the same time I licked his lip to ask for access I would get immediately. His arms found their way around my neck, using them to pull me closer than I already was.

We made out for a little while longer, but if Logan still wanted to go shopping we had to go. I pulled away and rested my forehead against his. "Who knew you'd be into dirty talk" I said amused, making him blush a deep shade of red that wouldn't go away for at least ten minutes.

"Shut up" He mumbled embarrassed.

"So you don't want to hear that I love you?"

"I don't like you anymore" He pouted.

"Really? I still do like you a lot"

"You're an ass"

"I love yours" The red color that had slowly been fading away came back with all his force. "You're blushing"

"I'm very much aware"

"It's always fun to make you blush"

"For you, yeah"

"You love me"

"Sad enough"

"I love you too, you know"

"I know"

"Good" I kissed him a last time. "Now get off me"

"You're a great chair, Kendall. I don't really feel like standing up already"

"You also said I was a great mattress. It's good to know I'm only around you to serve as furniture"

"You're around me because I love you"

"I love you more"

"I love you most"

"I'm pretty sure that's impossible"

"No, it's not"

"It is"

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Yes!"

"Y- no?"

"Where are we fighting about again?"

"I can't remember" I shrugged. "Let's go baby shopping!"

**It was something that just popped into my head, and I just had to write it! I thought it was fun, only a little short… I hope you still like it!**


	8. Let's make it yours too

**For Storylover158 & DaniiLuvsBTR, my all time reviewers and the greatest friends I could possibly make on FF**

**Chapter 8: Let's make it yours too**

We'd surprisingly much fun with baby shopping. We found the weirdest baby clothes and I couldn't believe some parents would really put that on their child. Like little monkey suits with tales and ears. That wasn't cute, that was disturbing. My baby wasn't a monkey. Logan had to drag me away from the little pink dresses where I'd been drooling over, because we had no idea what we would get and couldn't buy anything for a specific gender. In the end we only bought a few playsuits and some plain shirts that could work for both a boy and a girl.

I took Logan to a few other stores too. Now that he was going to wear my shirts, I had to buy a few new ones or we would both run out of clothes fast. I secretly bought them a few sizes too big, so he wouldn't burst out of my clothes as well. It would take a lot more to calm him down then. He picked out some new jeans, because those were also becoming too tight rapidly.

We ate a quick lunch in a little restaurant where they sold great fish sandwiches that made Logan retch. Something I found strange, since he'd always liked fish, but I guessed it must have had something to do with being pregnant. After lunch we went to another store to pick out paint for our new apartment. It was a little smaller than 2J, but was perfect for three people. It was already furnished, so we didn't have to worry about that, apart for the nursery, but that would come later. We still had four months to get that ready. James and Carlos already said they would help with that, because I really couldn't do it alone. Logan wanted to help, but I wouldn't let him. It irritated him to no ends, not that I really cared. I wanted him to stay calm and unstressed in order to make the whole pregnancy less hard.

He said nothing about it, but I saw his face drop at least one time a day. He would grab his side, the underside of his stomach or his back and wrinkle his forehead in pain. I looked it up and it didn't seem all that serious, but I was still keeping an eye on it. Not that I ever looked away from Logan. It was supposed to be some innocent pain that was caused by the growing baby pushing away the intestines. In my ears that did not sound good, but since it was described as innocent I let it go.

At five we went home. Logan was exhausted and he did his best to hide it, but I still noticed. Mom and Katie were already sitting at the table when we walked in and I remembered that mom was taking Katie to an audition for a horror movie tonight. It was a night scene.

"Hello boys. What did the doctor say? Oh my god, are that baby clothes!" She ran up to us and snatched the bag from Logan. Katie joined her and they both examined everything we bought. Logan also went to the table and sat down while I brought our jackets to our room.

"Why haven't you bought any dresses?" Asked Katie. She and mom also thought it was a girl, while James and Carlos sided with Logan and went for a boy, claiming that Logan must be right because he's the pregnant one.

"Logan didn't let me" I answered and sat down next to Logan.

"Because we won't need them"

"We'll see about that. When it happens I'll be waiting for you to bow for me"

"Not going to happen for two reasons. One, this is a boy and two, I won't be able to bow because of the wound from the c-section" He stuck his tongue out at me.

"You better give me a niece, Logan, because I'll strangle all baby boys in the family until I get one" Threatened Katie.

Logan didn't take it well. He narrowed his eyes. "Try it and you're dead. I'm part girl, Katie. Girls can hit other girls. You better keep that in mind" The fun part about that was that Logan was dead serious. It was the first time he played that card, but it seemed to work pretty good. Katie backed off after that.

We ate, made some small talk and then mom and Katie left. We did the dishes and after that settled on the couch with the baby names list. Katie put it on the fridge and every time some one crossed a name that was nice they'd put it on the list. Jo and Camille came in on regularly to write one down and would then disappear again. We told them about two weeks ago and when they promised not to tell anyone, certainly not Jett –Jo's current boyfriend. He couldn't keep his mouth shut. We already had over hundred names, but none of them was 'the one'.

"Clyde"

"Ehw!"

"Justin?"

"Hmm, I like that. Mark it"

"Joey"

"Sounds too much like James"

"Kevin?"

"Nah"

"Lucas?"

"I like that one"

"Me too" I marked the name by putting a little star in front of it and moved on.

"Joan?"

"No"

"Camille?"

"Why would Camille put her own name on the list? We already said we wouldn't name the baby after anyone. Wait, do you want to keep that tradition?"

"What tradition?" I asked confused.

"The K as the first letter"

"That would be nice, but if we find a good name that we both like and doesn't start with a K, I wouldn't die"

"Skip every name that doesn't start with a K from now on, maybe we'll find one"

"Okay, let's see. Kelsey?"

"My goldfish had that name. No"

"Karen?"

"Iehw, no"

"Danique?"

"I love that one, but it doesn't start with a K…"

"I'll mark it anyways, maybe we can think of it again if we don't find a name with a K… Kegan? I like this one"

"…"

"Hmm?"

"It's perfect. Ke from Kendall and gan from Logan. Can we use this one?"

"Sure, sweetie. That's one"

"We still have to find seven"

"Eight names! Logan don't you think that's a little too much?"

"I want a first and a second name, but I want a back-up plan in the case I don't like our first choice anymore. And we've to figure it out soon, because I want some time to get used to the names. I don't want to give our child a name that I'll hate after a month" He explained and shivered a bit. I grabbed a spare blanket from behind the couch and put it over him before pulling him between my legs. He rested my back on my chest. "Thanks"

I smiled and kissed the top of his head. "What about the last name?"

He snatched the list from me so he could look at it. "That's gonna be Knight" He said without looking up, as if it was no big deal.

"I would love that. Thank you, sweetie. But why not yours?"

"I have cousins who will continue the Mitchell family. You're the last Knight male, it's only fair. And I like Knight better than Mitchell" He turned his head so he could see my expression.

I shouldn't be surprised, of course this was a move Logan would make. I _was_ surprised about my own next move. I finally said the words I wanted to say for years and it felt so good it had to be the right choice. "Logan, do you wanna marry me?"

He almost fell off the couch, I caught him just in time. He stared at me with wide eyes.

"No? Because that's okay, you know. I can wait another few months or years. I don't even have a ring yet! I was planning on doing everything properly, but it just slipped out. You like my last name and I just thought 'Let's make it yours too' but you-"

"Yes" He said with tears in his eyes.

"What?" I asked confused.

"I'm saying yes, Kendall. I would love to marry you"

I was now staring back at him. I was waiting for him to burst out in laughter and tell me he was joking and that the last four years had been some kind of sick prank, only to break me on this very moment. But he didn't. He was waiting patiently until I would recover from the shock and make a move. His eyes showed just as much love as I felt at the moment. A small smile formed on my face and grew bigger when I realized he really wanted this. That he really just said the words I'd been dreaming of since… well, ever. By now my grin beat the one of the Cheshire cat by far.

I tackled him to the couch, not even giving him the time to let out the squeak he was about to make but cutting him off by my lips on his. I tightened my grip on him, making sure he could still breath, but only just enough to stay alive. He didn't seem to find it all that bad, because his own arms around me were just as tight. He buried his face in the crook of my neck.

"I love you" He whispered.

"I love you, too, sweetie. So much" We lay there for a while, just enjoying each other immensely. I was still processing how great this went. This day started with me telling James and Carlos –I still hadn't figured James out- and calming Logan down when he thought he was fat. I heard our baby's heartbeat and made out with Logan in a bathroom. We spent the whole day together just doing things we both loved to do. Arranging things for our little family. And now he told me he would marry me. He just promised me he wanted to stay with me until the end of our lives. To be mine forever.

I swear that if I died then and there, I wouldn't care. I had the idea this day couldn't get any better, but I seemed to be wrong.

"Oh!" Panted Logan. He sat up quickly and I followed his example so he was sitting in my lap again, his legs on either side of me, pretty much like our little toilet scene from earlier that day.

"What is it?" I asked worriedly when I say him clutching his stomach, but he smiled brightly at me so I felt most of my concern fading away. He grabbed one of my hands and rested it on some place on the baby bump. He folded his hands over mine and looked expectantly at my face. I stared back at him confused, but then I felt it.

"ML is kicking you!" My other hand joined the first, looking for more movements inside of Logan. This was the only thing that could possibly have made my day better than it already was. A sign that my baby was alive, healthy and kicking his daddy's ass. It was even better than hearing his or her heartbeat, because this was something I could feel too. Something that brought me closer to the child that I would love and worship, simply because it was Logan's. I felt like I could explode from joy any moment. Still feeling little movements under my hands every now and then, I moved them around to find the best places.

Logan's hand turned my face so I'd to look at him. "You're crying" He muttered while he brought his other hand to my face too to whip the tears away. "Why?"

"You've no idea how happy I am right now" I whispered.

He used the hands on my face to bring me down in one of the 'Logan kisses' he started to give me after we made up last month. He grazed his lips over mine, not really kissing, but more like butterfly touches. He pressed his lips on mine lightly, pulled of again and gave me a deeper, more passionate kiss before kissing me a third time with something only Logan could manage to express. I loved that one the most. He showed me that he loved, longed for and needed me in the one single motion of his lips. He pulled away and hugged me again, squeezing my hands that were still on our baby. I quickly moved them around his waist.

"I'm sorry I haven't bought you a ring" I said regretfully when I realized that again.

"I couldn't care less. You just ruined the moment" He said, but when he leaned back I could see that he smiled. As if he'd expected this. Which was probably true.

"I still feel guilty for not doing it properly"

"Kendall, I loved this way so much more than any other way you could have done it. YOU asked me. That's all I cared about"

I grinned and kissed him too. "I'm still going to buy you a ring" I said stubbornly.

"I can't say I expected anything less from you"

"Good"

It was silent for a while. Logan had his face in my neck again and I was making small patterns on his back.

"Kendall?"

"Hmm?"

"Make love to me?" The good, little, innocent voice he used didn't turn me on at all –please note the sarcasm-, but I still didn't think that was a smart thing to do.

"Logan, do you really think that's a good idea? ML is awake and I feel not really comfortable with an audience. That's just rude" It wasn't helping at all that he was sucking on my pulse point, sending little shivers down my spine.

"Baby is sleeping and won't remember a thing. You can't just propose and then not make love to me. Please Kendall? I've been horny as hell all month"

I didn't question it anymore. Since when didn't I want to have sex with Logan? I picked him up and carried him to our room, carefully closing the door behind me. I gently put him down on the bed and helped him out of his clothes. I made sure to keep it all about love making. It was the first time we had sex as fiancées and that had to be memorable.

I used the tissues –we ditched the toilet paper- to clean us up a bit afterwards and pulled him close. "I love you" He whispered when he cuddled in my arms. His back pressed to my chest and his hands over mine on the baby bump.

"I love you too, sweetie"

He closed his eyes and muttered "Sing for me?"

I did and made sure I used his ending for You're Beautiful, because now, it was more true than ever.

**That was the first part of the story! The second part is going to be a lot darker, so brace yourself. I'll see if I upload that before I go to Paris or afterwards. I'm not going away until Sunday, so maybe you can persuade me into it. What did you think of this one?**


	9. Nightmares

**I feel like I have to warn you. I wasn't lying about the dark stuff. Take me serious, read this one, but if you didn't like it, STOP READING! It won't be much worse than this, but I'll continue this for a while and I don't want to be the one that gives you nightmares or something.**

"_LOGAN!" I screamed. I'd been running through the woods for ages, but I couldn't find him anywhere. Everything looked like I'd seen it before. Trees had familiar branches and leaves, knots I had definitely seen earlier. Bushes with an exact same number of twigs and petals. Rocks in the same shapes, scissions that I know way too good. Every stone, fungus, insect, hole, shell. I'd all seen it at least three or four times, but I never saw a thing of my Logan. I had a terrible feeling about this. The wood seemed to cold and hard for him to be here. He couldn't handle that with his pregnancy. He had to stay warm and safe with me. He shouldn't just go off somewhere like this. Why didn't he listen to me? Where was he? What happened to him? Where was I? Why couldn't I find him anywhere? Did I really search everything? What if I missed something? What if Logan wasn't even alive anymore? What if I couldn't safe him in time? What if I lost him? What if I lost him and our baby? Why did everything look so familiar? And why weren't there any signs to show me the way? What was wrong in this picture? It wasn't right. There was something going on here. The place changed. Sometimes I took another path, right into an area I'd left two earlier area's ago. I could distinguish the different zones, but they seemed to circle around each other, moving in time and space. I was sure I missed one. I couldn't find another solution. I'd searched everything, I just skipped that one. Logan had to be there. How was I going to find it? Everything looked like each other. Even the colors where the same. Everything was grey. All the leaves and trunks, the rocks and animals. It all had that sickening color grey. The one you knew from gravestones. It scared the hell out of me. What if it was some kind of sign?_

'_No, Kendall. Don't think like that' I thought and started to run again. My body was sore and I couldn't run that much longer. I'd always thought I could run for days if that was what it took to find Logan, but I guess I was wrong. I couldn't handle it. I was weak and couldn't even take care of the love of my life. I felt so alone and hated myself for it. If I just was strong enough, I could find him. But instead I'd to feel alone. Something that wouldn't have happened in the first place if I just could've convinced Logan is was better to stay with me. He had to, I couldn't live without him. Now that I realized that again, I felt more strength welling up in me. This wasn't only to safe Logan, it was to safe myself too. I wouldn't survive a day without knowing he was okay. That he was alive and healthy. I ran and ran until I reached a little stream. It wasn't really deep, but I still had to swim to get to the other side and I couldn't jump. I waded through the ice cold water until I couldn't stand anymore. I started to swim until I reached the other side and pulled myself out. Great. Now I was cold, wet and my clothes were heavy from all the water, but I had to go on. Logan was still out there. The stream had definitely been progress. I'd never seen it before, so that meant I had reached the new area. My presentiment seemed to increase when I didn't recognize anything. The trees, bushes and rocks were different, but not in a good way. These seemed even more cold and dead and I couldn't help but think that they were giving me some kind of warning. I shook that thought of quickly. That couldn't be true. I couldn't lose Logan, he was too important. He was carrying my baby. I ran faster and had the feeling I was getting really close to my destination. I could feel him now, he had to be somewhere here…_

_I froze the moment I reached the open field. My heart stopped beating. There, in the exact middle of the field stood a tree. It was an ugly tree. Dead. With pointy branches and dry, lifeless leaves. A rope was bonded to one of the larger branches. I followed it with my eyes until I saw it was attached around someone's neck. Someone with short brown hair and very familiar clothes. My clothes. The body began to turn and I could see the bulge on his stomach. The wind rotated it further until it was with his front to me. I looked up and stared into a pair of brown eyes. Dead brown eyes. _

I woke up abruptly and sighed in relieve when I felt the familiar weight that was Logan on my chest. Another nightmare. This was definitely growing out of hand. This was the 22nd nightmare. On the 22nd day. I was drenched in sweat and was surprised Logan hadn't rolled away from me. It was gross, but I couldn't bring myself to showering now. This nightmare had been worse than the other ones. It always started the same, with me running through the wood. Then I would find the stream and go to the other side. What was different was how Logan died. Sometimes he was shot. Last week he was poisoned and I once I found him shattered in little pieces of flesh and bones. Yesterday he was burnt down and I could see a pile of little bones from our baby between his hipbones. That had definitely been the worst. So confronting. For almost a month I'd been dreaming my worst fear and I couldn't seem to find the cause of it. Logan was doing great, the baby was doing great. They were both healthy and happy. So why was I having these nightmares? Where this signs for what would happen later? The more I thought of that, the more it seemed to be true. Why else did I keep having these nightmares? There was something coming up and I was scared to death for it.

I forced myself to stop thinking about it. Logan was safe. He couldn't hide his stomach anymore, unless he wore really thick sweaters, so he stayed inside most of the time. He only went out of 2J to go to 1D, our future home, to see how James, Carlos and I were doing. We'd been painting the place and the room that was going to be the nursery and we were almost done. We would move in there in five days. So as long as he stayed inside of the Palm Woods, nothing would happen to him… right?

I glanced at the clock and groaned softly when I saw it was only 5 am. I would never fall asleep again. Strange enough, the nightmares didn't tire me out. I felt just fine during the days. Not that we were doing much. Gustavo gave us free until the baby was born, because we couldn't record anything if Logan couldn't come to the studio. He made us promise we would learn all the songs he send us, but apart from that we had a huge break. So James, Carlos and I decided we would make 1D ready for us to live in. We first painted the living room, kitchen and the bedroom Logan and I would use. Last week we started to work on the nursery, and I really enjoyed it. We chose a light yellow color for the walls and Carlos painted little bees on it. The carpet was white, like the furniture we picked out.

We also found the eight names Logan wanted. For a boy, we would choose between Kegan Lucas or Justin Thomas, but I was pretty sure Logan would go for the first one. I liked that one better too. For a girl, we would go for either Keira Lenora or Faye Danique. I loved the first one. I was still sure it was a girl, but we would find that out in a little more than three months. I was slightly jealous, Logan got him or her all the time and could feel her move, but I could only feel that sometimes. I wanted a bond with the baby too, but I had to wait. Logan thought it was pretty funny and laughed every time he saw me pouting about it.

As if on cue, I could feel a tiny little kick against my side. I smiled and put my hand over the place so I could feel more of it. The baby gave another few kicks before going to sleep again. _Yes, ML, I can't wait to meet you too._

I kept my hand on that spot on Logan's stomach and astonishingly enough, I fell back asleep.

**What did you think? I just now realize how much Keira Knight looks like Keira Knightly. I swear it wasn't on purpose, I just like that name and I wanted to use it. I can't help it Kendall's last name is Knight! I think I'll post one more chapter before I go, but I'm not really sure. Maybe it will be two…**


	10. Reality vs Nightmares What's worse?

**Reality vs Nightmares: What's worse?**

Another nightmare. They hadn't stopped at all. Ever since the fifth month of Logan's pregnancy I had them every single night. It was driving me crazy. Only two weeks left until the c-section and nothing has happened so far. The media was oblivious to the fact that Logan seemed to have disappeared from the street and didn't bother us at us apartment. The baby was doing amazing. Weight, length, organs, everything was good and now his or her lungs were ripe too, he or she is totally ready to be born. We were ready for the baby's arrival. I desperately wanted to see him or her, I was a little tired of waiting. In more than one way. Logan was doing great. No pain, no problems, no illness. Except for the little things that came with pregnancy. Like a weak bladder. The baby bump still wasn't exactly big, but it was bigger than I'd ever seen Logan and I missed his little form against mine in bed at night. But besides that everything was fine.

Then why did I have the feeling I missed something? That I should have seen something that I clearly hadn't? Something was about to happen and it was not something I was going to like. Logan thought I was being paranoid and ensured me everything was fine. James and Carlos were just as naïve, but then again, they didn't have my nightmares.

I was lying awake once again. Nothing new. This always happened after a nightmare, which was every day. Logan was still peacefully sleeping. His head on my chest, baby on my side and his back leaning on my now numb arm. I didn't really care about it, as long as it helped him sleep I was fine with everything.

Today's nightmare had been different. Normally I would ran through the woods and find Logan already dead, but tonight I reached him and I literally saw him breathing out his last air. It had been hell. I'd been so close to saving him and then I just saw him die before my eyes. Only a minute too late.

I almost had a heart attack when Logan suddenly opened his eyes. "Hey"

"Hi, sweetie" I was about to lean down and kiss him when he pulled a face.

"Hold that thought. Gotta pee" He quickly got up and I watched how he walked to the bathroom with his back a little hollow, stomach proudly in front of him. I waited patiently, but then I heard retching noises. Quickly getting up, I tangled my feet and fell flat on the floor. It would have been quite funny for anyone else to watch, but my chin really hurt now. I rubbed it and then remembered why I wanted to get out of bed so desperately. I ran into the bathroom and saw him sitting against the wall next to the toilet, face pale and sweat glistering on his forehead.

"Are you okay?" I asked worriedly while I kneeled in front of him and felt his forehead, that was definitely burning up. I saw flashes of my nightmare in my head, but I quickly shook them off. _Just a fever, Kendall. He won't go up in flames._

"No" He said simply. I gave him water and toilet paper to clean his mouth.

"Stupid question, of course. Come on, let's get you back in bed" I helped him up and hold him close while I guided him back and into bed. "Try to get some more sleep. I'm going to get you another blanket, okay?"

He nodded, his eyes closed and lips in a thin line. Another image from an earlier nightmare, Logan's head next to a guillotine. _Nothing is going to happen, calm down…_

I quickly went to our kitchen and put up some water to boil for a hot-water bottle and to make tea. I went to the bathroom again to find some painkillers and then to the walk in closet at the end of the hall to get blanket. Gathering all my stuff for Logan, I went back to our bedroom. He was curled up –as far as that was possible- and had the sheets pulled up to over his head. I was a little hesitant when gave him the hottie. _He can't drown in that little water, you idiot…_

"Stay with me?" I heard him ask, his voice muffled from under all the covers.

"Of course" I slit down next to him and he pressed his back against my chest. He felt incredibly hot, but was still shivering. It took a while until he didn't do that anymore and it took even longer before he fell asleep, but eventually it happened. I was trying to stay calm, but on the inside I was freaking out. What the hell was happening? He was fine yesterday, how could he get ill this quickly? Why did my fucking nightmare change tonight? _Stop being paranoid, Logan being sick doesn't have anything to do with your nightmares…_

I stayed with Logan until I heard my cell phone ringing in the living room. I ran and was just in time to pick it up.

-Kendall! Where the hell are you! You were supposed to be here half an hour ago!- Yelled James through the phone. I forgot that, James, Carlos and I had to go to Rocque Records to arrange some things with Gustavo.

"I forgot! But I can't come, Logan is sick"

-Tough luck, buddy. You've to, you need to sign some things-

"Hold on, I'll call mom to ask if she can keep an eye on him for a few hours"

She could and I texted James I would be there in thirty minutes. I pulled on some clothes and didn't bother doing my hair, since this would only be a quick visit. I didn't want to be away from Logan now. Not when he was ill and definitely not when he was ill and pregnant. I kneeled next to the bed and stroked his cheek softly to wake him up.

"Logie, I've to go to Rocque Records to sign some things for the band and everything. Mom will be here in twenty minutes or so and I'll be back as soon as possible" I whispered when he opened his eyes a little.

"That's okay. I'll survive" He had no idea he said the absolute wrong thing. Flashes of my nightmare once again found his way into my conscious mind.

I got up and leaned down to kiss him softly. "I love you"

"I love you too" He said tiredly, his voice sounded weak. I stroked his face a last time before turning around and walking out of the apartment. I left the key under the plant in front of our door, where I told my mom she could find it. I got up and for a minute I thought I saw something –or someone- quickly disappearing into the staircase, but when I went to investigate it there was nothing to be seen. I already had a bad feeling about this, but it became worse now. This somehow didn't feel right. I shouldn't be going away from Logan, but I had to do this too. Every step I took away from him felt heavier then the one before, but I shook it off as nothing.

Twenty minutes later I reached Rocque Records, but you could immediately see something wasn't right. The building was closed. _How strange… _

And then it hit me. The building was closed. That meant there was no one inside. If there was nobody inside, I couldn't sign anything. Heck, I couldn't even come in! That meant I wasn't supposed to be here. This had been a trap. Logan.

I turned the car as quick as possible and raced back to the Palm Woods, knowing I would probably to late already. Finally, the thing I'd been waiting for happened. The thing I feared most. I couldn't stop the images of my nightmares that clouded my mind anymore. The tortures thought that had hunted me ever since I woke up that morning were making me drive even faster. Back to the one person I never should have left.

I made the twenty minutes drive in ten minutes and didn't bother parking the car properly. I pulled into the parking lot for taxis right at the front door and ran inside, not minding the other people walking in the lobby. I wasn't patient enough to wait for the elevator and took the stairs instead. Taking two at a time. Luckily for me it was only one floor up to our new apartment. My mom was standing by the door, taking her time to get the spare key from under the plant.

"Kendall! Honey I thought you'd to go to Rocque Records! What's-" I snatched the key from her hands and pushed her aside roughly, ignoring the indignant 'Kendall!'. I would apologize to her once I found Logan safe in his bed. I opened the door and ran to our room immediately. Empty.

"No…" I whispered. "No. No! NO!" Tears were rolling down my face while I looked at the place where Logan should've been lying.

"Kendall, I think you should see this" Mom's voice sounded hesitantly, as if she preferred not telling me anything. I made my way back into the kitchen and saw her standing at the table, looking down at a note I'd failed to see earlier. When she looked up at me I saw tears in her eyes too. I didn't want to read the words, afraid of what they would say. 'I took Logan and I'm going to kill him' or 'kidnapped Logan' or 'going to rape him'. But it was none of that. No one 'kidnapped' Logan. He left himself.

_Dear James, Carlos and Kendhall,__  
><em>_This mey be alll of a sudden. But this__  
><em>_is the pest thing I could do. J was just__  
><em>_a f__**ett**__er that loves to make a__  
><em>_puzzle every once in a while...__  
>I love you, Logan<em>

**This is the worst chapter ever written. I swear I won't blame you if you stop reading my story after this. It ended in a cliffhanger and now I'm going to Paris, I'm so mean. I didn't even give you a good last chapter! One last thing, what does the note really say? It's definitely not what it looks like. Even if this was crappy; please review? I want to know what you think even if this was bad!**


	11. LOGAN!

**PARIS IS FUCKING AMAZING! I'd such a great time! Those French ballet girls… Yuck. I've no idea how they do it, but they're so skinny. I was so jealous… I've got the change to dance at World's best Ballet School and prepare myself for the audition for the Dutch National Ballet. I'm so scared….**

**Alright, I won't bug you with my stupid fears anymore and just get on with the story. I'm all out of it. I've no clue what I want anymore, so I hope this is good, but don't expect to much. I'm also very confused with languages. I've been speaking French for three weeks and now I've to talk Dutch and write in English and that's just weird. I mix it up a lot and write things that don't make sense at all. Please forgive me.**

"LOGAN!"

It had started again. Kendall's screaming for Logan at night was almost as bad as not having Logan here at all. I felt tears dripping on my shoulder and saw Carlos once again crying. This has been going on for too long, I decided.

Mrs. Knight made Kendall move into 2J when they found out Logan left. He hadn't said a word in almost two weeks. He ate and breathed, but that was about what you could say. He was lifeless, completely drained from everything that made him Kendall. He just sat somewhere for a whole day, eat with us and then go to bed. And then the nightmares began.

Every single night Kendall would cry himself to sleep and then scream for Logan to come back. But the genius never came back. He'd left.

Carlos sobbed while we listened to Kendall begging and pleading everyone and anything to give him back his Logan. Neither of us has slept.

I didn't believe Logan left. He was the last person to make such a move. The last time he hurt Kendall this badly was when Logan told Kendall he didn't want to be with him while Kendall loved him. He changed his mind very quick and almost ran back to Kendall when he realized he couldn't be without him. Logan would never ever hurt Kendall on purpose, or this badly. He would have done everything to find an answer to whatever was bothering him without leaving Kendall.

There was something very wrong with this situation. First thing: Logan took his engagement ring. Who would do that if he left his fiancée? If I ever left Carlos I would most certainly not take the thing that bonded us together.

Second: Logan's cell phone was no where to be found. If you looked at it you would say it's not that weird that someone left and took his cell phone, but the more I thought of it, the more I got the idea it wasn't right. Carlos' dad, officer Garcia, had come to LA when I told him this and he tracked Logan's cell phone. It led back to the Palm Woods. So the phone had to be here, but it was gone. I'd searched everywhere, 1D and 2J, the pool area, all the hallway bathrooms. Jo's and Camille's apartment. I'd called him multiple times, but Logan's iPhone seemed to have disappeared. But was still in the Palm Woods.

Third: Logan's parents had no idea where he was. No one knew. He seemed to have disappeared like his iPhone. Completely erased from earth. Logan would always tell someone where he went. He never left without anyone knowing what he was going to do. His parents were highly surprised he was pregnant. He hadn't told them. I thought I knew why, his father would just use him as a study object.

Fourth: The note. I had a bad feeling about it. Like I missed something. Logan didn't make mistakes. He just didn't and that note held more mistakes he ever made in his life.

Everyone but me and Officer Garcia –my future father in law, so weird- believed that Logan left. Mrs. Knight and Katie were completely focused on making Kendall feel better. Carlos wanted to get away from here most of the time and since I believed there was more to it than this, I was with Officer Garcia almost the whole day, searching for Logan, his cell phone and other clues that might tell us where he was.

I had a few theories. The first was that Logan did leave, but was forced to by someone. The second, the one that everyone else believe, was that Logan left and just wanted to get out. In that case he would show up again, but this was becoming very unlikely. Tomorrow would have been the c-section and if he would come back, he should have been here by now. The third, and the most crazy, was that he never left. I was the only one that thought that could be true. His cell phone was here, no one had seen him leave, while at least ten people must have been in the lobby that day in the half hour Kendall was gone. All his clothes were still here, his wallet was on the counter in 1D, there were no plane tickets on his name and he didn't use a credit card. You couldn't survive that long without money or clothes without any help from another person. Especially not a very pregnant guy in a city like LA.

"James?" I looked down, right in Carlos' tears filled eyes. It broke my heart to see him so sad. Normally he just slept deeply, spread out over his side of our bed, but ever since Logan disappeared he was extremely clingy, like he was scared I would leave too. That we got separated too.

"Yes?" I answered my fiancée. It was so weird. Turns out Kendall and I had asked Logan and Carlos to marry us at the same day. When I thought of it later, it wasn't even so odd. All our life we'd done everything I could think of together. So it shouldn't be much different for engagement and marriage. As long as we wouldn't marry on the same day, that was a little too far for me.

"He'll come back, right?" He whispered miserably. We both flinched when Kendall screamed again.

"I hope so, baby, but you know what I think of it" I leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"I know, but I just don't want to believe something happened to him. I mean, Kendall is already depressed… I'm scared for tomorrow, James" He admitted quietly.

Tomorrow. That would be the day he would have become father. The day his baby would have been born… We had no idea what was going to happen with the little Knight. Was the baby born already? Had Logan found another hospital? Another doctor? Or was he still carrying the baby? Waiting until the ninth month would be over and he would go into labor like every normal pregnant woman?

I was scared for tomorrow as well. I was already planning on tying Kendall to a chair, all dangerous object out of his reach. I was deadly afraid he would do something to himself tomorrow. I've been scared of that the whole two weeks, but tomorrow I would watch him like hawk. I didn't want to lose another friend and Logan might need him once we found him. If we ever found him. "We'll have to keep an eye on him, Carlitos. I think it might be necessary"

He nodded and bit his lip. More tears ran out of his eyes on his cheeks, I stroked them away with my thumb and held my hand there, caressing his face.

"LOGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! COME BACK! I LOVE YOU, NEED YOU! LOGAN!"

**This is so depressing… What'cha think?**


	12. Sick Soul

**I updated within 24 hours! Do you guys love me?**

**Sick souls**

I woke up after one hour of sleep. Kendall had been keeping us up all night long, but went quiet at 5 am. I didn't know if he was just too tired to scream anymore or if he woke up, either way, Carlos and I, and probably Katie and mama Knight as well, could finally get some sleep.

I carefully untangled myself from Carlos' grasp, trying not to wake him up and walked to the kitchen. Kendall was sitting at the table, staring at the wall in front of him and looking like a ghost. Or maybe zombie was a better word. He looked exactly like the undead people from one of Carlos' favorite video games.

"Hey, buddy" I said softly. He didn't react. Nothing all to shocking since he hasn't said a word in two weeks. "Did you eat something?" He again didn't answer, but I didn't need him to talk to see he hadn't eaten. There was no plate or bowl in the sink and nothing on the table. I sighed and made cereal for both of us. "Here" I placed the bowl in front of him and sat down across from him. He took the spoon and ate half of it and then pushed it away. I finished my bowl and then ate his leftover. Kendall just continued sitting there, staring at nothing special, but, what else was new? It was all he did.

I began to understand what he meant about losing Logan. When I accidently made Logan fall five years ago, Kendall said he couldn't –or wouldn't- live without Logan. And Kendall didn't even try to live anymore. He wasn't even Kendall Knight anymore. He was just a body that supposedly belonged to a certain blonde leader that only seemed to exist with Logan around.

I sighed again and turned on the TV, but then realized it was only 6 am, which meant there was nothing on except bad children's programs and sex toy advertisements(1). I turned it off and went back to the table after grabbing Logan's note from the counter. I sat down and stared at the little piece of paper. I did this far too often. Trying to get some kind of clue out of it, but it never worked. I continued to stare for it until I noticed a change from Kendall. He looked up hopeful and listened intently, only to go back to his lifeless state again when Katie walked around the corner. His sister had about the same weight and height as Logan and their footsteps sounded the same, so I guessed that's why Kendall did that every time he heard her coming. I rotated the note absentmindedly, while thinking of what Kendall just did when I noticed something highly interesting. I turned it again, until it was with it's left side under and my hand covered the upper half. It was a sentence.

_This is a puzzle._

My heart started to beat faster and I sat up straighter. I glanced at Kendall, who was still staring at some point on the wall behind me, and then back to the note. I didn't want the blonde to notice what I found. Not until I figured it out completely. This wasn't something about honor or pride, just that Kendall would be too stressed to find anything in it. I would tell him when I found the clue.

I locked eyes with Katie and motioned for her to come over with a slight motion of my head. She frowned, but did anyway. I glanced at Kendall again, but he didn't show any sign of interest. I placed my finger over my lips to show Katie she had to be silent and nodded my head to Kendall. She nodded once to show me she understood. I put the note back on the table and placed my hand on it to cover the right side of it, only leaving the first words on the left side. I looked at her face expectantly while she read. Her eyes grew wide.

Another door opened and I saw Carlos' dad walking in. "Morning, kids" He said. He noticed my heated look and raised his eyebrows. I glanced at Kendall and decided he could be left alone for a few minutes. I stood up again and led Officer Garcia and Katie to my and Carlos' room, where my fiancée was still sleeping.

"Wake up, baby. I found something" I said softly. He blinked and sat up when he saw how serious I was. I turned to Carlos' dad. "It's a puzzle" I explained and held the so familiar note up for all to see.

His eyes grew wide. "How did you find out?" He asked impressed.

"Logan wrote it. It's so stupid we didn't find it earlier!" I said impatiently. I showed him and Carlos the clue and we all sat down on the bed, note in our middle.

"It's a puzzle, how are we supposed to know how to solve it?" Asked Katie.

We were all silent for a moment, searching desperate for an answer to that important question. If we knew the answer, we could hopefully find Logan. He definitely needed us. Why else would he leave such a clue in a note that was supposed to tell us he left? We needed to find him before it was too slate… If it wasn't too late already.

"The mistakes…" Mumbled Carlos. "Logan doesn't make mistakes" He grabbed the note and stared at it. I saw his eyes gliding over the lines and then the very obvious realization that hit him. "Give me a pen!"

His dad gave him one and he started to circle some letter. The letters that weren't on the right place. He wrote those letters behind each other on the bottom of the note. It now said; Help J

"What's J?" Asked my father in law confused.

"Not J" Said Katie sharply. She grabbed the pen and note and circled a last group of letters. The letters that were made bold by Logan. "Jett"

I felt like I was being drowned in ice water. I felt so cold. I saw that Carlos wasn't doing much better and that Katie was at the very edge of tears. She was only fifteen, way too young to be let into this. I now cursed myself for telling her anything. Officer Garcia was the only one that was still calm.

"James, what was your theory about this again?" He asked.

I had to think about that for a moment. "He never left. He's in the building" I whispered shocked, now that I turned out to be right all along.

"I'm starting to believe that too" He said. "We've to find him. Now. Who's this Jett person anyway?"

"Jet Stetson. He's an actor that once tried to steal Jo from Kendall when they were still dating. Kendall and Jett hate each other, but I don't see why that could be a reason to kidnap Logan. Jett's in a relationship with Jo now" I said confused.

He sighed and hesitated. "Katie go get your mom" He said. She nodded and left the room. He turned to us. "This is pretty serious, guys. Ever since I came here to search for Logan, I've been reading some of the cases that are unsolved at this moment. There's one that got my attention, because he lives in the Palm Woods and all the bodies were found close by, but I didn't see how this could be relevant until now" He swallowed. "Jett Stetson is suspect for the rape and murder of five pregnant woman"

I first didn't see how this could be relevant. Logan wasn't a woman, so why would Jett –if he'd done those things- take Logan? But then it hit me. This wasn't about being a _woman_ in particular. This was about being pregnant. Jett took pregnant people.

I felt my breakfast coming up and wished I didn't eat Kendall's leftovers. Carlos got up and ran out of the room, hand over his mouth. He hadn't even eaten yet.

This was bad. And gross. And just disgusting. Why would you do something like that to people that brought new life into the world? People that had a life and a husband or boyfriend that now not only lost their fiancée or girlfriend, but also their unborn child?

Officer Garcia returned to me after going to check up on his son. "There's more to it, James" He said urgently. "Those girls had all been missing for two or three weeks before they were found. Logan is gone for two weeks now. There's a big change we don't find him alive anymore"

I nodded and desperately tried to not think about what would happen if we found Logan dead and we had to tell Kendall he did not only lose him, but also his child. I was about to follow the older Latino when I suddenly thought of something else. I gripped his shoulder to stop him before he left the room. "I've a last question" I said quietly. He met my eyes and he clearly knew what I was going to ask. "How did they die?"

"This how the police know they've to search for one person" He whispered. "It's a method he used for all the victims" He swallowed thickly. "In all my twenty years as police man I've never seen something as sick as this. It's the worst torture you can possibly think of"

Flashes of all torture methods I knew filled my mind, but none of them seemed to fit in the picture, so I stared at my soon to be father in law expectantly.

"He waits with killing them until they go into labor. He binds their thighs together, making it impossible to give birth. Those women just had to wait and go through all the pain of contractions while the baby slowly dies inside of them. All of them eventually died from blood loss"

I had no time to think about it longer. We heard noises of large things falling on the ground and running footsteps. "WHAT?" Yelled a hoarse voice.

**I don't know what to say. Maybe 'Poor Kendall'. What do you think? **


	13. Keira Lenora Knight

**Alright, before you can read this, I've two requests. Please, I've the feeling I'm making an awful lot mistakes and I would like the English/American people to watch out for them a bit and tell me. I hope it's not that bad.**

**And I just forgot my second question. Oh well, enjoy!**

**Keira Lenora Knight**

"WHAT?" I Yelled. It was kind of weird to use my voice again after all those days. "You found a fucking clue and you only tell me now? What's wrong with you guys! Where's Logan?"

James and Officer Garcia came running into the kitchen. Carlos was standing on the other side of the table, he just announced they might have found my love. Katie and mom were standing in the hall were our rooms are. Katie was looking scared and my mom confused.

James came up to me hesitantly. "Kendall sit down. We need to tell you something" He said uncertain.

"No! I've to get Logan!" I yelled furiously.

"See! This why we didn't tell you! You're freaking out! Sit down so we can tell you what you need to know!" Shouted James back.

I stared at him. For the first time I noticed how tired he looked. But there was something else too. He was scared. Fear was written all over his face, now I thought of it, Carlos and his dad had the exact same expression on their faces. I'd been so focused on getting Logan I hadn't thought of the possibility he wasn't-. I wasn't even going to think it. I willed my tears away and sat down on the chair I just kicked away. I tried to lock my emotions away, those would only keep me from helping Logan. I needed to help him, it was all I was going to focus on. "What does it say? The note?" I asked pertinent.

James, Carlos and Officer Garcia sat down at the table. My mom and Katie went to her room. That made me worried, it was pretty serious if she wasn't allowed to hear this. My mom smiled at me, glad that I came back to life somewhat. "You need to promise to listen to us and stay here to make a plan before you do anything. You could make this situation more dangerous" Said the older Latino strictly.

I nodded, but didn't say the words. I couldn't promise to not help Logan if that's what they would ask from me.

"Logan asks for help. He somehow managed to make up a puzzle in a moment, it's impressive"

I nodded again, but rage was rising inside of me. I already knew Logan was smart, they didn't need to tell me that. I wanted them to continue. If he asked for help, why weren't we helping him at this very moment? Logan wasn't a fighter, physically. Definitely not when he was pregnant. He needed me, he asked for it. How could I not have noticed this earlier? Why didn't trust him more like James had done and believe that he didn't actually left me? I had been completely caught up in depressing thoughts about him leaving me to even think there was a possibility it wasn't the truth.

They were all watching me and seemed to hesitate with the next part. As if I would explode or something when I heard it. "Jett took Logan" Said Carlos then promptly.

I froze. Jett fucking Stetson? What did he have to do with this situation? Why would he take Logan? That made absolutely no sense. For all I knew he already got what he wanted: Jo. Couldn't he just leave me alone now that he had her? Why did he want Logan too? I mean, we hated each other, but that wasn't a reason to do something like this to me. Or to Logan. He hadn't done a thing! He was innocent in this situation. If Jett wanted to pay me back for not letting Jo go, it was working. "Alright, that's it. I'm going" I said and stood up.

"Oh, no, you're not! Do you want to kill Logan? You should wait until I've got a team here and-"

"This is JETT! He's a fucking coward! I had no idea he would go this low, but he did. Now let me go so I can kill him and get my fiancée!" I shouted to the cop.

"Kendall sit down. Jett's a little more dangerous than we always thought, listen to him!" Reasoned James.

I chuckled unbelievably. "Jett? Dangerous? C'mon, you don't actually believe-"

"Jett Stetson is suspect in for the rape and murder of five pregnant woman"

I had no idea who said it. Just that it was said. But Logan wasn't a women, right? So why would Jett be interested in him? Besides the fact he's mine, of course. But then I realized this wasn't about being a female. It was about being pregnant. And Logan was very pregnant.

But Jett couldn't have done those things, could he? Not to Logan. The more I thought of it the more I realized what it would mean if it was true. Logan couldn´t be raped, he was too fragile, too sensitive. You couldn´t murder someone so pure and kind as he was… is. I looked up at my friends and family to see them staring at me once again. I only then became aware of the fast I was crying. Not from sadness or regret. In fear. "Where's Logan?"

"The most logical place is in Jett's apartment, but-" Officer Garcia didn't got the time to finish his sentence. I was already on my way to the door again. I already opened the door when arms wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me back.

"You can't go! Do you want to kill yourself? Or Logan?" Hissed James in my ear.

Carlos' Dad sighed. "I need to get a corps here and-"

"I don't have time to wait for police men that don't give a fuck about Logan's life!" I yelled and struggled to break free from James' hold. "Just call Bitters to ask if he left! Or Jo! Whoever!"

Officer Garcia was about to shake his head, but then noticed James and Carlos looking almost as desperate as me. He bit his lip and thought deeply, before nodding slowly. "That can work too, but only if Jett left. I'm not going to risk anymore lives" He threw his cell phone at Carlos, behind me James was already holding his phone to his ear. 'Jo' He mouthed to Carlos. The Latino nodded and dialed the number of the lobby. The older man quickly walked past me and closed the door again, preventing me from sneaking out before we got our answers.

"Bitters says Jett left half an hour ago" Said Carlos.

"He's with Jo on set" Said James. All three of us turned to the police man.

"Alright. I want you three to listen to me. I'm responsible for your lives and I don't want anymore- well, just do what I say" He finished. He opened the door and I ran past him, James and Carlos behind me and a very doubtful Officer Garcia at last. I ran through the halls, ignoring the elevator and running straight for the stairs up to the third floor.

Jett's apartment was right in front of the staircase. I tried the door, but it was locked, of course. James and Carlos came up behind me. "Step aside" Said Carlos. He took a few steps back, ran up against the door and slammed it open with his shoulder.

"Go search for Logan. I'm guarding the door" Said Officer Garcia. I immediately went for the corridor that led to lead to the bedrooms. Carlos ran to the kitchen and James went to the bathroom. Where do you keep someone you abuse and are going to kill? I was asking myself that question to keep myself from thinking about Logan's state. Even if he was still alive, –he was, he had to be- he would be incredibly hurt. One look at Jett's bedroom told me he wasn't here. I'd known it all along, but I still had to check up. Jett wouldn't keep him here. I ran to the spare bedroom. It was a slightly disturbing room, since it held like a million pictures of Jett. In the bookcase were no books, but magazines that all had an article or interview on Jett inside. There was a treadmill that was pointing to a large television on the wall. Next to it on the ground I saw a few porn movies. I didn't even have to look at it to see what kind they were.

Then I heard something. It was the softest noise and I wouldn't have heard it if I hadn't been so focused on it. It sounded like a muffled whimper and came from behind the bookcase. "GUYS!"

James and Carlos came running into the room and looked around as if they'd expected to see Logan the instant they would step over the threshold. "Listen"

They did and we heard the noise again, both my friends immediately turned to the bookcase. We went over and tried to move it, but it was nailed into the wall. I thought it took all way too long and slammed my shoulder against the wood like Carlos had done earlier.

"Are you insane? What if you push that wall over and it falls on Logan?" Hissed James. "We need to find the real opening"

I nodded and we ran out of the room again, to the room next to this one. The bathroom. We listened again, but the walls were a lot thicker here so we didn't hear a thing. I began to search the wall for some kind of opening and then let my eyes fall on a towel closet in a corner. Carlos helped me push it aside, revealing an air grid large enough for a man to fit through. We could hear the whimpers loud and clear now. I didn't hesitate and crawled in the hole behind it. It was very small, but you could stand in it. It was almost to dark to see, but with the light that shined in through the grid I could see the contours of a body lying on the ground. Logan whimpered again and I almost burst out in tears from relieve.

"I'm going to break open the wall from this side" I told James and Carlos. I heard them running to the other room again and slammed my shoulder against the thin wall. I heard it crack and piles with magazines falling on the floor. I pushed a last time and with a lot of noise the wall collapsed, allowing the light to light up the small place. Making me able to see Logan.

He was naked and covered in dried blood. The large bulge that was his stomach held more cuts than I could count. Tape made it unable for him to make noises other than the whimpers we'd heard. His arms were tied together behind his back, making it very uncomfortable for him to lie on his back. His thighs were bonded together by three thick ropes. I again didn't give myself time to think about my own feelings. I wouldn't be able to help him then. Tears rolled out of his eyes and he was clearly in pain, but I forbid myself to think about it until he was free of the bindings. I fell on my knees and tried to rip the tape of his face as gently as possible while I gave James and Carlos instructions.

"James, call the doctor. Number is in my phone" I stopped helping Logan to threw him my phone. He quickly started to look in my contacts. "Carlos go tell your father we found him and bring back towels and water" He nodded and ran away. I turned back and pulled the remaining piece of tape away, only to find socks stuffed in his mouth. I quickly pulled those out too and Logan started gasping for air, while letting out more whimpers from pain. I helped him sit up to undo the ropes around his wrists when I realized he was in pain from the ropes around his legs. Was he in labor? No, he couldn't be, we would get the baby by c-section! I know wished I'd listened to Officer Garcia a little longer. I ripped the ropes off fast and went for his legs right after. If it was true that he was in labor, I couldn't even imagine how much pain he must feel from the contractions. Let alone the emotional pain of feeling our baby stuck inside of him.

I couldn't hold back my tears now and let a few slip while I fumbled with the rope knot. I willed them away when I realized Logan might see them and discover his situation was critical, maybe even life-threatening. That was horrible, knowing you could die, but still going through all that pain. I got the ropes off and gently picked him up to bring him out of here. It was getting harder and harder to fight back my emotions. I was trying to not look at his face, but he suddenly started panting quicker. I looked down the moment he let out a scream filled with deep, heartbreaking pain. His back arched and he started sobbing. I reached the living room and lay him down on the sofa.

"Doctor's here in ten minutes, Kendall" Said James. I nodded and kneeled next to the sofa, taking Logan's face between my hands. He was still crying from the pain and his eyes were closed. Carlos came back too and put a few bottles of water next to the sofa, along with what seemed like thousands of towels. He and James started to whip some of the blood away. I decided to do the same with the dried blood and tears on his face. I stroked softly, but he didn't seem aware of anything besides the incredible pain he was feeling.

"Logie? C'mon, baby. Talk to me" I asked desperately. I kept on stroking his face while waiting for a respond that would never come. He let out more whimpers and started the panting again. I knew what would come next. "No… no! I'm hear, sweetie. Don't scream ag-" His back arched and his mouth was wide open, but the scream I so badly didn't want to hear never came. His pain seemed to have gone above that, going to a whole new level. "It's okay, it's all gonna be okay again. Please, answer me" I faintly heard James talking in his phone again. Asking for an ambulance. If it went on like this we would never need one. Tears rolled out of my eyes while I kept on begging him to answer me. Give me some kind of sign he was still there, that he was not completely caught up in his world of pain. "It's me, sweetie. Kendall. P-please, Logan"

If this seriously were the last few moments of his life I had to see his eyes again. I needed him to see me a last time, to hear his lovely voice before it was too late. "Logie, please, open your eyes for me? I love you so much, sweetie. Please" I needed him one last time. I needed to make one last lie, telling him he would be fine. I needed to hold up one last façade, to show him he would live. I needed to see his eyes, seeing the gorgeous brown a last time. I leaned down and placed my lips on his, kissing him softly.

And surprisingly, he kissed back.

It was almost to soft to feel, but his lips actually moved with mine. I quickly whipped my tears away when I saw his eyelids flutter and slowly open. He had a hard time focusing, but eventually his beautiful eyes met mine. "K-k-all" He choked out. It was nothing more than a whisper and not understandable for anyone else in the room. I smiled and thanked god –or whoever- for making this happen.

"It's okay, sweetie. I got you" I said softly. He whimpered again. I looked up and saw the doctor kneeling next to me. He pulled the towels away James and Carlos covered him with in order to check up on Logan's state.

I turned back to Logan when I heard more noises coming from him. "L-lo-ve y-y-ou" He whispered. It was definitely inaudible for the others. Dr. Young was giving instructions to James and Carlos, who were now standing on either side of the sofa, the doctor having moved to between Logan's legs.

"I love you, too, Logie. Stay with me, okay?" I said urgently. He nodded. The doctor moved Logan's legs up, but when he bend them halfway we heard a loud 'crack!' and Logan screamed in pain again.

"What the hell was that?" Asked James horrified.

The doctor said nothing, just gave James and Carlos either a leg. "I'd been afraid that would happen" He mumbled. He stood up and felt on Logan's left side. Logan started sobbing again and cried out when he pushed on something. "Left hip bone" He muttered. "Nothing I can do about it now" He focused on the area between Logan's legs again.

"T-talk" Said Logan. I did. I tried to explain to him how much I loved and needed him and the baby. How much I'd missed him and how happy I was to have him back in my arms again. How sorry I was for not trying to find him earlier and not trusting him more. I never should've believed he left me.

The doctor told Logan to push when he felt another contraction, but Logan hadn't told me to stop talking so I went on. I told him about my favorite memories and how I felt back then. I told about truth or dare and the first time he kissed me. I brought him back to happier times, like the first day we got together. I told him how much it meant when he told me he loved me for the first time. I thought back to our date in the little Italian restaurant where I gave him the necklace while I supported him with giving birth. I told him about how long I've been wanting to marry him and how happy I was when I found out he was pregnant.

I went on and on and had the idea everyone else in the room believed I must be going crazy, but I saw in Logan's eyes he could follow me and got strength and hope from my words.

"Logan, I can see the head. Another push, 3, 2, 1…" Logan let out another sob, but pushed anyway. In the back of my head a voice was thanking the lord Logan wasn't one of those woman that whined on about how they could not do this and how much it hurt to give birth. It was probably, because he wasn't a woman. He really was in a lot of pain, but didn't complain once.

"You're doing amazing, Logie. It's almost over" I told him and caressed his face tenderly. I took one hand from his face to grab his. He squeezed hard, but I didn't mind and stroked his knuckles with my thumb.

"That was the head, Logan. Only one more. 3, 2, 1" Logan's face dropped in pain from what hopefully would be his last contraction and then it was over. He was panting and crying while looking in my eyes and trying to get himself together again. We heard a soft, raw cry and we both turned our heads to the little baby in the doctors arms. Tears of relieve and happiness were now rolling down Logan's cheeks. All the pain seemed to have disappeared –although I did have my doubts about his hip. Logan stuck out his arms and the doctor gently lay our baby on his chest. "A girl" He said friendly.

He got up and started to make some calls to the hospital. I heard the words 'operation room' and 'medicines' and the siren of an ambulance coming closer, but I was mainly focusing on Logan and my baby girl in his arms. Even though she was still crying, I found her the most lovely thing in the world. She was absolutely gorgeous. Her hair was blonde, a little lighter than mine, but apart from that she was exactly Logan. The form of her face, her nose, lips, eyebrows, cheeks, ears, chin, everything. Including the most wonderful, adorable and lovable brown eyes ever.

Logan's brown eyes stared up at me from two different faces. I leaned down and kissed my lovers cheek, before leaning down further and placing my lips on the velvety skin of my daughter.

"Keira?" He asked me softly. I looked up and saw a sparkle in his eyes I associated with an A+ for a test or when he wanted something from me. Only this time it meant he wanted to give me something. He wanted to go along with my wish and name our baby Keira, because it was the name I loved most.

"Yeah" I said and kissed him again. On that moment the paramedics came rushing in and lifted Logan on a stretcher. Some other paramedic took Keira away and I had no idea who I had to follow. Logan and Keira were going different ways and I didn't want to let either of them alone.

"Go with Logan" Said Carlos. "He needs you more right now. James and I will follow Keira everywhere she's taken"

I muttered a quick 'thank you' and then hastily ran after my fiancée. Who would live.

**So, I hope you all worship me for giving you such a long chapter! *laughs evilly* **

**My second question! Please go to my profile and read my description for another story I'm planning on. I'm a little uncertain about it and want to know what you think before I start writing a story no one will read… But what do you think?**


	14. Logan Breaks Down

**OMG! Over 100 reviews! Thank you all so much! **

**Logan breaks down**

When I woke up I felt really sore. My back and hips hurt and I'd the idea I'd been in this position for ages. I opened my eyes and saw an empty white room, with all kinds of monitors and computers next to me. Everything seemed to scream 'HOSPITAL!' and I rationally ascertained I had to be in one. Now the question was, why?

The moment I thought it all my memories of the past few weeks flooded back in my mind. Only a minute after Kendall had walked into the apartment Jett sneaked in. I wouldn't have heard him if he hadn't tripped over a chair. I figured it must be Kendall who forgot something, but the next thing I knew I had a gun against my head and I was writing the famous 'I'm leaving don't look for me' note. Jett knocked my out with his gun and the next thing I remember was lying on a cold floor, gagged, tied up and very, very naked.

I let out a whimper and quickly thought of something else. I placed my hands on my stomach, but it was flat again, what meant I must have had the baby. But where was Keira? Flashes of that day came back in my head. I remember being tied to a stretcher and going to a hospital, but what happened to my baby girl? And where was Kendall?

I'd missed him so much. Every minute in that little chamber, that now turned out to be in Jett's apartment, I lost a bit of hope. Maybe my puzzle was too hard? But I thought that if Kendall took one look at it he would immediately see it wasn't normal. By the time my water broke I'd already given up. The change he –or someone- would find me in time was just to small and I decided to just let go. I wasn't fighting for my life –or Keira's- anymore. It didn't matter anymore. Why fighting if it would change a thing? So I lost myself in that little world of pain, only thinking of good memories and regretting Kendall and I would never marry each other.

The door opened and I let out another whimper. For the past few weeks opening door had meant that Jett would rape me. However, this person wouldn't do that. His head hung and his body seemed so tired I suspected he could collapse any moment. I couldn't see his whole face, but even then I could see he was more than exhausted. He'd huge bags under his eyes and his skin had this sickening gray hue, but apart from that he seemed fine. He looked up and met my eyes. The miserable look that seemed to have engraved in the green of his eyes disappeared to make place for relieve.

"Logan" He said and ran up to me. His hands gently slipped between me and the mattress to pull me up and hold me close. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in the crook of his neck, trying to take as much of his scent in. He held onto me tightly, but I didn't mind. I'd missed him and we both needed this. Those words didn't even have to be said. Kendall sat down on the edge of the bed without letting go of me. His cheek was pressed against the side of my head, lips close to my ear. "Logie" He whispered emotionally. I thought he just had no idea what he had to say anymore. I couldn't really blame him.

We held onto each other for what felt like forever, and I honestly wouldn't have mind if it did last forever. I felt save, something I'd missed for so long. I felt loved and cared for, things I drank in eagerly. "You've been asleep for a week" He eventually said and pulled back so he could see my face. "I'd no idea if you would wake up again" He admitted quietly and pressed his cheek against mine softly. "I love you, sweetie"

"I love you too" I said. My voice sounded huskily. I tangled one of my hands in his hair and realized how much I loved it to have the blonde strands between my fingers. I realized how much I loved everything about him again. His strong arms holding me, his hands never letting go of me. His chest pressed against mine, his face next to mine, his scent and taste. If there ever had to come a new god, I would vote Kendall Knight. Definitely. "Kendall?"

"Hmm?" He hummed tiredly. His face was still resting on mine, just like half of his body.

"Where's Keira?"

I could feel his smile. "Keira is fine, Logie. She's so precious. I guess you want to see her too?"

I nodded eagerly. Kendall smiled again and let go of me very unwillingly. He went out the room and came back thirty seconds later with a tiny little baby on his arm. For once I would rather look at someone else than at Kendall. That has never happened.

All I could see was the pink blanket she was lying in and a few blonde hairs. I stuck out my arms and took her from Kendall the moment I could reach for her. She was exactly like I remembered. Only her hair was a little longer and curled cutely around her ears. She wiggled a little and let out a few whimpers, but then decided the change of arms wasn't worth crying over. It was really weird to see my own eyes looking up at me. She yawned and smacked her lips. I wonderingly looked up at Kendall who chuckled softly at seeing my face. I took her little hand and noticed how tiny her fingers were. They didn't even fit around my pinkie. I continued my little check up until I was sure she'd ten fingers and toes and had no creepy diseases. Kendall and I watched her for a little while longer and I got to feed her before he brought her back to her crib.

When he came back he looked even more exhausted. "Move over" He whispered when he stood next to my bed. I did and he lay down next to me. "Don't turn" He warned when I was about to. He rolled onto his side, one arm under my head and the other around my waist.

"Why can't I turn?" I asked.

His eyes were closed and I wondered if he was sleeping already. "You broke your hip when you gave birth" He murmured. "You've to lie on your back"

I nodded. That explained why my hips hurt. "Kendall?"

"Hmm?" He was definitely almost sleeping now.

"Why exactly are you so tired?"

"I can't sleep without you, remember? Now sleep. We'll talk tomorrow" He muttered. Seconds later he was gone. I lie there for a while, just enjoying being close to Kendall again and thinking of my baby girl. I placed my hand over his and the other absentmindedly on my stomach, but then I felt something weird under the hospital gown. I pulled the sheets back, careful to not wake Kendall and pulled the cloth up.

On my stomach were scars. Red lines covered the area that had been my baby bump once. They were irritated and lumpy. I knew I had them. I'd felt Jett cutting me more often then I could count, but I never knew _what_ he cut in my skin.

Engraved on my stomach stood letters. JS JS JS JS. Jett Stetson.

Tears rolled down my cheeks when I pushed the gown down again. I snuggled closer to Kendall and cried myself to sleep.

**14!$14!$14!$14!$14!$14!$14 **

Logan and I never talked. The next morning he was completely different. He didn't talk anymore and was extremely clingy. He was scared for everyone besides me and Keira, and James, Carlos, Katie and my mom once he recognized them. He didn't want to be alone anymore and I did my best to stay with him most of the time. I practically never left. He didn't trust the doctors and nurses and calming down took me hours. The one time I tried to kiss him he broke down in sobs again and didn't even let me sooth him. I had no idea what caused this change, but it broke my heart to see him like this. Maybe I had been to quick with believing everything would be alright. Now that all the physical pain was over, we had to deal with emotional pain. Which could be even harder.

**Oh no! What have I done! Don't kill me, please. What do you think?**


	15. Light Outside

**Another update! Yeeeey! Okay, this first part is from Logan's diary. To give you a little idea of what happened during the two weeks he was gone.**

**Light outside**

_Day 1_

_Jett was touching me everywhere again, and I tried to break free, but I would learn later on it was no use fighting him. It made me sick how he touched me, his hands all over me, but mainly on my baby bump. I didn't want his hands there. That was Kendall's baby. I was supposed to protect Kendall's baby, but I failed miserably. It was the first day and I had no idea what would happen to me when the days passed. My stomach was still scar free and he hadn't raped me yet, although I did very well understand that that was what he was about to do._

"_Kiss me, Logan. Kiss me like you kiss Kendall" Commanded Jett. It's one of the worst memories I have. I turned my head away from him, but had no choice when he grabbed the knife again and pushed it in this side of my stomach."You know what will happen when I press it further, right? It'll kill your baby. Do what I say, Logan"_

_I turned my face up and pecked him on his lips. Right after I burst out in tears. It felt like I cheated on Kendall. I wasn't supposed to kiss other people than him. I'd always been faithful and it hurt I now had to break that promise._

"_That wasn't a kiss, Logan. It was a peck and not even a good one for that matter. I want you to KISS me" He whispered dangerously. He cut deeper in my skin, making the first scar. A J, I know that now. So that was the first time I got a scar and the first time I cheated on Kendall. He raped me for the first time only minutes after that and gave me the scar that matched the first J. An S._

_I'm gonna try and hide the scars for Kendall as long as possible. I counted them. 6 J's and 5 S's. He was going to add the last S when I was dead, so he told me. I hope they'll fade away before anyone sees them. I don't want to be marked as anyone else's than Kendall's, but I'm afraid he won't want me anymore wants he finds out. I already lost the necklace and engagement ring, I'm not a very good fiancée, I guess. -LMK_

The first month after Keira's birth was horrible. It had nothing to do with her, she was perfect. She almost never cried, only to show us she was hungry or wanted some attention, but it was a pleasant cry that didn't last long. She was growing like a horse and in two weeks she had a perfect weight for a baby her age. She slept good and didn't wake us up as much as I feared she would. Everything together she was incredibly much like Logan already. The only exception were her blonde curls and the look in her eyes when she was lying in her crib in the living room, looking around with a curiosity and wonder I recognized from Katie when she was younger, so it had to come from my side.

The police found Jett and locked him away. They found his fingerprints all over Logan's body, so he has no change of coming free. Logan will still have to witness, if he was ready for that. The trial was in six weeks.

No, it was Logan who worried me. Out of proportions. He almost fainted when I told him we were going home. He was so scared that the doctor had to give him something to calm him down so I could take him home. It took me three hours to calm him down when he realized we were back at the Palm Woods. He was comfortable now, inside of the apartment and could walk to 2J if I was going with him, but he was terrified of being alone and I couldn't really blame him. I moved Keira's crib to our room, because he freaked out when I wanted to let her sleep in her own room. He wanted her with him all the time and only left her with me. The only possible way for me to leave was if James, Carlos and mom were with him. He hadn't talked since that first day and was still extremely clingy. I tried my best not to leave him alone much and keep him calm so he would recover better, but since he didn't talk I'd no idea what is was that was bothering him so much. He was scared of course, terrified even and who wouldn't be after what he has been through. How much I wanted for everything to be peaceful and calm, it couldn't last much longer. I couldn't take the tension and stress anymore. He would have to talk to me or I would take him to a psychologist. I wanted my Logan back. And it had to happen soon.

He came out of the bathroom, the only place he dared to go in alone since it had no windows, just when Keira finished the bottle I was giving her. I made her burp and patiently waited for Logan to come and join me on the couch after he'd dressed up. That was another critical point. He didn't want me to see him naked anymore. He always wore something, even in bed he had a long pj pants and shirt on. This was new, because the last five years we'd only slept in boxers or sometimes completely naked. He came out of our room the moment I put Keira back in her crib and immediately walked up to me and wrapped his arms around my torso. I put my arms around him too and guided him to the couch. He crawled in my lap and buried his face in the crook of my neck.

"Logie? Talk to me, please?" I begged softly. He stiffened and tightened his grip on my shirt, but said nothing. However, today I would hold on. "I'm really worried about you, sweetie. You can either talk to me or I'll take you to a psychologist" I heard a whimper and felt tears wetting my shirt, but still no answer. The fear that waved off him was almost touchable. "Listen to this, sweetie" I whispered in his ear and softly started singing a song I'd heard on the radio earlier that day. It explained our situation so good I was a little freaked out by it. I remembered the lyrics without much problem.

_I know you wanna stay in bed__  
><em>_But it's light outside__  
><em>_It's light outside__  
><em>_So you know, I'm gonna stay right here__  
><em>_You saved my life once__  
><em>_You saved my life_

_And I__  
><em>_Will try__  
><em>_To get you up__  
><em>_Cause it's beautiful outside__  
><em>_And we'll fall__  
><em>_But we'll try__  
><em>_We'll do our best__  
><em>_And I'll love you all the while__  
><em>_Because you saved my life once…_

_I know you wanna rest your head__  
><em>_And just forget the night__  
><em>_Forget the night__  
><em>_You know I'm gonna stay right here__  
><em>_I'll sit by your side__  
><em>_Sit by your side_

_And I__  
><em>_I'll try__  
><em>_To get you up__  
><em>_It's beautiful outside__  
><em>_We'll fall__  
><em>_But we'll try__  
><em>_We'll do our best__  
><em>_And I'll love you all the while__  
><em>_You saved my life once…_

_I think I always knew you would be the greatest_

_You saved my life once_

"Please, Logie? I love you so much and it hurts to see you like this. If it wouldn't help you I would never make you talk, but we can't go on like this. You need to trust me" I said softly. I didn't want him to be scared of me, that would only make this worse.

"Don't leave me" He whispered almost to soft for me to hear. It was the first thing he said in 26 days and it shattered my heart. He sounded so, so scared. Emotionally drained from everything besides deep, nerve-wracking fear.

"Oh, Logie" I soothed when I felt more tears dripping on my shoulder and his body making slightly spastic movements. "I'll never let you go anymore. You're my life I can't be without you. Please, tell me, sweetie. I need you to be happy again" I mumbled in his ear.

"You'll leave me when I tell you what happened to me" He whispered devastated.

"I already know, Logie. It's-" He burst out in tears. Thick, harsh sobs escaping his throat while he thought back to his time in the basement. He went completely slack in my arms while he cried his eyes out. I couldn't fully prevent my own tears from falling, but I held most of them back. I would cry later.

"I-I'm s-s-so sc-scared" He sobbed. I tightened my grip on him and slowly leaned back until I was lying on my side with Logan crying in my chest.

"I'm here, sweetie. Let it out" He fisted my shirt and buried his face deeper in my chest. I held him the whole time he cried.

Finally, after a whole hour of non stop sobbing he calmed down a little. He was still crying, but the deep, heartbreaking sobs stopped.

"The things he did, Kendall" He whispered. I listened intently. "It was awful. He touched my everywhere. He's sick, Kendall. He has some kind of… I don't know, fetish? For fucking pregnant people. He constantly told me how beautiful my stomach was and touched it and… I struggled, I didn't want him to touch our baby, but I couldn't do anything because of the ropes. I swear I tried, Kendall. Don't be mad at me, please?" He begged with tears still running down his face on my chest.

"I'll never be mad at you, Logan. Go on"

"He made me kiss him the way I kiss you, but I didn't. I couldn't. He was mad and made me… he made me blow him and it was gross. I threw up after he came and that just made him more furious and he just… he didn't even prepare me…" Logan went on and on and told me the cruel things Jett did to him. "And then he gave me some kind of shot that would cause contractions and it hurt so much, Kendall. I was sure would just leave me there and I couldn't push because of the bindings and Keira would've died inside of me and I couldn't do a thing about it and it hurt so much and I needed you and then you were there and I honestly think it was the best moment of my life" His story was vague and hard to follow and he was often wrong with the time line, but I understood most of it and wished I'd never made him tell it. No, I wished it would never have happened to him.

"I'll never hurt you, Logie. You know that right?"

He nodded, too tired from telling his story and thinking of that horrible part of his life that he wasn't capable of anything else.

"Do you trust me?"

He nodded again.

"You can tell me everything, sweetie. I swear I'll never leave you, I won't even be able to. I love you and that won't change for anything. I want you to know this. Do you understand?"

He nodded a final time. I smiled and stroked his cheek softly. I saw the bracelet with our initials on it dangling with my moves. I got an idea and sat up, pulling him with me in my lap again. For the first time in five years I took the silver jewel off. I grabbed his wrist. He looked at me questionably while I hang it around his arm. "Why?" He asked, but eyes were lighting up a bit more.

"Because you're mine" I said and pulled him closer. His head resting on my shoulder. "Can I kiss you, Logie? Nothing more, just a kiss"

He looked up at me with his eyes wide in fear. He shook his head regretfully. I almost started to cry. How could you fuck up someone so deeply he doesn't even want to be kissed by his fiancée anymore? I swallowed thickly and nodded to show him I understood. We lay there for a while until I noticed he'd fallen asleep. I got up, picked him up bridal style and brought him to our room. He woke up when I lay him down and his eyes met mine. I couldn't take it anymore. I cupped his face with my hands to steady him and leaned down. His breathing quickened and he tried to break free, but I didn't let go of him. I placed a gentle, light kiss on his forehead.

"I'm going to get Keira" I told him and without looking at his hurt face went out to get our daughter. I closed the door and instantly the tears rolled out of my eyes. A month. A whole fucking month without a word. Not even the softest noise. He finally opened his mouth and told me the horrible things Jett did to him. He opened up, trusted me and it seemed like a weight was lifted off his small shoulders. Only to come down on mine. He trusted me. He knew I loved him and would never leave him, then why wasn't he comfortable enough to let me kiss him? Even the chaste kiss I left on his forehead seemed way too much to handle for him.

But I couldn't blame him. My Logan was hurt and there was only one person I could possibly blame for this. Jett. Who's trial would be soon.

I picked my sleeping beauty up from her crib and brought her to our room. I gently tugged her in, before I turned around to look at Logan. He was staring up at the ceiling, lying in the exact same position as I left him in. I sighed and stepped into the opposite side of the bed. To my surprise he scooted closer and attached himself to my side.

"Only there" He whispered. How vague that sounded, I still understood what he meant and I almost cried again. In relieve this time. I turned his face up so I could repeat my earlier move. I kissed his forehead again. Or maybe twice. Or maybe five times.

"I love you, sweetie" I brought my hand to his face and stroked his cheek softly.

"I love you too" He whispered tiredly.

"Good to hear that again, Logie. Good to hear" We slept in quickly.

**I wrote this before I even started the first chapter, I only had to change a few things. The song is Light Outside from Wakey Wakey. I heard it two days ago on the radio and it couldn't have been more perfect for my story. It fits so good, I suspect Wakey Wakey from reading my story… **

**What do you think?**


	16. Progress

**Progress**

_Day 7_

_I could count the days by listening to doors. Every morning Jett would open the door of the bathroom and listen if I was still in the space hidden behind the wall. He would leave to film his TV show and come back after about six hours. He checked on me again, sometimes tease and bully me with mean words and then leave to spend time with Jo, who also turned out to be pregnant. I haven't spoken to anyone besides Kendall yet, so I've no idea how she's doing. I hope she's not too depressed. I supposed it was kind a shock to find out the father of your child was planning on hurting and killing you and his own child. I can't help be jealous. She's safe because of what happened to me._

_Jett would come back, with or without her and then eat. After that he locked the bathroom –I figured it was quite a good move to make this place behind the bathroom- and do with me whatever he wanted. Which was often touching me in ways I didn't quite like._

_Talking to Kendall helped, even though I could see him hurting when he listened to it. I felt sorry for him. Out of all people I didn't want to tell Kendall, but he was the only one I trusted enough and talking, so I found out, really helped to process this. The other reason why I was sorry for him, was that he was hurt too, but no one thought of it –besides me, obviously- seemed to remember it._

_He made another attempt to kiss me, but I again refused and fought him off. It weren't the kisses that scared me. The exact opposite is true, I love kissing him. He just has the tendency to hold me down while doing it, and naturally, I'm scared of being bonded. I have been locked in a close space for two weeks, unable to move. I don't want to tell him what he does wrong, because in this way I can hide the scars longer. The red color faded away, but now they're white and just as clear. I guess it will always be seeable, but I hope they won't feel that bumpy and raw anymore. If I can keep Kendall from kissing me, we won't do anything that goes further than that and then I don't have to strip in front of him. He won't see the scars. -LMK_

Logan was sitting with Keira on the couch when I came out of the bathroom. She was sucking on his pinkie, something that calmed her down and made her sleepy after drinking. She was the image of the perfect baby. She didn't cry, only to show us she was hungry and already slept through the night, except at 1 am when one of us had to get up to feed her. That was mostly me, because I insisted on him getting enough rest. Even though he'd been home for five weeks, he was still not at full strength. He could walk again, but I could still feel his ribs. Not being fed for two weeks definitely left his marks behind. Logan joked about it the one time I brought it up. He said now he didn't have to loose all those pounds he gained during his pregnancy. I was not amused.

Three days ago I got to read the full police report about Jett's case, including everything he said about what he did to Logan and his other victims. From what I heard was Logan lucky. Well, not lucky, but less unfortunate. What Jett did to those other woman… Ehw. At that moment I was very happy Logan was sitting home with James, Carlos and my mom. Safe.

I sat down next to him, resting my arm around his shoulder. He leaned on me and readjusted Keira in his arms so I could see her too. She was so precious. I saw more and more things of Logan in her back. The look in her eyes when she saw us made me think of the look Logan had in his eyes when looking at me. They smiled –of what we thought what was Keira's smile- and their smell was almost the same. She sucked on his little finger and was slowly falling asleep. From the first moment I saw her I knew Logan and I would go to hell for her. He often teased me –what you could call often in the one week he talked again- with how much she had me wrapped around her little fingers already. I blamed the eyes. The most gorgeous chocolate brown eyes ever. Only two –worthy, Logan's father didn't count, he's an asshole- people in the world owned them and both happened to be mine. All mine.

Logan stood up and lay Keira in her living room crib. He tugged her in carefully and then went back to me. He cuddled into my side, his head on my shoulder. "How are you today?" I asked quietly. He snuggled closer and seemed to think about it.

"Quite good" He said, surprised about that himself. I was surprised too. I'd been asking him that question all week, on all parts of the day. He'd always given an honest answer so I figured he was now too. A grin started to form on my face.

"That's great, Logie" I pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head. He smiled a small smile and turned on the TV. We watched a marathon of Two and a Half Man. I loved hearing him laugh about the jokes they made. He seemed to forget about other things for a few hours.

When Keira woke up I gave her a clean diaper and took her to the couch to feed her. Once she was done Logan took her from me again and rested his back against my chest. He placed Keira on his chest. It was only a matter of time before they'd both be asleep. Surprisingly she lasted longer than he.

"What do you think, baby girl? Will daddy be okay again?" I stroked her little cheek. She prattled a little and gripped my finger. I was always surprised about how strong her grip was. "I miss him, Keira. You've never seen him like he was, so you probably haven't got a clue what I'm talking about. I'm sure you won't want anyone else once he's himself again" She put my finger in her mouth and sucked on it, before pulling a disgusting face and pushing it out with her tongue. "I want him back, Keke. This it not how it's supposed to be after your birth" She wasn't going to answer me, so I decided I should just follow Logan's example and take a nap. I slit down a bit lower, trying to not wake Logan and Keira who were both sleeping on me in some way. I put my hand on Keira's back so she wouldn't fall off Logan and fell asleep quite fast.

It wasn't a pleasant nap. I dreamed of Logan kissing me. Now I was desperate and looked like a teenage boy that never had his first kiss. Logan was no longer sleeping, but I figured he was in the shower since I heard water running. Keira was still sleeping, but now in her crib. I thought on what to do. If I had to stay in the apartment much longer I would forget what trees looked like. I would do it, for Logan, but this was no longer only about us. We had a daughter, she had to go out at some point and now Logan was getting better and more comfortable with… well, everything I decided we could take a next step. I seriously needed him back, not only for myself, but also for Keira and all our other friends who were worried as hell.

I snapped out of my thoughts, because of my ringtone. James had sent me a text.

-Come eat here tonight. JD

-Sure. KK

Logan came out of the bathroom, fully dressed. "We're going to eat at 2J tonight" I told him. He shrugged. It wasn't such a big deal for him yet. We ate there more often than home. "I want you to talk to them"

He froze in the middle of the room and his eyes went wide in fear. "No"

I beckoned for him to come over and pulled him next to me when he did. I slowly brought us to a lying position. He was shaking pretty badly. "You don't have to talk about that, sweetie" I assured him. He whimpered and I regretted talking about it. Now he wasn't feeling as good as he had that morning. "It's enough that you told me, but you can say hello, right? They're worried about you too and it's major progress you talk again! Just say hi?" I begged. _Please let this work!_

"I guess I can do that" He said hesitant. I pulled him tightly against me and kissed his cheek, only to let go of him immediately when he pushed his nails in my forearm. He scooted to the other side of the couch and didn't look at me. _Idiot! You know what happens when you kiss him on an other place than his forehead! _

I carefully came closer to him. I hoped it was a good sign he didn't move away from me. I stroked his cheek with the back of my hand and he leaned into the touch involuntary. "I'm sorry, Logie" I whispered. He nodded, but stayed in the same position with his knees pulled to his chest. I just sat next to him staring at my hands in my lap.

"I heard you talking to Keira" He said softly.

"Oh" Was my brilliant answer.

"I'm trying, Kendall. I really am. I want everything to be normal again just as much as you do, but it's just too hard to just act normal again" He put his head on my shoulder and I leaned mine on his. We sat in silence for a few minutes. I noticed how he smelled like my shampoo and smiled a little.

"We've to go" I said and helped him up too. We put Keira in her stroller and went on our way to 2J.

Our diner at our old home couldn't have been better. Logan actually talked. Not much, but he'd never talked much. We talked about how everyone was going, about Katie's new acting job and James' and Carlos' upcoming wedding. I'd to remember to buy a new ring. Jett never told us where we could find the ring and the necklace and I hated it Logan wasn't wearing them anymore. It was like I missed a part of him. My mom adored Keira and hold her the whole time we were there. Katie was also crazy about her and said she would babysit once we would get out again. Which could take a while. I didn't want to make it late, so at eight we went home again to put Keira to bed. I showered and then got in bed next to Logan, who was rereading Harry Potter for what seemed like the millionth time this month. I crawled in bed and spooned him, wrapping my arms tightly around his torso. He put the book away and made sure his PJ shirt was down. I wasn't very pleased with that, but had other things at my mind.

"I'm so proud of you" I whispered in his ear when snuggled closer. He hummed satisfied and closed hi s eyes, but I didn't want him to fall asleep yet. "Logan, why don't you want me to kiss you?"

He stiffened and turned his face away from me, as if he was preventing me from kissing him. Not that I would do that when he didn't want me too. "Because I'm scared" He said. Lie.

"You're not scared of me. Don't lie. Why not?"

He was struggling internally. He was biting his lip and staring at the wall in front of us. "I don't mind you kissing me" He then said softly.

"Then why don't you let me?" I asked incredulously.

He was silent again and I just wanted to go on persuading him when he answered. "You've the intention to hold me real tight when you do that" He whispered.

That wasn't exactly what I'd expected him to say. "So?"

"So? I've been unable to fucking move for two weeks! That's so! You're no longer Kendall the moment you do that. You become like Jett and it scares me shitless. You happy now?" He snapped, but tears were running down his face. I wanted to burn myself in hell for being so stupid. That actually made sense. Of course he would be scared of me then. It was so clear.

"No, I'm not happy" I answered softly. "I should've thought of that myself. I'm so sorry, sweetie" I pulled him closer, but then realized I did exact the thing he just told me about and let him go –very unwillingly. Instead of that I rested one arm loosely around his waist and the other under his head like a pillow. He didn't roll away from me and I was pretty glad about that. However, I wasn't ready to give up yet. I wanted a kiss and now that I knew the reason of his fear, we could work on that, right? "How about you kiss me?" I reasoned. "In that way you set pace and everything and I won't touch you at all. Promise"

He thought about it. "We can try that" He said hesitantly. I was about to hug him again, but remembered just in time why I wasn't anymore and dropped my arms. He chuckled softly. "We'll try that, Kendall, but not now okay?"

I nodded happily. "I love you, Logie" I whispered in his ear before pressing a kiss on it, making sure I wasn't holding him in anyway.

"I love you too" He whispered back and closed his eyes again. "You know that that holding me down thing is only when you kiss me right?" I smirked and wrapped my arms around his chest once again, pulling him real close.

**YAY! Logan wants to kiss again! Okay back to business, I've a question. How much more chapters do you want? I can make an ending in like two chapters, or I could go on with it, but I'm a little scared it'll be too much then, so I thought let's ask you guys! I promise what I've in mind for what happens next won't be boring at all, so let me know what you think. Second, I've started another story for Love and Peace Forever's challenge. It's called One of us and it's the reason why I didn't upload yesterday. I'm already in love with it and it would mean so much to me if you would check it out? I swear it's worth your time! Anyway, what did you think of this one? **


	17. It's mine

**It's mine**

_Day 10_

_How could I be so stupid? I told Kendall what I was afraid of? Idiot! He actually found a good way to make me more comfortable with the whole thing and I was sure glad about it, but kissing him was one step closer to making out and making out implied him feeling around and discovering the scars. He would want to see them and then see Jett's initials and leave me. I think I might die._

_It has one good side though, because I'm constantly focused on hiding the scars from Kendall I don't think that much about what happened just a few apartments away. Only a few things make me go back to that and I'm very happy about that. Yesterday I walked alone to 2J. I didn't even noticed until Mama Knight asked where Kendall was and I realized I didn't wait for him. He'd never been so happy about me leaving early before. I hope it means I can do more stuff from now on. I'm getting kinda bored inside of the apartment all day. Maybe –if Kendall doesn't find out about the scares- I will ask him if we can go outside tomorrow. Or perhaps the day after that. -LMK_

I woke up the next morning and immediately got the feeling something was wrong. It was quite obvious why. Logan was no longer lying next to me and Keira wasn't lying in her crib. I panicked and quickly got up and ran out of the bedroom. I found him sitting with Keira on the couch, she was eagerly drinking from the bottle he gave her. I slowed down my pace and went to sit down next to him.

"Kendall" He said happily.

I was stunned about how happy he seemed to be. "Hey, Logie" He looked at me, mischief lingering in his eyes. He wanted something from me. I raised an eyebrow questionably. "What do you want?" I asked suspiciously.

He made puppy dog eyes and I knew I would never be able to say no to whatever he would ask me in a moment. "Bake pancakes for me?"

"Sure" I said before he could even finish that sentence. I smiled when I realized this wasn't all that much. I would gladly do this for him. "What kind?"

"Chocolate?" The eyes again.

"Kay" I said and placed a kiss on his temple before getting up. This was major. I hadn't seen him this cheerful in months. He didn't even seem uncomfortable about the kiss I gave him. I watched him while getting the ingredients for pancakes and began to make the mix. He was relaxed, laughing about how eager Keira was and some other things she did. It was like he completely forgot about what happened, as if it never happened. This was like how I'd imagined it to be after Keira's birth. Only worrying about the best type of baby milk and complaining about how we didn't want to go to work again. Somehow Gustavo managed to talk Griffin into giving us more time before getting back to the studio and everything. It was impossible to keep Jett's crime from the press and the whole world now knew about Logan's disease –by lack of a better word- and what Jett had done to him. Not the details, but the fans had quite a good idea. It caused New Town High to stop their production. Jett ruined their success, no one watched the show anymore. The responses on this were good and everyone was curious about the Big Time Baby. Keira's name hadn't been officially confirmed yet. I wanted to do that myself. But because of this the security of the Palm Woods got a lot sharper. It was impossible to get information about the inhabitants of the PW and no one but the inhabitants could use the elevator or staircase. We had keycards for that. I still saw the one biggest weakness, namely the fact that Logan was attacked by someone that lived here and had access to the hallways that led to the apartments, but there wasn't really something that could be done about that. I was a little glad that Logan didn't want to go out yet.

I was done with baking the pancakes and Keira was done drinking. Logan made her burp and put her in her living room crib, before walking to the table. I was already sitting there and putting some pancakes on his plate, but he clearly had different ideas. He sat down in my lap and wrapped his arms around my neck. "Thank you" He whispered in my ear.

"Everything for you, sweetie" I whispered back. He leaned back. "And who wouldn't want my chocolate chip pancakes? They're the best"

He gasped. "Mine are better"

"Mine are the _best_"

"I think I'll judge after I tasted them" He said matter-of-factly. He turned in my lap so he could reach the table. He took a bite and moaned loudly. "Alright. You're good" He said after he chewed and swallowed.

"I know" I said while grinning widely.

He took another bite and leaned back to look at me, but what he'd wanted to say was never said. He stared at me while chewing, but didn't open his mouth to talk once he swallowed. I could see him thinking deeply and I realized how close he actually was. I stayed still. I didn't want to ruin this by making a stupid move and let him make the decision on his own. He slowly started to lean in and wrapped his arms around my neck. And then he kissed me.

It felt so good. Logan moved his hands to cup my face while deepening the kiss and moving closer. It felt a little like our first kiss. I was being extremely careful, didn't want to do anything that made him stop it and rediscovering what he did and didn't like. I hesitantly put my hands on his hips, making sure I wasn't binding him in any way. He moaned quietly and licked the seem of my lips asking for access. I was surprised he wanted to bring it that far already, but opened up anyway. It took very much of me to not take over and control everything. His tongue hesitantly passed my lips and poked mine a few times, teasing me, daring me to move with him. I figured that if he asked me to take over it was very much okay to do so. I circled my tongue around his and I felt him melting in my arms. This was something we both missed so much. His hands found their way in my hair, tugging softly and pulling me closer to him. I decided to make another bold move and slipped my hands under his shirt on his hips. He was so caught up in the kiss he didn't even notice. I made circles with my thumbs, but I suddenly felt something that wasn't supposed to be there. Some kind of wrinkle in his skin that wasn't there the last time I'd felt his stomach.

Logan pulled away and looked at me with wide eyes. Like a deer in the headlights. This was why he was always hiding himself behind clothes. He struggled and tried to get away from me, but I held him in place, for once not caring about what it would do with him when he couldn't move. In his attempt to get out of my arms he'd turned himself until his back was pressed against my chest. I put my left arm around his torso so he couldn't get away and sneaked the other one under his shirt on his stomach.

He stopped struggling and started sobbing when he realized he couldn't get away anymore. I felt the wrinkles everywhere from his ribcage to his hips. They covered his whole skin. I realized what it were. Scars. How could I forget about the scars? I'd seen the cuts, of course would they leave these ugly reminders of what happened to him. I pulled my hand back and released his body, but now he didn't want to get away. Shallow, dry sobs came from his throat and tears wetted his cheeks. I would think about the scars later. Logan needed me more now. I pulled him against me again, turning him so we were chest to chest. He lay his head on my shoulder, wetting my shirt with his tears. I hugged him tightly and rested my cheek against his.

"Shh. It's okay, Logie. I got you. Don't cry" I whispered in his ear while fighting my own tears. This was the first physical reminder I found of what Jett had done. This would literally remind both of us of what happened for the rest of our life. "Nothing changes, sweetie. The only things that changed is that I know now, but that means we've got a new project to work on. I still love you. I'll always do"

"R-really?" He choked out between sobs.

"Always, Logie" He cried on and fisted my shirt tightly. I held him close and muttered soothing words in his ear. I gently rocked him while thinking on what to do. We needed to talk about this. He needed to understand I didn't mind them being there. Of course I would rather have no scars on him at all, but to me he didn't become less beautiful. This was just something I had to get used to.

I picked him up and took a quick look at Keira's crib. She was sleeping peacefully, so we had some time before she needed to be fed or changed again. I carried him to the bathroom and sat him down on the toilet lit, leaving the bathroom door open so I could hear Keira if she cried. I wanted to calm him down and the best way to do so would be showering. It'd always worked, so I figured it would work now too. He watched me while I took off my shirt and jeans and turned the water on. I took his hands and pulled him on his feet, my hands moved to the hem of his shirt, but he quickly stepped back. His eyes were wide again and he crossed his arms in front of his stomach. He shook his head fiercely. I smiled sadly and pulled him in my embrace by his upper arms. "I won't look, sweetie. I promise. I just want to calm you down" I told him and placed my forehead against his. More tears rolled down his cheeks and I patiently whipped them away with my thumbs.

"You promise?" He whispered.

"I would swear if I had too"

The corners of his mouth came up in a tiny little smile he leaned up and gave me a quick kiss. It'd been only the second since Jett happened, but it already felt normal again. No, not normal. Logan's kisses were never normal, but we were used to it again. "Turn around"

I did and pulled my boxers off. I kicked them away and decided to just step into the cabin to wait until he would come himself. When he did he attached himself to my chest and wrapped his arms around my waist, leaving absolutely no space between his.

I had to swallow some sobs away. His skin was no longer smooth and slick against mine. His belly felt raw and rough to the skin on my abdomen. It felt all wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Not with my Logan. He was supposed to be healthy and without scars. Happy.

This definitely felt weird, but I had to get used to it. For Logan. It wasn't even an uncomfortable feeling, only different. I put my hands on his back and rubbed soothingly. I could feel his heartbeat close to mine and rediscovered how lovely that feeling was. It told me he was alive and healthy and sometimes even his emotional condition, since it would beat a lot faster when he was turned on. It was now slowing down. He was relaxing again.

We stood under the shower for quite some time. He was calm again, but it just felt too good to have him so close to give it up already, but now I had to. Keira would probably wake up soon. I lifted his chin and pecked him quickly before letting go of him. I put one hand over my eyes and used the other to feel where I was going. It was all worth it when I heard him chuckling. I quickly dried myself and pulled some boxers and a shirt on before going out and making a bottle for Keira.

I heard him in the bathroom while I picked Keira up. She eagerly started sucking and I chuckled about her satisfied look. Another Logan thing. I walked with her around the room. Every now and then I glanced over at the bathroom, I had no idea why exactly. What did I want to see? The scars ruining the perfectness of my fiancée?

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when I walked to the table. When I turned from there I had a perfect view on the reflection of the bathroom mirror. I almost dropped Keira. Letters. Logan had Jett's initials on his stomach. He was looking down at them, I saw him wishing them away. I could no longer stop the tears. They streamed down my face while I looked at Logan's reflection. He was no longer mine. He was marked as anyone else's. Jett's.

He turned his head up and met my eyes. The only thing we did was stare at each other. He was scared again and I came back on my earlier words. Of course he was mine. As long as he wanted to be. The father of _my_ baby. _My _best friend. The love of _my_ life. My Logan. All of it.

Keira was done drinking and I made her burp quickly so she could go to sleep again. I carefully put her down again and almost ran to the bathroom. Logan was staring at himself in the mirror and I couldn't bear the defeated look on his face. I walked up to him and slammed my lips on his. I hugged him tightly and kissed him, showing him I still wanted him more than anything. I could feel his surprise, but that soon changed into relieve and he kissed me back. His arms found their way around my neck again and we held onto each other for dear life. He finally seemed to realize I wasn't going to leave him. Not for anything. I eventually pulled off, but didn't let go of him. I kissed myself a way to his ear. "Please tell me you're still going to marry me?" I practically begged.

"I want to marry you more than anything" He responded immediately.

"Good. I love you so much, Logie"

"I love you too"

**FINALLY. God, this was HELL! I'd everything planned and written on my mobile, I just couldn't bring myself to writing it down. I'm drained from all my emotions now. I might update One of Us tomorrow, but I'm not sure of that yet. So, maybe. Maybe not. What did you think of this one?**


	18. Moving on

**Moving on**

_Day 10_

_Kendall didn't leave me! I don't believe I've anything more to say than how happy I am at this moment. I mean, for one and a half month I've lived with the idea he would run away from me the moment he saw the scars, but the opposite was true. He finally made me see he wouldn't leave me for anything. I actually believe him. –LK_

I was holding him there in the bathroom for what seemed like forever. I didn't want to let go of him for any reason. Only Keira's gentle cry made me break my hold on Logan.

"Keira…"

I kissed him quickly. "I'll take care of her. Go dress up, we're going out"

His eyes widened in fear for the what seemed like millionth time that day. "Kendall, I-"

"Trust me" I said and stroked his cheek. He looked at me doubtfully, but left the bathroom. I quickly went to work. I gave Keira the dummy that fell out of her mouth and she was satisfied again. I closed the curtains and put She's the Man in the DVD-player, we could use something lighthearted and funny. I put popcorn in the microwave and made the table with the neat plates and glass mom gave us when we moved in here. After that I ran into our bedroom where Logan was almost done with changing. "Don't go out yet" I warned him when he wanted to open the door. He raised his eyebrows, but leaned against the wall and watched how I put on jeans and a shirt. "So, I was thinking. We go to the movies, make out a bit and then have diner?" I grabbed his hand and opened the door.

"Kendall, I'm not ready to-" He fell silent when he saw the state of our living room. His mouth fell open and he looked to the room in awe. I smiled, seeing his reaction made everything worth it.

"C'mon. Theaters don't wait for anybody" I said and pushed him on the couch. I went to the kitchen to get the popcorn and another bottle for Keira for when she would wake up.

I sat down next to Logan, but before I could do anything he hugged me and gave me a kiss on my cheek. "Thank you. I love you" He said, making me smile.

I put an arm around his waist and kissed his temple. "Everything for you, sweetie. I love you too. Now watch"

He chuckled and I started the movie. He grinned widely when he saw which one we would be watching. He snuggled closer and placed a hand on my leg.

We made it about halfway the movie. Viola was just jumping on the bed with the hot guy when I decided Logan's neck was awfully pale. I leaned down and kissed his pulse point. His breathing hitched. "Kendall, what are you doing?"

"Nothing" I mumbled and bit down hard, without drawing blood. He whimpered and turned his head to the side, giving me better access. I sucked softly and pulled back to admire my beautiful hickey. Logan lifted his head up again and kissed me sweetly. I kissed him back, running my tongue over the seem of his lips and slowly pushing him back on the couch. He opened up, giving me access and tangling his fingers in my hair. I moaned and mapped out his whole mouth, paying special attention to his sensitive spots. It was now his turn to moan and his grip on my hair tightened. His tongue found mine and circled around it while I moved my hands down to the hem of his shirt. I was about to slip my hands under his shirt when he pulled away. "Just tell me when I go too far, okay?" I mumbled to his lips.

"Okay" He said shakily. He sealed our lips again and I waited with moving my hands until he was relaxed again. I put them on his hips and slowly moved them up and down his sides. He shivered a little, but it was not in fear. It encouraged me, made me think he actually liked this. I moved my hands up to his chest, pulling his shirt with me, revealing the scars on his stomach. He whimpered and I made sure to cover it with my abdomen. That made him calm down and he continued kissing me while I traced his ribs with my fingers.

We made out like that for a while and I was thinking on what to do. If I moved my hands down to his belly, he might freak out completely and then I would have totally ruined the mood or he would except it and keep on making on with me. I was really hoping for the latter, but I didn't know if I wanted to risk it or not. I decided on just making the move. I would deal with the aftermath later. I slowly traced my hands down, only touching him with the tips of my fingers. He froze when I touched the first scar, but didn't push me away. He tensed up, but continued kissing me while I moved down further. I gently ran my fingers over the scars and he seemed to genuinely like it. I was on cloud nine the entire time we made out. I decided that after that I pushed my luck enough and just held my hands there. We kissed until far after the movie ended and only stopped, because two people came in without unannounced.

"I've never been so happy to walk in on you guys" Said James enthusiastically. I flinched and Logan let out a high pitched squeak. We both sat up quickly, but we forgot about Logan's shirt that was sticking to the skin on his chest. I scooted over to cover him while Logan pushed it down again, but it was too late. I'd saw James' and Carlos' eyes widen in shock.

"Oh" Whispered Carlos. He put the bag that held Chinese food on the table. "We should leave" He said awkwardly, trying not to glance at Logan's now covered stomach.

"No" Said the shorter brunette. "It's okay. You were going to find out eventually. This is a lot easier for me" He said calmly. I was impressed he took this so easily. It was probably only my opinion he cared about. I felt kinda flattered.

"Uhm. Okay" Said James awkwardly. "I guess we should knock next time"

"That's always a good thing" I said matter-of-factly.

"So… uhm… We brought food?" Said Carlos, while pointing to the bag.

I smiled and helped Logan up. He and Carlos sat down at the table and I got two extra plates. James walked to Keira's crib and picked her up. Out of him and Carlos, he was the one that could handle her the best. I'd been pretty surprised when I found out about that. Carlos had always been the goofy, happy-go-lucky guy from who I expected he would be great with kids, but James had a better bond with her. He could calm her down faster than I could, he didn't beat Logan yet, but it was close. He was probably so good because he had to handle Carlos all day.

Keira almost drowned in his big arms. He rocked her gently and grabbed the bottle from the counter where I'd put it earlier. She opened her eyes when she started sucking on it. He smiled down at her.

He was not the only one who smiled. I saw Carlos glancing at him more than he would do normally. He seemed endeared badly. Logan noticed it too and was looking curiously between them, but said nothing. So I decided not to do it either. I didn't really like it James was so good with my daughter. I mean, she's mine! She should be liking me better than him. This was also not helping in my suspicion James still had a thing for Logan and was showing off with his paternity qualities. Or he just really liked Keira.

He sat down with her at the table when I put the plates down and Carlos started to unfold the packages. We ate and laughed and held Keira on turns. I liked it best when she was 'sitting' in my lap, head leaning against my stomach and her body sprawled out over my legs. My hands was placed on her belly, my thumb stroking softly. I'd found out it helped by baby colic. She'd her hands on my fingers and was slumbering.

"Gustavo called us today" Said James when there fell another silence.

"What did he want?" I asked curiously. I hadn't spoken to Gustavo in two months. Ever since Logan got missing.

"He wanted to know how Logan was doing…" He started. "I told him what I knew at that moment. That you were talking again, but that he hasn't been outside the building yet"

I nodded. "That's not all, is it?"

"No. Apparently, Griffin had been asking him for a new single. He sent us loads of songs and we know them all, I suppose?" He looked to us.

Logan and I nodded. We'd practiced every song Gustavo sent us. We've been working on it for all week, ever since he started talking again. We needed to go over the songs he send us before Keira's birth again, because we both had forgotten most of them and we needed to catch up on the songs he sent us after her birth.

"Alright. Well, here's the thing. Carlos and I are getting kinda bored. We want to get to work again. We get it if Logan can't start working again, but we want to do something" He said firmly. He was looking at me, knowing that I would decide on this. Not only because I was our unofficially leader, but also because I would decide on pushing Logan into this or going slow with him. I was most definitely not going to do anything that could harm Logan.

"You can go, but I'm staying here until Logan is comfortable with being alone and able to get out himself. We'll go from there" I told him.

"Or I could just try and be here alone so you-" Started Logan.

"Don't even think about it" I cut him off. "I'm not going anywhere. You're just trying to please everyone around you and you remember what happened last time I left you alone? It's not gonna happen"

I was glad all of them seemed to get my point. This wasn't only about Logan's wellbeing. It was about mine too. I wasn't comfortable with leaving him behind and I was just not going to do it. It would also be the first time I left Keira. I didn't know how I felt about that yet.

We talked for a few more hours, until it was ten o'clock and Keira woke up for her next bottle. Carlos and James left shortly after that. We decided that they could go to the studio and practice dancing and a few songs with Gustavo. Maybe they would be able to record their parts already and Logan and I would fill in later.

Logan went to our room to get ready for bed and I went to Keira's to get her ready too. I'd moved the crib back two days ago, when Logan was finally comfortable with her sleeping in another room. She slept from about ten to six and then we would have to get up again to feed her. She was a perfect baby. Not that I would've expected anything less from a child from Logan.

I went back to our room too and pulled off my clothes before joining Logan in bed. I crawled over to him and pulled him closer to me. He turned around so he could see me and looked up to meet my eyes, thinking deeply. "What's on your mind?" I asked him.

"I've been thinking" He said.

"I suppose you've had time enough for that, yes"

He chuckled. "Jerk. No, I want to try and go out tomorrow"

I raised an eyebrow. "You only want that because you want to do James and Carlos a favor"

"No, seriously. I wrote about it in that stupid diary you gave me this morning, long before I knew what they wanted. You want to read the prove?" He grabbed the book from the nightstand and opened it on the right page. He'd never let me read it before, so I was a little surprised. I decided only to check on what he said and not read anything else until I was allowed to. I read the pieces he wrote today and had to hold back tears when I read about the scars.

"Alright. I believe you. You seriously write LMK under these things?" I asked happily. He blushed deeply and bit his lip. Then my eyes fell on the last two letters of the last piece. "LK? We're not even married yet!"

"I've to get used to it sometime" He mumbled embarrassed.

"Or you just act like a teenage girl" I teased.

"I do not! I just… like your name better" He said and avoided my eyes.

"I also like my name better when you have it" I said and kissed his temple. He blushed again, but this time in delight.

We laid there in silence for a while. I was listening to his breathing and thought he'd fallen asleep when he suddenly started talking. "Kendall, what do you want?"

"You" I said immediately. I didn't even have to think about that, that was a matter of course.

"That's not what I mean. I can't work with that. You've done so much for me and I feel nauseous when I think about not doing anything back. Isn't there something you really want, but not have yet?"

"I don't need anything when I've you" I said. It was true.

He groaned. "That's very flattering, but I can't really do something with that. You already have me in every way possible. Please, think and give me something I can work with"

I thought deeply. I had him, then what would I want besides that? The first thing that came up in me was a kid, but we already had one and I definitely didn't want to go through all that again. I was done with pregnancies. The second thing I would've wished for was our own place, but we already had that too so I could scratch that. For the last few weeks I'd wanted Logan to get back to who he was before Jett happened, but he was already back to normal so that wasn't something I could ask him for either. The last thing I could think of, was something that had been pushed away because of all that happened. Something I'd wished for to happen ever since Logan agreed on giving me a change. "I want you to marry me" I said quietly. "I've wanted that ever since we first got together. It's what I dream of most. With all that happened I didn't even dare to think about it anymore, since it wouldn't happen anytime soon. I want it so badly, Logie"

He pushed me down and climbed on top of me. He rested his head on my shoulder. "I'll marry you the moment you want me to"

"Good" I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him tighter against me. Making sure he wouldn't roll off me. "I'm still so madly in love with you, it's sick"

"I love you too" He mumbled, already half asleep.

I stroked his back softly and watched him falling asleep. When he was completely out cold, I carefully turned on my side, holding him close so he wouldn't fall. I fell asleep not long after that.

**18!*18!*18!*18!*18!*18!*18**

From that moment on everything went fast. The following day Logan and I made a walk around the Palm Woods park and talked to a few people. He was okay as long as he could hold my hand. I didn't mind. Everyone loved to see Keira and told us they would be able to babysit. We even visited Rocque Records later that day to show off with Keira to Kelly and Gustavo. The producer didn't want to admit it, but even he was falling for her charm.

In the weeks that followed we were able to do more and more stuff. I got back to work while Logan was at 2J with my mom and Keira and later alone with Keira in 1D. After two months he came back to work himself. Mom would babysit Keira. It felt great to work again, it felt like everything was normal again.

James and Carlos married on the day Keira was four months old. It was a nice ceremony and they had a great party. I was James' first man and Logan was Carlos', because it would be the other way around with our wedding. Carlos beamed for at least a week. James only had eyes for him after that, watching him mollified. I was glad about that. Everyone was happy.

I started to plan things for my own wedding. Logan helped, but said I was allowed to do everything the way I wanted to have it. He really wanted to give me that day and let my organize it the way I liked. His only wish was that he didn't want to wear a dress. I could live with that.

Keira was growing fast. She was almost twice as heavy as when she was born and her hair grew to make a halo of bright blonde curls. Logan called her his angel.

We had sex for the first time after Keira's birth when we had our five year anniversary, a month after I found out about the scars. We'd tried before, but Logan was always too scared. I tried to be patient and gentle and eventually it worked out good.

Jett's trial didn't last long. Logan witnessed and he was locked away for the rest of his life. Families of the other victems came too and thanked us for giving them the justice they'd hoped for. With that, we ended that part of our life. We were ready for the next part.

**I just realized I end a lot of my chapters with Kendall and Logan falling asleep. I don't know why... Anyway what do you think? This isn't the end. I've plans for like the next five years of their life. Maybe another baby? Their wedding of course and some more troubles. Not as heavy as this, mostly cute things. I hope you'll like it!**


	19. Dealing the aftermath

**Alright. I lied. Sort of. I do know where I want to go with this story, I just need a few random ideas to fill in the first year with Keira before I can make my work. So, please, please, PLEASE send me a PM or review and tell your idea? I really need it! Just tell me what you would like to read and then I'll try to write it!**

**Dealing the aftermath**

I woke up because of the alarm. I quickly turned it off and looked down to see if Logan was still sleeping. He was and I decided he didn't have to get up yet. We still had a few hours to get ready. Today we would do our first interview about Keira. It was the only one we would ever give, because I wanted to keep her out of the whole Hollywood business thing. She was too small and I wanted her to make her own choice about that when she was older. Logan agreed on that. The only reason we did this one was because of our contract. Apparently Griffin had something to say about that. I protested, I thought it was unacceptable he had something to say about our children, but we decided for once to just go along with it. One interview probably wouldn't do that much harm when she was still a baby.

The other reason we needed her to be there was that it was also about what happened to Logan, now six months ago. The reactions on that had been big, but most of them positive for us. Logan was grateful for that and wanted to do something back, so we decided on the interview. We wouldn't tell any details, just the red line of all that happened that day and what we dealed with after that so they could get a vague idea.

I walked into Keira's room and saw her sitting in her crib. Since last week she could sit by herself. I couldn't really believe how fast she grew. She pointed at me with one of her hands. She'd the other in her mouth, sucking on her fingers. "Prrr" She babbled. She said that quite often. I had no idea what it meant. She made that noise in all kinds of situations so I guessed it always meant something different.

"Hey, baby" I said and picked her up. "Are you hungry?"

"Prrr" She fisted my shirt. I then smelled her diaper.

"Yuck. Okay, first a clean diaper. How about that?"

She was too busy staring at my face to make the noise again. I quickly cleaned her up and didn't bother putting her shirt on. I was about to feed he baby food. With fruit and everything. She was going to make a complete mess. She only ate that for about a week and she absolutely loved it, mostly because she could stick her fingers in it and cover her all face in that stick stuff. I would have to bath her after that. Not that it didn't have to be done, she needed to get clean and neat for the interview. I was a little scared for that. She always cried when I put her in the tub. Only Logan could make her do it without her crying her eyes out. I'd watched how he did it, but when I did everything exact the same she still cried! I was suspicious she just liked him better, but then Logan pointed out she always cried when he changed her diaper. She never cried when I did it. I didn't know if I should be happy about that or not. Now I'd to change her diaper more often than he. Maybe he just lied so I would do that nasty job...

I put her in her high chair and grabbed the little pot from the fridge. She crowed in delight and stuck her hands out. "Open up, Keke" I said and opened my own mouth. She followed my example and parted her lips for the spoon. Half of the mouthful spilled over her lips again, but she smacked happily.

"You're making a mess, baby girl. You're daddy will be very mad if he finds out, but don't worry. I won't tell him" She opened up again and stared at me with her wondering brown eyes. I gave her another bite. By the end I could see the bottom of the pot, more of the content was spread out over her face and chest than actually in her stomach. She'd very much fun and I loved seeing her laugh, but then I imagined Logan's disapproving face and decided it was time for her bath. I picked her up and started to walk to the bathroom. I was halfway there when she threw up on my shoulder.

"Keira! Yuck!" I whined. I felt some of it sliding under my shirt down my chest and back. Now I had to shower too. Great. We had time, but not that much time. If I had to clean her up and than myself, there was no way Logan could shower and then he would kill me. "Now see what you do. Always causing problems. You're lucky I love you" I mumbled to Keira. She looked at me curiously. I then got an idea. I managed to get out of my clothes without putting her down and turned on the shower. I undressed her too and then stepped into the cabin with her. I made sure the water wasn't too warm and then carefully put her under the running water. She squirmed a bit, but didn't cry and rested her head on my chest. I was flabbergasted. She liked showering. No, that was an understatement. She loved it. I didn't see her so calm often, pretty much only when she was asleep. I washed the baby fruit of her face and stomach and then cleaned myself. She whined when I took her from under the water to wash myself so I hurried and put her back. I decided to stay in the shower longer. Keira was slumbering against me chest. It was a great father-daughter bonding moment.

The door opened. "Logie?"

"Yes" He said back.

"Come join us" I said. It was met with silent and then realized how that must have sounded. "Me and Keira"

He chuckled. "Sure" Two minutes later he stepped in behind me. I placed my free arm around his waist. He was stunned too. "She likes it" He said.

"Yeah" I smiled down at my now half sleeping daughter.

"How did you come up with this?"

"She made a mess of her breakfast again, so she needed to get cleaned up anyway, but then she threw up all over me. Now we both needed a shower and here we are"

"It's very effective"

"Here you hold her. She's getting heavy" Logan took her from me. She woke up, but decided the change wasn't worth crying over and looked up at Logan. I grabbed the shampoo and washed his hair and then my own. After that I stepped out and quickly dried myself. I put on some boxers and then took Keira from Logan to dry and dress her too.

Half an hour later we were ready to go to the studio where we would be interviewed. James and Carlos were already there and watched Keira while we were taken away to give us other clothes and everything.

When we came back Kelly was holding Keira and talking baby to her. Kelly adored Keira. Keira adored Kelly. For her hair. She loved pulling on it and since Kelly didn't really mind she did it quite often.

"Dogs!" Shouted Gustavo when he appeared around the corner. "Where's the puppy?"

"I would appreciate it if you didn't call my daughter a puppy" Said Logan sharply. He took Keira from Kelly.

"You're dogs. The last time I checked it dogs get puppies" We walked into studio A and saw a photographer and his white screen. "You're first going to shoot pictures. That lady is here at four, I want to be done by then"

Taking pictures was hell. Keira started crying the moment the camera flashed and it took us minutes to get her calm again. Eventually she got used to it, but then she moved when the picture was taken and we had to do it all over again. After an hour we finally got a good picture, one where she actually smiled.

I put a very whiny and sleepy Keira in her carrier. She was asleep within minutes. I put her in Gustavo's office, the only quiet place at the moment. I waited with James and Carlos until the interviewer was done with Logan. I offered to stay with him, but her wanted to do it alone. I understood why, I just didn't like it and was worried sick. Logan would answer every question she asked him. I would've liked it to be there so I could say no to questions that where out of his comfort zone.

When he came out he gave the woman a hand and smiled at us weakly. It fooled James and Carlos, but not me.

We did the last part of the interview together. That lasted about an hour. Logan and Keira were both tired and I wanted to take them home as soon as possible. It was only five pm, but it had been an incredible long day. Keira slept during the whole ride to the Palm Woods.

I had to wake her when we walked into the apartment and decided on just giving her another bottle instead of the baby food. I didn't bother with her pj's and just put her in bed in the clothes she'd worn that day.

Logan was sitting in the living room, staring at the TV he didn't bother turning on. I sat down next to him and pulled him in my lap. He buried his face in my neck. "You okay?"

"No" His voice was muffled by my skin.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"It's just… Hard. I don't really like thinking back to it and today had been tiring. It just keeps getting up in my mind. It doesn't scare me anymore, it's just that I would rather erase it from my memory"

"It's the only interview we'll do about it. People will talk about it for a few weeks, but then no one will ever say a word about it ever again. I won't either, if you don't want me to, but you can always talk to me. You know that right?"

"Yes" He said. "Thanks, Kendall"

"You're welcome, sweetie"

"Can we take a nap?"

"Sure" I slowly brought us to a lying position and wrapped my arms around him tightly. He fell asleep in ten minutes. I loved watching him sleep so I didn't exactly mind I had nothing to do with that. I closed my eyes and rubbed his back slowly while I lost myself in thoughts. I remembered I had to send Jo a mail back. She left the Palm Woods a month ago. She had a really hard time dealing with all of this. Her show stopped because of what Jett did and she had no other work left. She hated herself for not noticing what Jett did and having his baby. At first she wanted to have an abortion, but Camille talked her out of that. Telling her she couldn't just kill an innocent baby for what his dad had done. Now she decided on adoption. She didn't want the baby herself and I could really understand that. I wouldn't have wanted the baby either. So she decided to live with her parents in North-Carolina and come back when she gave birth to try to get a new job.

Only a week ago I got a message from the prison where Jett was kept that he had hardcore mental problems. I wasn't really surprised. It would have been much worse if it turned out he did all of that in full sanity. I didn't tell Logan. He didn't need to know.

I also still hadn't told him about the nightmares I had in the last months of his pregnancy and the ones I had when he was gone. He didn't need to know this either. It would only scare him more and we were doing so well now. It was not like he would ever get pregnant again. I really hoped that. I didn't think I would be able to handle another one and the chance to loose Logan was too big. I couldn't have that. I was kind of sad about that, I'd always wanted a big family since I never had one, but I guess we could find other ways. Deep in my heart a little voice screamed at me that that would never be the same as a baby that was ours. A child that had both of our genes. That would resemble both of us in more than one way. So I was at the moment tending to just staying with the three of us. We were doing good now and I didn't really want to risk it by taking in an adopted child. I knew that if Logan wanted it, I would go along instantly, but I kinda hoped he would never start about another baby. I would do everything to prevent another pregnancy, and if he didn't start about adoption himself I wouldn't bring it up. I would learn to live with it.

**I know I said I would update One of us, but I'm just lazy. I know exactly what I want, I just can't bring myself to writing it down. I promise I'll give my best tomorrow. Please help me with ideas for my story? I can really use some and even if they completely don't fit the story, they'll always give me inspiration. I would really appreciate it! **


	20. Something different?

**Something different?**

"I'm exhausted. I'm so glad I'm living with your mom, Kendall. This way Carlos and I come home and there's a nice dinner on the table. Have fun cooking it yourself" I said grinning. I gave Carlos a hand and together we walked away. I could imagine Logan rolling his eyes.

I heard footsteps behind me, when I turned around I could see it was Kendall. "Keira" He explained and followed us to 2J.

We walked in, Katie and Mama Knight were already sitting at the table, dinner all ready. Yeah, nothing better than coming home from rehearsal and getting free food from the woman that was already more of a mother to me than my own.

"Hi. Thanks for watching Keira, mom" Kendall said, he picked up his daughter who was watching Bert and Ernie on the tv. She whined when he carried her away from it.

"You're welcome, honey. I love to do it. You want some food for dinner? I understand you and Logan are to tired to make it yourself"

"We're good, mom. We'll do it ourselves" He answered. Carlos and I sat down at the table.

"Yeah, go do it yourselves" I said happily. I still felt good about not having to cook my own dinner.

"Will do, James. Unlike you, I'm going to get laid tonight. While you've to wait until mom and Katie are gone. I'm very willing to cook my own dinner for that" He said smugly. Ouch. I should've seen that one coming. "Bye mom!" He yelled and left quickly.

After Kendall left, dinner was a bit awkward. Katie was desperately trying not to laugh, while mama Knight was looking extremely uncomfortable. Kendall did not just reveal he and Logan were going to have sex tonight, he also told his mom my biggest problem about living with her. I loved her and Katie and was totally not ready to live on my own with Carlos, away from my friends -and the nice pool. I would never want to leave if Kendall, Logan and Keira were still here, but sex was a real problem. Carlos wasn't really happy about it too, but he was keeping up better than me.  
>"Katie, why don't we go out tonight?" Asked Mrs. Knight suddenly. Carlos choked on his water. I would've done the same, if I'd had anything in my mouth. I knew exactly what she was insinuating.<br>Katie was trying even harder to keep her face blank. "Sure mom"  
>"Great" Mama Knight smiled and went back to eating her dinner. When we were all done, Mrs. Knight and Katie got ready to go. Carlos'd fled as soon as he could leave the table without being rude and I was sitting on the couch, very uncomfortably, pretending to watch the news.<br>"Bye James" Yelled Katie. Mama Knight shook her head and followed her daughter.  
>"Thanks" I said awkwardly, when she was about to close the door.<br>"You're welcome" She said friendly and closed the door behind her. I sighed and got up to see how Carlos was doing.  
>"They're gone" I said when I walked into our room.<br>"Kay" He answered without looking up from his laptop.  
>"What'cha doing?" I asked him and went to sit next to him on our bed.<br>"Looking at the list" His voice revealed nothing, but I knew for a fact he was sad.  
>"I see. I guess nothing changed?"<br>"We moved one place up. We're now number 43"  
>I sighed. "In this pace we'll reach the top when we're thirty. If we're lucky"<br>"I know" He said softly. He still wasn't looking at me. I placed my hand on the upper side of the laptop and pushed it down before taking it off his lap and putting in on the night stand.  
>"We'll get one, eventually" I told him. "Don't worry too much about it"<br>"How can I not. We're on that list for six months now, James. Six months"  
>"I know, but they don't just fall off trees, do they? And do you remember what that lady told us? It sometimes takes years before couples get chosen"<br>"I don't want to wait years. We were ready six months ago, why should we've to wait? It's not fair"  
>I smiled sadly and leaned against the headboard of our bed. I patted on the mattress next to me. Carlos came closer and leaned on my side, I placed my arm around his waist. "I know it's not fair, baby, but there's not really something we can do about it. People have to choose us for their child. The higher we climb, the more people that see us and the bigger chance we have. But we're young, we're famous and we're guys. All those things won't really work in our advantages"<br>He chuckled. "So you say we should be old, invisible ladies? Those aren't really good for adoption either, James"  
>"I would still loooooooooove you if you were an old, invisible lady" I said and kissed his cheek.<br>"Charming" He rolled his eyes.  
>"You know it. You're flattered, just admit it"<br>"Maybe" He smirked and pecked me, before crawling off the bed again.  
>"Is that all I get?" I pouted. "Just a peck? Great way to say you love me too"<br>He let out a fake gasp. "Who made you believe I love you?"  
>"You did!"<br>"Did not!"  
>"You don't love me? Than why the hell are we married?"<br>"... because?"  
>"You only want me for the money" I said and crossed my eyes.<br>"Let's don't forget the looks" He added.  
>I smirked. "The money AND the looks? Lucky me"<br>"Yup. And I might like you with passion"  
>"I guess that's all I get for the day, isn't it?"<br>"You could watch a movie with me and then do things that aren't allowed for Mrs. Knight's and Katie's eyes to see"  
>"I like that thought. I suddenly don't mind anymore you only 'like me with passion'"<br>"Yeah..." He smirked sheepishly. "If you come now, I'll tell you what I really think"  
>"I'm in" I answered immediately and jumped off the bed. He shrieked when I picked him up and threw him over my shoulder.<br>"JAMES! Put me down!" He shouted and slammed his fist on my back.  
>"Nope" I popped the 'p'. I carried him to the living room and dropped him on the couch. "What movie are we gonna watch?" I asked when I sat down next to him.<p>

"I get to pick one since you were mean to me" He said and got up from the couch, but before he could walk to the drawer with movies, I hooked a finger behind his belt loop and pulled him back.

"Not so fast, mister" He fell back in my lap. "What can I do to make it up to you?" I wrapped my arms around his waist and nibbled on his neck.

"You could let go of me and let me pick a movie" He said sternly and pulled my arms away. I'd the intention to forget about his hate against cuddling. I'd no idea where that came from, it was like he touched me more often when we were still friends than now that we're actually married. He just didn't like it at all. It made me sad, but I never gave up. I tried to hug him at least four times a day, but he just didn't let me. Sometimes he did let me, but that was mostly when he was really tired or after sex. The times he really let me hug him without such a reason was when I really begged for it. I wasn't going to beg for it all the time.

Carlos'd picked a movie –Mr. Beans Holiday- and sat down on the opposite side of the couch. I sighed and leaned back against the couch. I watched the movie silently. Carlos quickly relaxed and laughed regularly about the funny things he did. It didn't seem all so funny to me now.

Halfway the movie I was falling asleep. I'd changed to a lying position and was really struggling with keeping my eyes open, so I decided to just close them.

Only minutes later it seemed the movie was over. I was about to get up when I felt a solid weight sitting down next to me. I could tell it was Carlos from his scent and… he was just the only other person in the apartment. He lay down next to me and draped my arm around his waist. I decided on not telling him I was awake and just enjoy this as long as it lasts.

I woke up again in the middle of the night. Carlos was still cuddled up to me on the couch, but my back and side were aching and I really couldn't keep lying in this position any longer. I carefully sat up slightly and stepped over Carlos on the ground. I gently picked him up, trying not to wake him up and brought him to our bedroom. I removed his socks and jeans and thanked god he was a heavy sleeper. I undressed too and lay down besides him before pulling up the covers. After making sure he was fully covered and comfortable I scooted closer and put my head next to his on his pillow. "I love you, baby cakes" I whispered and closed my eyes again.

**Okay. This was crap. I just had to upload something, after a WEEK. I'm never that late… Please forgive me? I'm having a really hard time, going back to school and dancing and all and it's just not working out as I hoped. Oh well, what do you think? Like the way I'm going? The next one is going to be a Kogan, but I thing you know where I'm going with this now! Hope you like it;)  
><strong>


	21. It's important

**It's important**

"I'm exhausted. I'm so glad I'm living with your mom, Kendall. This way Carlos and I come home and there's a nice dinner on the table. Have fun cooking it yourself" James said grinning. He gave Carlos a hand and together they walked away. Logan rolled his eyes and opened the door of 1D. It was always like this after rehearsal.

"They're just lazy. I've fun cooking dinner with you" He said.

I smiled and kissed him quickly. "I'll get Keira. Don't start without me" I said and went to get my daughter from her babysitter. Better known as my mom.

I walked in and saw James, Carlos, mom and Katie already sitting at the table while Keira was seated on the ground in front of the TV, watching Sesame Street. "Hi. Thanks for watching Keira, mom"

"You're welcome, honey. I love to do it. You want some food for dinner? I understand you and Logan are to tired to make it yourself"

"We're good, mom. We'll do it ourselves" I said and picked Keira up. She started whining, because she could no longer watch Bert and Ernie.

"Yeah, go do it yourselves" Said James happily. He still felt good about not having to cook his own dinner.

"Will do, James. Unlike you, I'm going to get laid tonight. While you've to wait until mom and Katie are gone. I'm very willing to cook my own dinner for that" I said smugly. James face dropped. Katie laughed and mom looked disapprovingly, but also uncomfortable. I guess it wasn't really funny for a mom to know that her son is going to have sex tonight. Oops.

"See you later!" I said quickly and walked out again. Keira was looking up at me, interested. "You don't understand that yet" I told her. She giggled and stuck her hand out to my hair, before I could stop her she was pulling on it hard. "Ah! Keira, don't. That hurts" I said and tried to free my poor hair from her grasp. It worked and I now held her a little lower so she couldn't reach there anymore. I stepped into the elevator and Keira started whining again. It wasn't a 'I'm bored and you didn't let my play with your hair' kind of whine. It was more a 'I'm hungry, need food' cry, but that didn't exactly describe it either. Logan was a lot better in this than I was, and I decided to just let her suck on my finger like he always did so she would shut up. I waved my hand in front of her face. "You want a finger?" I cooed. She stuck both of her hands out and wrapped the little hands around my ring finger. She put it in her mouth. I was glad she was satisfied now. The elevator dinged and the doors opened again. Everything was quiet in the hallway on the first floor and I didn't expect anything to happen, until I felt a sharp pain. In my finger. "Ouch! Since when do you bite!" I pulled my finger out of her mouth fast and saw one little tooth in her gums on the underside of her mouth. I started grinning again. She got a tooth and bit with it. It was a bit of a bummer she bit MY finger, but my baby girl bit. And hard, for that matter. I was proud.

I opened the door of 1D and walked in, still smirking widely. "Logan!" I yelled. "Where are you?"

I heard him running out of our bedroom into living room. He appeared in front of me only a second later. "What's wrong? Is she hurt?" He asked worriedly.

"No. I mean, she might be hurting, but that's not the point. She has a tooth!"

"Seriously?" He said enthusiastically. He turned to Keira and carefully pried her lips apart. "How did we not notice?"

"I don't know! But I gave her my finger because I thought she was hungry and then she bit me!"

"How can you be so happy about the fact she bit you?" He asked unbelievably.

"Don't worry, I like it better when you bite me"

He blushed. "Perv"

"You know it" Keira started whining her 'my single tooth hurt!' whine again. "Do we have a bread crust?"

"Yeah. We need to get a teething ring tomorrow, we can't let her suck on crusts all the time"

"That's okay. What's for dinner?"

"Curry. Can you start? I was just checking my mail. I got one from my parents" He said, still surprised about it, but also suspicious and even a little happy.

"Sure, sweetie. Go ahead" He smiled and kissed me quickly before going back to our room where his laptop was.

I took Keira to the kitchen to put her in her chair and give her something she could bite on. She gladly put it in her mouth. I started to work on our dinner with slicing chicken.

He came back after five minutes and I instantly saw something was wrong. He was hiding his face for me by staring at the floor. He said nothing and just started working on the curry. I watched how he did everything automatically. Normally he would never accept anything less than perfect, but now his paprika wasn't as neatly cut as always. His mixed up the amount of water and he just wasn't here with his thought. I'd no idea what was in that e-mail, but it was certainly not something I liked.

When everything was done and only had to be warmed he disappeared to our room again. I was really getting worried. I took Keira from her chair and carried her with me to mine and Logan's bedroom. He was lying over the length of our bed staring up at the ceiling. I closed the door and put Keira on the ground. She immediately crawled away from me to something she thought was interesting –the mirror.

I sat down next to my fiancée and placed a hand on his belly, rubbing softly. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

He frowned. "They want to visit. Both of them"

"Wait, what? Your parents? I'd no idea they were still alive" I said stunned.

Logan decided to ignore my latter remark. "Yeah"

"And they want to come now?" I asked angrily. Rage was quickly building inside of me. Forgive me, but I didn't really like my future parents in law. "They didn't even come when you were missing! They didn't come to see their granddaughter and now, nine months later, they want to visit?"

"Dad says it's important"

"Yeah, of course! For him!"

"Kendall…" He warned.

"I'm not even going to lie about it. I don't really like your parents Logan, I'm sorry"

"I understand, and at the moment I don't like them that much either, but they're my parents, Kendall. I expect you to at least try and be nice to them"

"I'll try, but won't guarantee anything. I don't really care how important it is, I don't really see how their own son isn't important"

"I'm important to them! Just not-"

"Important enough to visit when you're missing or depressed or see their grandchild? What is the last time Joanna called anyway?"

"Mom called… recently"

"Define recently"

"Three months ago" He said quietly. "I just want to see them, okay?"

I sighed and lay down besides him. "You can, they can stay here of course. I just don't want you to expect anything major from them"

He kissed my cheek. "Thanks Kendall. Don't worry so much about me"

"That's never going to stop happening, you know that" I said and again realized how true that was. I couldn't believe he wasn't tired of my protectiveness yet. We lay there for a while, listening to Keira who was still playing with the mirror. "Logan, what's your father's name?" I asked when I realized I'd no clue. See, that's how well I knew Mr. Mitchell, who I'd met only once in my life. When I was eight.

Neither of us had seen Joanna since the last time she visited on mother's day. I kinda sorta liked her, she was nice and she actually loved Logan, she just loved her work more.

"Logan"

"Oh. I didn't even know you were named after him. I wouldn't know the first thing about him, you never talk about them. Hey, why don't you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Why don't you talk about your parents?"

"You never asked and I don't really like doing it. It makes me realize I don't really have much to say about them, since I know them just as well as you do" He sounded bitter. It was really sad if you didn't know your own parents at all.

"Where's your dad working on again?" I asked to change the subject.

"Something with medicines. I've no clue, but it's important research"

"And what did they say in the e-mail? Any hint that could tell us what's so important they finally come and visit us?"

"Nope. Just that it was important"

"Hmm. And do they know about Keira?"

"Mom does. Last time I spoke to her she actually asked about Keira. I don't know if dad knows. I think he does, since it was all over the news and kind of impossible to miss out on. But we're talking about my dad here, so I don't know. Mom might have told him, maybe he actually listened"

"Your father sucks"

"I know"

"When do they come anyway?"

"They arrive at LAX tomorrow, but they'll be here the day after"

"Saturday, okay. We should go eat"

"Yeah" He got up and stuck out his hand for me. I grabbed it and let him pull me up. Keira crawled towards us and I picked her up. Back in the kitchen I put her back in her chair while Logan cut some fruit for her. She could eat bananas.

We ate quickly and brought Keira to bed. We cuddled up on the couch and tried to watch a movie, but Logan distracted me to much. Turns out I wasn't the only one who wasn't focusing on the movie. Not even a quarter into it he turned around and started kissing my neck. "How about we just skip the movie and make love now?"

"I totally agree" I answered and slipped my hands under his shirt. He moaned quietly and bit down in my neck. I felt myself hardening quickly and pulled him closer, making him straddle me. "You know it has been five days since the last time right? We normally don't even skip one day"

"Five days, seriously? I haven't even noticed" He kissed up to my ear and sucked on the lobe. "Normally you would just molest me in my sleep"

"You were tired, I couldn't just do that" I moved my hands down to his ass. He moaned when I massaged his cheeks.

"Guess I've something to make up for" He whispered and kissed over my jaw to my mouth.

"Yeah, you do" I breathed out before kissing him fiercely. I flipped us over and smirked when he pouted.

"I wanted to be on top" He whined. But he didn't seem to bothered, he wrapped his legs around my waist and pulled me down so he could kiss me again. His fingers tangled in my hair when I nibbled on his bottom lip. He opened up with another moan and pulled my hair. I growled and invaded his mouth with my tongue, not even bothering with fighting for control. I would win anyway.

"I might let you on top. Later. Now I need to defeat my worst enemies called shirt, pants and boxers"

He giggled. "Then get rid of them" He unhooked his legs from my waist. He attacked my neck again. I was glad he wore a button up so he didn't have to stop. I quickly opened his shirt and pulled it off his shoulders. I leaned down to kiss him again and placed my hands on his stomach. His skin was smooth again. You could still see the scars, but no longer feel them. I was very, very happy about that. I moaned when he started sucking on my collar bone and moved my hands down to his jeans. I popped the button and pulled the zipper down. He'd to stop his assault on my shoulders when I yanked it of his legs. He stopped me when I wanted to go for his briefs. "You strip first"

"Little prude, Logie?" I asked when I got off him and pulled my shirt over my head and my jeans down my legs.

He smirked. "No, just want you naked"

"Fair enough"

I was about to pull my boxers down when he stopped me again. "Bedroom?"

"Might be a good idea" I said. I lifted him off the couch bridal style, leaving our clothes shattered on the floor. In the bedroom I set him down on the ground and lay down on the bed. He was confused and raised an eyebrow at me. "I thought you wanted on top?"

He grinned and came over after finally pulling down his boxers. He pulled mine down and straddled me after. I put my hands on his hips and stroked up and down his sides while he went down on my neck again. I moaned loudly when he bit down on the same spot as earlier, which was still sensitive and sent sparks down my spine. I could feel his smirk. He moved lower to my collar bone and softly nibbled on the skin there. He moved down further, kissing every inch of skin he passed and traced my abs with his tongue, making me whine in need. His hands that had been following his mouth came dangerously close to where I wanted to have them, but then moved down my thigh. "Logan…" I whimpered.

He chuckled and kissed down my happy trail until he reached the base of my erection and then pulled away. He grinned at me and I glared back, wanting him to go on. My angry face quickly faded when I felt his hand wrapping around me and pumping torturously slow. He leaned down again and took the tip in his mouth, sucking gently before taking more of me in and swirling his tongue around the head. I didn't even notice his hands leaving my skin, because he started bobbing his head. He moaned around my erection, sending awesome vibrations that made me almost cum already. He hollowed his cheeks and sucked harshly, making my cry out in pleasure. "God, Logie, stop. I don't wanna end this yet" I managed to say when I felt the familiar heat boiling up in the pit of my stomach.

He pulled off and crawled up so he could kiss me. He sat up in my lap and reached over to the bed side table drawer to get a condom. He carefully wrapped it around my penis before guiding it to his entrance. "Logan, you're not prepared"

He smirked. "I did it myself"

"And you didn't even let me watch? Damn yououou" I moaned the last word. He was slowly easing himself down. I grabbed his hips to steady . We were both panting by now. When he was fully seated in my lap he waited a few minutes before moving. He placed his hands on my chest to brace himself, before moving up a bit and slamming down on me. He bit his lip to keep himself from crying out and did it again, soon finding a steady pace. I wondered why I didn't let him do this more often. This was a real nice change, I was only missing one thing. Closeness.

I made him stop and he looked slightly offended. I smiled and sat up so I could take him in my arms. He hooked his legs around my waist and his arms around my neck, before starting a slow pace. I kissed him lovingly and hit his prostate. His head fell back, his mouth was wide open in an inaudible moan and he sped up his pace. His head fell on my shoulder and one last thrust later we both fell over the edge. Logan clung onto me tightly until he came down from his high and then climbed off me. He took a few tissues and cleaned his stomach and then mine. The condom ended up in the trash can.

Logan tiredly lay down in bed and curled up into a ball. I got behind him, pulling him closer and placing a kiss on his ear. "I love you, sweetie"

"I love you too" He whispered, already half asleep, but conscious enough to snuggle closer. I stroked his stomach until I fell asleep as well.

**And another chapter ended with them falling asleep. How boring. I'm too predictable… Hoped you liked it, tell me?**


	22. Chosen

**Chosen**

"James! James! We're on place ten!" Carlos came jumping into the room, he was gloating.

"No way!" I yelled and ran up to him, lifting him up and spinning him around. "That's amazing!"

"I know!" He said and stood on tip toe to kiss me. He pulled me into a hug –that's a first- and placed his head on my shoulder, sighing satisfied. I stroked his hair with one hand and put the other on his hip.

I saw Mrs. Knight and Katie looking at us weirdly and flashed them a smile. They now seemed to question my sanity, but I couldn't care less.

The top ten. That meant people that wanted to give their child up for adoption would see us as one of the first ten. More people would consider us as future parents for their child and the more chance we got to actually get a kid, like we've wanted for a while. We even got married for it. From the moment Keira was born we knew we wanted one too. I was pretty jealous of Kendall and Logan. It was so easy for them. Well, not easy, I still have nightmares about Logan giving birth, but they just have to say 'Hey, let's make another baby' and nine months later they would've another one.

But I understood Kendall probably won't ever let it happen again. No way he would put Logan in any kind of danger, physically or emotionally. They both have been pretty distant for the past three weeks. Logan didn't talk much and Kendall was constantly looking at him worriedly when we were at the studio. This had been going on ever since his parents had come to visit, but they never told me and Carlos what happened that day. I was pretty offended. I mean, we've been each others best friends for our whole life, we always told each other everything. Why not now? Then again, Carlos and I didn't tell them about the whole adoption thing… Maybe they found out and are punishing us for not telling them. That didn't make sense though, Kendall would do such a thing, Logan wouldn't go along with it.

"Care to explain what you're talking about?" Katie asked impatiently. She clearly had been waiting for more explanation.

Carlos looked up at me, but I shook my head. If we were going to tell anyone, we should tell Kendall and Logan first. Not Kendall's family. "Not yet. I'm sorry" Carlos said pitiful.

They shrugged and went back to what they were doing while I grabbed Carlos' hand and pulled him to our bedroom. The laptop was still on the bed and I quickly went over, looking at the e-mail that said we were now getting closer to the top. I didn't really believe it could go this fast. I mean, that lady told us we might have to wait years, but we've only been on the list for a little over ten months.

Carlos was still beaming while he crawled on the bed too and put his head on my shoulder. "When are we going to tell?" He asked.

"I don't know, but I figured we should tell our friends first. We owe them that much"

He grimaced. "They've been keeping things from us as well, did you notice?"

"I did. I thought it must have something to do with Logan's parents"

"My thoughts exactly. I hate it when they keep things from us. We always tell them every-" He stopped talking. "Right. We keep things hidden too"

"I think we should wait with telling them about the adoption thing until we actually get chosen. To avoid disappointment and all" I said. Carlos nodded. He smirked and pushed my down on the bed, after placing the laptop on the nightstand he crawled over me. I put a hand on the back of his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. Kissing Carlos was the most wonderful feeling in the world. There was this fire, I could only compare it to the wildfires in Australia when it's hot there. It was such an intense feeling. I moved my hands from his neck down to his waist and sneaked my hands under his shirt, tracing his abs with my fingers. Carlos lowered his hips and grinded down at me, making me moan and digging my nails in his stomach. He moaned too and sat up to pull my shirt off, following his own shirt that was already on the ground. Seriously, when did that happen?

"Seeing as how you're literally attacking me" I said while he was kissing down my neck to my pulse point. "It's your turn to top, isn't it?"

Carlos nodded and bit down gently, sucking on the skin between his teeth. I placed my hands on his hips and rubbed up and down his sides, loving the feeling of his muscles tensing under my touch. It was always like this. It was a rhythm. We would have sex and I would top, three or four days later, we would make love again, with Carlos as the top. Then, I would have to wait about ten days before Carlos would want to do it again. Simply, because he didn't like bottoming. That's what he said. When I started comparing the times we slept together, I figured out he always liked it better when he was bottoming. And I had no clue why, since he said he didn't like it. Every time I asked him about it, he brushed it off someway and left me as clueless as ever. So I gave up and just decided to enjoy times like this.

My jeans had come off sometime ago and so were Carlos'. I pulled his chin up and kissed him lovingly, longingly. He moved back just as eagerly while one of his hands searched in the bedside table drawer for lube. He found it and moved back slightly to apply some on his fingers. He closed the bottle and leaned down to kiss me again while his other hand traveled down to my entrance. I opened my legs a bit wider when he pulled in the first finger and moaned in his mouth. His other hand got up to my face and cupped my cheek, stroking my skin softly with his thumb. He pushed in a second finger and started working me open.

After another few minutes of preparing me he pulled his fingers out and grabbed a condom from the drawer. Before Logan got pregnant, we didn't use protection all the time. Sometimes we forgot, or just don't felt like using it, but ever since he got pregnant we had made some unspoken agreement to always use protection. We were pretty sure we were both dudes, but still… I didn't feel much like finding out I was part girl and could make babies. Neither did Carlos. Not that we didn't want a kid, we wanted one very badly, but not in that way. If it was less dangerous… then maybe. But what was I thinking about? I was a guy and so was Carlos, it was impossible to create a baby of our own.

I moaned when Carlos pushed inside of me and he quickly stifled it with his mouth. Right, Mrs. Knight and Katie were still in the apartment. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him tighter against me, wanting to feel more of his skin against mine since it was one of the few moments he allowed it. I kissed him desperately while he thrust into me, hitting my sweet spot every time. "Jamie…" Whined Carlos softly. He buried his face in the crook of my neck while keeping up his pace. My body suddenly felt a few degrees warmer. I loved it when he called me that. It had some kind of affection and intimacy to it that made me swoon. Hmm. Maybe I was the girl in our relationship. It would explain why I loved to cuddle. If Carlos was the man than it also made sense he didn't like it. I'd always liked to think we were both men, but realizing this changed a lot… I had to put more thought in that.

"Fuck, Carlos! There!" I whimpered when he gave one particularly hard thrust on my prostate. He quickly covered my mouth with his own again before giving another one. My moan was effectively muffled by his kiss.

I felt myself getting closer rapidly. I took one arm from around his neck and moved it down to touch myself, but Carlos slapped my hand away and wrapped his fingers around my erection. I could tell he was close too from the erratic thrusts he made.

"Carlos" I whispered when I came. He went over the edge practically the same time and collapsed on top of me.

"I love you" He said and kissed my ear.

I pulled him tighter against me and kissed his cheek. "I love you, too, baby"

We lay there together for a while and I thought back to the reason of this celebration sex. The tenth place. Suddenly it all felt a lot closer. Hundreds of couples in whole California were now looking for a set of parents for the child they couldn't -or didn't want to- raise.

Carlos just pulled out of me when I heard voices coming from the living room. I glanced at the clock and saw it was 9 pm. A little late for a visit, but it were probably Kendall and Logan. Carlos went to the bathroom and came back with a wash cloth for me. There was a knock on our door.

"Wait a minute!" Yelled Carlos. He threw me some sweatpants and grabbed his jeans from the floor. I checked if there weren't any inappropriate fluids on the sheets while he grabbed some shirts from the closet and gave one to me, he then went to open the door.

"Can we talk?" Asked Kendall. His face had a slightly amused expression on it. "We didn't interrupt something, did we?"

"No, you missed that" I said and tried to sit up, but quickly dismissed that idea when I felt my bottom aching.

Logan turned to Kendall. "Told you so" Kendall glared at me and I raised my eyebrows, having no clue why I deserved that one. Logan noticed. "It's nothing you did. Kendall just lost a little bet" He laughed.

"A bet about what?" Carlos asked curiously.

"About who bottoms. You never told, so it's kind of a hot topic" Kendall chuckled.

Carlos shrugged. "We switch"

"Ha! So I don't lose!" Kendall grinned.

Logan rolled his eyes and sat down on the bed. "You should put a pillow under your thighs" He said and grabbed one. "Up" He put an hand under my knee and pulled my leg up so he could shove the pillow under my legs. It took some of the pressure from my but.

"Thanks" I said and smiled.

Logan smiled too and sat back in his former place. That's when I saw Kendall and Carlos were both glaring daggers at Logan and realized this was the whole 'James likes Logan so they shouldn't be anywhere near each other' thing again. Yes, I had liked Logan. Not anymore. Logan got that, but my husband and Logan's fiancée still didn't take it so well.

I beckoned Carlos over. He did and I pulled him next to me, sliding an arm around his waist. In the mean time Kendall sat down next to Logan. The brunette kissed the blonde quickly, making him relax.

"What did you wanna talk about?" I asked. The light mood instantly fell.

Logan took a deep breath. "My father died"

"What?" Carlos asked breathlessly. "But they would come to visit! What happened?"

"Yeah, well, he'd cancer and he'd been sick for a while. He wanted to come here a few months ago, but my mother didn't let him. The woman got so demanding he asked for a divorce. Long story short, they wanted to come here and explain to me what was going on, but then it got worse. The doctors didn't even have the time to give him any kind of medications. Mom told me the next day and we had a pretty big fight. The divorce never got through and she had to take care of everything, she didn't want to and wanted to make me do all the work. I didn't want that and so we ended up not talking to each other. It's not that it changes anything, they didn't really talk to me before so I don't really miss anything"

It was silent for a minute. "Wow. That's so not what I expected. I'm sorry, Logan" I said quietly. Carlos mumbled something like that too. "Didn't you want to go home for the funeral?"

"And deal with that bitch of a mother I have? No thank you. I wasn't all that close to my father anyway. It's sad I never got to see him alive anymore, but he never really put effort in seeing me, so I don't feel guilty or anything for not going. I'm alright now"

We nodded. I noticed Kendall wasn't all that sure about that. He was obviously still worried about Logan. I decided to change the subject. "How's the wedding planning going?"

Kendall's whole face lit up. "We picked a date! It's exactly two years after I proposed to Logan" He told us happily. Logan smiled a little when he heard his lover being all excited. "I chose a dress for Keira. I hope she can walk by that time, so she can bring the rings, but maybe I should make Katie carry her" He said thoughtfully. "Oh well. Suits are ready too"

"You're not going in a dress, Logan?" Teased Carlos.

"You didn't either, did you, Carly?" Snapped Logan.

"Stop it" I said. "The last time you two had this fight I ended up almost punching Logan"

Carlos smiled at the memory, clearly having no problems with that at all. Kendall didn't like thinking back to that at all, Logan grimaced.

"What do we have to wear?" I asked to change the subject again.

Kendall shrugged. "Tux"

"Noted. Anything else?"

"Ceremony is on the beach and the party is at Rocque Records. Invitations are going out soon and I bought rings" Kendall enumerated.

"You did? Why didn't you tell me?" Logan asked incredulously.

"Because you don't get to see them until the wedding" Kendall smirked.

"Not fair!"

"That's nothing. He also didn't tell you about-" I quickly put my hand over Carlos' mouth.

Logan eyed us suspiciously and then turned back to Kendall. "What else didn't you tell me?" He asked strictly.

"Nothing" Kendall said innocently. Carlos and I were the only ones that knew about Kendall's honeymoon plans. We would've to take care of Keira for a week while they went to Hawaii. Logan was such a lucky bastard.

"If you tell me I'm gonna make you feel real good tonight" Logan said and made puppy dog eyes.

"Tempting, but no. This is worth much more than one night of sex"

"This didn't work?" Logan asked unbelievably. "You can never resist the eyes, or me pushing sex into the deal, let alone both of them at the same time! I don't have any power left here!"

"It normally works. This is probably the only exception ever. It's a surprise, sweetie. It's no fun if you know"

Logan crossed his arms and pouted. "I don't like you anymore" He mumbled.

"I can live with that" Kendall shrugged. He then seemed to remember something. "Oh! We've been thinking about something lately"

"Spill" Carlos said.

"We want to move" Kendall began. "Out of the Palm Woods"

We nodded. We'd been thinking about that too. If we would be chosen for adoption, we would need more space. Now that we were on place ten, it was all getting a lot closer and we really needed another place to live. Preferably a house.

"Well, what we're trying to say. We don't want to go without you two" Said Kendall. "We've been living close to each other our whole lives and Logan and I don't want to go live some place that's an hour or more away from you. So we wanted to ask if you would come with us, if we found two house next –or really close- to each other"

Carlos looked at me and I shrugged. "Sure" He said like it was no big deal, because, seriously, it wasn't.

"Really?" Logan asked incredulously. "I thought it would take ages to persuade you to go with us"

"We've been thinking about it too" I said. "This is a perfect opportunity. When are we going to search for houses?"

"As soon as possible" Kendall said. "We want to find a place before the wedding, so we can move in right after. Would be a great new start"

I nodded and Carlos smiled. "Are we ever going to do anything alone?"

"Probably not" Kendall smirked.

Soon after that we said our goodbyes and Kendall and Logan went back to their apartment. Carlos and I got ready for bed. I got in and turned to my side, my backside still hurt a little, and Carlos got in on the other. Surprisingly he didn't stay on his own side, but came closer and pressed his back against my chest. I smiled in the dark and put an arm around his waist. "I love you" I whispered. "Goodnight, baby"

"I love you too" He mumbled and snuggled a little closer. I waited until he slept before closing my eyes and drifting off myself.

**22222222222222**

I woke up the next morning, from Carlos jumping on top of me. "James! James! James!" He called. "Wake up!"

I groaned. "Why?"

"Come see!" He said ecstatic. I sighed and rubbed my eyes before sitting up. Carlos dropped the laptop in my lap and sat down next to me. "Read!" He ordered.

I tried to focus on the screen, but I just woke up and had a hard time doing so. When I could finally distinguish the different letters that formed an e-mail, I started reading what made Carlos so happy. It was a message from –for me- unknown people. From one Olivia Jenkins. Who chose us as future parents of her unborn son.

**I feel so bad. I haven't updated in two weeks. Please don't kill me. I promise I'll start on the next chapter right now, and I promise to make it a good one. I'm so sorry for giving you this crap after this long of not getting any updates at all. Tell me what you think?**


	23. Knight 2  Diamond 0

**I'm fucking hangover and have a huge headache, but… MAN WHAT A PARTY LAST NIGHT! **

**Knight 2 – Diamond 0**

It was one month after Keira's birthday. Mom had taken Keira to the pool, they would be gone for the day and James, Carlos, Logan and I would go with the broker. It were six houses, three meant for us and three meant for James and Carlos. The first two were right next to each other and so were the last two, but the second two houses were about one street apart. That wasn't really far away of course, but it was still too much for all of our liking. We still wanted to give them a change.

The first two houses weren't at all what we were looking for. The rooms were small and had very few windows. When Logan detected mold in what would be our house we were done looking and went to the next location, the houses that were apart from each other. Our place was nice, but I didn't like how everything was dark in here. Dark floor, dark walls, dark doors. Every room was separated from the others with a door, while we rather wanted a place that had kitchen and living room in one place. When James and Carlos said the house they would get was too small, we were done here as well.

I was getting desperate. This happened every time. We would get to see three or four houses, but none of them was what we were looking for. I really hoped we would find something in the next neighborhood.

It was even better than I hoped. We drove into the street and it immediately felt good. The houses and garden in front all looked nice and inviting and most of all child friendly. We stopped before two fairly big houses with verandas. The left one was light yellow and the other a light color gray.

"Alright. The left one is slightly bigger, so I suggest Mr. Knight and Mr. Mitchell go look in there. I'll show Mr. and Mr. Diamond the other one first. Follow me, gentlemen" Mrs. Scavo and led James and Carlos away from us. It was still weird to hear someone call Carlos 'Diamond'. I just wasn't used to it yet. He officially went by Garcia-Diamond, but it was just easier to call them both with one name. I was glad Logan decided to take on my last name.

Logan was already smiling, just by looking at this house. I put my arm around his waist and together we walked to the door. The inside was just as perfect as the outside. It was all light wood and white or creamy walls. Right in front of the front door where the stairs. Left was a dining room and in the back I saw a door that probably led to the downstairs bathroom. On our right was the kitchen and after that was an open space, what would be a living room when there was furniture. I could already see myself living here. It was large, there was nothing that could hurt Keira and it was right next to our friends.

After we explored the first floor thoroughly we went upstairs. The first room on the right had a view on the front yard and the road. It had two windows and was perfect for Keira. The room across from this one was a bathroom with a bahttub. The floor had black and blue tiles. The door next to this one was a large walk in closet, that could be a bedroom if you took the shelves out. The last room on this side was the master bedroom, which had it's own bathroom –without bath, damn it. Eventually the last room was another bedroom, that had the same size as Keira's.

That was the moment the front door opened. "Hello?" Yelled Carlos.

"Coming!" I shouted back. Logan and I went downstairs again and saw James and Carlos standing in the hall, looking around curiously and pleased.

"Like it?" James asked.

"Yes. It's great" I said and Logan nodded.

"We like it too" Carlos said with a smile. "We've three bedrooms"

"Three and a walk in" Logan said and stuck is tongue out.

"We've a bath in the bathroom attached to the master bedroom" Carlos said.

"We've a bath as well" Logan told him.

"Not in your bathroom, do you?"

"… No…"

"Ha! I win!" Carlos made happy dance and Logan rolled his eyes.

James and I exchanged looks, but we silently not decided to say anything about how childish or feminine that conversation had been. "So we all like these houses? Does that mean we are done looking and buy these?" I asked. Logan nodded and so did James and Carlos after looking at each other for a moment. I grinned. "Great"

Mrs. Scavo came in again and we told her we wanted to buy these houses. She gave us the forms and we went back to the Palm Woods to go and take care of these things there. Logan and I spent some time at 2J, talking things over and went home after dinner. Mom would bring Keira in an hour so the two of us still had a little alone time.

"Shower?" Logan asked innocently.

I didn't even answer, just pulled him towards the bathroom and tried to undress him while walking. I turned the shower on while Logan went on where I stopped and pulled his clothes off. He walked past me and stepped in the cabin and I couldn't get rid of my clothes faster. I got in too and didn't even take the time to get wet. I trapped him in the corner of the shower and kissed him needy. He moved back with me and put his arms around my neck. I let my hands travel down his sides towards his ass.

"Kendall, we can't" He panted.

"Why not?" I asked while I kept kissing down his neck. "You started it"

"I know, but- Oh, fuck it" He used his hand in my hair to pull me in for a kiss, but I didn't let him. I placed my hands on either side of his waist on the wall, effectively holding him in place.

"No, what's on your mind?"

"It's nothing, Kendall. It's too soon anyway"

"You can tell me anything"

"Not this. You're freak out. Drop it, I'm not going to tell you now. It's too soon and definitely not the moment"

"We pretty much had everything already. I stayed when James kissed you. I stayed when you got pregnant. I stayed when Jett happened and I stayed when you were a total wreck. There's absolutely nothing that will make me leave you. What makes you think this is different?"

"It just is, okay! I'll tell you later on. Trust me for once!"

"I don't like this, Logan"

"I'm aware"

I glared at him. Why couldn't he just tell me? I won't leave him. I needed him too much. I always told him everything. Alright, maybe not about the nightmares, but he didn't need to know how I saw him dead every night for three months.

"Do you mind letting me go?" He asked coldly. I then realized I was still trapping him in the corner of the shower. He sounded all tough, but I could see the fear in his eyes. I dropped one of my arms and let him walk past me. I waited until I heard the bathroom door shut before turning the shower off and changing into my clothes.

When I walked back into the living room, Logan was sitting on the couch, reading some kind of medical book about toddlers. He ignored me, so I did the same and went to our bedroom. I prepared myself for a sleepless night and checked the battery of my iPod –full. That would work all night.

I was halfway Maroon 5's first album when I heard my mom coming in and then Logan getting Keira ready for bed. I heard him coming into the room and undressing, but didn't look at him until I felt him coming closer to my side of the bed sitting down on the edge. He pulled the covers up a bit and crawled underneath them, resting his head on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry" He whispered and kissed my neck. "I love you"

I pulled the earphones out and put my iPod away. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him closer to me. "I love you too, sweetie, and I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have pushed you"

"You've every right to push me. It's crazy how patient you are with me. I can't blame you if you want to know what's on my mind, but I'm a little scared to start about this, because you really won't like it, but I'll have to in a few weeks"

"There are only a few things that will make me freak out. Like you wanting to visit Jett in prison, or cheating on me, or wanting to murder someone, or wanting another baby, but none of those things will make me leave you. I hope none of it will ever happen" I stopped when I heard a whimper. He curler closer to me. "What's wrong, Logie?"

"Would you want an abortion if I was pregnant again?"

"What? No! I would make sure you never got pregnant in the first place. Is that what this is all about? Wanting another baby?"

"I kinda think we already have another one" He whispered. It was almost too soft to hear.

"What do you mean? Did you give us up for adoption without telling me about it?"

"No. I think I'm already pregnant"

"What? But how? Logan, please say you're joking, because I don't want to go though all of that again!" He let out a sob and didn't answer me. I was too caught up in my own fear to sooth him. "Did you mess with the protection we used or something?"

"No! I knew you didn't want this and I would never try to get pregnant if it wasn't a decision we made together, but I do want this baby, Kendall, whatever you do"

"I won't leave you or force you into abortion. I just hoped it would never happen again"

He whimpered again. "You don't want another baby?"

I realized that what he must have understood, not the same was what I'd meant. "No, Logie. Of course I want another baby, definitely if it's yours. I've always wanted a big family and I'm ecstatic I'm going to be father again, I just didn't want to go through what happened last time. You almost died giving birth! If it was up to me you could have any child in the world, even if you wanted forty or hundred. Just not in this way. Adoption is an option, but not this. Not when there's a chance I could loose you, 'cause I won't survive that"

"But I'm not even sure yet, so maybe we're worrying over nothing. But this time will go all different. We take the c-section and won't have to worry about Jett kidnapping me. It'll be fine. Or at least normal"

I nodded, that actually made sense. "Why did you only want to tell me in a few weeks?"

"Because I wanted to tell you when I was sure, so we didn't have to deal with all this. I've an appointment in three weeks"

"Isn't there a way we could find out sooner? Aren't there, like, pregnancy tests?"

"I don't know if they'll work for me" He chuckled. "It's worth a try"

"I'll get you one tomorrow" It was silent for a moment. "That'll look really weird"

"Yeah, maybe we should ask Camille to go for us. If you bought one the whole world immediately knows I might be expecting again"

"The same counts for Camille. I'll ask mom"

"I hope it's a boy" He said dreamily.

"Why? Another Keira would be amazing"

"Two girls will only pull each other's hair out. I like Keira's hair too much to let it be pulled out by another version of her"

"We'll have twice as much of that hair when there comes another girl. And it would only be fair. Two guys, two girls"

"So you want to do girls stuff all the time? We've to go shopping often, eat pink cake on birthdays, go to ballet and musicals, listen to Britney Spears and Jason Mraz, have flowers everywhere, have sleepovers with other girls and much, very much chick-flicks, watch them modeling clothes, hear them talk about famous guys –that might not even be a bad thing-, teach them all about periods and why they should never have sex, sort out good and bad boyfriends, walk them to the alter and that all twice as much because you wanted to have two daughters" He said all of that in one breath and looked at me skeptically.

I thought about it for a while. "I think we'll survive the first ten, maybe twelve years and then we'll just lock them in their rooms. You're going to explain Keira about menstruation by the way"

"Why me?"

"Because you're the doctor here, you gave birth to her and I've no clue how to explain it to her. I'll kill the bad boyfriends"

"Fine, I'll do it, but you're going to give her the safe sex talk"

"I don't want to! Then I rather tell her about periods!"

"Bad luck. You can prepare yourself for, let's say, twelve years"

"Twelve? That's way too short! She'll be only thirteen then! She's not going to have sex until she's twenty one!"

"I am twenty one, Kendall"

"I know. We're guys, we can do that stuff"

"Katie isn't a virgin anymore either"

"WHAT? She's sixteen! Why didn't I know about this!"

"She knew you would freak out. We were sixteen and seventeen when we had our first time"

"Again: Katie is a girl! Who stole the v-card anyway?"

"Tyler. He's actually a handsome guy now that he lost a few pounds"

"I'm gonna kill him"

"Relax, Kendall. She isn't pregnant. You're the one that knocks me up all the time"

"Yeah, but I'm allowed to"

"And why is that?"

"Because we're old"

"You mean, you're old"

"You're only a year younger!"

"Yeah…" He smiled happily.

"Just wait until we're in a elderly home. James, Carlos and I will totally bully you, because you're still 79 and have a few teeth left"

"Then I'll sit right in front of you guys and eat my PB&J sandwich while you can only eat disgusting yoghurt from 1980"

"I'll throw the yoghurt at you're head if you do that"

"Then I'll grab my stick and WALK to the shower to wash the yoghurt out of my gray HAIR while you'll be pushed in a corner with your WHEELCHAIR and pout about the fact you don't have any hair left"

"God, you're so mean. I bet we won't have sex that night"

He burst out into laughter. "As if I want to have sex with an old man!"

"You'll be an old man yourself!"

"Yeah, a younger old man!"

"That hurt, Logie. I won't have any hair or teeth, but now I can't even have a good sex life when I'm an eighty year old?"

"Nope"

"Well, you won't have one either"

"I'll totally hook up with one of the nurses"

"You're so sex crazed"

"You're so much more sex crazed then I am!"

"You sure?" I straddled him and kissed his neck.

"You just proved my point"

"I'm surprisingly much okay with that" I muttered while I moved from his neck to his lips. He kissed back and wrapped his legs around my waist, pulling me down to create some friction. "You sure we can do this?" I asked softly while nibbling on his ear shelve.

"Yeah. It won't hurt the baby. If there's one at all. Besides, when we made love when I was pregnant with Keira everything went okay"

I wasn't going to say anything about that comment. One, in the first three months we didn't have sex at all. I remember the period he practically ignored me very well. Two, everything that could go wrong went wrong, but that wasn't caused by having sex. But again, I wasn't going to say anything of it. We had those talks already.

I made quick work of preparing him and after putting on a condom I entered him a little rougher than I would've done normally, but he didn't seem to mind. He clung tightly to me and whispered sweet words in my ear while I moved in and out of him. I started stroking him when I felt myself getting closer and he kissed me when he got over the edge.

"Logie" I whimpered when I came seconds later. I pulled out and collapsed next to him. He reached out for the tissues and cleaned his stomach. He carefully pulled the condom off, tied it and threw it away together with the tissues.

I pulled him closer and kissed his hair. He snuggled closer. "I love you, Logan"

"I love you too" He said tiredly.

**23#23#23#23#23#23#23**

"It says you've to pee on it"

"I know how pregnancy tests work, Kendall, thank you. Now leave the bathroom so I can actually do that"

"I want to see what it says too!"

"So you want to see me pee? That goes a little too far, even for us. The manual says it says if you're pregnant or not after ten minutes or so. Plenty of time for me to come out and wait for the answer with you. Now LEAVE!" He pushed me out of the bathroom.

I chuckled nervously. I didn't know what I should hope for. I did want to be father again. Of course. I was actually excited for it. I was only so deadly afraid of losing Logan. The chance that would happen only got bigger if he turned out to be expecting.

Mom got here ten minutes ago to give us the test. This morning I'd gone to 2J to ask her to buy one for us. She almost screamed when I said the words. I managed to stop her just in time. The others didn't need to know yet. We weren't sure, therefore we can't tell. It might not even be true. Mom didn't really want to leave, but I promised we would eat at 2J tonight and tell her what the test said the moment we found out. She was really excited. She adored Keira and really wanted more grandchildren.

Logan came out a minute later. I put a hand on his lower back and guided him to the couch. I sat down and pulled him in my lap. Keira was sitting on the ground in front of the television, watching Spongebob. Stupid Carlos made her addicted. "I don't want to look at it" Logan said and dropped the stick in my hand. He rested his head on my shoulder. I watched the little square like screen over his shoulder and absentmindedly stroked his side.

Eight minutes and thirty three seconds later a little red plus appeared. "You're pregnant, sweetie" I whispered in his ear, not quite sure how to feel about this.

Logan was happy. He turned his head to see for himself and then kissed me the same way when he found out he was expecting Keira. I decided to act happy until I knew what I really felt. "I love you"

"I love you too, Logie"

I flinched when I felt two little hands on my knee. I forget Keira was in the room. She was standing and holding herself up on my leg. It was quite a surprise when Logan and I got into her room on her birthday and saw her standing in her crib, holding herself up on the bars. A week later she made her first steps while holding onto the coffee table. It was now one of her favorite things. She could walk around the table for hours and never get bored. "Logie?"

Logan smiled and picked her up, setting her down in his lap. I put my hand on her back so she wouldn't fall off. "What did you say, baby?" I asked. She'd been saying things for a while. Words like 'this' and 'dada'. The last was most likely a combination of 'daddy' and 'papa', but we weren't really sure about that yet, since James and Carlos were also 'dada'. They were quite pleased with that.

"Logie!" She said happily and smiled up at me.

"Who's Logie, Keira?" I asked. She just stared at me and I figured that was a little too much. She didn´t understand that yet. " What's a baby, Keke?" She looked around and then pointed to the doll Katie gave her for her first birthday. "Very good! Now there's coming a real baby. One that cries and… moves…" I said with a look at the lifeless doll. I took her hand and placed it on Logan's belly. "It's now here, but he or she'll come out to meet you. Would you like that? Meeting your baby brother or sister?"

She stared at me again. "Baby?" She asked curiously.

I'd no idea what she meant. "Yes, honey"

She frowned and looked at Logan's stomach suspiciously. She pulled her hand back from under mine and pushed mine out of the way. She pulled his shirt up a bit and crawled under it so her little head disappeared under the piece of clothing. Logan was staring down at her, having no clue what the hell she was doing, but suddenly seemed to understand and laughed. "You can't see the baby yet, Keira" I chuckled and helped her free her head from Logan's shirt.

We lunched after that and got ready to go to 2J and tell everyone about the new baby. I wondered how they would react.

**23#23#23#23#23#23#23**

For two months. Carlos and I had been so happy. We finally got chosen for adoption and it was one big dream coming true. Olivia Jenkins was a seventeen year old girl that got pregnant after having unsafe sex with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend broke up with her when he found out and after long conversations she had with her parents she decided to give the baby up for adoption. She'd been looking for a while for the best families and eventually chose us. We met her about six weeks ago and talked about how we were going to do this. Carlos and I would be there when she would give birth and take the baby boy home the moment he was allowed to go. She didn't want to see him, scared she would get attached to him and didn't want to say goodbye anymore. We'd already decided on a name. CJ. Carlos James. And were practically ready for him. He would be born in three months. Two weeks after we moved into the house and one month after Kendall and Logan's wedding. We hadn't told anyone yet. We never found the right moment to do it, but now it all didn't matter anymore.

This morning we received an e-mail that told us the whole thing got canceled. The family of the boyfriend found out about it and forbid her to give the baby away. They wanted to raise him themselves. Olivia refused at first, telling them she already took care of the whole adoption thing with us, but the boyfriend's family threatened to sue her. After Olivia had done some research, she found out that they actually had the right to do that if she gave away the baby without permission of both the parents and she no longer had a choice.

This is why I found myself lying in bed a sleeping Carlos pressed against my side and tears still rolling down my face. This was so unfair. We lost the baby. We also were taken off the list and if we put ourselves on it again, we would start at the very bottom. Place two hundred or something. It would now seriously take years before we got higher up. We'd been extremely lucky the last time, but it was all ruined now.

Carlos had cried himself to sleep about an hour ago and I was honestly happy about that. It broke my heart even more to see him this sad. Maybe this was just not meant to be. It was all so unfair.

There was a soft knock on the door. "James? Carlos? Kendall and Logan should be here any minute, are you coming?" Mama Knight asked.

"Yeah, we're coming" I said and tried not to sound like I cried. I listened to her footsteps walking away before looking down at Carlos again. "Wake up, Carlos" I said softly. He stirred and opened his eyes that immediately filled with tears when he remembered what happened. "We've to get up"

"Why?" He asked.

"Kendall and Logan are coming over for dinner and if you still don't want to tell anyone about this we've to get up and pretend like nothing is wrong" I said and whipped the new tears from his cheeks.

He nodded and sat up so I could sit up too. I got up and went over to the closet to pick out some clothes for us. Carlos said nothing while he got dressed and cleaned his face so no one would see he'd cried. I made quick work of my hair. It wasn't as perfect as it looked usually, but I just didn't feel like being pretty today.

We went into the living room and smiled at Mrs. Knight and Katie. For all they knew we had just been making out all day. I wished that was true. We sat down on the couch and Carlos sat closer to me than he would've done normally. I should've been happy about that. I put my arm around his shoulders and turned the tv on so it would look like we weren't just staring off in space.

Barely ten minutes later Logan came in, followed by Kendall who was carrying Keira. Mama Knight rushed over and took Keira from Kendall. Seeing our godchild only made this so much harder. " Keira! You grew so much!"

"You saw her yesterday!" Kendall said and rolled his eyes.

Keira smiled at her grandma. "Baby" She said and pointed at Logan. I felt Carlos freezing next to me. I stared at Logan and the only thing I thought was 'You've got to be kidding me'. This couldn't be true, right? That was just too cruel. We lost our chance of becoming parents and they got to be for the second time. They couldn't just do that to us.

But I realized they didn't know and it wasn't their fault. I looked at Kendall and saw him eyeing us. He'd definitely noticed something was off, but he didn't look so happy himself either. We all remembered what happened the last time he was pregnant and I wondered how Kendall could have let this happen. He was so scared of losing Logan and now he just knocked him up again?

Logan didn't noticed the whole exchange and was talking with Mrs. Knight about baby related stuff. He seemed pretty happy about all this. Masochist.

The whole evening was filled with tension. I saw tears forming in Carlos' eyes every time someone said the word 'baby' and I desperately tried to change the subject whenever I saw it. After dinner mama Knight went away to a book club and Katie went to Tyler. I saw that Kendall wasn't really happy about that, but he said nothing. The moment the door closer Carlos asked the question. "Why?"

"What?" Asked Logan, while we all four knew very well what Carlos was talking about.

"You almost died last time! Do you really think you can just do this? How can you be so naïve? I thought I was the stupid one here!" Carlos said frustrated.

"You're not stupid, you just don't think all the time" Kendall said. "We didn't plan this. I did everything to prevent this, but something must have gone wrong" I rolled my eyes, but Kendall ignored it and went on. "If I could decide this wouldn't have happened ever again, but it did and I'm not okay with abortion so we're keeping it"

"It'll go all different" Logan said calmly. "I'll stay in the bathroom for nine months if I have to. I take the c-section and everything will go just fin- normal"

I looked at Carlos and saw that he too still had doubts about this. I was really worried about this. Yes, I was jealous and this was like a stab in my back, but Logan was our friend and we didn't want anything to happen to him. Not only because Kendall would turn into a zombie.

We decided to let it rest for tonight and had a pretty good evening. An hour later they went home to bring Keira to bed and Carlos and I went back to our room. When we got in bed he started crying again. I rubbed his back, but I wasn't really capably of calming him down when I was crying myself.

"It's so unfair" He sobbed.

"I know, baby. I know. I promise we'll find another way. It'll be okay" I said softly and kissed his temple. He nodded and then buried his face in my chest. The last thing I heard when I fell asleep was Carlos' heartbroken sobs.

**Poor James and Carlos. I've very mixed feelings about this chapter. What do you think? A boy or a girl for Logan and Kendall? I'm sorry if this was messy, but I got a little –read: very- drunk last night, but I just had to write this. Hurray for the Dutch government for legalizing consuming alcohol at the age of 16!**


	24. Logan Knight

**This chapter is dedicated to all my amazing reviewers. For supporting and encouraging to write this and always giving me a confident boost when I needed it most. **

**So, a special thanks to DaniiluvsBTR, for giving the green light for posting this chapter and being helping me with it whenever I asked her. She'll play for Officiant today :)**

**Logan Knight**

"I'm so nervous!" I said heatedly, while pacing around my dressing room. Carlos was calmly watching me from his chair next to the door. "What if he has doubts? What if I'm standing there and he'll never come? What if that asshole of a husband of yours is hitting on him again? Oh god, what if that's true? I should-"

"Stop, stop, stop! Sit!" Carlos commanded. He sounded so strict I couldn't do anything but what he told me to do. "I'm going to check up on Logan and James. You're not allowed to see him. I'm going to kill you if they're all relaxed while we're freaking out here. Don't move!" He walked out of the room and I leaned back in my chair. I couldn't believe I was finally getting married today. Logan and I hadn't seen each other since yesterday morning. The only reason I'd slept last night was because Carlos gave me about twenty –two- sleeping pills. I really chose the right first man. Carlos is amazing.

**24$24$24$24$24$24$24**

"W-what i-i-if h-he do-doesn't want m-me an-any-anymore?" I sobbed. James was patting my head awkwardly while I was ruining his shirt with my tears.

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. He'll standing there when we come out, I promise"

"I-it's easy f-for you t-to s-say. Y-you're a-al-already m-married!"

"Yes, that's true, but remember how long Kendall has been wanting to marry you"

"7 years" I mumbled. I remembered the time he accidently said he wanted to marry me like it happened yesterday. It was right before he gave me the necklace with the heart. I still hated myself for losing it when- I wasn't going to think of that today.

We both jumped when the door opened. James smiled when he saw Carlos. "Kendall is freaking out and wanted me to check if you were still here" He explained.

"You're not allowed to tell him I was crying" I commanded.

Carlos grinned. "I won't. Might be good if I go back now. Kendall and I are up in five minutes. I'll see you in twenty, when all the guests are seated. Mama Knight and Katie should be here with Keira any minute"

I nodded and went over to the dresser to clean my face while Carlos left. I looked in the mirror and was quite pleased with how I looked. Kendall picked out the clothes, but James really did a good job on my hair. I was wearing black pants and a white button up that hung over my pants. Originally it was the plan to go in tux, but it was way too hot outside and it would be such a bummer if one of us fainted halfway the ceremony.

I was startled by how smoothly Carlos controlled everything. He and Kendall had talked about everything and he had been taking care of every single thing. Even James knew more about what would happen today than I did. I was the one that would get married! Kendall had practically taken care of everything, like I told him to do. He enjoyed preparing the whole thing and I wanted him to make it like he'd always wanted to have it. So he could make his perfect wedding.

"Don't touch your hair" Warned James when I brought my hands up to my head. "It took me ages to get that hay on your head this perfect"

I brought my hands down and started fiddling with the buttons of my shirt. I saw in the mirror that James rolled his eyes. He got up and came over. "Stop being nervous. It makes me nervous too and that's so not good for my skin"

"I so get why you're gay" I mumbled. He luckily didn't hear me. "I'm sorry for ruining your shirt" I scrunched my nose when I saw the huge wet spot on his shoulder. I had no idea I cried that much.

He smirked. "Don't worry, this is just a spare shirt. I figured something like this would happen and have another one in my bag" I didn't say anything. My earlier comment fitted here perfectly. James took it as anxiousness. "It'll all go perfect, just wait"

"You think?"

"Yes. Now-" The door opened again and my soon to be mother and sister in law came in with my baby girl. I rushed over and took her out of Katie's arms. She was looking so beautiful. Kendall really did a good job picking out the dress. It was baby pink with tatting at the bottom. She'd nice white shoes on her feet and her curls were soft and bonded together in two braids.

"You look pretty, Keke" I said and tickled her neck, making her squirm and giggle. I then thought of something. "Where are the rings? Keira has to bring them"

They all smirked. "We're not going to tell you, Logan. Kendall threatened to kill us if we showed them to you before the ceremony" Katie said. I glared at her and she stuck her tongue out at me.

"It's official now, in less than an hour you'll be married" James said happily. I felt my heartbeat speeding up and stared at him with wide eyes. I let myself fall back in a chair, being careful enough not to drop Keira in the process. "No! Not this again! Forget what I said!"

I inhaled deeply and tried not to focus on what I was about to do. I looked down at Keira and quickly took her hands from her dress before she would ruin it completely. She'd been niggling on some loose seems.

"Was he really bad?" Whispered Mrs. Knight to James a little too loud.

"Let's see. We had hyperventilating, shock, crying and anxiousness, but none of that was really a big deal" James brushed it off as nothing, while I knew for a fact he'd been pretty desperate when he couldn't calm me down within two minutes. It was quite funny to see him freaking out.

Katie came in again –I hadn't even noticed she left. "The chairs are all filled, it's time to go"

I whimpered. Katie picked Keira up from my lap and Mrs. Knight gave me an arm. We walked out of the room and stopped in the hallway in front of the front door. Behind that door were our guests sitting in the chairs that were lined up in rows in front of the gazebo where Kendall would be waiting for me. If he was there at all.

James opened the door and peaked around the corner. He gave a thumbs up to –who I assumed- was Carlos and then turned back to us. "Alright. I go first. Katie, you count to thirty seconds and then follow with Keira. Mama Knight, you wait until the music starts and count 104 seconds exactly. Then take that one to his future husband"

Both females nodded. How ironic. My mother in law was giving me, a guy, away to her own son. There was no way I could get out of this now. Not that I was planning on that.

James left and walked to the gazebo. Katie left shortly after, grasping Keira's hand tightly so she wouldn't fall. I heard the crowd make an ahw noise when they saw my baby girl.

"Are you nervous?" Asked Mrs. Knight softly.

"Yes" I whispered back.

She linked her arm with mine. "Don't be. Kendall is standing there right now and I couldn't have wished for someone better to marry him. I'm glad it's you, Logan"

"Thank you. For everything, mama Knight"

"You can say Jennifer now" She smiled at me when she saw my surprise.

The music started playing. Pachelbel's Canon in D. _Oh, Kendall..._

I silently counted 104 seconds. "We've to go now" Whispered Mrs. Knight at 100 seconds. I nodded and took a last deep breath before we stepped into the bright sunlight on the beach.

People had turned in their chairs to see me coming out, but I honestly had no idea why. I mean, I wasn't really that interesting to look at, I wasn't wearing a dress –thank god. We walked behind the last row of chairs and from here I couldn't see the gazebo where Kendall was waiting for me, hopefully. Mrs. Knight squeezed my hand tightly when we walked around the corner to the path in between the middle of the rows.

I looked up at the small gazebo. It was simple and white and protected the people that were standing under it from the burning sun. In the middle was the officiant. I thought here name was Danique, but I wasn't sure. Kendall only told me who would marry us once, and I couldn't really remember.

Kendall and Carlos were standing on here left side and James was alone on the other side, right behind an empty space where I would come to stand.

Apart from this, I didn't really notice anything. I only had eyes for Kendall. The music was suddenly way too slow and Mama Knight had to use quite some strength to hold me back. He grinned when he saw that and I blushed, not only from the heat. In this pace, it seemed to take forever until we would get there.

All the time I was walking, my eyes never left his. I had no idea how I could end up with someone this perfect. We finally reached the bottom of the stairs and I had to look down for a moment to see where to place my feet. Kendall held out his hand and I gratefully took it, his fingers closed around my hand immediately. Mrs. Knight only let go of my other hand when she'd seen my hand connect with Kendall's and went to her seat next to Katie on the front row.

Kendall caressed the back of my hand with his thumb and I looked up to smile at him before turning to the officiant. "Welcome, friends and family. Today, we're here together for the marriage of Kendall Donald Knight and Logan Philip Mitchell…" She talked on and I really tried to listen, it just wasn't working out so well. I kept sneaking glances at Kendall and when I saw he wasn't paying attention either, I decided to just look at him. I picked up some of the things she said, memories we shared with friends or inside jokes that were included in the words she spoke, I even laughed a few times, but I mainly focused on Kendall, who was staring at me like I was the only thing in the world.

Ever since he took hold of my hand, he never stopped stroking my knuckles. It was such a Kendall thing to do and I absolutely worshipped him for it. That he even now wasn't going to act any different from how he was normally, but just as caring.

Then, out of no where, it was time for vows. I didn't really know if I should be happy Kendall would go first or not. I would probably cry when I listened to him, but now I still had time to think about my own promise. That seemed to have erased itself from my memory.

Kendall reached out for my other hand too and held both my hands tightly in his. I examined him a little closer. He was nervous. I gave his hands a gently squeeze, trying to encourage him and tell him I won't go anywhere even if he fucked up now. He got a small smile on his face and stared in my eyes. "I've been thinking really long about what I was going to say" He said and got an embarrassed smile on his face. "Somewhere around nine years" I heard several people snickered, including James and Carlos. Kendall went on. "From the first moment I realized I liked you. Marrying you has been my greatest dream ever since you decided not to be stupid and give us a chance" I blushed. That had been stupid. It was so obvious I would love him back one day. "And now that we're finally here, I can't really believe this is actually happening. That you're really standing right in front of me"

He fell silent and looked down at our hands for a moment, before turning his head back up. "I love you so much, Logan. If there was something like true love, I know you're mine. Never has someone had such an influence on me, but you bring out the best in me, without even trying. You make me feel good about myself. You make me feel needed, wanted, desired, longed for and loved and that's all I need. I can't imagine how my life would've liked if you weren't right beside me. And I honestly don't even want to. I want you. And now I've got you. I love you, Logie" Kendall had been gloating the whole time he spoke, but his face lit up even brighter when he saw the tears rolling down my face. I pulled one of my hands back to whip them off my cheeks.

"Thank you, Kendall. Logan, your vow for Kendall, please" Officiant Danique said.

Kendall's smile disappeared from his face. He completely tensed up and looked at me expectantly, but scared. Magically, all the words I'd been memorizing for the past two weeks came back in my head, like I somehow had to say them to assure Kendall I wouldn't run away. Ever.

I took a deep breath and started speaking. "I remember how we started out as friends. How I was scared to give up on that for this. I'm glad I did"

"I remember how happy you were when I decided to give us a chance. How scared you were to let go of me" I heard several people snicker and I smiled a little too. "I remembered how you once said you wouldn't live without me. How scared I was you would do something to yourself"

"I remembered how you stayed with me while I basically ignored you for three months. How scared I was that you would leave me when I realized what I did to you"

"I remember when 'Jett happened'. And how scared I was I would never see you again"

"I remember how you never left my side when I was trying to process everything that happened to me. How scared I was you wouldn't want me anymore when you found the scars" I was silent for a moment and tried to make my voice sound stable again.

"I shouldn't have been scared. Every single time you were there right beside me. It makes me think of how you always say 'Everything for you, sweetie' and now I realized that you truly mean it. That you really would do everything for me and I can't believe I ended up with someone so perfect and caring and loving. Someone that knows me better than I know myself, someone with who I spent most of my life with. Someone that threats me better than I ever thought possible" I looked down at our hands and tried to get myself together again. I wasn't allowed to cry again. I was going to try and hold on until he said 'I do'. I pulled my head up again so I could look at him. His eyes were filled with pure love and longing and I couldn't really keep myself from tearing up. The good thing was that he wasn't doing much better than me, and so were several other people –mostly females- among the guests.

"I g-guess I just want to say thank you. For being so patient and gentle with me, when other people would've given up already. For being the best friend I could possibly wish for, and being an even better fiancée –or in minutes, husband- while I've always thought you couldn't be more perfect. Thank you, for being such an awesome dad for Keira and 'ML2' how you call the new one. Thank you for proposing and getting us here. And thank you for making me fall in love with you, because I honestly couldn't have wished for anyone better. I want to spend the rest of my life with you more than anything. I love you so incredibly much, Kendall"

I could barely see anything, but I could see Kendall crying and smiling at the same time. We both pulled our hands back now and whipped the tears away. The officiant started talking again, but I didn't really listen until she said the words 'question' and 'I do'. "May I ask you to join hands, again?" I didn't even had to pull them up, Kendall had already grabbed them. I once again heard some people laughing. She turned to Kendall first. "Kendall Knight, do you take Logan Mitchell to be your wedded husband, to live together in marriage. Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all other, be faithful to only him, so long as you both shall live?"

"I do" Kendall answered before the officiant could finish her sentence. I felt more tears running down my cheeks and I decided to let them stay there. It would be only a matter of time before I would cry again, and whipping the tears away was pretty pointless. Kendall's smile had disappeared and he was looking extremely nervous for my answer. Idiot. I thought I made it quite obvious I couldn't survive one minute without him.

"Logan Mitchell, do you take Kendall Knight to be your wedded husband, to live together in marriage. Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all other, be faithful to only him, so long as you both shall live?"

I stared up at Kendall, who was practically begging me to answer the question with his eyes. And I couldn't really deny him this one. "I do" I whispered, probably just loud enough for Kendall and the officiant to hear. Kendall was now crying again too and I saw the desire to kiss me in his eyes, but we couldn't just yet.

"The rings, please"

For the first time I tore my eyes away from Kendall to look at my baby girl. Katie gave her the ring box, whispered something in her ear and pointed to us. Keira smiled and started walking towards us. She was halfway when she tripped over her dress, but she just stood up again. She almost forgot to take the box with her when she started wobbling towards us, luckily she saw it just in time and grabbed it. Kendall picked her up and she handed him the box. We both kissed her cheek and then Carlos took her from Kendall so he could bother with the rings.

He opened it and pulled out a thin, almost silver-golden ring. It had an inscription, but he didn't give me the time to read it. He grabbed my hand and gently shoved it down my left ring finger. It fitted perfectly.

I snatched the box from his hands, wanting him bonded to me as well. His ring was slightly thicker and had a little more golden color. I pushed it on his finger, trying not to hurt him too much and grinned up at him.

"I hereby declare you husband and husband. You may now kiss your man"

Kendall already had his arms around my waist. I didn't have time to do anything, he already had his lips on mine. I pulled my hands up and cupped his face. It couldn't have been a better kiss. It was one that made me feel like jelly. Kendall was literally kissing his heart out. I had to put everything in not taking it any further than this and I pulled back eventually. Kendall pouted and I gave him a last chaste kiss, which whipped the sad look from right off his face. I felt him smiling into it and was quite pleased with myself. I've wanted to make this day more perfect than Kendall had imagined and was going to do anything to get it the way he wanted.

"I love you" I whispered and stroked his cheeks with my thumbs. I could now hear our audience clapping.

Kendall beamed. "I love you too" He pulled one of his arms back and turned me slightly so we were looking at our family and friends that were clapping for us. James and Carlos hugged us quickly and then left to take care of the next part of our wedding, the party. Katie took Keira again. More people came up to us and complimented us with the beautiful location or our gorgeous daughter and congratulated us.

This was going to be a wonderful day.

**So… I was planning on making this longer, a lot longer (6000), but I just wanted to know what you thought of this. I'm actually pretty excited. This turned out better than I expected. I hope you think the same! Tell me?**


	25. Kendall's list

**Over 200 reviews! That's so amazing! I love you guys so much for this!**

**I'm sorry this took so long. I'm getting a new phone and most of my story ideas and sometimes even completely written chapters are on my old phone. I had to type it all up on the computer and since it were more than 20000 words it took a while. **

**I also realized I've been neglecting 'One of us' and for those who read it; I'm sorry! I don't really know what I want yet and I've about three different chapters all typed up and ready, but none of them feels right. I promise I've updated that story before Friday.**

**Then, on 17 October at 11 am, I'm getting on the plane to go to BOSTON! I'll be gone for about ten days, first seven in Boston and the last three in New York, so I won't be updating then. By then I'll probably tell you again, but I thought it would be nice to warn you a little early.**

**Kendall's list**

1. Marry Logan. Check.

2. Getting rings brought by Keira. Check.

3. Feed Logan cake

4. Eat dinner with Logan, Keira, James, Carlos, mom and Katie

5. Dance with Logan

6. Kiss Logan on midnight

7. Go on a honeymoon with Logan

8. Cuddle with Logan on the plane

9. Search names for ML2 on the beach of Hawaii

10. Have awesome honeymoon sex

After the ceremony I couldn't wait until I was alone with Logan. We had to shake loads of hands and thank the officiant and another million things before we would go to the limo. Luckily Logan seemed to think the same and was just as annoyed with all our friends congratulating us. I had no idea why I wanted to have so many people on my wedding anyway.

When we were finally done we almost ran to the limo that would bring us to Rocque Records for the party. I jumped in and Logan quickly followed. He scooted closer to me and sealed our lips. He put his hand on my cheek when I deepened it. I placed my hands on his stomach, rubbing the small bump that held our baby gently, and teased the corners of his mouth with my tongue. He opened up without second thoughts. Tongues met and circled around one another lovingly. He hummed satisfied, adding some vibrations to our wonderful 'we-just-got-married-and-we're-really- happy-now' kiss.

The kiss ended and I didn't have the feeling it lasted to long or to short. I had been perfect. The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was Logan's smile. It looked like it was going to be plastered on his face for a while. I placed my forehead against his and stared down in the beautiful, warm brown eyes that belonged to the guy I just devoted my life to. "Are you happy?" He whispered.

"Happy is such an understatement" I whispered back and his smile widened.

"Then what describes it better?" He asked and brushed his lips over mine.

"Deeply in love. Ecstatic. Satisfied. Blessed. Probably a combination of those, but even then you don't have the emotion I'm feeling right now"

His eyes lit up. "Great. I love you so much, Kendall"

"I love you too, Logie. More than you can ever imagine" I kissed him softly and pulled him closer.

"I think I've a pretty good idea" He mumbled and responded with another kiss.

For the rest of the ride we kept kissing each other. Soft, gentle, sweet Logie kisses, as I liked to call them. We arrived at Rocque Records and I pulled Logan to the back entrance. While our guests lunched in the room where we would have the party, Logan and I would eat together in Gustavo's office. He reluctantly agreed on letting us in there, after making us promise we wouldn't do 'the nasty' on his desk. We crept around the hallways until we found the door we were looking for, while trying not to be seen by anyone except for James and Carlos, who new where to find us and would come and get us at four. It was now a little past two, so we would have about one and a half hour together. I opened the door for him and followed him after he entered, closing the door behind me again. The table was all set with our lunch, thanks to James and Carlos, who were the best first men slash wedding planners slash friends ever.

I sat down on one side of the table, expecting Logan to go to the other, but instead he straddled me and attached his lips to my neck, sucking, licking and kissing every single square inch of skin her could reach with his tongue. I moaned loudly when he nibbled on my collarbone. "Logie, what are you doing?" I asked uncertain while he moved his hands up under my shirt.

"Giving you my wedding present" He said smugly. He pulled one of his hands back from my chest, placed it on my crotch and started palming me through the soft material of my pants.

I gasped. "L-log-ie, we c-can't do t-this…"

"We can" He whispered back and sucked on my earlobe. "Or rather, I can. This is your day, remember? I want to make it even more perfect"

I put a hand on his cheek and turned his head up so I could see him. "Thank you" I said and kissed him deeply.

He smiled and gave me another kiss before sliding of my lap onto the floor. He opened my pants and pulled down the zipper. I moved my hips up so he could pull them down. "Door" I said. He nodded understandingly and locked the door of the office. He sank on his knees in front of me again and mouthed me through my boxers. I moaned loudly, making him smile again. He hooked his fingers under the waistband and pulled my boxers down enough to free my throbbing erection. He gently put his fingers around the base and pumped a few times, turning me into one big moaning mess. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall while Logan worked his magic on my arousal. Somehow he knew better what I liked than I did myself. I felt his lips closing around the head, sucking softly. I whimpered and tried my best not buck my hips and choke him. He took more of me in his mouth, his hand never leaving the base. I opened my eyes to look down at the sexiest sight ever. Logan relaxed his throat and pulled his hand away, before taking all of me in. I whimpered again and felt myself getting closer rapidly, the familiar feeling creeping in the pit of my stomach. Logan slowly pulled back, lapping the underside of my manhood the whole way up. He bobbed his head a few times, swirling his tongue around the crown. "Fuck Logie" He managed to smirk and sucked on the head again. "So close" I whimpered. "Look at me" He opened his eyes and stared up in mine, the innocence drove me crazy and I released in his mouth.

Logan swallowed everything and tucked my now soft member back in my boxer and pulled up my pants. I was panting, but somewhere found the strength to reach out and pull him in my lap. He rested his head on my shoulder and stroked my face lovingly while I tried to come down from my high. "Best blowjob ever" I said happily and leaned my head on his.

"Really?"

"Yeah"

"Good, 'cause that was the thought after all of this"

I smiled and kissed his hair. "We shoulder probably eat now, we don't want to arrive too late at our own party"

He nodded and kissed me a last time before climbing off my lap and walking over to his own chair. We ate quickly and cuddled a bit after. At exactly four James and Carlos knocked on the door. "It's time! Whatever you are doing!"

Logan rolled his eyes. "Nothing!" He got up and opened the door. They rushed in and closed the door again. Both of them took us in critically.

"Only Kendall is glowing" James stated. "You owe me ten bucks!"

Carlos rolled his eyes and pulled wallet out, giving James his money. Logan raised his eyebrows at me and I shook my head, signaling I didn't even want to know. "Alright, enough with that" Carlos said. "Every guest is arrived and done eating for about an hour. It's time for you two to go in there. Keira has been taken care of by Jo. There was a little incident when Gustavo sat down and the stair broke. He is fine, something you can't say of the chair. The cake arrives in half an hour"

Logan turned to me. "All that time I thought Carlos was going to be the most nervous of all of us, but I should just have chosen him as a first man instead of James! I think he's an even better first man than I was"

James rolled his eyes. "You're so modest" He said sarcastically. "Of course he's a better first man than you are, we've been Hollywood Super Party Kings of Hollywood for a while now. He KNOWS how to organize and manage a party"

Carlos chuckled and seemed flattered by James' trust in him. I'd noticed something was going on with them. I had no idea what, but I figured it was something good since they'd gotten closer. I didn't really like it they kept things from us, but they seemed to be deeply relying on one another. I saw them kiss more and holding hands wasn't uncommon as well. "Let's go now, the cake is here soon and you two have to slice and stuff each other's faces with it. I've clean shirts for you in the car so you don't have to hold back"

"I still think you're a better first man" I whispered in Logan's ear while walking after Carlos and James to the party room. He blushed and leaned up to kiss me. I tightened my hold on his waist, pulling him closer against me.

Our guests were sitting at tables that were placed in a circle around a big open place where the cake would come soon, and later it would be the dance floor. Everyone started clapping when they saw us. "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" I grinned while Logan turned bright red. I put a hand under his chin ant turned his head up so I could place my lips on his. There was some cheering and I felt Logan's face growing hotter than it already was. When I pulled back he quickly hid his face in my chest.

"You didn't think I would let a chance to kiss you pass, right?" I whispered in his ear.

"I know and I don't mind" He assured me.

"Good" I kissed his hair and moved my hand from his face to his belly. The bump wasn't noticeable at all, but I was pleased when I'd found out I could feel it. Logan put his hands over mine and moved a bit so I could let my other hand join in too. There was a flash and when I looked up I saw James grinning at us from behind a camera. Logan hid his face in my chest again and I put my chin on top of his head.

Eventually people started coming towards us and we got separated. I was now talking to Camille and Steve on one side of the room while Logan was on the other side with Mr. Griffin and Mercedes. James was talking with Jo and Kelly was carrying Keira around. Gustavo was no where to be seen and so was Carlos, until I saw him coming from the hallway, followed by two men that were guiding a cart with our huge cake into the center of the room. It was white and had three stores. It was covered in purple roses made of sugar. On the top were two, also purple, curly letters; K+L. It was just like I 'd wanted it to be, the only thing I missed now was my Logie. I excused myself and quickly went over to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind. "Guess who?"

"Kendall" He said happily and turned around to kiss me. "I missed you. Don't go away anymore"

I beamed and gave him another kiss. "I won't. Come, the cake is here" I told him. "We've to slice it"

He grinned when he saw the cake and grabbed my hand to pull me over there. Carlos came up to me and gave me a big knife, while James was trying to get the attention of our guests. Once everyone was standing around us Logan's hand joined mine on the handgrip and we cut the first piece of the pie. Logan grabbed a plate and I carefully put our piece of cake on it. It was a big part, since I'd decided we would share it. I grabbed a fork and took one of the roses on it before holding it in front of Logan's mouth. He opened up for me and I gently shoved it into his mouth. Number 3? Check.

There was clapping again when our little show was over. I put my arm around his waist while I led him to a table in a corner. We sat down -Logan sat way closer to me than he would've done normally in public- and I fed him bites of the cake.

The party went on and at five chips and nuts appeared on the tables. We were having a nice time and it was absolutely amazing the whole day, every single minute. Dinner arrived and after we ate with our family and friends –number 4, yay! Logan and I got separated again. I kept giving him longing looks while talking to my mom and some of her old dement aunts. Logan was on the other side of the room talking to some cousins from his fathers side. After half an hour he came over with Keira. I pulled him in my lap, making sure Keira didn't fall off his.

"You're going to dance with me, right?" I asked hopeful. It was something I wasn't really sure about. We'd never really danced together before. I didn't even know if Logan wanted to do that, I only knew I wanted it desperately.

"Of course" He answered. I grinned and kissed his cheek. "Hey, when does your big surprise come?" He asked suddenly. "I mean, we're already halfway the party"

"It comes later, Logie. Much later. Probably when this day ends"

"You realize I've been dying from curiously ever since Carlos slipped up and now I still have to wait three more hours until midnight?"

"Yup. Still not gonna tell ya"

"Not even when I won't dance with you until you tell me?"

"I promise you, you're going to dance when you find out"

"Was that a hint?"

"In some way, yes"

"What kind of dance?"

"The h-" _The hula._ I stopped talking. "Not gonna tell you"

"I don't like you anymore" He pouted.

"You just married me!"

"I know, I know. I love you" He kissed the tip of my nose.

"Tee!" Keira said and she put her hand over Logan's mouth. He kissed the inside of her hand and she pulled away, giggling softly.

Suddenly the whole place got dark, except for one spotlight in the middle of the room. I grinned to James who was giving me thumbs up from behind the music installation. Logan noticed too and got off my lap. He handed Keira to my mom and took the hand I was holding out for him. James started the music when we reached the middle of the dance floor, but this wasn't the song I'd asked for. No, this one was better. "You didn't" I whispered while tears came in my eyes.

He put his arms around my neck. "I did. When James told me what song you picked I asked him to switch them. How can you forget about You're Beautiful?"

I wrapped my arms around his waist and put my forehead on his, tears still rolling down my cheeks. "I don't know, but thank you" I whispered emotionally and kissed his cheek.

"Just wait, Kendall. There's more" He smiled at the thought.

I wondered what he meant and I held him tightly while we 'danced'. It wasn't dancing, not what we learned from Mr. X. It was more shifting from one leg on another and circling around a bit.

The end of the song got closer way too quickly for my liking. Logan turned his head so his chin was on my shoulder, his lips close to me ear. I noticed he was standing on tip toe and stopped moving so he wouldn't fall while we moved around the dance floor. It was time for the last two sentences, the lines Logan changed seven years ago and he softly sang them in my ear.

But he wasn't the only one singing along.

I bit my lip to prevent myself from sobbing while not only Logan sang the lines I loved the lines I loved so much, but also all our guests that were watching us dance on the side.

"And it's time to face the truth. He'll always be with you" Sang everyone while Logan sang; "I'll always be with you"

And I sobbed. I was one big mess. Logan had managed to break me within five seconds. I heard a lot of people making the awh noise, but I couldn't care less. Another song had started and more people had come onto the dance floor while I was still crying my eyes out on Logan's shoulder. He slowly started pulling me back, away from the big room towards Gustavo's office. How he'd opened the door without letting go of me, I'd no idea, but he managed it and pulled me inside before closing and locking it again. He guided my to the couch and pushed me down on it. He crawled in my lap and put his arms around my neck, bringing my head to his shoulder to cry on. "Don't cry, Kendall" He whispered. "It's alright. This is a happy day, no need for crying"

I didn't respond and kept on sobbing. He started leaning back, pulling me with him until we were lying on the couch. My head on his chest for a change. Logan was playing with me hair and stroking my back. "I'm here, Kendall. I'm not going anywhere"

It took another few minutes for me to get a hold on myself again. When the tears stopped flowing he started whipping them away.

"I love you so unbelievably much, Logie" I said, my voice sounding little choked. I leaned up to kiss him. "This is the best day ever. It's more perfect than I could've ever imagined"

Logan beamed and took my face in his hands. "Mission accomplished then. I love you too. So much"

I got off him and helped him up. I felt the smallest hint of a blush coming up when I saw his shirt. It was completely ruined by my tears.

"You should ask Carlos for that other shirt" I told him.

"And you should go to the bathroom and clean your face"

I nodded and kissed him quickly. "Come find me after you changed?" I asked softly. I didn't want us apart anymore.

"Of course" He smiled and left the room. I followed him out and went to the bathroom. I quickly washed my face and went to the party again, hoping Logan would be there already. He just came in on the other side. I pushed myself a way through the dancing crowd and pulled him in my arms and to the dance floor again. He put his head on my chest, over my heart and closed his eyes. I felt the hard bump between us and pulled him tighter against me, loving the feeling. We danced for about an hour. It still didn't look like dancing, but who cared, we were the new married couple to day. If we made out in the center of the room no one would mind.

Logan eventually pulled me away from the dance floor to go look for Keira. She was tiredly lying in Keira's lap. It had been an incredible long day for her, and she hadn't napped so she was probably exhausted. She started whining when she saw us and Logan quickly picked her up. She was satisfied now she was in her father's arms and closer her eyes tiredly. We both sat down in the chairs next to Katie and talked with her while we waited until Keira was asleep. I put my hand on her belly, since she always calmed down and slept better when I did that. I had no idea why, but it worked. I was quite pleased with it. It only worked when it was my hand, so I liked to think she felt most comfortable sleeping in my arms. Maybe next to Logan.

"Kendall, it's eleven thirty" Whispered Carlos in my ear. "Party's over half an hour and you're to go soon. Your suitcases are in the limo. You've to drive away from here at lastly a quarter past twelve, or you'll miss your plane"

I nodded and he walked away to take care of some other things. Seriously, if I ever wanted to have a party again I would let Carlos organize it. Maybe he and James truly were the Hollywood Super Party Kings of Hollywood.

I leaned down and kissed Keira's forehead. I would miss her. It wasn't often we had to say goodbye to her, and this was the first time it was for longer than 24 hours. I wasn't sure if Logan wanted to be apart from Keira for a whole week, but I couldn't take her on our honeymoon. That just wouldn't be the same.

Logan looked at me weirdly, but I just shrugged. He was going to find out soon enough. "Let's go dance again" I whispered in his ear. He nodded and put a now sleeping Keira back in Katie's lap. I pulled him to the dance floor and hugged him closely. I put my forehead against his and rocked us softly from side to side. He giggled quietly and leaned up to steel a kiss. I chuckled lightly and kissed him too. We broke out in a war of little pecks and chaste kisses.

I figured this was a great moment to tell him what we were going to do after midnight.

"I" Peck.

"Gotta" Peck.

"Tell" Peck.

"You" Peck.

"A secret"

He kissed me sweetly. "Go on"

"I've got two tickets to-"

"Hawaii? Yeah, I know"

I pouted. If James or Carlos told him I was going to kill them. "How That was supposed to be a secret"

"You accidently forgot that I have access to our bank account too. So when I saw you spent that much money I got suspicious and investigated the case"

"Hmm. I should've asked James or Carlos to buy them and pay them back after you found out"

He kissed me again. "remember that for the next time. I still love it though"

I grinned. "Good. Are you okay with leaving keira behind?"

He grimaced. "I just forgot. No, but it wouldn't be the same if we took her with us. I'm just going to miss her"

"Me too, but she's going to stay with James and Carlos. She'll be fine"

He nodded and I leaned in to kiss him again. "Why Hawaii?" He asked curiously.

"Because I've always wanted to go there and I figured this was a part of the wedding so I was allowed to choose"

He smiled and brushed a strand of my hair from my forehead. "Of course you can choose"

"Does that mean I got to decide what we're going to do there?"

He laughed. "Sure"

"Can we search for baby names?" I asked hopeful.

He looked up at me again, eyes thoughtful. "You honestly like that, don't you?"

I nodded. "I've quite good memories about name searching. It's why we're here now"

He kissed my quickly. "Come with me"

I followed him to the office once again, confused. He pulled me in and closed the door behind us softly. It was dark in here, but I still could see Logan. He was leaning back against the door and pulled me towards him. He snaked his arms around my neck and kissed me deeply. I eagerly responded. He opened his mouth before I could ask for access and mapped out his mouth, pressing all sensitive spots. I moved my hands down his sides, over his ass and thighs and patted them lightly. He got the hint and jumped up, wrapping his legs around my waist. I put one arm around his waist while slipping the other one in his pants on his ass. He moaned quietly.

At some point I changed from pushing him against the door to pushing him against the wall and accidently turning on the light. There sounded a very unmanly squeak, that was most definitely not coming from me or Logan. I had enough sense not to drop Logan while I flinched in surprise and turned my head to see what was going on behind me.

James and Carlos were sitting in Gustavo's chair, Carlos straddling the taller guy. They were both staring at us. Logan started blushing furiously and buried his face in the crook of my neck.

"This is interesting" James said awkwardly. "Kendall, maybe you could pull your hand-"

I realized where it was again and quickly pulled it back, gently putting him down on the ground while Carlos got off James' lap and stood next to him uncomfortably. Logan was still pressing his face in my chest and holding onto me tightly. I tangled the fingers of one hand in his hair while using my other arm to hold him against me.

"We could just-"

"Leave. Great idea" I said.

They both rolled their eyes. Carlos grabbed James' hand and pulled him out of the chair to the door. "We'll just find another empty room" Carlos whispered. James grinned and slapped his husbands butt. I heard Carlos squeak again and then the door closed.

I loosened my grip on Logan and stepped back a little, only to be pulled back. "No!" Logan commanded. "Hold me"

I smiled and hugged him tightly. He snuggled against me and nuzzled his face in my chest. I rested my cheek on his head, breathing in the scent of his hair. "You smell like James" I said disgusted.

"He forcedme to wash my hair with his shampoo. I'm sorry"

I just moved my head down to his shoulder. His skin didn't smell weird, and was just my Logie. I moved one of my hands from around his waist to his bump. I just loved touching it. I couldn't wait until our baby started moving. I already loved it, but like last time I felt like I was missing out on something important and special. I wished I was the one that would carry ML2 around. It would be safer for Logan and the baby, but no, god chose the smallest among us for this gift. I realized that was why Logan was so small and slender. Probably from his female parts.

I kissed his neck and slowly pulled away. He looked up at me and pouted. "We'll continue on the airplane. We've to go now. It is" I glanced at the clock. "Ten minutes before midnight"

He grinned and nodded and went ahead of me out of the room. When I stepped out I saw all our friends and family standing in two lines, forming a path to the exit, confetti in their hands. I put my arm around Logan's waist and grinned at him before we started walking while people cheered and threw confetti at us. James and Carlos were standing at the front door. Carlos was holding a sleeping Keira. Logan eagerly got over and hugged James and Carlos. "Thanks guys" He said and took Keira from Carlos to say goodbye to her. I hugged them too and gave James the keys of our apartment.

"Thank you" I told them quietly. Both of them helped make this day better than I ever imagined it would be. "Are you going to manage controlling Keira?"

Carlos laughed. "That won't be much of a problem"

I smiled and then went over to Logan to say goodbye to my daughter too. She was sleeping peacefully and only squirmed a little when my lips touch her forehead. Logan gave her back to Carlos. "We'll be back in a week. Bye guys!" I shouted over my shoulder while Logan pulled me to the limo. They waved until the door closed. I heard my watch beeping and saw that it was midnight. Our wedding day was officially over now. I pulled Logan to me and kissed him lovingly. The limo started driving and Logan and I drove away to a new part of our life.

**THE END**. **No, that was a joke. This is not the end. Just a new part of their life in their new house, newly married, new baby coming up, new problems with James and Carlos. Tell me what you think? Any ideas for the next chapters? I've mostly already written… somewhere, but new ideas never hurt right. Tell me if you have a good idea and I'll just manage to make it fit, if I like it enough :)**


	26. New and Old Problems

**New and Old Troubles**

"KEIRA LENORA KNIGHT! Get back here, young lady!" Logan was searching for Keira who stole his wedding ring. It was one month after we got married and three weeks after we got back from Hawaii. I loved how Logan's skin was still a little tan. It had been amazing. We spent whole days on the beach and in the water. I rarely let go of him, but he didn't seem to mind at all. We searched for names like I'd wanted to do and made out every free moment. We made love every night. It was exactly what I'd hoped for.

When we got back James and Carlos got us our wedding gift. They spent the whole week getting our house ready and now it was completely done. As I thank you I was helping them with their house next to ours. Logan wanted to help too, but I didn't allow it. He wasn't going to do anything physical when he was pregnant. It was back enough he had to carry Keira every now and then and I wasn't going to put any more pressure on his back.

I was leaning against the counter watching the scene amusedly. Keira was running around the table, giggling softly while Logan desperately tried to catch her, but he couldn't run so he wasn't having that much success. Keira giggled again and crawled under the table. Logan bent over to get her from under there, but suddenly stopped and hissed. He stood straight again and put his hands on his lower back, rubbing slowly.

"Logan, are you okay?" I asked worriedly. I put my coffee down and quickly went over to him.

"No" He said. I grimaced and carefully picked him up. He protested loudly, saying he could still walk, but I ignored it and carried him to the couch in the living room. He whimpered when his back touched the cushions. I sat down next to him and placed a hand on his stomach, rubbing softly. Logan hadn't felt ML2 kick yet. I was getting a little worried. When he was pregnant with Keira we could feel here move around this time.

Logan had his eyes closed and I saw the pain ebbing away from his face. He was starting to sit up, but I didn't let him and gently pulled him back. "Give it some rest, Logie" I whispered and kissed him quickly. "Keira, come here" I added calmly. I heard her crawling from under the kitchen table and wobbling to the living room. She timidly stood in front of me, looking down at the floor, her bottom lip in a pout. "Do you remember what I told you about making daddy mad?" I asked her strictly. I hadn't really figured out if she understood yet, but she did seem to feel pretty guilty. She did get how everything she did had some kind of effect on the thing that happened next. Like pushing a button and hearing a sound. She understood she caused that noise. And she did know the answer to that question I asked her.

"Baby hurts" She mumbled pitiful.

"Exactly. The baby doesn't like it when daddy's mad at you and then the baby hurts daddy. That's not what you want, is it?"

She shook her head, curls dancing around her face.

"So why don't you give daddy the ring back and tell him you're sorry?"

She nodded and climbed next to Logan's head on the couch. She put the ring on the tip of his nose and tried to hug him with her little arms. He chuckled and put the ring back on his finger, where it belonged. "It's okay, baby. I'm not mad anymore" He hugged her back. "I promised you we would bake cupcakes today, didn't I?"

She beamed and nodded eagerly. I again wasn't really sure if she remembered him saying that, or that she just understood the word 'cupcake' and wanted to have one. He started to get up, putting a hand on Keira's back so she wouldn't fall off the couch, but suddenly flinched and let himself fall back. "Not good. Papa will go bake cupcakes with you"

I nodded, but eyed him suspiciously. Back pain was normal in pregnancies, but not this early. I remembered he had the same thing last time, and that calmed me down slightly. "Go find your jacket, Keira. We'll have to go shopping first" She climbed off the couch again and ran to the hallway. I sat a little closer to Logan, who had his eyes closed again, and leaned in to place my lips on his cheek. "You'll tell me if something is wrong, right?" I mumbled and kissed his cheek another time.

"I will. I promise" He whispered back.

"Good. Take a nap, okay?"

"Wasn't planning on anything else. I love you"

"I love you too" I kissed his lips and then heard Keira coming back with her jacket and I helped her in it. I picked her up, made sure I'd my wallet with me and grabbed the keys from the counter before carrying her to the car and putting her in her safety seat.

Shopping with Keira was always fun. She was very easy and just sat in her stroller. Her favorite game was staring people down. She followed someone with her big brown eyes wide in curiousity. She took it very seriously and watched what the person in question did until she could no longer see him or her. Some people ignored it, Keira frowned at them. Others walked away quickly, she was extra interested in them and even turned in her seat to see what they would do. Most people just smiled at her. She would smile back and then search for another victim.

We spent ten minutes picking out decorations. Eventually we chose for pink glaze and rainbow colored sprinkles to put on it. I paid and we went back home. Logan had fallen asleep on the couch. "Shh" I put a finger on my lips to show Keira she'd to be quiet. I picked Logan up, careful not to wake him and carried him up the stairs to our room. Keira followed and kissed Logan's cheek when I lay him down. I smiled and picked her up to carry her back to the kitchen and start baking the cupcakes. She sat in her chair, watching how I made dough. I let her taste it and she loved it. But, who didn't?

"Now we go take a nap and when you wake up they're all done and we're going to decorate them, okay?"

She nodded tiredly. I brought her to her room and changed her into pj's. She was already half asleep when I placed her in her crib. I left the room while thinking of what I should do now.

That decision was made quickly. I would go cuddle with Logan, but when I came into our bedroom I saw to my surprise –and displeasure- that he was awake. "Hey" I said sadly.

He sat up, without having any pain this time. "What's wrong?"

"I wanted to cuddle with you, but now you're awake" I pouted.

He snickered. "bad luck"

"Yeah… oh well. Keira and I made cupcakes, they're in the oven now"

"I had no idea you knew how to work an oven"

"Hey! That's mean!"

"No, it's funny" He smiled brightly.

"You don't get cupcakes anymore"

"As if they're eatable when you made them. They're probably hard as rocks"

"Now, it's on"

"What'cha gonna do? Fight with me? That's not fair, I'm pregnant"

"Now, I've a better plan" I smirked and slowly started walking over to the bed, where he was still lying in. I swung one leg over him and straddled him, careful not to sit on our baby. "Trapped"

"Are you gonna seduce me? 'Cause it's not working" His voice sounded high than normal. I grabbed his wrists and pinned them above his head with one of my hands.

"Oh, it's working, but it's not what I'm going to do"

"Seriously, Kendall. If you're going to tickle me I-"

I did. He tried to push me away, but needed all his focus on breathing. He was laughing so much he didn't even make a sound anymore. "Then what, Logie? Hmm?" He had a hard time breathing, let alone her could answer me. "Are you gonna sent Keira after me? So she can take care of me? Or did you wanna poison me?"

"N-no… S-sex t-to-tonight" He panted.

I abruptly stopped. Logan smirked and was trying to catch his breath. "You didn't mean that"

"Oh, I did"

"No"

"Yes"

"No, you didn't"

"I di-hid" He sing-songed.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Sex tonight?"

"Y-no!"

I cursed. "That used to work"

"Yeah… Not anymore" He grinned happily. "It's your own fault, Kendall"

"You're mean" I pouted.

"I've to be if I want to have an actual life next to sex"

"That might be true"

"I know" He put his arms around my neck and pulling me down so he could kiss me.

" I sorta kinda love you" I said and kissed him again, moving my hands from his hips to the bump.

"I sorta kinda love you more" He said.

"I love you most" I whispered, making him blush. He used the arms around my neck to pull me down again and kissed me fiercely. I eagerly responded.

We made out until Keira woke up. He sighed when he heard her small cry and pushed me back. "Keira is awake" He stated the obvious.

"I heard" I sighed too. "How's your back?" I asked when I realized I hadn't done that yet. I got off him and helped him up.

"Better" He smiled. Being my worried self I still wanted to check up on that. I put my hands on his hips and pretended like I wanted a last kiss, but at the same time sneaked my hands to his lower back and felt around gently. The muscles there were tense and rock hard. Logan pretended he wasn't in pain anymore, but now I felt this I wasn't so sure anymore. He was great at lying about his health so I wouldn't be worried. "Go downstairs. I'll get Keira" I said. He nodded and walked away. I followed him out and went to Keira's room. She was sitting in her crib watching her hands move admiringly.

"Papa" She babbled when I came into the room.

"Hi, Keke" I said and picked her up. "Had a nice nap?"

She nodded. I went to her dresser and changed her out of her pj's into normal clothes. "Do you remember the cupcakes?"

Her eyes started sparkling and she nodded proudly. "Pink"

"Yeah, we're going to decorate them pink" I smiled and carried her downstairs to the kitchen. Logan was pouring juice in two glasses and Keira's drinking bottle. She loved orange juice. Weird baby.

I put her down in her chair and took my glass while Logan went over to the oven and peeked inside. "They're looking good" He said surprised.

I rolled my eyes. "Of course. I can bake, you know"

"Seriously? I never noticed!"

"Jerk" I said. He grinned and came over to kiss me briefly. I put the hand that wasn't holding my glass on his back and rubbed up and down and few times. Logan winced and moaned in pain.

"Ow. Stop Kendall. That hurts" He whined. I instantly stopped and looked down disapprovingly. And once again I was right. It did still hurt.

"Go lie on the couch" I said softly. "You didn't give it enough rest" He blushed a little and stepped back, turning away from me. "Oh, and I prefer you don't lie to me when it's about your health. Especially when you're pregnant"

He nodded and walked away. Normally I would've let him get away with it. I cared about his health, and so did he, he just didn't want me to worry about it. But it was a little different now he was pregnant with my child. If he was going to neglect himself I couldn't really do something, not wanting to force him into anything, but he was not taking the baby with him. It was mine too and he had to take care of it for me until he or she was born.

Logan and I decided again we didn't want to know what we would get. The surprise was nice. I was almost sure it was a girl again and so were mom, Katie and surprisingly Carlos, while James sided with Logan –why did I not like this?- and thought it was a boy.

I pulled the tray with cupcakes out of the oven and places them on the counter. The oven automatically turned off when they were done –or so put the settings- and they were already cooled off for the most part. You could touch them and Keira wouldn't burn her fingers when she touched them. I thought of how I was going to do this.

I made the glaze with a little water and put the sprinkles in a cup. I had been preparing things for a few minutes when I realized it was strangle quiet. Normally Keira would've been going on about something incomprehensible, but now she was just sitting in her chair looking how I was doing. "Don't you wanna talk, Keira?"

"Shh!" She said angrily.

I was utterly confused and went over to her. "Why?" I whispered.

"Daddy sleepy!" She said, pointing to the back of Logan's head we could see from the kitchen. She'd tried to whisper, but failed miserable.

I grinned and kissed her forehead. "Smart girl. I'll be quiet"

She nodded satisfied and I chuckled softly when I turned back to what I was doing. I went back to Keira after a minute and placed two cupcakes in front of her, on which I already put glaze. "Now you put the sprinkles on them" I explained and gave her the cup. She grinned and eagerly grabbed a handful of the colorful decoration and pouring all of it over one of the cupcakes, effectively covering it completely. She did it again with the other and laughed loudly when she started throwing the sprinkles she spilled all over the kitchen. I would have to vacuum the kitchen later. I put glaze over all of the cupcakes while she'd fun with the sprinkles. "For papa!" She cried suddenly and pointed to the cupcake that was in front of her at the moment.

I smiled and went over to look at it. In my eyes it didn't look any different than the other ones she'd already decorated, but I still liked the gesture. "Really? Thank you, honey" I kissed the top of her head. Keira went on and made cupcakes for 'Daddy!' and 'Jayes!' and 'Calos!' and 'Gramma!' and 'Kadie!' and even 'Baby!'

I cleaned her hands and face when she was done. "Do you want to go to James and Carlos and give them their cupcakes?" She nodded and grinned. "Then go wake daddy up, but be careful with the baby" I put her on the ground and she walked to the living room. I followed to see what she was going to do. She crawled on the ground with help from Logan's shirt. I saw she do like me, how I woke Logan up, but instead of gently stroking his cheek she slapped him right in the face. But in a loving manner –I hoped. Logan tried not to yelp and quickly opened his eyes, before he would get slapped another time.

"Cakes!" She said happily when he looked at her.

He smiled. "Alright. I'm up. Let me see your cupcakes, baby girl" Keira ran back to the kitchen and pointed at the kitchen table.

"There" She said when Logan had gotten up too and followed her to the kitchen.

"They're pretty, honey. C'mere" She wobbled closer to me and he bent down to pick her up. I shot him a warning look, this wasn't good for his back at all, but he ignored me or just didn't see it.

"We're going to give James and Carlos their cupcakes" I explained and took Keira from him. He wasn't very happy with that. I ignored the state of the kitchen, knowing that I'll have to clean it up eventually. "Let's go"

We walked to our neighbors and went in without knocking, like we always did. They did the same, so I didn't really feel guilty about it. Besides, we spent most of the days together anyway.

We found Carlos in the living room. He'd clearly been crying. Keira noticed to and squirmed in my arms. I put her down and she walked over to Carlos, crawling into her lap. He smiled at her and then got a confused and slightly worried look on his face. He turned his head and saw us standing in the opening of the living room. "Oh, hey" He said and quickly whipped his eyes, before putting his arms back around Keira.

"What's wrong?"

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Nothing"

Yeah, right. "Where's James?"

"Upstairs" Carlos answered and didn't look at us. "What brings you here?"

"Cakes!" Keira said happily and climbed off his lap again to snatch the box with cupcakes from my hands. She went back to Carlos and showed them to him.

"For Calos!"

He smiled, a real smile this time. "Thanks, Keke"

"Jayes?" She asked.

"He'll come down in a minute, Keira. Tell me, which one was mine again?" Carlos asked to distract her from James.

Once all three of us had the right cupcake we sat down and ate them. Keira didn't even eat half of hers and started playing with the toys Carlos bought for her for when they would've to babysit her. Spoiled brat.

James came down and although he looked fine, we knew him well enough to see he'd cried as well. There had been something up with them for quite a while now. It had started about four months before our wedding, when at some point they'd both become extremely happy. That lasted for about two months and they were really close. It was great to see them so couple-ish with each other. It suddenly changed, the happy sphere around them had disappeared, while the closeness had stayed. This was when I was when I got suspicious they were not telling us something. And for the last three weeks their relationship had been unstable. Some days they were really close and sweet to each other. They would whispered things in the other's ears and steal kisses when they thought we weren't looking. Other days, like today, they were both grumpy and tense and stayed away from each as far as possible.

On top of that. I noticed James looking at Logan more. It was irritating me so much. What the hell did he want? He had Carlos and Logan was mine. I wasn't afraid to show that and every time I caught him doing that I wrapped an arm around Logan's waist and glared at him until he noticed the look in my eyes and looked away. I was getting pretty good at recognizing the 'I'm-talking-to-Logan-so-it's-nice-to-look-him-in-the-eyes' look and the 'I-want-you' look. Because that's what I saw in James' eyes every time I caught him looking at us. Jealousy.

"Hey, guys. How are you doing?" He asked politely, keeping the subject off him and Carlos.

"Great. Now the big question, how are you? What's going on?" Logan asked sternly.

"Nothing" James said quickly. Carlos turned to him and raised an eyebrow, silently asking James 'why not?'.

"Yeah, right. There has been something up with you for almost a half year now. Does it have something to do with us? Why can't you just tell what's going on?" I asked.

"Do you've to know everything? We don't want to tell, deal with it" James snapped.

"James, you promised we would tell when they would ask about it" Carlos reminded him.

"No. They don't need to know"

"You said-"

"I know what I said! And I take it back, okay? I'm not ready for this"

"You take it back? Do you care at all? You know what, why don't you just go away all together? I don't care anymore"

James' angry face changed comically fast. "I do care" He said softly.

"Then why don't you show it? It's not that hard, you know"

James walked up to Carlos and gave him a kiss on his forehead. "You're right. I'm sorry" He mumbled. "I know I promised, but I really don't want to tell right now. Can we wait a little longer?" Pleaded James.

Carlos nodded forgivingly. James smiled and gave Carlos and apologetic kiss. I glanced at Logan and saw him smiling. He noticed me looking at him and leaned closer to whispered in my ear. "It's cute how quick James gives in. He only does that with Carlos"

"I heard that!" James said loudly. "It's not true"

"Yes, it is" Carlos said and grinned at James. He stood on tip toes to kiss him.

"Yeah, but they didn't need to know that" He pouted.

Logan laughed. "You're not the only one who does, James. I know another one"

"Hey!" I said when I realized he was talking about me.

Carlos smirked and fist boxed Logan. "We rock"

"Yeah, we do" Logan laughed.

"I remember you both eagerly giving in when _we_ proposed" James brought in and raised an eyebrow.

I smirked, if we were going to play like this, James and I so were going to win. "And you two are the girly ones"

"Carlos has to stand on tip toes to kiss me"

"Logan enjoys submitting"

Carlos and Logan exchanged desperate glances. "yeah, well, you… uhm… You two are the ones that are into cuddling" He said triumphantly.

I raised an eyebrow. "And that proves what?"

"That you two are girls here. Not me and Logan"

My grin faltered. I saw James expression growing into one of disbelieve. James and I were so not the wives. That was just one step too far. From Carlos. My Logie had said nothing. Although he had been very amused by that remark…

"One step too far, buddy" Logan mumbled slightly panicked into Carlos' ear.

"I noticed. Now what? You're the genius, figure something out"

"I panic under pressure! Just run!"

Carlos didn't question it and trusted on Logan completely. Logan's back had thankfully recovered enough from that second nap, so I didn't have to worry about him hurting his back while running. They both sped off, out of the house into the backyard. I grinned at James and glanced at Keira, who was playing sweetly in her corner, before running after James, making sure to close the door behind me so she wouldn't walk outside and fall down the few steps that led from the veranda to the grass field.

Logan and Carlos were already standing at the end of the garden, Carlos clearly yelling at Logan for coming up with such a stupid plan. I agreed on that.

Neither of them had seen us yet and James and I both took a side trapping them in their corner. Carlos noticed first and fled, running away from James. See, that was his mistake. If he thought I would go straight after Logan, he was wrong. This was one amazing opportunity. I would just keep him until I could trade with James when he caught Logan. I wasn't really sure if I liked that yet, but I knew James well enough that he wouldn't make a stupid move so fast after he and Carlos fought. I hoped that hadn't changed.

Carlos ran past me and I grabbed his wrist, pulling him back. He squeaked and almost fell. I smirked and quickly pulled his arms behind his back. He struggled, but couldn't break free. "Not cool, Kendall"

"Hey Kendall!" Yelled James. "I wanna trade" He was holding Logan the same way as I was holding Carlos, with his arms behind his back, as a cop that tried to put handcuffs on someone's wrists.

"James, let go of me" Logan said calmly.

"Not until I've traded you for my husband"

"Please, James. Just let go of me. I'll wait right here" He sounded slightly panicked now.

"Can't do, Loges. Deal with it"

And that's when I noticed how scared Logan was. I had a flash back to the months after 'Jett happened'.

_"I don't mind you kissing me" He then said softly._

_"Then why don't you let me?" I asked._

_"You've the intention to hold me real tight when you do that" He whispered._

_That wasn't exactly what I'd expected him to say. "So?"_

_"So? I've been unable to fucking move for two weeks! That's so! You're no longer Kendall the moment you do that. You become like Jett and it scares me shitless. You happy now?"_

Logan had freaked out every time he somehow had to stay in place. He almost fainted when we got stuck in the elevator for two minutes. It was clearly not only me holding him so tight he couldn't get away, but anyone and any situation.

"Fuck" I cursed. I let go of Carlos and quickly started running towards them. "James, let go"

"Yeah, but-"

"NOW!" I snapped. James looked rather offended and released Logan's wrists. He probably thought I didn't like it he was touching Logan, that this had something to do with the 'James-likes-Logan' thing. It didn't.

I caught Logan when he stumbled forward. He wrapped his arms around my chest tightly, like he was never letting go of me again. I also remembered this from that months. He was trembling pretty badly and I felt tears dripping on my shirt. "Shh. You're okay, sweetie. That was just James"

This was the first time he fell back into this and I tried to remember what I did back then to calm him down. I looked up and saw that James and Carlos now recognized the whole thing too. He'd always been clung to me the months after Jett happened. James got a very guilty look on his face. I smiled sadly at him, telling him he couldn't have known this would happen.

Logan was trying to disappear into my body. That's what it felt like anyway. He was almost squeezing me so hard I couldn't breath. I didn't really know what I had to do now and just rubbed his back, trying to come up with something brilliant that would take his mind off things. Luckily Carlos had figured out the first step of a plan. "Go home. We'll watch Keira" I nodded and gave them another sad smile, before leaning down slightly and putting an arm behind Logan's knees, lifting him up bridal style. James and Carlos went back inside and I carried Logan home, using the small porch that connected our gardens.

I put him on the ground when I closed the backdoor behind us and started walking to the stairs, figuring he would follow me. Wrong conclusion.

"Don't go" He whimpered.

I instantly turned around and pulled him back in my embrace. "I was just going to fill the bath, Logie" I mumbled and kissed his forehead. He nodded and grabbed my hand. I pulled him with me to the bathroom upstairs. He sat on the closed toilet lit while I turned the faucet and poured some bubbles in it. I pulled off my clothes and then went over to help him with his, which was slightly difficult since he was still shaking. I helped him into the bathtub first before sliding behind him and pulling him back against my chest. I put my hands on his stomach , gently rubbing his bump with our baby. It took a while before I felt him relax, but he did and I couldn't have been happier. That was until I saw tears running down his cheeks. I hummed softly in his ear, rocking him slightly and trying to get him calm again. I continued doing this until he cried himself to sleep.

When he didn't wake up after half an hour I was getting a little worried about the temperature of the water. I didn't want him to get sick because he'd been sleeping in cold water. I managed to get the plug out without waking him. When enough water ran out of the bath I put the plug back and turned the water on again, turning the temperature really hot. I felt better when he was no long lying in cold water.

Another half an hour later I saw his eyelid flutter. "Hey, sweetie" I said quietly.

"Hi" He answered tiredly.

"Do you feel any better?" He nodded, but didn't say anything. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No" He whispered. "It's okay now. I just freaked out and then I had to think of what happened. I'm fine now"

I nodded worriedly and decided to keep an eye on him for the rest of the day. We got out and made dinner together. After eating we watched a movie and then went to bed. I got in and Logan scooted towards me, curling up on my side. "Thank you" He said softly and kissed my cheek.

"For what?"

"For being the most perfect husband ever and calming me down today"

"Everything for you, sweetie"

He smiled and snuggled closer, deeper in my embrace. "I love you, Kendall"

"I love you too, Logie. So much"

**I don't have really something to tell you. Just tell me what you think? :)**


	27. It hurts, James! It hurts!

**It hurts, James! It hurts!**

I woke up in the middle of the night and I had no idea why, until I heard crying. It wasn't Logan, he was sleeping peacefully in my embrace. No, I heard Keira. I was a little startled at first, she never woke up in the middle of the night, let alone cry like this. I decided to ignore it, maybe she would stop and go back to sleep out of herself.

I focused on Logan and pulled him a little closer. He was now 28 weeks pregnant and getting really fat. I didn't remember him being this big when he was pregnant with Keira. Luckily he didn't bitch about it. That would've been awful. Even though Logan was eating like an elephant and his bump was growing steadily, we couldn't feel the baby. Logan hasn't felt ML2 moving at all. I was really starting to get worried now. I could feel Keira moving at four months, Logan was now seven months along and even he couldn't feel it yet. If you combined this with the back pain, you had one very worried Kendall. Every check up we asked again if something was wrong, but the doctor never found something odd or unusual and he reassured us nothing was wrong. He would've seen that by now. It didn't stop me from keeping a close watch on Logan.

"Kendall?" He whispered.

"Hey, I didn't know you were awake" I said softly.

"My daughter is crying, what do you think I would do? Sleep on?"

"She's been crying for about ten minutes now, I hoped she would go back to sleep out of herself"

"She obviously isn't going to do that" He said, clearly annoyed with me and started to wriggle out of my arms.

I pulled him back and placed a kiss on his cheek. "I'll go, Logie. Go back to sleep"

He nodded and laid back, watching how I got up and pulled on a shirt and boxers. He giggled when I blew him a kiss before walking out of the room to Keira's.

I opened the door and saw her standing in her crib, tears streaming down her red cheeks. I cursed myself for not going to her immediately. She was so sad. I quickly went over and picked her out of her crib. She rested her head on my shoulder and fisted my shirt in her little hands. "What's wrong, baby girl?" I asked her while gently rocking her, not really expecting an answer. She just continued crying, tears dripping on my chest. "It's alright, papa is here now. Don't cry, honey"

I started walking around the room slowly, running my hand through her hair. So far it didn't really seem like she was going to stop crying anytime soon. "Did you've a bad dream?"

She didn't answer me, or made an attempt on responding at all. I kept on walking around the room, hoping that the movement would calm her down and bring her back to sleep, but I'd no such luck.

Another ten minutes later she was still crying and the only progress I made was muffling the sound a little by letting her cry on my shirt. I was getting desperate now. What was going on? She was never like this. "What's wrong, Keke? Hmm?" I asked her, knowing I wouldn't get any kind of responds. "Were your dreams scary?"

"Papa" She whimpered.

"I'm here, baby. I'll take care of it" _Whatever it is that scared or hurt her. _She didn't say anything anymore and I had no idea what to do now. I wondered if I should get Logan, but decided against it. I could handle this. I was able to calm my own daughter down.

_Milk_, I thought suddenly. Warm milk would work. I remembered how it worked wonders on me and Katie. "How about some warm milk, Keira? Would you like that?"

I didn't wait for an answer since I wouldn't get it and carried her down to the kitchen. I managed to fill a steel pan with milk without putting her down and continued rocking her until the milk was done. I made sure it wasn't too hot before pouring it into a baby bottle. I went to the living room and grabbed a blanket from the closet under the mirror. I didn't want her to get cold and since I was only in my boxers and shirt I could use one as well. I sat down, stretched my legs and placed Keira in my lap. I gave her the bottle and pulled the blanket over us. She leaned back on my chest and started sucking on it. I felt her relaxing while drinking the milk and soon the tears stopped rolling down her cheeks. She closed her eyes tiredly, but didn't stop drinking. I slowly slit down until I was lying on my back with her on my right side, against the back of the couch. The bottle was empty now and I put it on the ground. Keira was falling asleep again, only hiccupping every few seconds. I placed a hand on her stomach and that seemed to be the last part to the formula of sleep I'd been looking for. It always worked to calm her down. Not long after that I followed her example and fell asleep.

**27&27&27&27&27&27&27**

I woke up in the morning, lying on the couch with Keira still sleeping peacefully on my chest. I smiled down and her and closed my eyes again. I was slumbering for about ten minutes when I heard Logan running down the stairs. He sighed in relieve when he saw us on the couch. I didn't open my eyes since I didn't really feel like waking up yet.

Logan walked away to the kitchen where he started to prepare breakfast. I heard the coffee maker and him pouring cereal and milk into a bowel. About five minutes later I heard him going through the closets above the counter and the sound of a bag cookies opening. I chuckled softly. Logan had been craving things for about two months now. He wasn't so horrible about getting fat as when he was pregnant with Keira and I gave him permission to eat everything. He took full use of that. We had to go grocery shopping at least two times a week, because Logan ate so much. Not only we had to do that, James and Carlos as well. Since we were there just as often as we were home and Logan ate all of their food as well. Especially Carlos was getting really irritated about that, because Logan suddenly loved corndogs and every time Logan was there all of the yellow sticks disappeared into Logan's stomach. I thought it was cute and so did James, something that made the whole situation a lot less fun.  
>Another pack opened and Logan started eating again while searching in the refrigerator for something to drink. "Logan?" I said amused. "What are you doing?"<br>"Eating" He answered with his mouth full. I grimaced when I imagined how that must have looked like.  
>"Haven't you had enough yet?"<br>"Ask yourself. I feel like I'm carrying you around, you're fat as well"  
>"I'm not fat!"<br>"Of course not, Kendall" He said sweetly.  
>"You're going down!"<br>I could almost hear him rolling his eyes. "Sure"  
>"Are you doubting my qualities as the man of the house?"<br>"I can't doubt something you don't have"  
>I was about to say something very smart and sharp, but Keira woke up. She lifted her head off my chest and looked up in my face. "Papa" She said happily.<br>I smiled back. "Hi, baby" She planted her hands on my chest and pushed herself up until she was sitting on my stomach. "Did you sleep good?"  
>She nodded and began to climb off me. I grabbed her arm when she almost fell and helped her safely onto the ground. She started running over to Logan. I sat up and now saw that he was eating pickles. Strangely I never heard him opening the pot. He picked her up. "Why were you sleeping here with papa, honey?"<br>She just shrugged and stuck her hands out to the pickle Logan was holding. "No, that's mine" He said and quickly took a bite. "You won't even like it"  
>She stared at him, her eyes started to fill with tears. "Alright! But I tell ya now, if you're gonna steal all my pickles, I will have to give you away" She ignored it and took hold of the green vegetable. She brought it up to her mouth and took a bite. She chewed on it and pulled a disgusted face. She spit it out of her mouth. "I told you, you don't like it. Now I wasted my pickle on you" He pouted while grabbed a piece of kitchen paper and cleaned her chin, before setting her down on the ground. He took a banana from the fruit bowl and gave it to Keira. "Here, go ask papa to help you with it"<br>Keira grinned and wobbled back over to the couch, dropping the banana in my lap. I unfolded it and broke it in half, giving her the first piece. "Banana" She cooed.  
>"Yes, that's a banana. Go eat it" She nodded as if that was the best idea in the whole world and fell back on her butt, focusing on the light yellow fruit in her hands. It was so simple to keep an one and a half year old girl happy. Give her a banana and you won't hear from her for half an hour. I ate the other half, knowing that Keira would never eat it and walked over to Logan. I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind and kissed the back of his neck. "Good morning, sweetie"<br>He leaned back into my embrace. "G'morning. Why were you sleeping here?"  
>"Keira was crying. I couldn't calm her down and went down to make warm milk. That helped and she fell asleep right after. I didn't want to wake her up so I just stayed there too"<br>"Why was she crying?" He asked worriedly. He looked over at Keira who was still sitting on the ground, her legs spread wide, eating her banana and making a mess of her face and hands.  
>"I've no idea. She seems fine now, so I guess it was just a bad dream"<br>He nodded slowly, still not quite sure about it. He brought his hands up to his stomach. "I thought I felt baby move earlier" He told me.  
>"Really?" I said excitedly. I knocked his hands out of the way and placed them on the baby bump.<br>"It weren't really kicks" Logan said. "It was just a movement"  
>"Oh" I mumbled, disappointed. "That's still good, I guess. It's better than feeling totally nothing"<br>"Yeah. He's probably just lazy"  
>I chuckled. "It's a girl, Logie. Quit calling her a 'he'"<br>"It's a boy, Kendall, I'm sure this time. I've a few pretty good arguments"  
>"Tell me" I commanded.<br>"Alright. One, he's always hungry, like you"  
>"That sounds more like Carlos, but go on"<br>He rolled his eyes. "Two, I suddenly love soccer"  
>"Girls play soccer too"<br>He ignored that. "Three, I don't care about getting fat"  
>"Means that this baby will have your fast digestion and will have a great figure"<br>Logan blushed, but went on. "Four, I want a boy and normally you give me everything I want"  
>"This is true" I said thoughtfully.<br>"Five, this kid is ruining my back, while Keira didn't"  
>I said nothing. This was true as well. Not something I really liked, especially since Logan continued lying about it, which made me force him to go lie down when Keira was taking her nap.<br>"Six, I'm less submissive than I'm normally"  
>I smirked, that was also true. Logan really put up a fight now. Two days ago he managed for the first time to overpower me, without me letting him. I wasn't planning on it at all, but suddenly Logan was on top and riding me. It was quite a turn on.<br>"Seven, I'm eating pickles"  
>"And how is that relevant?" His hand was suddenly on my inner thigh and slowly moving up.<br>I let out a quiet moan. "Alright, I get it"  
>"Eight, -"<br>"How long is this list going to be?" I asked.  
>"Hush. Until I'm done" I smiled and rested my head on top of his, rubbing his sides. "So, eight, we only managed to come up with a boys name, that has to mean something"<br>"So were still going with that one?"  
>"Yes, I like it, this name has some meaning to it"<br>"That's true. Okay, maybe this is a boy"  
>"Why would you think it's a girl?"<br>I shrugged. "I just think so. I would love another girl"  
>He nodded. We both looked up when we saw Keira coming over to us, showing she'd eaten all of the banana and made the mess we'd expected.<br>Logan picked her up. "You need a bath, Keke. You're dirty"  
>I glanced at the clock. 9 am. I still had some time before I had to go over and help James and Carlos with their house. I wasn't really looking forward to it. I didn't feel much for being around annoying James, who hurt his own husband by hitting on mine, making me see green with jealously. "Why not take a shower together?"<br>Logan looked at the clock as well. "Sure"  
>I smiled and took Keira from him, carrying her upstairs to the bathroom, Logan following me closely. He undressed quickly and got into the cabin, while I first pulled Keira's clothes off and gave her to him, before peeling off my own and getting in with them, closing the door behind me. It was a bit full, seeing as this shower was made for one person, while we were in here with four, but it fitted. Keira still loved to shower and amused herself quite good. I got to work, pulling out the soap and covering my daughter and husband in it completely. Keira tried to stab all the bubbles on Logan's shoulders. After washing it off I washed their hair.<br>Logan stopped me when I was about to do myself. "Let me do it" He said and gave Keira to me. I babbled with Keira while his hand massaged the soap over my body. I loved feeling his hands all over me almost as much as I loved touching him.

His arms sneaked around my waist from behind and he pressed himself against my back. He kissed me between my shoulder blades before pressing his cheek against my skin and sighing satisfied. I moved one arm behind my back until I felt Logan's skin. I turned around so I could hug him back. Keira was now with her body under the water and was absolutely loving it. She was shaking her head and patting my skin so the water would splatter up.  
>I wrapped my arm around Logan's shoulders and held him tightly against me. I kissed the top of his head and rubbed his arm, while he wrapped his arms around my waist again and watched Keira playing.<br>"Hello!" James yelled from downstairs. I gritted my teeth. Of course, fucking Diamond had to ruin everything.  
>"We're in the shower! Go away!" I shouted back. Keira looked at me with wide eyes, but she wasn't the only who caught my angry tone.<br>"Kendall, he was just asking where we're" Logan said calmly. "You're scaring Keira"  
>I quickly looked at my baby girl and kissed her forehead, making her relax. "Sorry" I said.<br>I wasn't really sorry. James has been working on my nerves all month. Not just any nerves, no, my 'flirt-with-Logan-and-I'll-kill-you' nerves. Because that was James has been doing, flirting with Logan. I guess it started a few days after I made cupcakes with Keira. He was suddenly a lot sweeter and nicer to Logan. I didn't even notice what he was doing until he took it a step further.  
>That was the beginning of this month. Carlos, James and I just started with painting the rooms on the second floor of their house. Logan wasn't around all that much, since I forbid him to do anything that has the word 'hard' or 'work' or 'heavy' in it. He was at home, watching Keira and making us lunch and dinner since I couldn't take all the work away from him. He also vacuumed, did the dishes and did the laundry for ourselves and James and Carlos. He was doing a lot in and around our houses and how much I told him to take it easy, he just didn't do it. Until I forced him to lay down when Keira was taking her nap. He only did that, because I threatened to tie him to it. He knew I was serious.<br>Anyway, James started to compliment Logan. How beautiful his eyes were, that he was wearing a nice shirt, that he loved how Logan smelled etc. It was an endless stream of comments on how good Logan looked. I would've done something about it already, if I hadn't decided Carlos should say something about it. James was his husband, and as long as Logan was oblivious to it, I wasn't all that worried about it. The only thing that worried me was Carlos. Normally when James did anything like this, Carlos would immediately put up a fight, giving James a lesson. But now, the short Latino didn't do anything. He just ignored the whole thing as if it was nothing special.  
>I decided to wait until he would stop James. It would definitely satisfy me to break his pretty nose, but he probably wouldn't let that stop him. I figured that Carlos was the only one who could knock some common sense in his head, so until Carlos would do that, I would sit back and wait. Something that was quite hard when someone was throwing himself at my very pregnant husband. I mean, hello! He's pregnant! That's the most obvious sign he belongs to someone! All over the world it means the same thing; 'I'm carrying my husbands child, do not touch, it's his'. Alright, it maybe didn't apply in every situation, but it certainly did in ours. Logan was my husband, having my baby, living in my house, sleeping with me in our bed and loved me. No, I wasn't possessive it all! -Sarcasm, people, note that.<br>The third step was even worse, that started about two weeks ago. He was touching Logan. First it was all platonic, just a hand on a shoulder or arm. After two days he would sling an arm around Logan's shoulders when we were sitting or he grabbed Logan's hand when James wanted to show him something. Step 3.3 was a hand on Logan's knee or an arm around his waist. And precisely one week ago, I found a hand on the inside of Logan's thigh. Too far, James. Too far.  
>I had no idea how Logan could be this oblivious. Normally he noticed everything that was going on, but somehow, when it implied himself, he just didn't see it. Whenever James made him a compliment, he would thank the pretty boy with a big smile on his face. He didn't seem to mind any of James' touches or flirts, but didn't go into it either.<br>Since last week I finally saw reactions coming from Carlos. James had started saying things about Logan being pregnant. How good he looked. That he couldn't wait to meet a baby carried by someone so great and awesome. That this baby must be very happy to be inside someone so warm and soft -I sure caught the sexual theme there. I had been so close to murdering James. The only reason I didn't was because I wanted to be here when my baby was born. If James wanted to have a baby so badly he should get one himself instead of stealing mine, while it was still in my husband. They were mine. All mine.

"C'mon guys! Fun time's over"  
>"James! What the fuck are you doing in my bathroom?" I said livid.<br>"Chillex Kendall, it's not like I've never seen you naked before" He laughed.  
>The only thing that kept me from strangling James was Keira. I didn't want to scare her again, but otherwise I'd made James' pervert mind stop thinking minutes ago. The only reason why he was here was because he wanted to see Logan naked. Yeah, not gonna happen. Luckily the private parts of are body were hidden by an white stripe, but our heads and feet were visible. I didn't want James to see any part of Logan's wet and sexy body, so I took a small step to the right, covering Logan completely. I gave him Keira before turning around to yell some more at James. "The only thing that keeps me from strangling you right now is my daughter, who's eyes can easily be covered so I could still do just that. I suggest you get the hell out of my bathroom" I said dangerously. James seemed to finally get it, he turned around and left.<br>"Fucking perverted, cheating son of a bitch" I mumbled soft enough for Logan and Keira not to hear before turning around again. Logan was glaring at me disapprovingly. "What?" I snapped. "He needs to stay away from my bathroom while we're using it"  
>"He was just messing with you, don't get so angry at him all the time"<br>I laughed darkly. "You're right, Logie. I'll be nice to him from now on" While your looking, I added in my mind. There was no way I was going to be nice to James when he was acting like this. He deserved it.  
>Logan smiled and quickly pecked my lips, completely oblivious to my lie. "Good. Hold Keira while I get dry"<br>I took Keira from him and he got out. Keira giggled when I splashed some water at her. She did the same thing to me and we got lost in a water battle until she got tired of it and leaned her little body against mine. I put a hand on her back and rubbed it softly.  
>I loved her so much. Keira was anything I could've wished for in a child. She was my perfect little girl. She was smart and sweet, she was enthusiastic and happy and loved. I would do anything to keep her that way. She became more gorgeous every day and I enjoyed to see how she started to act like Logan more and more. I was surprised to see that she even had some of my properties. I mostly saw it in how she adored Logan, that had to come from me. I also saw that glint of determine and stubbornness I was so infamous for.<br>Suddenly the door opened and Logan took a picture of us, making sure no inappropriate body parts were visible. He smiled at the picture and then put the camera aside. I gave him Keira and turned the water off, before getting out myself. Keira was a little drowsy from all the fun and quietly let Logan dry and dress her. He went down, taking her with him.  
>I wrapped the towel around my waist -you never knew where James would come from- and picked the camera up. I didn't have to search long for the photo Logan just made. It was cute.<br>I remembered James was still here and quickly got dressed. I didn't want those two be alone for too long, but before I could get my pants on, Logan yelled "Kendall!"  
>I dropped my pants and ran down the stairs in only my boxers and shirt. I saw that Carlos was here too, which made me slightly more comfortable. Not that James would let Carlos stop him. "What?" I asked suspiciously. All three of them were smiling, so I figured it wasn't something serious. It was such a nice change to see a smile on Carlos' face. Instead of all the blank faces and hurt looks. "C'mere" Logan said urgently. I quickly came over, Logan grabbed my hands and placed them on some place on our baby. I hoped this was where I'd been waiting for. Logan looked up at me expectantly, but also a bit desperate. I wondered where the last came from. "Do you feel it?" He asked hopeful.<br>I waited a ful minute before shaking my head. "No"  
>"I can feel him moving though" Logan said disappointed.<br>"Don't worry, Kendall. Carlos and I couldn't feel it either" James said. I froze. Why the hell got James and Carlos to feel before me? I'm the father! It's my baby! James shouldn't even be anywhere near Logan. I could forgive Carlos, but James had done a little bit too much to deserve my forgiveness.  
>"Why don't you two go home? Kendall will follow you in a minute and I'll bake pancakes for lunch" Logan said quickly before I could do anything.<br>"Great! You make the best pancakes, Logan" James smiled. Of course. I was going to kill him soon. Really soon.  
>Logan grinned back. "Thank you"<br>They left and Logan focused on me again. "Why are you so mad at James?" He asked softly. I leaned back against the counter and Logan wrapped his arms around my waist.  
>"Because" I answered stubbornly.<br>"Yeah, I'm not going to settle for that. What's going on, Kendall?"  
>"James is flirting with you" I blurted out. Logan didn't respond and I could feel him frowning. "I'm not crazy or imagining things, Carlos sees it too" I added quickly.<br>"I'm sorry, Kendall. I didn't notice" He said softly.  
>"Don't worry about it. In the beginning it was slightly funny to see you turning him down every time. And it's Carlos you should be sorry for. I don't like watching it happen, but it must be even worse to see his own husband throwing himself at you while he's in the room"<br>Logan grimaced. "Should I talk to him about it?"  
>"I was kinda waiting for Carlos to do so" I said. Logan looked up at me confused. "I think it's more effective when he does it instead of we. I don't know exactly what's going on with them, but I do know we know absolutely nothing. It probably won't matter what we say, because maybe there is a little change that James can explain his behavior. I hope they work it out themselves"<br>Logan looked at me thoughtfully. "How long exactly has James been flirting with me?"  
>"Somewhere around six weeks"<br>"That's really long. And you still think James can justify his behavior?" Logan asked incredulously.  
>"I kinda hope now that Carlos will explode and kick some sense into him, but even that get's less likely every day"<br>"Kendall, if he doesn't stop tomorrow, we've to talk to him. You're getting hurt, not to speak of how bad it is for Carlos, and I don't want to cause any problems. This has to stop"  
>"You're right, sweetie. We'll talk to them"<br>"Good" He kissed me softly and moved his hands up under my shirt. "You know I would never cheat on you, right? Let alone with James"  
>I smiled and caressed his cheek with the back of my hand. "I know, Logie"<br>He kissed me again and I quickly deepened it before he would pull away. He opened up before I could ask for it and let me do what I wanted. It was a sweet kiss. One that made me forget about any doubts I had. Logan pulled back eventually. "We'll continue that tonight" He whispered. I grinned. "You should go now"  
>"I don't wanna" I pouted.<br>He smiled and kissed me again. "Go, before I've to take my words back and then you won't nearly have as much fun tonight"  
>"Alright. I'm going!" I kissed his cheek and petted Keira's hair before walking to the door. "Bye!"<br>Logan chuckled. "Pants"  
>I looked down and saw I was indeed missing that piece of clothing. "Right" I turned around and ran up the stairs to get my jeans. I came back down and kissed Keira's cheek. "Bye, baby"<br>I would've kissed Logan too, but he wasn't anywhere near. Probably in the bathroom or something. I walked over to our friends' house, wondering what would happen today. I really hoped Carlos would teach James a lesson. He didn't deserve to be treated like that.  
>The door was open and I went inside, only to stop when I heard their voices coming from upstairs. I hadn't heard them talking in a month. They were always together, but neither of them said a word to the other when we were in the room.<br>"James, just stop this" I heard Carlos pleading. "You're hurting me"  
>"I've no idea what you're talking about"<br>"You do! Don't lie, James. Why am I not good enough?"  
>"You are! I've no idea where this is coming from!"<br>"Oh, I wouldn't know! Maybe you've been practically ignoring me all month? Or was it that you were throwing yourself at Logan?"  
>"I haven't done either if those things!"<br>"James, just stop this!" I could hear the tears in Carlos' voice. "Every night I ask you what's wrong! Every night you tell me to fuck off! I've no idea what I'm still doing here!"  
>"Yeah, well maybe I was done with you turning away from me all the time! You don't let me hug you, or kiss you and sex only happens when you want it! I love you, but if you don't let me, I can't show you!"<br>"You could've told me that earlier, you know" Carlos said softly. "We could've worked on that. I... I just have my reasons..."  
>"Well, I'm getting tired of it! You could initiate those things too! You used to do that all the time. You were one big cuddle bear and I'm starting to think we touched each other more when we were still friends!"<br>Maybe Carlos didn't notice, but I certainly did. James was turning the tables, making Carlos feel guilty for starting this. I decided it was time to come in between. I slammed the door shut. "Hello!" I yelled.  
>"Upstairs!" James shouted back.<br>Alright, Kendall. Don't say anything, just let Carlos handle this. That'll be better for all of you. If it doesn't stop tomorrow Logan will knock some sense into them. That always works about better than when I would try to do that. I'll just end up punching James.  
>I went up the stairs and found them in the second bedroom. "We need more paint" James told me as if nothing happened. "Could you go get it? I already placed the order and all, you just have to pick it up"<br>"Sure"  
>"I'm going with you" Carlos said quickly. He fled down the stairs before either of us could say anything about it. James didn't seem to care at all. He shrugged and went into the room he and Carlos shared to finish the closet he was building.<br>I shook my head and followed Carlos. He was already in the car, looking out of the window, away from me. I didn't know exactly why Carlos would want to come with me, the only explanation I had was that he just wanted to get away from James. We drove in silence. He stayed in the same position and stared out of the window. I noticed that Carlos wasn't much larger than Logan. They had the same length, the difference was that Carlos was broader, less fragile, but now I heard them fight Carlos suddenly was like the little kid again that we met on the ice. It was true what James said, Carlos always had been one big ball of joy. He gave the most hugs and always tried to cheer us up. He was still optimistic and childlike-sometimes-, but he also got more serious and the touches stopped. Even James, who was the one that almost never touched someone else-afraid they would ruin his clothes or hair- seemed to be more touchy-feely than Carlos was these days. I wondered what changed. Maybe it just was the obvious reason, he grew up. Like we all did.  
>We arrived at the store, but Carlos made no attempt on coming with me. I wasn't going to pressure him and went in alone. I had to wait half an hour before it was my turn at the desk. It took the lazy teenager another ten minutes to get my order.<p>

When I could finally go back to the car I already forgot Carlos was still in there. He'd clearly been crying. This was so fucked up. It was the second time I found Carlos when he'd cried, obviously over James' behavior and still nothing had changed. It made me so mad. Carlos wasn't supposed to get hurt. "Hey" I said when I got in again. I closed the door and turned the engine on.

"Hi" He said somewhat smothered. For some time we said nothing. I heard Carlos sniffling on regular base and was gathering the courage to ask him about it, when he started talking about himself. "I know you heard the fight"

"I did" I admitted. There was not really a point in denying it if I wanted to talk with him about it.

"What do you think I should do now?"

I would dump his unworthy ass and never talk to him again. "I… uhm, maybe you could ask him what he meant with the things he said and listen to that. If you do that, he might cool down a little and than you could tell him about what's bothering you, because it really has to stop"

Carlos nodded, a bit more confident now he had a plan. I really hoped it would work. It would get really awkward if Carlos and James would get a divorce. I didn't want to choose between my friends, but if they didn't want to be anywhere near each other anymore, Logan and I won't have that much choice. Right now, I was 100% on Carlos' side, but I wasn't so sure about Logan. Maybe he could understand where James was coming from. It made me worried, I didn't want a break up between Carlos and James to cause any problems between me and Logan.

"I love James, you know" Carlos said softly.

"And I think he loves you too, but he just… yeah, you know, he-"

"Is being a huge asshole?" Carlos smiled humorless. "I'm surprised you haven't killed him yet"

I chuckled darkly. "I was really close today"

"I could see that. Thank you for not doing that"

"Your welcome"

The rest of the drive home was silent. The mood was lightened, a new, more hopeful Carlos next to me. Another Carlos thing, always seeing the positive side of people.

I parked the car on the lawn and we got out. I carried the paint cans inside. "James, where back!" Yelled Carlos.

Nothing.

Carlos frowned. "James?" He shouted.

Again. Nothing.

He ran up the stairs and I heard him searching the rooms. He came back only a minute later. "He's not here" He said confused.

I frowned too. James was supposed to be here, working on his house. Where could he have gone?

Logan.

It was the first and most obvious answer that got up in my mind. Of course. Where else would he go when me and Carlos were gone? That was just a great opportunity. "I know where he is" I growled.

"Me too" Carlos whispered. He swallowed.

I opened the door and let him go first. We quietly, but rapidly walked over to mine and Logan's home. It was so obvious James would go here if neither of us was around. I wasn't really worried he would hurt Logan or something, seeing as James worshiped him, but I didn't really know about other things. I opened yet another door and instantly heard their voices coming from the kitchen, along with the smell of chocolate chip pancakes. They hadn't heard us.

But we could see them. Logan was standing in the middle of the kitchen, his back a little hollow so the baby bump would stick out front. James was in front of him, both of his hands on Logan's stomach. They were smiling.

"I can't wait until Kendall gets home! He got to feel this!" Logan said excitedly. It made me smile slightly. He wanted me here rather than James.

"I wish Carlos could get pregnant"

**BAM! Yeah, now what? Next chapter will partly be from Carlos' POV, because I know a lot of you guys are confused about his behavior and all. Tell me what you want to know, that makes it a lot easier! I hoped you enjoyed this chapter, 'cause I did. **


	28. Kicks and Pancakes

**Kicks and Pancakes**

"_I wish Carlos could get pregnant"_

For a moment it was dead silent in the house. James didn't actually say that, right? Why would he want Carlos to get pregnant anyway. He'd seen how things went with Logan, he couldn't actually wish that for his husband, right? That was just cruel. As if you want to kill him.

I heard a sob coming from behind me, causing James and Logan to look up, but before they could do more than that, Carlos had opened the door and was running out. I locked eyes with Logan, who seemed to feel incredibly guilty. I didn't really know if I should be mad at him or not. I didn't really know what they were talking about, but I know did I saw James' hands on his stomach and he wasn't backing away. Oh well, I would deal with that later. I first had to kick James out of my house.

The moment James had noticed Carlos and me standing here he had let go of Logan, which was, actually, progress. Normally he would just ignore us and continue his little flirting and I wasn't really sure what changed. Maybe the fact that this was the first time James noticed Carlos' reaction on his behavior. He was now standing at the other side of the kitchen and ran his hand through his hair, avoiding our eyes. Did he look… guilty?

"Great work, James" I said sarcastically. "Get out of my house"

He looked up at me desperately, as if he was looking for some comfort or forgiveness. Yeah, he wasn't going to find that in me. "Kendall, I-"

"Am a fucking cheating bastard that was just successfully chased his husband away? Yeah, I know. Now leave before I make you" I hissed furiously.

James didn't have to think twice and quickly walked past me to the front door. It opened and shut and then we were alone again. "Explain, please" I asked Logan, while I let myself fall in a chair.

Logan hesitantly came closer until he was standing in front of me and grabbed my hand. I looked up confused when he placed it on the same place as where James had placed his hands. The confusion quickly disappeared when I felt the little movements under my hand. I smiled and pulled him in my lap, keeping my hand on that place. I loved to finally feel my baby move. Once or twice I had a nightmare about our baby being dead inside of Logan, but that fear quickly faded now I felt this. My baby was safe and healthy and finally decided to let us know that, so we wouldn't worry about him or her too much. "I know you don't like it when James touches me, but when I felt this, I couldn't not share it with him. I wanted it to be you, though" He said softly and kissed my cheek.

I nodded in understanding and wrapped the arm that wasn't on his stomach around his waist, holding him tightly against me. ML2 hasn't stopped moving and I wanted to feel as much of the kicks as possible. "Keira is napping?" I asked.

"Yeah, I was bringing her to bed when James came in"

"So that's why you're not lying down. You should really do that, Logan. I know you keep having that pain in your back and doing things all day is not really making it better" He let out an annoyed huff and didn't answer me. "Yeah, you can be mad at me, but I just want to keep you healthy, since you don't seem to care about it"

He sighed and kissed my cheek again. "I hate it when you're right"

I smiled and caressed Logan's bump subconsciously. We sat there for a few minutes, just thinking about what happened. I was wondering where Carlos was. I hoped he was okay and not fighting with James right now. Not that the pretty boy didn't deserve it, I just thought it wasn't the best thing to do now. I hoped they would work it out, whatever was going on with them. I didn't like seeing them like this at all. It was such a change with the months where they'd been all happy and lovey-dovey together. I missed that. Seeing that they were alright and good for each other. This so not fitted either of their characters. Carlos was supposed to be happy-go-lucky and make their house colorful and childish, instead of letting James do all the furniture shopping and coming back with al stark stuff. James was supposed to listen to Carlos and do what he wanted too, not only being self-centered. That just wasn't like him. Yeah, James was selfish, but he used to care more about Carlos than himself. "I heard them fighting this morning" I told Logan, when he realized he didn't knew half of the story yet.

"Oh?" He asked surprised. "About what?"

"The obvious, about James flirting with you. Carlos really sounded hurt, but James just pretended like he didn't do anything wrong. He even turned the whole thing and made Carlos the guilty one. Which, from what I heard, could actually be true"

Logan's eyebrows knitted together. "Was it about Carlos not liking to be touched?"

"Yeah! How do you know!"

"I'm pregnant, Kendall. Not stupid. I've noticed it before. James would try to hug Carlos, but he would ignore James. It's the same with everything James tries, so I can understand he gets sick of that" Logan explained. "I don't know why Carlos acts like that, though, and it certainly does not justify James' behavior from the past month, but it's really obvious"

"Than why did I not notice?"

"Because you, my beloved husband, is sometimes a little to focused on what's going on with you and me instead of anyone else"

I wasn't going to deny that. "That's true"

"I know, but go on"

"Right, so I went to get new paint for them and Carlos came with me, which wasn't all that surprising. He probably just wanted to get away from James. He knew I'd heard their fight and asked me what he should do now. I told him to talk to James about what was bothering him and he was going to do that, but then we walk in here and see you and him. Huh. I still don't get why Carlos got so offended by James' comment" I said confused. Why would Carlos mind it so much? It didn't make any sense at all. James wanted a child, so much was clear right now, but why should Carlos mind that so much?

"I don't have a clue about that one either" Logan sighed. "This sucks"

"I know"

"Hey, I made an awful lot of pancakes and they're getting really cold now. Do you want one?"

"I want a little more than one, Logie" I grinned.

"Good, 'cause there's no way we're able to eat them all"

"With your appetite? I think they're all gone before the day is over"

"You're stupid. I don't eat that much"

"Uhm. Let's see. This morning you ate cereal, two bags of cookies and one pot with pickles. I wasn't here for about three hours, but I bet you've at least eaten an apple or something and now we're going to eat pancakes. No, of course you don't eat that much" I said sarcastically.

"I told you. It's your fault. I can't help it there's a little Kendall in my stomach"

"It's a girl"

"We'll see, Kendall. We'll see"

Logan and I spent the rest of the day mostly in silence. We were both tense and upset and wondering how James and Carlos were doing. I hoped Carlos was okay. I didn't think he went home, but I had no idea where else he could go. He didn't have any money or his cell phone with him.  
>I hadn't seen James at all. He was probably in his house, waiting for Carlos -or so I hoped. I wondered what he was going to do now. Did he want to make it up to Carlos? Or was he so hurt that he would want a divorce? If the last one was true, I was going to do anything to keep them together. It wasn't right, James and Carlos apart.<br>They belonged together, just like me and Logan. It had always been so obvious we all would end up dating each other, our best friends. It were the perfect matches. We didn't have to get to know each other anymore, because we'd known each other our whole lives. We knew exactly what the other wanted and it was easy to give, because that's practically what you've done all your life. I always had been completely devoted to Logan and Logan always came to me when he needed someone. That was still the same, only stronger. James needed someone he could tell what to do and watch out for that person. A relationship with James could only work when James gave more about the other person then himself. And the only person James loved more than he loved himself was Carlos. It had always been that way. Ever since the first time we met, James and Carlos would pair up and do things together. If we were with the four of us, I was the one who kept us together and made the plans, but James and Carlos worked better with just the two of them. Carlos needed someone he could trust and share his plans with, without getting laughed at or humiliated. James was the only one who managed to see some potential in his ideas, while Logan would instantly have pointed out the weak point and I would just have laughed. With James, his crazy plans sometimes really worked. Carlos needed someone that loved him no matter what and would keep him in track. James was the one who could knock some sense into him and Carlos actually listened to him. They were the perfect match.  
>For dinner we put the pancakes from earlier today in the microwave and ate them. Keira babbled happily and I was glad she seemed to have forgotten about her nightmare. I hoped she would get a full night of sleep now.<br>Logan and I brought her to bed together. He was reading her a story and she was sitting in my lap, listening intently. She was great at listening. She could sit hours in one of ours laps, just listening to what we said. Of course, now that Logan's bump was getting so big she didn't really fit in his lap, which she hated.  
>"... The end" Logan said and closed the book. "You're gonna go to sleep now?"<br>She nodded tiredly and stuck her arms out for him. He picked her up and kissed all over her face, making her giggle. "What's the matter, Keira? Don't you like kisses? Well than you're not really lucky today, because I'm the kiss monster. Rawr"  
>Keira laughed and tried to push Logan away with her arms, without much chance of success. "I love you, baby" He whispered with the last kiss on her nose and then gave her to me.<br>"Daddy isa kissy monser!" She told me.  
>"Oh yeah? Well I'm a monster too, a hug monster!" I hugged my arms around her tightly, squeezing her a little. She laughed again and tried to push me away, again without much luck. I kissed her cheek and put her in the crib. She lay down and I tucked her in. "Sweet dreams, baby girl. Daddy and I love you very much. Don't you forget that"<br>Her eyes were already closed. Logan pulled me away from the crib and out of the room. As soon as the door closed his hands were on my face, pulling me down for a kiss. I responded eagerly and placed my hands on his hips. "What was that for?" I asked when he pulled back.  
>"Because I couldn't have wished for a better father for my children"<br>I was pretty sure I beamed. "Thanks, Logie"  
>He smiled and kissed me again. "Let's go watch a movie or something"<br>"But you-"  
>He smirked. "I know what I said and I'm keeping that promise, but do you really want to go to bed already? It's seven thirty!"<br>"Fine, we'll go watch a movie. As long as you promise me you won't get dominant tonight"  
>His smirk grew. "I don't know about that yet, you didn't really seem to mind last week"<br>I laughed and went down again, but when we were halfway the stairs we heard noises coming from the kitchen.  
>Logan was standing in front of me, two steps lower and he made attempt on quietly walking down. I immediately saw all kinds of nightmares coming up. I pulled him back and looked at him warningly. He seemed to understand there was no way I would let him go down and stepped aside for me. I felt his eyes on me while I walked down without making any noise. I peeked around the corner to the kitchen and smiled when I saw Carlos sitting at the table. We should've known. "Boo!" I said, making him squeak and jump out of his seat.<br>"Jeez, Kendall! You scared me!"  
>"Yeah, well. So did you" I said.<br>Logan appeared next to me. "How are you?" He asked worriedly.  
>Carlos' face dropped. "Not so good. Do you mind if I stay here tonight, I don't wanna go home"<br>"That's okay, of course" I answered immediately. "We were going to watch a movie, do you wanna watch with us?"  
>"You know, I think I'm just going to sleep" He mumbled.<br>"Alright, you know where the inflatable mattress lies, right? Blankets should be somewhere around there too. You can take the nursery, we don't really need that room yet" Logan said.  
>Carlos nodded. "Thanks, guys"<br>"No problem"  
>He smiled weakly and went upstairs while Logan and I went to sit in the living room to watch the movie. Logan sat in between my stretched legs on the couch, my hands on the baby, who was moving again, and Logan's hands over mine.<p>

About ten minutes into the movie his hands suddenly moved from mine to the underside of the baby bump. He hissed and rubbed over that spot, as if he tried to calm the baby down. "What's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

"I don't know…" Logan answered thoughtfully. He continued rubbing over that spot. "Just a hard kick I think. I'm not used to this yet"

I frowned and knocked his hands out of the way to replace them with my own. I waited a few minutes, but when Logan let out another whimper, I didn't feel anything. "I can't feel it, Logie" I said confused. "Are you sure these are kicks?"

"Yeah. Ouch!" He cringed again and I started rubbing over the spot like he'd done earlier, hoping it would calm our baby down a bit so he wouldn't hurt his daddy.

Slowly, Logan started to relax again and after half an hour he couldn't feel ML2 move anymore. Baby was probably sleepy and got tired of so much exercise for one day. Both Logan and I forgot about the whole thing and focused on the movie again.  
>I got bored halfway the movie and started feeling Logan up, who didn't notice what I was doing at all until the were only ten minutes of the movie left and my hands started to undo Logan's pants. "Kendall! What the heck are you doing?"<br>"But you-"  
>"You think we're still going to do stuff luke that with Carlos in the house? Don't think so"<br>"Logie!" I whined and wriggled my hips a bit so he could feel the hard on I had.  
>"It's rude, Kendall. He could walk in any moment and that's not pleasant for either of us. And what do you think will happen when Carlos just had the fight of his life and we're happily making love together? I'm sorry, but it's just not gonna happen today"<br>"But I want you so bad. I need you, Logie" I whimpered. I moved my hands to his crotch, but he closed his legs and pulled my hands away.  
>He got up and turned around. "I know I promised, but I don't want to hurt Carlos. Go take care of that and come to bed" He leaned down to kiss me and then went upstairs. I sighed and looked down. I didn't even know anymore how jacking off worked. This was going to be one awkward, humiliating ten minutes. Logan never turned me down. This was so unfair. He promised.<br>I understood why he said we couldn't do anything. I really did, I didn't want to hurt Carlos either, but their fight shouldn't affect us. I wanted to make love to Logan, I should be able to do that.  
>I sighed and got of the couch. I hoped Kendall 2.0 would just disappear out of itself. Tomorrow I would kick Carlos out and fuck Logan senseless. It had been two days and tomorrow it will be three and that's the longest I could go without Logan. I wasn't lying earlier, I needed him badly.<br>Thinking about this didn't really work. I flipped through the channels on the tv until I found an documentary about platypus. I watched that for a while and surprisingly it worked to get rid of my hard on.

I was just getting up to turn the tv and lights off and go to bed, when the front door slammed open and James came rushing in. He looked extremely worried and desperate. His hair was messed up from repeatedly running his hand through it. If I hadn't been so pissed at him I might actually have pitied him. "Have you seen Carlos?"

"No" I snapped. I figured that if Carlos didn't want to go home, James shouldn't know that he in fact was here. And it was good for James to be so worried for once, maybe then he learned to appreciate the things he had more.

His head fell back in frustration and when he looked at me again, I saw tears. "He isn't home yet and I searched the whole neighborhood. He can't be far, right? Considering he's walking and doesn't have any money with him? He doesn't answer his cell either. I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to him. I just want him back" A few tears escaped his eyes.

"Maybe should've thought of that before you threw yourself at my husband" I told him angrily.

"I'm sorry, Kendall. I've no idea why I did that. No, I do know, I just can't tell you. I fucked up again" He didn't wait for an answer and ran out again. I was so startled I couldn't turn my gaze away from the door for a few minutes. I didn't really know what I should do now. It was unfair to let James be so worried while Carlos was upstairs, sleeping peacefully. On the other side, it was good for him to worry about him. Then he would realize again that he loves Carlos. That something like this wasn't going to be forgotten easily.  
>Twenty minutes later I turned the tv off and dragged myself upstairs. I quietly opened the door of the nursery and expected to see Carlos lying on the inflatable mattress, but he wasn't. I frowned and then saw that the door of Keira's room open was. I walked over and saw Carlos standing at Keira's crib, looking down at her. "Hey" I said softly.<br>"Look out of the window" He answered while he kept looking at Keira. I went over to the window that Carlos had meant and looked outside. I'd never seen how good the view on Carlos' and James' house was from here. James was pacing back and fort in the kitchen. His face was glistening in the light and was running his hands through his hair repeatedly. He looked worried and intense miserable.  
>"He does look worried" I stated.<br>"Yeah"  
>"He was here a few minutes ago"<br>Carlos looked up. "What did he say?"  
>"He's looking for you, he's worried, obviously"<br>"Did you tell him I was here?"  
>"No, do you think he would be pacing like that?"<br>"Good. I don't want him to know yet" He turned back to Keira and I started watching James again.  
>"Are you ever going to tell us what started all this?" I asked.<br>"Probably, but not now"  
>"Okay" I said quietly. It was a little offending they still didn't trust us enough to tell us what was going on with them.<br>"Logan is waiting for you" Carlos said. It was such an obvious lie, but I wasn't going to tell him that. I understood why he wanted to be alone.  
>"You're probably right. Don't stay up too long"<br>Carlos nodded and I left him alone. Logan was already asleep when I got in. I pulled my clothes off and brushed my teeth, before crawling in next to him. I wrapped my arm around his waist and pulled him against my chest. He squirmed a little, but didn't wake up and pressed himself closer to me, gaining more body heat. I fell asleep after I heard Carlos going back to his own bed again.

**28*28*28*28*28*28*28**

The next morning I woke up, but not from Keira's cry like usual. I figured it must be really early if Keira wasn't even awake yet, but when I took a look at the clock I saw it was ten thirty. She never slept that long. She always woke up before eight. I got an immense guilty feeling when I realized we must have let her sit in her crib for three hours straight.

I untangled myself from Logan and silently left the room after pulling on a shirt. But when I reached Keira's room, she wasn't in her crib. She wasn't in her room at all. I started to panic. Where was she? Did she manage to climb out of her crib herself? Did she go into the bathroom and drank soap? Did she got lost in the walk in closet and got lost in all the mountains of old clothes and boxes? Did she try to climb down the stairs but fell off it? Oh god, what if that was true?

I immediately ran towards the stairs, but I didn't see any blood on the steps or her little body at the bottom. I quickly went down, since there also was the small chance that she managed to get down without harming herself and was now wandering around the house.

Then I heard her little giggle coming from the kitchen and remembered Carlos was here too. I went over there and saw her laughing while he draw a bear from syrup on her pancake. _Seriously, pancakes again?_

"Papa!" Keira said and pointed at me, making Carlos look up too.

"Hey" He said. "Do you want pancakes too?"

"Yes, please" I sat down across from him and Keira and chuckled when she covered her whole face and hands in the sticky stuff.

"I figured you and Logan could use some sleep if she wakes you up this early every day" he explained when he gave me my plate.

"Thanks" I said gratefully.

"I don't mind. We'd fun, right?" He smirked at Keira who smiled back with her syrup covered mouth.

"Calos" She said, making Carlos smirk wider.

"Remember what we did earlier?" He asked her.

She thought for a moment. "Ca rrrr los"

He turned to me. "My name is now three words, but she at least says the R now. What'cha think?"

"I'm proud"

We finished breakfast and cleaned Keira's mess before Logan saw it. We sat outside and watched Keira wobble around, trying to catch little insects.

"What do you think I should do about James?" Carlos asked quietly.

"I don't know, Carlitos, maybe you should ask Logan-"

"I rather not talk to Logan right now" He said rudely. He smiled sadly when he saw my offended face. "I know this is not his fault, but it does feel like that for me"

I nodded and decided to let it go. I understood why Carlos wasn't really comfortable with talking to Logan. I wouldn't be either in his situation. "He sounded pretty desperate last night, so I think you should at least tell him you're okay"

He nodded and we fell back in silence for a few minutes. "Why did he do it anyway?"

"If anyone should know it's you, Carlos. I know something happened a few months ago that made you two act like this, but I don't know what it is. You do"

"I know, but it's really hard to figure it out by myself. I can't tell you yet"

I remembered James said something like that last night. "Then tell the red line"

He hesitated, thinking about that for a moment. "Something… came up six months ago"

"… and?"

"It was something we… wanted for a while, but it suddenly got canceled. At first we seemed to pull through it pretty well, but than we fought more and more and James started flirting with Logan" He explained.

I nodded, to me it still made no sense. "And you really can't tell me what you're going on about? That would make all of this a lot easier, you know"

"Oh, I could tell you. I just don't want to" He said straight forward.

"I see" I answered, really offended. Were Logan and I really that unreliable? We would help them. We've always done that. Always.

He smiled sadly. "It's not that we don't trust you and Logan. The whole things is just really painful for us"

"Alright, but what are you gonna do now? You can stay here as long as you want, of course"

"I should talk to James, shouldn't I?" He sighed.

"I think you should"

Keira came up to us to show us a ladybug she found and we were distracted from our conversation. We went back inside after releasing the ladybug and found Logan in the kitchen, eating everything he could reach for. He blushed, but relaxed when I smiled. Carlos raised an eyebrow.

"I'm pregnant" Logan explained, his mouth full with apple. I grimaced. "Kendall, says I'm allowed to eat everything I want"

The Latino nodded, quite grossed out by Logan's disgusting behavior. Even I wasn't really happy about that, while normally everything Logan did was adorable to me. "I should go home" He sighed.

"You don't have to. You can stay here for another few months, then we'll need the room, but I guess you can still stay here and sleep on the couch or something" Logan offered while opening the second jar of pickles. Apparently the one from yesterday was empty.

Carlos snickered. "While that sounds very good, I think it's better to talk to James before he gives my up as a missing person"

"That is a good idea" I said. James stormed in. "But no longer necessary"

"Oh" James said when he saw Carlos.

"We'll go outside or something" Logan said awkwardly. He grabbed his pickles and walked out. I followed him, leaving Keira here with James and Carlos.

"We're gonna eavesdrop, right?" I asked Logan, when I closed the back door behind us.

He grinned. "Duh. Kitchen window is open"

"Great thinking" I smirked. I grabbed his hand and silently we crept to the window.

**So… I said I would do Carlos' POV in here, but then this chapter would've become really long. I promise there will be some in the next chapter. Actually, there will be only Carlos POV for the next two chapters…**

**So, after Boston we're going to New York, and then we're going to see a musical on Broadway 'The Addams Family'. Does anyone of you know it? I've never heard of it before, but apparently it's based on a movie/tv serie? **


	29. It's starting

**Carlos' POV :)**

**It's starting**

I folded my arms and leaned back against one of the pillars that separated the kitchen from the living room. I avoided James' eyes and waited for him to start talking. I didn't have anything to say to him. He messed up, not me. I didn't throw myself at our best friend, who was pregnant! I heard James nervously shuffling his feet. He was probably biting his lip too, something he always did when he was nervous. I was cute. No, Carlos, no thinking about how cute James is when you're mad at him.

"I don't know what to say" He said softly. "I guess I don't reach anything with a simple I'm sorry?"

No. I won't let you get away with it that easily. _But I'm so bad at holding grudges! _"You could start with it so I've an excuse to yell at you"

His reply came immediately. "I'm sorry"

For a moment I was too startled to stay angry. "You want me to yell at you?" I asked incredulously.

"I want to give you whatever you want. Even if that means hearing I'm an asshole again. Go ahead"

_Oh, well, if he didn't mind… _"Why, James? Why am I not enough? You could just have told if something is bothering you, instead of throwing yourself at Logan, who's very, very pregnant-" I fell silent when I realized something. It was so obvious. Why didn't I think of that earlier? I mean, it's what got all of us in this situation in the first place. James wanted Logan because he could get children without all the waiting and paperwork. While I couldn't. That's so unfair. I'm a man, of course I couldn't get babies! He knew that before we got married. He knew that when we took care of the adoption and all and he knew that when we lost CJ and with that the chance of becoming parents in less than two years after putting our names on the list. Figuring this out hurt a lot. It wasn't my fault the adoption got canceled. Why would he treat me like it was? Just because I'm a guy and can't give him what he wants? It's what I want too, but he couldn't bring us any step closer either! Why did he make me feel like it was my fault? It wasn't, right? Or was it? "I'm sorry" I whispered when I didn't know what to do anymore.

"YOU are sorry? For what?" He asked surprised.

"That I can't give you what you want and caused you to treat me like you did"

"Carlos…" He stepped up to me and placed a hand on my arm, but I shrugged it off.

"Don't touch me" I snapped.

"Shh. Baby, listen to me" He mumbled and cupped my face in his hands. "I only like Logan as a friend"

"Then why would you flirt with him?" I asked, feeling tears coming up. I didn't deserve that, right? He could've at least told me that he didn't like it I refused to let him hug me. That it was bothering him so much. I would've explained my reasons to him. That would've been so much easier than this.

He pulled a face. "I honestly didn't mean for it to get it this far. Originally it wasn't even my plan to flirt with Logan. I just wanted to test their relationship, because I'm jealous"

That confused me. "Why?"

But he didn't answer me and seemed to listen intently, glancing at the kitchen window. He looked back at me and put a finger over his lips signaling me to be quiet. I nodded, still very confused, and followed him with my eyes while he walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out to bottles with water without making any noise. He opened them and went to the window, that was open and I suddenly understood what he was doing. I rolled my eyes, both annoyed with Kendall and Logan for eavesdropping and irritated that James couldn't just let them be there. It didn't really matter if they heard, it would safe us a lot of explaining. James turned the bottles and poured the water out of the window. I heard two screams of surprise and couldn't help but smile. Logan and Kendall came into view, drenched in water. James threw the bottle at Kendall's head and closed the window. After pulling down the curtain he came back over to me.

"Why I'm jealous? Because they've everything I want for you and me. I wanted to prove to myself that they weren't perfect either, but annoying Kendall never did anything to stop it all. They never once fought about it and it drove me fucking crazy. We hear we're chosen, two months we've been so happy together, but than we hear that the boyfriend wanted to keep CJ and everything just blew up for my eyes. The next thing we hear is that Logan is expecting again. That they get what we want for the second time. I was so scared that you would think that it was my fault and so jealous of what they have, that I just wanted to see that they've flaws too. It's no excuse, I know that. I hate myself for trying that and hurting you in the progress. I can't believe you didn't leave earlier. You're incredible" He said and placed his hands back on my face. I looked down, thinking about what he said. I didn't really know how I should feel now. I really wasn't expecting this. That James actually still cared about me, about us together, but that he was just scared that I would think it was all his fault. Which was absolutely ridiculous, since neither of us could've done anything about it. We couldn't have prevented the boyfriend's parents from finding out about the girlfriends pregnancy. We just had horribly back luck.

I felt James' thumbs wiping something wet off my cheeks and realized I was crying. Huh, I hadn't noticed that yet. James' face had dropped in pain when he saw my tears. He really did still care. "When you were ran away yesterday, I went back home, hoping you would be there, but you wasn't. It only made me see how I didn't like anything anymore. The house, the stuff in it, the backyard, the bedrooms, everything. Simply because you weren't there to bring life to it. It didn't feel like home without you there. I love you, Carlos, and I wouldn't risk losing you for anything in the world. Now, I see that I'm really, really close to losing you, and it scares me more than anything. I promise you I won't do anything like this again. If you want me to, I won't even look at Logan ever again" He said honestly and in some way, I believed him. Not that James often lied, but I had the tendency to think everyone would just say the truth. "Please give me another chance and come home with me?" He begged softly. I let more tears fall and his expression got more hurt than it already was. He hesitantly wrapped one of his arms around my waist and pulled me against him, while he kept the other one on my face to wipe the tears away.

"You r-really hurt m-me" I sobbed.

"I know, baby. I know. And I'm sorry for yesterday, I shouldn't have denied everything or make it look like you're the guilty one. I had no right to say those things. If you don't like all the touching than I'll just settle with what I do have, which is more than I could've wished for. I'm really sorry, Carlos. Tell me what I can do to make it better"

I thought about that. This was a start. It had been ages since the last time he did so much as touch me. I had always been the cuddly one when we were only friends, but that completely turned when James and I started dating. James became the touchy-feely one, but for the last month he didn't even kiss me goodnight. He didn't try to hug me or hold my hand or make love, while he was the one who initiated most of those things. He'd barely paid attention to what I said!

I missed it all so much. I suddenly found myself regretting all the times I pushed him away when he tried to cuddle with me. I wished I'd taken more advantage of those opportunities. Even if I didn't really like the whole cuddling thing.

For a part, because it always felt so hot and sticky, but mainly because I felt really small when James held me. I didn't like that feeling. I was short, not weak or anything, but compared to James I felt like Keira when she was held by Kendall. Small. I didn't want to feel like I was the girl or the weaker one in our relationship. Which was why I didn't feel comfortable with it and why I didn't want to tell James I wouldn't mind bottoming every time we made love. We took turns now, because I didn't want him to think I was more submissive than he thought. Deep down, I knew that James would never make fun of me about it.

I now realized that I also felt safe and loved when he would wrap his arms around me. That I liked resting my head against his chest to listen to his heartbeat, so I could assure myself that he was alive and healthy and with me, so everything would be alright. From now on, I would let James have his way with me more often. Not only because of this, but also because I missed the months after the adoption got canceled and I really needed the comfort he could give me. I missed the contact and I now understood that I needed it too. Yeah, I wouldn't turn away from James anymore. "This is a start" I said and put my arms tightly around his torso.

"I was so worried last night" He whispered in my ear while he tightened his grip on me. "First I thought you just needed to cool off and would come home when you calmed down again, but then it was 8 pm and it was getting dark outside and you still weren't home. I searched the whole neighborhood, but you weren't anywhere. I came looking for you here, but Kendall said you weren't here either. After that I went home, hoping you would be there to yell at me. You weren't and I started to panic. I haven't slept one minute, because I was constantly listening if you would come in and thinking about all horrible things that could've happened to you. I mean, Logan was just carried out of his bed. It is way easier when you're just walking around the streets on your own. I believe that I've been walking up and down the street at least six times during the night" He shook his head, before planting his chin in my hair. "I was so relieved when it turned out you were hiding for me here and not dead in some dumpster that I didn't even cared you were mad at me anymore. I would've killed myself if something happened to you, before I could tell you that I love you one more time. Because I really, really do love you so much, Carlos, even if I didn't act like it the past few months. I love you"

I smiled a little at hearing those words, remembering other times like these, when James sounded like he meant the things he said. Now I thought of it, James never said anything he didn't stand for. He stood 100% behind his own words. He wasn't lying. "I love you too"

The next thing I knew were James' hands on either side of my face, pulling me into one of his burning, passionate kisses. The ones that make you feel like you're on fire just by the touch of his lips. I didn't really forgive him yet, but this sure felt good after so long of absolutely nothing. We would've to talk again, but this was enough for now. I wanted everything to be normal again more than anything. I just wanted to finish our house and search for new ways to make the adoption process go quicker. I wanted normal things to happen. Nice, fun, lighthearted things.

I felt a hand on my leg and flinched a little. I looked down and saw Keira staring curiously up at us. James grinned and picked her up without letting go of me. He stuck his tongue out at he, earning a giggle. He did it again and she clapped her hands. I always loved it to see him interact with her. He was great with children, better than I ever expected or hoped for. "We'll get one too someday" I said quietly while stroking a strand of Keira's hair behind her ear.

"I hope so" He said sadly.

"Until then we at least have a very cute godchild"

"Yeah. We should steal her more often"

"I agree, but-"

We heard a loud thumb outside. I raised my eyebrows and James suspiciously eyed the window. I walked over and pulled the curtain up again. I was met with the back of Logan's head and Kendall sucking on his neck. James quickly covered Keira's eyes. I wasn't really believing what I was seeing yet.

I knocked on the window. Kendall jumped and bumped his head against the glass, biting harder in Logan's skin, making him cry out. Kendall looked up and met my eyes, grinning sheepishly, while Logan didn't even dare to turn around and hid his face in Kendall's chest. Baby.

I opened the window. "You two get drenched in water and the first thing you do is make out?" I asked unbelievably.

"Well, yeah… You see, Logan attacked me"

That made the brunette look up. "I did not! You attacked me, saying I looked hot!"

"Just admit it were your horny pregnancy hormones!"

"I can refrain myself perfectly well!"

"Oh yeah? Well how about two weeks ago when you were molesting me in my sleep and I woke up with you jacking me off?"

"I was doing myself a favor! I couldn't really sleep, since you were grinding on my leg, moaning like a teenager having his first wet dream!"

I glanced back at James and saw that he too was containing his laughter so he wouldn't make our friends aware of the fact we were still very much here and listening to every word they said. This was amazing blackmail material.

"I was not!" Squeaked Kendall.

"You so were!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"YEAH!"

"No!"

"Yes"

"Sex tonight?"

"YEAH!"

Kendall grinned. "Great"

James came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. Keira was sitting in her high chair. "You two are so lucky your daughter has no idea what you're talking about yet" He chuckled. His arms tightened around my and he rested his head on my shoulder.

"We'll be able to refrain ourselves by the time she's old enough to understand" Logan said. Kendall clearly had other ideas. His eyes were black with lust while he stared at the shorter man's soaked body and clothes.

"I doubt it" I said.

"Did you make up?" Asked Logan. His hand was rubbing the underside of his stomach, his face dropping every so often.

"We did. Are you okay?" I asked worriedly.

Logan nodded, but he was so lying. Whatever it was, it was hurting him. More than he showed us. "I'm fine. Just kicks"

Kendall swatted Logan's hand away and replaced it with his own. "You're lying" He stated coldly. "Logan, what's up?"

"I don't know, okay? Nothing serious"

"These aren't kicks. I can't feel them"

"If it was something you needed to know I would've told you. Shut up about it already" Snapped Logan.

"I've the right to know everything, Logan. It's my child too and if something is wrong I wanna know. Also because I'm the one that will have to deal with you if you fall down half an hour from now, because you're not telling us something. Spill"

"IT'S NOTHING! You're only making it worse by provoking me!"

"How can I make 'nothing' worse? Stop lying to me and tell me why you are hurting!"

"Wow" James whispered. "So they do fight. Who knew?"

I nodded in response.

"NO! God, I hate it when you do this!" Logan shouted.

"I do nothing, Logan. I just want to know what the fuck is wrong with you so when something goes wrong I KNOW WHAT TO DO!"

"Nothing will go wrong! Everything is going perfect! Stop trying to be so protective when it's not necessary!"

"It is necessary when you're PREGNANT! You should stop being so stubborn! I'm just looking out for you!"

"Fuck" James said suddenly. "Logan, you're bleeding"

And indeed Logan's already soaked pants were getting red with blood on the area in between his legs.

**NO! OMG! Now what? Dead baby? Living baby? Maybe two living babies? Maybe one and a half? Hmm. Let's go with the last one. Tell me what you think?**


	30. Waiting, waiting, waiting

**YAY! Thirty chapters! I never thought I would come this far!**

**Waiting, waiting, waiting…**

"_Fuck" James said suddenly. "Logan, you're bleeding"_

_And indeed Logan's already soaked pants were getting red with blood on the area in between his legs._

Logan whimpered and Kendall's eyes grew wide. He quickly picked Logan up and started walking to the backdoor. James' hand slipped into my pocket and I was about to snap at him when I realized he was just getting my phone to call for an ambulance. I went to the backdoor to open it for Kendall. "Sweatpants" He told me. I nodded and ran up the stairs to get said cloth. I made a mess of their closet, but eventually found pair. Probably Kendall's, but that didn't really matter right now. James was still talking rapidly into the phone when I came down to give Kendall the sweatpants. I left right after that. I didn't really feel like seeing Logan covered in blood. One time was more than enough. I still had nightmares about that sometimes.

I got in the kitchen when James ended the call. "Seven minutes, Kendall. Logan needs to lie on his stomach, legs under him!" James shouted.

"What?" Kendall yelled back.

"Just move him so that his ass is in the air!"

Keira was following everything with wide eyes. I picked her up and held her closely. She was probably pretty scared. I knew I was. Or maybe she wasn't, I mean, she was just a one year old. She most likely didn't even understand all this yet.

James came up in front of me and hugged both of us tightly, without squeezing Keira between us. "This is not what I planned for today" He muttered darkly. He leaned in and kissed me. I understood his need and kissed back just as eagerly.

I heard the ambulance coming closer. This was the third time James, Kendall and I were waiting with an injured Logan. I'd no idea what was wrong this time, but I hoped he wasn't miscarrying. James and I would be godparents for this one too and this also was the baby of our closest friends, we would be just as devastated if Logan lost it.

James gave me a last kiss before running to the front door to let the paramedics in. I decided to stay here with Keira until Logan was out of the house. She didn't need to see her daddy so vulnerable, that would only give her trust issues later. Kendall and James came back in the kitchen on the same moment, from different sides. "Can you watch Keira? And call my mom?" Kendall asked hurriedly.

"Sure. Go, we'll follow you later, by car"

"Thanks" he said and ran after Logan.

"Calos" Keira said and pointed at the door. "Papa?"

"Your papa is going with daddy to the hospital. They're coming back really soon" I explained.

Her bottom lip trembled. "Baby?" Oh. Maybe she did understand more than I thought.

"The baby is coming back too" James said. I handed her over to him and grabbed my cell phone from the counter. I dialed the five, mama Knight's speed dial, and brought my phone to my ear. James mouthed speaker. I nodded and pushed the button before lying the phone back on the counter.

"Hi, Carlos" Mrs. Knight said cheerfully.

"Hey, mama Knight. You're on speaker phone, James and Keira are here too. There's something we need to tell you"

"Is something wrong with Keira? Where are Kendall and Logan?"

"To the hospital. Logan's bleeding from his… I don't know, down there" I said confused. I'd no idea what Logan used to give birth through. I kind just didn't want to know.

"Oh no. Do I have to go to the hospital?"

"We're still home, we're going when Kendall calls us. Shall we call you then?"

"Yes, please. Oh god, that poor baby! Update me, boys. Thanks for calling"

"You're welcome. See you later, mama Knight"

"Bye, guys"

I ended the call and turned to James, who was just as scared as I was. He walked to the living room with Keira, I followed timidly. He set Keira on the ground and turned the tv on. He sat down on the couch while Keira grinned and sat in front of the tv to watch Nick Jr. I hesitated for a moment and then walked up to James. He looked at me while I hesitated again. "Can I…?"

"You don't even have to ask" He answered. I smiled a little before sitting down in his lap and put my head on his shoulder. His arms wrapped around me tightly.

I still wasn't used to this. Cuddling practically only happened after sex, mostly because the bottom of that moment felt the need to, and on some other rare occasions like after our wedding and when we heard we wouldn't get CJ. This felt an awful lot like back down, only now we didn't know if the baby would live or not. At least CJ was alive and healthy somewhere, we couldn't say the same of ML2.

I moved my head to his chest and focused on his heartbeat. I'd always had a thing for heartbeats. They told me if someone was alive and even some of the emotions the other person was experiencing. James' heartbeat was the most beautiful ever, I loved listening to it. One of James' hands moved from my waist to my face and stroked my cheek tenderly. Yes, we would certainly do this a lot more often.

My phone ringed. I took it out of my pocket and handed it to James the moment I saw it was Kendall. I wasn't calm enough to talk to a probably hysteric Kendall.

"Kendall, with James"

-H-hey. C-can you and C-Carlos come over? I… I don't want to be alone right now-

"Sure. What's happening now?"

-Logan's in surgery. The baby.. Can we not talk over the phone?-

"Of course. We'll be there soon, hang on, buddy"

-B-Bye-

James ended the call . I got up and picked Keira up from the ground. James turned the tv off and went to the kitchen to grab her diaper bag and a baby bottle with some formula. We took Kendall's car, since it was bigger and had a safety seat for Keira. We drove in silence and reached the hospital fairly quick. Keira had fallen asleep during the ride. James managed to get her out of the car without waking her and carried her inside while I took the bag. I figured we should've brought clothes for Kendall and Logan too, since neither of them would be leaving the hospital soon, but we forgot. Oh well, we would bring them some next time we went home.

We found Kendall in the waiting room of the ER. He was pacing up and down the hall, hands in his hair, pulling it out of his head. He almost passed out in relieve when he saw us and ran up to us. He smiled shakily when he saw Keira sleeping. He was probably happy at least one member of his little family was alright. "I fucked up" He said and collapsed in a nearby chair.

"Why? This is not your fault" I said.

"It is. I shouldn't have stressed him out"

"You just wanted to help him. Logan was the one who didn't tell you something was wrong. This would've happened anyway, even if you two didn't fight" I said and couldn't help but sounding a bit bitter. "You'd every right to snap at him. I would've been pissed if James did something like that" Logan got away with way too many things. Just because Kendall couldn't get mad at him and thought it was 'cute' or 'adorable'. Softie.

"So now it's his fault?" Kendall said angrily. "Don't you dare say anything like that again" This was exactly like I'd meant earlier. Logan did nothing wrong. Never.

"I would like it if you didn't bitch out Carlos when he's telling you the truth"

"Listen up, James-"

"Stop it" I interrupted. "We're all tense, but that doesn't mean we should fight with each other"

"I'm sorry" Muttered Kendall to me. I noticed he was ignoring James, but this probably wasn't the time to say something about it. Not when he might loose his child.

"It's fine. Tell us what's happening now"

"There's something wrong with the womb. I don't know what, but the baby needs to get out or else it doesn't have a chance on surviving" He said quietly. We all heard what he was actually saying. The chance that the baby would survive now, was really small. The baby wasn't ready to be born yet.

"The youngest surviving preemie ever was born at 21 weeks" James said softly, trying to make this a little better. "Logan is…"

"28 weeks" Kendall mumbled. "It's too short"

I had no idea what I should imagine by that. Logan's stomach seemed really big to me, but I had no idea how much space was filled by the baby. How big was it exactly? What organs were ready? Could he or she breathe on it's own?

Somehow Kendall seemed to note my confusion. "Do you remember how small Keira was?"

We nodded. She'd been the tiniest person ever.

"This one is about half as big as she was at her birth. In length and weight. Babies that weak aren't even able to breath on their own" He swallowed and I saw him fighting tears.

"You said this one might actually be a Knight, right?" I asked softly.

He nodded and now a few tears slipped. It wasn't often we'd seen our leader cry. I'd only see him do it when he found out James had kissed Logan. Oh and I'd heard him crying every night when Logan was gone. And he cried on his wedding. Okay, maybe we'd seen it more than we thought.

"Then we know this one will live. If this is a Knight like you say, it will fight harder for his life than we can imagine. Your baby will live, Kendall"

He smiled weakly and wiped the tears away. "I hope so"

He heard Keira sighing in her sleep and carefully took her from James. The sleeping baby snuggled closer to her father. Kendall placed a hand on her belly, something he did often when he was holding her. I'd no clue why, but it seemed to calm her down. She was sleeping more peaceful now.

We waited for hours, but never heard anything from Logan. I wondered if it was because he was still in surgery or if something went horribly wrong, that they were fighting for one of both of their lives. I really hoped the first.

At six, five hours after our arrival, James got up and want to get food and coffee. I remembered I had to call Mrs. Knight. "I'm gonna call you mother" I told Kendall. He nodded, but kept his eyes on Keira who was playing with some toys in the corner of the waiting room. I walked out of the building and sat down on a bench near the entrance.

-Carlos! Finally!-

"I'm sorry it took so long, but we still know nothing, so all you would do here is wait, but I think it's safe to say we will get some news within the next hour or so. I guess it's better that you come now. Logan is, as far as we now, still in surgery"

-Okay. How is Kendall doing?-

"Better than I expected"

-Good. I'm coming over. Should I bring Katie?-

"It's her niece or nephew, I think she wants to come"

-You're probably right. We're there as soon as possible-

"Alright. Bye"

-Bye, Carlos-

I went back inside and entered the room at the same moment as James. He was carrying three coffee, four bottles of water and three sandwiches. The fourth bottle held hot water, meant for Keira's formula. I searched for the baby bottle and filled it with powder before pouring the water in it. "Keira, come here, baby" I said. She looked up and grinned when she saw the her bottle. She wobbled over here, leaving the mess she made of the toys. She took the bottle and started sucking on it right away. She went over to James and put a hand on his knee, never taking the bottle from her mouth. He lifted her into his lap. She lazily laid back on his chest while drinking the white stuff. When she got tired of holding the bottle herself she grabbed one of James' fingers and pulled his hand to the bottle. He took over and she relaxed her body in his lap. I was so jealous.

Fifteen minutes later Mrs. Knight and Katie rushed in. "Kendall" Mama Knight said. He got up and immediately fell into his mothers arms. "Oh honey, it'll be okay" She said soothingly.

"Kadie!" Yelled Keira, who didn't have any interest in the bottle anymore now she saw her favorite aunt. Katie chuckled and picked her niece up from James' lap. She carried her back to the corner with toys to play with them and distract Keira from all that was happening.

Kendall was explaining to his mother what was going on now. I felt kind of lonely watching all the Knight's interact, until I felt James lacing his fingers with mine. He'd taken the seat Kendall had left.

At seven thirty finally something happened. A nurse came up to us, looking nervous. I feared she would tell us bad news. I squeezed hard in James' hand. "Knight?" She asked.

"Yes" Kendall responded. "How are they?"

"Mr. Knight is doing fine. He's sleeping, worn out from the surgery"

"Any my baby?"

She hesitated for a moment. "It's a boy"

So Logan had been right all along. I smiled slight, although I'd said I thought it was a boy too, I had my doubts about it. Kendall had been right last time, so the chance he was right again was a little bigger than the chance Logan guessed the good gender. Apparently Kendall was just as surprised, because his jaw dropped and he was looking at the nurse as if she was kidding him. He had a son.

James and Mama Knight were both excited about this, but Kendall's mom was also suspiciously watching the nurse, who hadn't told us anything about his status yet. Mrs. Knight was preparing herself for bad news, which was probably a good thing to do.

Katie was still in the corner with Keira. The little girl hadn't noticed something chanced and kept talking to Katie, who was listening intently to everything that was said. She was excited as well, but just as her mother she was preparing herself for bad news. Woman are so smart.

Kendall snapped out of his trance. "How is he?" He asked agitated.

The nurse hesitated again. "He's alive" It was like we all released the breath we didn't know we were holding. He was alive, that was good, right? But apparently the young female wasn't done talking yet and grimaced a little, as if she knew we wouldn't be this relieved when she told us more about the baby. "He's alive, but that's all we can say. He can't do anything on his own yet. We'll know more in 24 hours. Right now, it doesn't look so good for him"

Kendall let out a whimper and bit his lip. "What does 'not so good' mean?"

"When he got out of the womb he didn't breath. He does now, he tries to breath on his own, but his lungs are barely ripe. If he gives up there isn't much we can do about it. However, if he survives the first day, he'll most likely make it"

At least that was something good. 24 hours. That wasn't that much. If he made it until tomorrow evening our little buddy would make it. I wondered what his name was.

"Can I see him?" Kendall asked eagerly.

"Not yet. The doctor is now with him, attaching him to the machines that are gonna keep him alive. It's not a pretty sight. I'm sorry, mr. Knight"

"When is the doctor done with that?"

"An hour, max"

Kendall nodded. "What is Logan's room?"

"Room 304. Down the hall, the third on your right"

"Thank you" He said and sped off.

I looked at James, who's excitement made place for fear again. I was still scared as well, but now I knew the baby was a boy and after Kendall said he's a Knight, I felt more certain. Knights were fighters. If this baby was anything like Kendall than he would pull through this easily.

"Papa" Whimpered Keira. She was looking in the direction her father disappeared in, hoping he would come back. She'd tears in her eyes.

"He'll come back really soon, Keira. Look at the bear! It's trying to eat your foot!" Katie said, trying to distract her again. Keira refused to give in at first and stubbornly stared at the door Kendall had gone through, but eventually gave up and went back to playing with Katie.

Mrs. Knight was looking calm. Probably preparing herself to deal with a devastated Kendall if he lost his son. I just hoped it wouldn't come that far.

**One baby? Huh? Everyone asked for two! So where is number two? Ever thought of the fact that I never said the second baby isn't a Knight? Alright, enough hints. Tell me what you think?**


	31. Kegan Cames Knight

**Kegan Cames Knight**

Logan was sleeping peacefully when I walked into the room. This gave me a little more time to prepare myself for what I'd to tell him. It was going to be really hard to explain to Logan that our baby maybe wouldn't survive. I sat down in the chair next to his head and grabbed his hand, intertwining our fingers.

I had a son. Never in a million years did I expect that. I knew Logan wanted a boy, but I always figured we wouldn't be able to get one. It just didn't seem like the type of thing we would do together, raising a boy. I figured we would always be getting girls, it just seemed like it fitted better. Now, that I actually had a son I felt… proud. I loved Keira more than I could ever have imagined and it will always stay that way, which is why I thought I wouldn't love a boy as much as I would love a girl –not including Logan-, but now… Damn.

I saw myself playing sports and going to hockey games with him. I would hear all about pretty girls and see things from myself back in him. I saw him coming to me for advice instead of Logan and trying to impress me with the stuff he does. Like I tried to do with my father. And I would be proud. Whatever it was he did.

I wondered what he looked like and suddenly couldn't wait to see him, but I wanted to wait on Logan. I wanted us to be together when we would visit our son. I hoped he had Logan's eyes, than had all three people I loved most have the most gorgeous eyes ever. It give them a certain power over me, since I couldn't deny those eyes anything, but I would be able to deal with it. Everything for the brown eyes.

Logan woke up when I'd been sitting here for about half an hour. Still worn out from the surgery and tired from the medications. He was even struggling with the little task called opening your eyes. "Hey, sweetie" I said quietly when he did.

He smiled a little at me. "Hey" Then he seemed to remember why he was here and tried to sit up. "How's the baby?" He asked, while scanning the room for any sign of our child.

I moved to the edge of his bed, letting our hands fall in my lap. "We've a boy, Logie" I told him to push the inevitable away a bit further.

He beamed. "Kegan?"

"Yes" I said and smiled without happiness.

"How is he?" Logan asked again when he realized I hadn't answered that question yet. "Kendall?"

I stroked his face with the hand that wasn't holding his while I thought on what I was going to say, what words I was going to use. Nothing was gentle or friendly enough. You could only say this in one way. The hard one. "He's not doing so well, Logie" I whispered and watched how tears formed in his eyes. I carefully pulled him up a bit to wrap him in a hug, trying my best to avoid the cut from the c-section on his stomach. I wasn't really happy about another scar on his body, but this one was necessary.

He buried his face in the crook of my neck and cried silently. He shouldn't be crying. This should be a happy time. Our baby was born, we should celebrate, not fearing for his life. This time it was supposed to go all different. No pain for Logan during the birth, no awful experiences to cope with after his birth. Just getting used to our new baby and taking our rest.

This was different from the last time, of course, but it wasn't any better. Instead of fearing for Logan's life, I was fearing for Kegan's. Instead of a month of silence from Logan, because he was too scared to talk, we would've to deal with constant hospital visits, because Kegan wouldn't be going anywhere for the next month. Keira wouldn't be the perfect baby she was back then, she was still perfect, but now she needed attention, something we wouldn't be able to give her. Not as much as she was used to. Yeah, that might give some problems.

"What's wrong with him?" He asked after a few minute, still with tears on his face, but not wanting to waste any minute we could have with Kegan.

"He didn't breath when the doctors got him out of you. He does now, but poorly. If he makes it until tomorrow night he'll most likely live" I didn't tell him it wasn't likely he would make it through this night.

"I wanted to see him" He said determined.

I wasn't really okay with that. No, scratch that, I wasn't at all okay with that. He had to stay in bed and recover, but I realized I couldn't do that to him. If I'd been in his position I would have wanted the same thing. I would want to see my baby alive if there was a change he wouldn't live tomorrow. And I wanted Logan with me when I went to see Kegan. I couldn't handle it alone this time. Since there was no chance Kegan could leave the place he was now, connected to all the machines that would keep him alive, we had to go there. "I'll go find a doctor" I said and kissed him quickly. I was out of the room before he could protest. If we were going, I at least wanted to know what had gone wrong with the pregnancy and what I could do to not hurt Logan when bringing him to Kegan. It wasn't too hard to find the doctor, he was already walking over to this room to check up on Logan.

"How are you feeling?" Doctor Young asked when he took Logan's chart from the end of the bed.

"Good" Logan answered. I glared at him. I was certain he was lying. He just pretended to be okay so the doctor would let him go to see Kegan. I didn't do anything about it, because I knew Logan would go anyway.

The doctor asked some more questions and took a look at the cut, feeling around on Logan's stomach –something I didn't like at all, because he was clearly going further than he had too.

"Can I now go to my baby?" Logan asked impatiently.

"If you bring a wheelchair, than yes" The doctor answered. "It's not the best thing to do in your current state, but I guess I can't stop you. Be careful" And with that he left.

"Help me up" Logan commanded.

"Logie, I have to get a wheelchair first-"

"Fuck the wheelchair. I want to see my baby" He snapped and tried to get up himself. I decided it was no use arguing with him. In the time I would be gone to get a wheelchair he would sneak out and got there himself, even if that meant he had to crawl. Then I could better stay with him.

I gently helped him into a sitting position, but he was already panting and I doubted he would be able to keep standing once he was on his feet. "Logie, where's the cut? I don't want to accidently hurt you while helping you" I mumbled when I put an arm around his waist.

"Just under my hips, you're doing fine now" He said impatiently. He wrapped an arm around my neck and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. I helped him standing, he wobbled on his legs, but stayed upright.

"Are you sure you can walk? I could carry you" I said softly.

"I'm fine. No, I'm not. I want to see Kegan. Now walk"

I tightened my hold on his waist and started walking. He put most of his weight on me, but was able to stay upright. I guided him to the closest elevator. Luckily we didn't have to go passed the waiting room and face our friends and family. We stepped into the elevator.

"Are other people here?" He asked me when I pushed the button to the NICU.

"Yes. James, Carlos and Keira have been here with me all day. Mom and Katie arrived an hour ago"

He nodded and leaned on me more. It was like we were getting more quiet every feet we got closer to Kegan. It was really weird he wasn't in Logan's belly anymore. It didn't seem right Logan wasn't keeping him with him anymore, that we had to go to another room to see him, instead of just reaching out and touching the baby bump.

The elevator stopped, got out and walked towards to the NICU. I stopped at the desk. "Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find baby Knight?"

The lady typed something on the computer. "Are you the parents?" She asked while reading the file on her screen.

"Yes, ma'am"

"Alright then. He's in room 421"

"Thank you"

I grabbed Logan again and walked with him to the room that was at the end of the hall. I was getting really nervous. Was I ready to see this? I had to be, right? This was my baby lying in there. I couldn't just say I didn't want to see him. He needed us, even if it was impossible for us to touch him. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he didn't survive and I wasn't there to be give him any kind of comfort in his last hours. Even if he didn't know who we were yet.

We reached the door and Logan opened it without hesitating. He somehow managed to walk on his own, without my help. He went into the room while I was just standing there, too scared to go in there and see my son so vulnerable. So helpless and weak, without a chance of surviving if he wasn't attached to all kinds of machines and getting a million different types of medication. It was not that I didn't want to see him. I just didn't want to see him like that. I wanted to see him healthy and safe instead of this. I wanted that everything had gone right for once, so he would've a fair chance in life.

I finally decided to go in. I had to do this. I turned the corner and looked in the room. It was dark in here. Large and filled with three incubators surrounded by different kinds of machines. Only one of them was occupied, the one where Logan was standing next to, blocking my sight on our baby. I took a few steps forward, keeping my eyes on the ground, until I could wrap my arms around Logan's waist again. His shoulders were shaking, telling me he was crying. Then I finally looked up.

Kegan was the tiniest baby ever, only a foot tall. The first thing I noticed was the amount of wires connected to his body. He'd six stickers with connected wires on his little chest. His arms and legs were thin, his wrists probably not much thicker than my pinkie. His skin was red and almost see-through. I could barely see him breathing, and the only reason he was, was because of the tubes going into his nose. Seeing this made me see how critical his situation really was. How much his life depended on the machines he was attached to and the medication he got.

I took a closer look at his face and felt tears forming in my eyes. He actually looked like me. His hair was dark and the form of his eyebrows and nose were from Logan –thank god-, but apart from that he was all me. My cheeks, the form of my eyes –we couldn't see the color, since his eyes were closed-, my lips, the form of my face, my ears, my built, everything. I gripped Logan tighter and put my head on his shoulder. I now noticed he'd stopped crying, but I didn't really care. I was too busy with my own tears.

Logan turned around and hugged me tightly. "He looks like you" He said softly. He was hopeful and smiled at me.

"I k-know" I answered with difficulty.

"Don't cry, Kendall" He whispered and wiped my tears away.

"Why n-not? You c-cried too and m-my b-baby boy is lying t-there"

"I know, don't you get it? He looks like you. If he has only one percent of the strength you have, he'll make it without any troubles"

"B-but h-he's so s-small"

"He'll make it, Kendall. Trust me" He wiped more tears away with his thumbs and leaned in to kiss me. I kissed back and put my head back on his shoulder afterwards, watching our baby while he was stroking my back. "I love you" He mumbled.

"I love you too" I whispered back.

We stayed there longer and watched our son sleep. I wondered about the color of his eyes. By the look of it, they were probably green, but I was still hoping for brown. More brown eyes would be amazing. I noticed how tired Logan was getting and decided it was time to bring him back to his bed so he could sleep and recover from the surgery. I also had to go talk to mom, James and Carlos, who were still here waiting for me. I carried Logan down, since he now seriously wouldn't be able to walk and stayed with him until he fell asleep. I was a lot less confident now Logan wasn't with me anymore. He almost convinced me Kegan would make it, but now I didn't even dared to hope.

Mom was next to me the instant I turned the corner into the waiting room. I gave her a watery smile and collapsed into the chair next to Carlos, who was holding a sleeping Keira. It was probably far past her bedtime. He gave her to me when he saw me looking at her. I smiled gratefully and held her tightly. At least one of my children was alright. "How's Logan?" Asked Katie.

"He's alright. Tired, but convinced the baby will survive. We saw him"

"What's his name?" James asked.

I smiled. This had been Logan's little plan. He figured that if we named Kegan after us, we should name him after James and Carlos too. Make him the Big Time Rush baby. "Kegan Cames, with a C "

They were gaping at me. Mom smiled –Kegan had originally been her idea- and Katie rolled her eyes, trying not to laugh at their faces. James snapped out of it first. "You're naming him after us?"

"After all of us, since Kegan is a combination of Kendall and Logan"

Carlos was now grinning widely. "Thanks, man"

"All Logan's idea"

"Duh" Carlos said. "Can we see him? Kegan?"

"I guess. It's not a pleasant sight" I said while I thought back to my son. I bit my lip and realized how badly I wanted to go back and hold him. I just wasn't allowed to yet. I hated that. How could it be good for a child to be away from his parents? "I'll bring you"

They all nodded and I guided my little group of relatives to the dark room one floor up. I was still holding Keira, but decided this wasn't something I wanted her to see if she woke up. I would show her her baby brother when he was out of the incubator and without wires. "Two at a time" I said quietly.

"You two go first" Said mom. James and Carlos smiled at her. I gave Keira to Katie and opened the door for my friends, letting them go in first and watching their expressions when they saw their godchild.

James was white as a sheet and staring shocked at the tiny little baby. Carlos was smiling sadly. "He looks like you" He stated. "But, you know, he isn't blonde"

I chuckled. "I know"

Carlos noticed James was having troubles and grabbed his hand. The taller smiled gratefully at him and seemed more comfortable now. I thought how it was weird that Logan and Carlos were stronger in this situation, while James and I had more problems with it. It was odd, seeing as Carlos and Logan always had been more sensitive than me and James. Oh well, nice change.

They stayed for about ten minutes and then decided to go home and let my mom and Katie have a look too. "Could you do something for me?" I asked when they were about to leave.

"Sure"

"Take care of Keira? And bring some clothes for me and Logan the next time you come to visit? You can stay at our house if that's easier"

"Of course. We'll be back tomorrow morning. We might even bring breakfast" James said.

"Thank you" I smiled and followed them out. I kissed Keira's forehead and watched them leave before getting back in the room with mom and Katie.

Mom gasped when she saw her grandson and got closer. "Poor baby" She whispered.

Katie was holding her tears in, but not doing such a good job on that. I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and together we sat down in the chairs surrounding the incubator. Watching over Kegan.

**Okay, the next chapter is going to take a while, because I'm very busy next week, but I'll try to upload on Wednesday or Thursday. Hope you liked this. Tell me?**


	32. 24 hours part I

**Alright. There is SOMEONE stealing things I use in my story. I know for a fact that this person is following this story and in every chapter that person uploads, I see more and more stuff I came up with! I'm not calling names, I don't want to cause any rivalry here, but please stop with this? I know I should be flattered, but I rather read a good story, than reading my own with a few plot differences. Stick with your own ideas! At least then you're creative! Thank you.**

**24 hours I**

Kegan was born at 7 pm. It was now midnight. That meant he survived the first five hours. That was a little less than 1/4 part of the first day. That was good. Just nineteen hours left. Just nineteen…

**One am**

Nothing special happened. Mom, Katie and I sat here, watching over Kegan, who barely did anything. The highlight's were the special times he moved one of his fingers. It was the only thing I'd seen him do yet. He could move his finger. Now, it seemed like it was something major, but when you thought of it… He could _only _move his finger. Apart from the rising and falling of his chest, he was lying perfectly still. Too still, in my opinion. _Eighteen hours, Kendall…_

**Two am**

Nothing changed. Katie fell asleep, but woke up 15 minutes later and went to the waiting room to nap there. Mom left a few minutes to use the bathroom, but came back quickly. I just sat there. I couldn't leave. I didn't want to leave. I hated even thinking about leaving when Kegan was lying here alone, and any minute could be the last. I wasn't going to let him die alone. Never. I wasn't even going to let him die. He had to stay alive. There was no way I was going to loose my son this quick. No. It was just not going to happen. _Seventeen hours left, the change he was going to make it is getting bigger and bigger, Knight, head up._

**Three am**

A nurse came in to check up on Kegan. She said nothing, just checked his status and left again. I had been so close to strangling her. She could've at least told me that nothing changed! I'm his father! I deserve to know that kind of information! I want to know if he's going to live! I couldn't go to Logan's room in the morning and tell him our baby passed away! He would kill me for letting that happen. Not that I wanted anything less than dead when Kegan actually died, so I wouldn't have that much problems with it. Only that Logan would stay alone with Keira and that was not something I wanted. Maybe Logan could die with me and James and Carlos could take care of Keira… Or all four of us could just stay alive. Personally, I liked that plan best. _Sixteen hours of waiting left…_

**Four am**

I was wondering how it would help Kegan to lie alone in a class cage. How was he ever going to know that his parents were standing by him? The desire to just take him out and hold him tightly against me grew fast during the last few hours. It just couldn't be good for a baby to be all alone, without any kind of contact. Babies needed attention and love and there was no way he could know that I would give him that when I couldn't even touch him. He was my baby boy, he needed to know I was close and would take care of him when he needed it. The first time the doctor visited, around 1:30, I asked him about it, but he said it was best for Kegan to stay in there until they were sure it wasn't dangerous for him to get our for a few minutes. _Stupid son of bitch- okay, Kendall, fifteen hours… _

**Five am**

Alright. I understood why Kegan had to be in that _thing_. He was safe in there. No bacteria or creepy germs that could harm him. He was warm in there, like he was still inside of Logan, which I would've seen rather than this. Logan promised it would all go normally this time. I hadn't said anything about this! Couldn't he have given me some kind of warning? First he says there's nothing to worry about and then this happens! And yesterday, he could've just told me something was wrong! Then maybe we could've- But this wasn't Logan's fault. I had something to do with the womb. It would've happened even if we didn't fight. _I have to remember to ask the doctor about it next time I saw him in the upcoming fourteen hours…_

**Six am**

I wanted Logan to be here. I couldn't wait for him to wake up. I couldn't do this alone, I needed him here. I also knew I wouldn't be able to go away from Kegan. I pondered on how I was going to manage getting Logan and not leaving Kegan for a while, but eventually understood I had to leave either of them. I decided on Kegan. The benefits of being here with Logan were greater than being here alone until someone else got Logan here.

I decided to wait another hour. He had to have some sleep so his cut could heal properly. I knew I wasn't going that fast, but a good night sleep would help. At least he won't fall asleep while watching over Kegan during the day, what I most likely will do.

The door opened and Katie came in, still looking really tired, followed by doctor Young and the nurse that was here earlier to check up on Kegan. She was holding a little, blue and white colored bundle, but didn't come any closer. She sat on the chair next to the door as if she was waiting for something. Doctor Young came up to us and inspected Kegan and his status. He seemed to like what he saw, because the corners of his mouth curled up a little. I felt a little better after seeing that.

"How is he doing?" I asked, because I still wanted that little reassurance only a doctor could give. I again wished Logan was here. He knew what all those lines and numbers on the machines meant. He could tell me if something was wrong or if Kegan was doing okay.

"He's doing good. Better than I expected actually" He said slightly impressed.

I smiled a little and felt that feeling of pride coming up again. Kegan managed to impress someone while he was just ten hours old. I was proud. "Why did this happen, doctor? What went wrong?" I asked when I remembered I still didn't know.

He frowned. "Something I didn't see coming" He answered, avoiding my question.

"… and?"

"When Mr. Knight broke his hip while giving birth to your daughter, some bone splinters stayed behind and got into the underside of the womb. In the beginning of this pregnancy, your baby had enough space and managed to stay away from there, but he grew and could move less and less until he eventually had to touch the bottom. It probably hurt a lot for both Kegan and Logan, which is why Kegan started kicking and Logan started to get those stomach pains. You know what happened after. During the surgery we removed the splinters, but unfortunately we also damaged the womb. It's not likely Logan will ever get pregnant again"

I nodded slowly and leaned back in my chair. This was not what I expected. Not that I had known what to expect, but this was not it. I didn't really know how to feel about it. This was something the doctor should've seen on the echo. He could've prevented this, but he didn't. He didn't even notice something was off and just said Kegan was a lazy baby who didn't feel like kicking. Well, Kegan had been kicking for his life. So, in your face!

Then I understood the other thing the doctor said. Logan couldn't get pregnant anymore. I was even more indecisive about this one. On one side, I was glad. Logan couldn't get hurt anymore because of this. No more morning sickness, crying, back pain, tiredness, kicks and other, more heavy stuff.

But I would never have the big family I wanted. It would be Logan, Keira, Kegan and me for the rest of our lives. I was more than happy with them and I wouldn't give them up for anything in the world, but it was still… hard. For a few months I'd thought that maybe, if everything went well with this pregnancy, we could try another time for a third child later. But now that was impossible and that hurt. I had no idea how Logan felt about three children, but in my eyes three was perfect. Not that that would happen now.

I sighed and looked back at the doctor. "Thank you for saving them"

He nodded, smiled and quickly left. He always left quickly. Weird guy. The nurse got up and came closer with her bundle. I watched closely when she opened the incubator and started to changed Kegan's diaper. Kegan squirmed and parted his lips, but he made no sound. While the nurse was being really careful and gentle, she was not doing this the right way. Kegan didn't like it. He wanted a more loving touch instead of something that had to be done quickly so she could go again. Or I just saw what I wanted to see.

She was done with the diaper and took one of the other things she brought. It was a sock. A tiny little, baby blue sock that would fit my fingers perfectly. "Can I do it?" I asked before I even took the time to think about it. I wanted to do this. I wanted to give him his first clothes myself, not watching while a complete stranger did that.

She looked at me and hesitated. I felt my hope dying slowly. I wanted to do this, but if she didn't let me... "You've to be really careful" She said eventually.  
>I nodded and got up, looking at mom for a moment. She was smiling. "Look out for the wires" The nurse warned. I nodded and grabbed one of the tiny little socks that fitted the tip of my fingers. Gently I took hold of his leg, that almost entirely fitted in my hand. He felt soft, like all babies, but also warm which I thought was important. He was warm, that meant his blood was running through his veins and his heart was beating. I pulled the sock on his feet and he squirmed a little. I repeated this with the other sock.<p>

I hesitated when I picked the cap up, but quickly got over it. I was doing this. He was my baby. I can take care of my child. I knew exactly what he liked and did not like. Slowly, I brought my hands down again and pulled the cap on his little head over his ears. Kegan wriggled a little and wetted his lips with his tongue. When I pulled back I caressed his cheeks with the back of my index finger. 'I love you, Kegie' I thought.  
>I pulled back and sat back in my chair so the nurse could finish her routine. I felt mom's eyes on me, but I didn't look at her. I was too deep in thought. Kegan felt warm. That was good. He responded to touch, that was also good. Kegan was trying, and that was the best thing. He was fighting. <em>Only fourteen hours left, buddy, hold on...<em>_  
><em>

**Seven am**

I wasn't able to stay any longer without Logan. Now mom and Katie were both here I felt confident enough to leave. One of them could warn us if something happened and the other could stay with Kegan. I didn't want to be away for long, but I had to get Logan. I hoped he was awake.

"I'm going to get Logan" I said. Mom and Katie both nodded and I quickly walked out of the room. Not looking back at Kegan, because I wouldn't be able to leave if I did. I got into the elevator. Standing here in this enclosed space alone, I felt how tired I really was. I hadn't slept since in 24 hours and it was about to get much longer, but I couldn't let myself fall asleep. I had to know what happened with Kegan.

The doors opened and I got out, going left to Logan's room. I was about halfway the hallway when I saw Keira wobbling into view. I raised my eyebrows surprised and quickly ran up to her when she started walking further away. "Papa!" She said happily when she saw me.

"Hey, Keke" I answered and picked her up. "Were you sneaking away?"

She giggled and pointed to something behind me. I turned around and saw Carlos pressed into a wall by James, they were kissing each other fiercely. It all made sense now. I hoped Keira wouldn't remember any of this.

I cleared my throat loudly and grinned when they both squeaked and back away from each other. "H-hi Kendall" James said blushing.

I was still smirking widely. "Hi guys"

"We, uh- we brought you and Logan clothes!" Carlos said quickly.

I raised an eyebrow, but didn't say they forgot to take the bag. Because, they had no bag with them. "I'm going to Logan. I'll see you two later"

They both smiled sheepishly and I turned around to go to Logan's room. I opened the door and saw that he was awake. "Daddy" Keira cooed.

Logan looked up and smiled when he saw her. "Hey baby!"

She stuck her arms out to him and I walked over to give her to Logan. Keira sat on his chest and wrapped her little arms around his neck. Logan hugged her back and kissed the top of her head. I sat down on the edge of the bed and leaned down to kiss Logan softly.

"Did anything change?" He asked fearful.

I shook my head and Logan sighed, both in relieve and in frustration. Keira noticed something was wrong and turned her head up, looking around the room. "Baby gone?" She asked suddenly, her eyes filling with tears. She scooted down until she was sitting on Logan's legs and put her head on his stomach, listening if she heard something.

"The baby isn't gone, Keira. Baby is upstairs" I explained. She nodded in relieve and smiled happily. Logan locked eyes with me and shook his head. I was confused for a moment, but then understood what he meant. He didn't want Keira to see Kegan like this. I nodded in understanding.

"Can you help me up?" Logan asked. I nodded and picked Keira up to put her on the ground, before pulling the covers back, revealing Logan in his hospital gown. I wondered why I didn't notice that yesterday, but then remembered that Logan was wearing another kind of thing yesterday. That had been the gown he wore during the operation. This was a normal one, where you're backside was in full view.

"Carlos and James brought clothes, don't you want to wait for a pair of boxers?" I asked softly while I helped him sitting up.

"I wouldn't care if I was naked. I want to see Kegan" Logan answered impatiently.

James came in, carrying a large bag filled with clothes. "Hi, Logan. How are you doing?" He asked and dropped the bag on a chair.

"Wonderful. Can we go now?"

"Logie, I really think you should-"

"I don't care! Are you gonna help me or do I have to seduce James so he takes me?" He snapped.

James raised his eyebrows, amused. "Carlos and Kendall won't be very happy with that, Logan. But at least this time it won't be my fault"

I glared at him. "Don't even think about it" I warned. I put an arm under Logan's knees and lifted him off the bed. James burst out in laughter and turned around. "What now?" I snapped.

"His bottom is hanging out. I now get what they mean with mooning" James choked out while laughing.

Logan's face turned red and I carefully put him back on the bed. "I guess clothes wouldn't hurt" He mumbled. "Don't turn around you"

"Don't worry, I'm scarred enough. And I like Carlos' ass way better than yours" James chuckled. I slapped the back of his head when I went over to get the bag.

"Thanks for the compliment, James" Said Carlos while he turned the corner. "But I don't want to know how you got on that subject"

"Can you turn around too?" Logan asked impatiently. "It's bad enough one of you saw my butt. I really want to see my baby and you keep holding me back"

Carlos turned around too and I helped Logan getting dressed. I now noticed he was near tears of frustration and none of what just happened was funny anymore. I gave him sweatpants and one of my shirts and helped him stand up. "Thanks" He whispered. I kissed his forehead and wrapped my arm around his waist so he can walk.

"Let's go" I said.

James picked Keira up and together we walked to the elevator. Carlos held it open for us, because Logan was still walking slowly. The ride up was silent once again. We got out and walked to the room Kegan was in. James and Carlos let us go in first. "I want you to come in too" Logan called over his shoulder.

"But Keira-" I started.

Mom appeared next to me. "Katie and I are going to eat something. We'll take her"

"Thank you" I said gratefully. She took Keira from James and left with Katie. I followed Logan inside and together we began on the next wait for today. _Thirteen long hours…_

**Crap. I know. Forgive me. I know I promised I would update Wednesday or Thursday, but I just couldn't. I hope you liked this. It's simple, but at least it is something, right?**


	33. 24 hours part II

**Ieeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm so excited for this chapter! **

**24 hours part 2**

**Noon**

Apparently… I fell asleep. Once Logan was here with me, I couldn't stay awake another minute. I was so tired. I'd been up since yesterday morning, worrying about James and Carlos. Then Logan started bleeding and I got even more worried and stressed. The fear for both Logan's and Kegan's life had been incredibly tiring and when I finally knew how they were doing I had to watch over Kegan the whole night while Logan slept. I simply couldn't take it any longer and fell asleep, but this was good news. I slept four hours, and Kegan was still stable and alive, so now I only had to wait 8 hours! That was a lot less than thirteen!

"Hey Kendall" Logan said happily when I opened my eyes. Only to close them again when I stared right into a lamp. Now that I was conscious I got aware of where I was lying. With my head in Logan's lap and the rest of my body on my own chair. It was extremely uncomfortable and my side hurt like a bitch.

I sat up, being careful with my poor, overstretched muscles and pecked Logan's cheek in the process. I looked at Kegan and saw that he was still in the same position, without any changes. I now saw mom and Carlos here too. James and Katie were probably outside watching Keira or eating. "Nothing changed, did he?"

"No" Logan answered sadly. "But he'll make it. I'm sure of it. The doctor was here and told us it was good Kegan sleeps so much, he'll grow stronger faster in his sleep"

I nodded and looked at my little baby boy in the incubator. I couldn't wait until I could hold him, have him close instead of in that stupid glass cage. I sighed and got lost in thought once again. We were all silently watching Kegan, not really feeling like talking about anything when we weren't sure of Kegan's life.

I realized that even after the first day, his conditions still weren't great. There was still a chance he would fall back, or worse, die. But I didn't allow myself to think about that a lot. Kegan would survive this day, like Logan said. And he would stay alive after that. Until he was at least eighty years old. Or until Logan and I were both dead. Oh, I shouldn't think about Logan and dying in the same sentence, that always brought me nightmares…

"Did the doctor tell you about how this happened already?" I asked Logan, when I realized the doctor told me and mom, but not Logan. As far as I knew.

Logan frowned. "No, he didn't. What did he say?"

I glanced at mom for a moment, not really knowing if I should tell him this now. We were already dealing with so much and I didn't want to make him sad by telling him he couldn't get pregnant anymore. I had no idea what he would think of that, but I rather not found out about it now when he would react in the bad way. I didn't want to give him any more pain than he already had. Physically and emotionally. He'd been rubbing over his abdomen for quite a while now.

"I'll tell you later, okay?" I said, hoping desperately he wouldn't push it.

His frown deepened, but he nodded. I smiled a little and then went back to watching Kegan.

**One pm**

Nothing changed. Mom went out and Katie came in, James was still gone and Carlos was still here. Kegan was still sleeping and didn't move at all apart from a few movements of his legs and fingers. Logan was still rubbing his c-section cut and I was still tired.

No progress.

I wanted progress.

I wondered how we were going to do this when Kegan was allowed to go home. We weren't completely ready with the nursery yet, there was a crib and everything, but we still needed some clothes for a baby boy. Really, really tiny clothes, since Kegan wasn't much bigger than Keira's dolls. Logan and I talked about where the baby was going to sleep before Kegan's birth. The last time Keira had slept in our room, because Logan had been too scared to let her sleep alone in her room. I had been right when I assumed he wanted that again with Kegan. I understood. It felt safer to have your newborn baby close to you the first few months. Especially when they were this small.

So I bought a bassinet. Believe it or not, our room in our house was smaller than the bedroom we had when we were still living in our apartment in the Palm Woods. Keira's crib fitted easily in that room, but a crib definitely wouldn't fit in our new bedroom. Which was why I chose for this option. Logan was really happy with it and for me that was enough.

It was a rocking bassinet. I bought it with the romantic idea of Logan rocking it slowly while I had Keira on my leg and was reading her a story. Yeah, creepy. I know. It was white and had little creamy flowers on it. It fitted in our bedroom, that was mostly white and dark brown and in the nursery, that had one brown wall and the others were white. The furniture there was made from a light colored wood.

The nurse came in with a bundle in her arms. It looked suspiciously much like a baby, but I didn't really care about anyone besides Kegan now. Maybe Logan and Keira. And James and Carlos and Mom and Katie. Okay, just scratch what I said. I cared about a lot of people, but Kegan mattered more right now. They were most likely still alive after today. I heard her doing things behind us, but I kept looking at Kegan who was pulling his legs up to his stomach. I sat up straight and looked at Logan who was just as excited. We hadn't seen him putting that much effort in a move yet. I hoped this meant he was doing good. He was moving, that meant his blood was running through his veins to his muscles, which meant his heart was working.

The nurse left without her bundle and mom came in. "Where's James?" Asked Carlos, a little worried.

"He's watching Keira in the waiting room" Mom said blankly. There was clearly something going on with James, but it wasn't meant for our ears.

Carlos understood too and got up. "I'll go check up on him"

**Three pm**

James and Carlos weren't back yet. It was so weird. I thought they were doing really inappropriate things in a hospital room or there was some really bad thing going on. Either way, I hoped they were remembering Keira and not doing anything inappropriate in front of her. Or I would kill them. That was hypocrite, because Logan and I weren't exactly being innocent yesterday, but that was different. We were her parents, we could do that stuff. I just hoped they were alright.

The bundle the nurse brought in two hours ago, clearly had been a baby. It started about forty minutes ago. The baby had begun to cry. Not just crying, no, it was awful. That baby was in pain. I had no idea what was wrong with him or her and honestly I couldn't care less, but this was just horrible. This baby was all alone, his or her parents hadn't shown yet. I had no idea how you could do something like that. How parents can leave a baby that small while he or she was in so much pain. It was terrible.

After twenty minutes we didn't really hear it anymore. Not because the baby stopped crying, no, because we could used to the noise. That was the most awful thing. That there was no one to help or comfort him or her. I almost wanted to do it myself, but I felt like if I left Kegan alone something terrible would happen to him. So I stayed put.

The nurse came in with a pink blanket and cap like Kegan had, only his was blue. So I figured the other baby was a girl. I started wondering about her parents again. Where were they? Why would they leave their baby like this? Did something happen to them and was she an orphan now? Or did they simply didn't care? I was glad the nurse was here, because after she was done with the baby, the crying quickly got less and I figured the little girl fell asleep.

I glanced at Logan and saw him looking at the other side of the room, a very confused and frustrated expression on his face. He saw me looking and gave me a small smile, before turning back to Kegan.

The crying had stopped completely and I let out a sigh in relieve. It felt better now she was sleeping and not feeling the pain anymore. Now, it didn't feel like I should do something about it or help her. She wasn't my responsibility of course, but when a baby is crying like that you always feel really guilty when you can't do anything about it. I was glad it was over and hoped she wouldn't start again when she woke up. If she woke up. Oh wow, that was a terrifying thought…

I looked at Kegan again and saw him smacking his lips and moving his arms. I sat on the edge of my chair looking at my baby in awe. Logan took my hand in his. I gave it a gentle squeeze and felt him squeezing back. _Just five hours to go…_

**Six pm**

Carlos and I finally decided to go back. I didn't really feel like it, but I guess I had to. This was our baby too. Not really, of course, but Kegan almost felt like our son. Just like Keira was a daughter. It was just… they weren't ours. That was the difference, the one thing I'd been looking for so long. Someone that was just from me and Carlos. A kid we could take home after we visited our friends, not say goodbye to them because they've to go home with their own parents.

Which was why watching my godchild was so hard. The baby wasn't doing good, but I couldn't do anything about it. Not because I didn't want to, because, god, I wanted to hold him so badly that it almost hurt. No, it was because the only way I was allowed to help, hold and take care of him was after Kendall and Logan were gone. They would always get on the first place when it was about their children. I wanted that too. With my own baby.

I had tried to explain this to Carlos when he came looking for me. He understood. That was a big relieve. After I told him we didn't talk about it anymore, but talked about other things and goofed off a bit. Keira had woken up about four pm and we played with her for a while. She'd fallen asleep in my lap around one o'clock. It had been nice to sit in silence for a while, holding Keira and watching her sleep. Mama Knight had been here for a few minutes, but when she realized I didn't feel like talking she went down to get some food.

Carlos and I walked into the room hand in hand. Keira was outside in her stroller, really tired after another long day of waiting. Mrs. Knight and Katie both got up and went outside when they saw us, Katie with a very relieved expression on her face. Kendall smiled at us, but wasn't able to keep his eyes from his son for very long. Logan didn't respond at all, understandable, because he was asleep in Kendall's lap. Probably still tired from the surgery or something. I supposed recovering from something like that took a lot of energy. Carlos and I sat in the chairs Mama Knight and Katie just left and prepared ourselves for another long wait. Luckily, there we're only two more hours until we would know more. _Luckily there were only two hours left…_

**Seven pm**

I was getting really bored. I mean, it was clear Kegan was going to make it. There was only one hour left and since he'd improved so much during the day, it was clear he wouldn't die today. Or the next twenty years. Even after the doctor said the exact same thing, Kendal and Logan were still tense and watching Kegan intently, like there was nothing more interesting. Kegan was really cute of course, but even I couldn't keep watching him for 24 hours straight. And I loved baby's. It probably wouldn't be until eight o'clock before they would relax.

There were a few changes since the last time I was here. The nurse that had been taking care of Kegan was sitting in a corner, reading a magazine. She was making it really awkward for us to talk. It took a while before I found why she was here. There was another baby in the room. That baby announced her presence about 15 minutes ago, when she started screaming like she was lying on nails. I wondered where her parents were. I mean, you don't leave your baby when he or she is this young. There was really something wrong with her, otherwise she wouldn't be lying in the room, with another baby that was in life danger.

I was getting really curious about this baby. Why was she here? Where were the parents? What was wrong with her that she had this much pain? After an hour of thinking about every possible scenario, I finally stood up and pretended to stretch my legs. I wanted to know what was going on. Carlos looked at me weirdly, but I just shrugged and started wandering, pretending to be looking at all the machines and equipment standing in the room. Kendall and Logan didn't pay attention to me at all and Carlos sent me a 'what the heck are you doing' look. I ignored it and wandered on. The nurse didn't know what I was doing, or just didn't care I saw the baby. Either way, she didn't stop me and I went over to the crib the baby was lying in. She'd stopped crying, so I guessed she fell asleep again. I took the last few steps to the bassinet like thing made of glass and peeked inside.

Nothing could've prepared me from what I saw. She was a really pretty baby. With a pink cap and socks and a diaper, like all the hospital babies. She wasn't nearly as small as Kegan, in fact, she was a quite big baby, completely healthy. She'd thin blonde hair on her head and a little nose. Her eyes were closed. She really was a beautiful baby, apart from the large, red flash burn that covered most of her belly and part of her left arm.

I had to keep myself from gasping for air. Of course this baby was crying. She had to be in so much pain right now. I turned to the nurse in the corner, who was still reading her magazine. "What happened to this one?" I asked horrified.

The middle aged woman looked up to see what I was talking about. Carlos, Kendall and Logan turned around as well. She gave me a very watery smile. "It's such a sad story" She said. "We found her yesterday in a waiting room, covered with an old sweater. Poor baby was crying her eyes out, no wonder when we found the wound on her stomach. We searched for her parents, but they were no where to be found. They abandoned her here, probably because they didn't want to be accused of child abuse. I think they injured her so they had a reason to bring her to a hospital and leave her here" She stopped talking for a moment and wiped her eyes. "The thing is, we can't do anything for her. When no one pays for her treatment, the only thing we can do his feed her and gave her some mild pain killers. We first placed her in the normal room with the other babies, but some parents complained about her because she cried so much and their babies couldn't sleep. A proper treatment of her wound isn't possible. We've a foundation for children like her, but there's just not enough money to give her the medication and help she needs. If her parents don't come back for her in one week, she has to go to an orphanage. They've money enough for medicines, but it'll be too late to do something about the flash burn then. It'll become a very ugly wound. And because no adoptive parent wants a baby with such a scar, she's pretty much doomed to spend the next eighteen years of her live in an orphanage. I offered to take her in myself, but I'm not allowed to since I work here. I'm not allowed to get 'emotionally involved' with her" She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Poor baby" She sniffled a little and turned back to her magazine. Kendall and Logan exchanged sad looks, but went back to watching Kegan. The weren't heartless people, but they just already had to much to worry about to care about this little girl.

I looked back at her. I slowly reached out and carefully stroked her cheek with a few fingers. She squirmed a little, but didn't wake up from it. _So precious…_

I turned my head up and locked eyes with Carlos, raising my eyebrows. This might be the chance we'd been waiting for. It would take years before we were on top of 'the List' again and now we crossed path with a baby that had absolutely no one and really need a set of parents that would help her.

His eyes widened when he realized what I meant and walked out of the room without another room. With a last look at the baby I followed him out. "Can you two go inside? James and I will watch Keira" Carlos asked. It wasn't really a question anymore, more a demand. Mama Knight and Katie nodded, realizing this must be serious and went back inside. Keira was still fast asleep in her stroller, drooling a little on her dress. Carlos turned to me. "You can't be serious" He said unbelievably.

"Why not? We want a kid and this baby needs parents on this very moment. We'll never get another chance like this, Carlos"

"James…" He started. "We can't just- we've nothing ready! This is a baby! Babies need thing. We've nothing. We can't just randomly take a baby in"

"We can! She's alone, no one will ever want her after us. Can you live with yourself knowing that? That she'll live a miserable life in an orphanage where other children come and go and she stays until she's eighteen? Can you live with yourself knowing that we could've changed that?"

"What if the parents come back, huh? And we're already attached to her like we were to CJ and then we lose her again? I can't handle that, James"

"I promise you the parents won't come back. They don't want her, you should've seen the burn on her belly. Even if they do come back, I doubt if they'll ever get her back after what they've done to her. Carlos, look at her and tell me you don't want to go through with this. Just look at her" I begged.

He stared at me for a moment, before turning around and going back into the room. He completely ignored the stares from our family and friends and walked past them to where the baby was lying. I took a look at Keira, who was still sleeping and then watched Carlos from the opening of the door.

He was chewing on his lip and staring at the little girl. He glanced at me and then turned to the baby again, smiling a tiny little smile before looking at me again.

"I'm in" He said.

I grinned widely at him and then turned to the nurse, who was reading her magazine, oblivious to what was going on. "Excuse me, ma'am?"

She looked up and waited expectantly for me to continue.

"Can you help us?"

"Depends on what you need help with" She said with a smile.

I looked back at Carlos, who was again looking at the baby. "We want the baby" I said.

**There's baby two! Finally! I'm so sorry I'm updating so slow, but I just can't find the time to do it besides the weekends! Anyway, I'm going to the US tomorrow! Yay! So I won't be updating in two weeks! I'm sorry, I hoped you liked this anyway. Tell me?**

**PS. I'm going to try to update One of Us today, but I can't promise you anything. I still have to start writing it…**


	34. Just a filler

**Just a filler**

I was so startled that I almost fell off my chair. I didn't though, because Logan actually lost his balance and I had to catch him before he fell off my lap and hurt himself. I wasn't going to let that happen, especially not with that still open cut on his stomach. He smiled gratefully at me when he found out I saved him from more pain and seemed to forget why he fell off me in the first place. For just a second. He turned around at James and Carlos while leaning back on my chest. I stared at them too, completely flabbergasted. Since when was this going on? James and Carlos wanted a baby? Why hadn't they told us? How long has this been a secret? What the hell is going on? Who is that baby? Where did she come from? Why were they interested in her?  
>Logan and I watched, flabbergasted, how James and the nurse started a conversation about adoption forms, experience, and who knows what while Carlos was still staring at the baby in the other bassinet. He seemed to be just as surprised as we were.<br>"Alright, I'm gonna go take care of some things," James announced. He went over to Carlos and hugged him tightly. Carlos took James' face in his hands and pulled him down to kiss him. Logan looked away awkwardly and I raised my eyebrows at their PDA, that hasn't been this obnoxious since, well, ever. James had his tongue down Carlos' throat, not that he seemed to mind, but looking at it, was kinda gross. I wondered if Logan and I were that bad. I never really thought about it, because those things with Logan were hot, but it might not look like that in everyone else's eyes.  
>They exchanged I love yous–that was a first, what the heck was happening? And then James was gone.<br>Carlos glanced at us for a moment, but quickly looked away, deciding to ignore us rather than to answer the questions that he knew had to be coming. I turned back to Logan when I heard him chuckling and shaking his head, "Is this the mysterious thing that has been going on with you guys for, how old is Keira, 18 months?"  
>"Yes," Carlos answered, "And I will explain, just not now."<br>"What? You can't do–"  
>"It's painful, Kendall," Carlos said sharply. "I told you that already. I'm not gonna tell you alone."<br>I kept my mouth shut. I understood. No, I didn't understand everything, but I did get Carlos didn't want to do this on his own. I wouldn't want that either in his place. It was so much easier when you had your significant other with you.  
>Carlos turned back to the little girl in front of him and his expression instantly changed from stressed to relaxed. I looked over at my own baby, who was sleeping peacefully, before turning back to Carlos. He was staring her with such wonder and hope that it felt almost too inappropriate to look at.<br>I felt Logan shifting in my lap and turned back to him. He was eyeing Carlos curiously, but seemed a bit confused still. I kissed his cheek and put a hand on his thigh. He smiled at me and then looked back at Kegan, before getting up. "I'm going to see how Keira is doing," he announced and started slowly walking to the door.  
>"Uhm, Logan?" Carlos asked uncertainly. "Don't tell mama Knight anything yet."<br>"Yeah, of course," He answered before leaving the room. I stared after him for a second, wondering since when he could walk normally again. Before turning back to Carlos, who was again looking at his maybe sorta soon to be daughter. I was wondering why he kept looking and didn't touch. I was dying to hold Kegan, but maybe that was different. People always wanted things they couldn't have. I wasn't allowed to hold Kegan, so I wanted it extra badly.  
>But now, I would still want to keep him close to me if he was born on the right time. He was my baby boy, my first son and he was the smallest thing ever. Of course I wanted to hug him and carry him around. Stupid Logan had him seven months and now he was finally here I still couldn't touch him. It wasn't fair.<br>"What are you pouting about," Carlos snickered. I realized it must look very stupid to see a grown man suddenly pouting, with no visible cause.  
>"Nothing," I said quickly and pulled a normal face.<br>Carlos chuckled and shook his head. "Logan isn't gone forever, you know."  
>"Why would you assume I was pouting about that?" I asked.<br>"You weren't?" He asked surprised.  
>"No, in fact I was pouting because you are just standing there looking at the baby while I have to sit here and wait an eternity before I can touch Kegan," I said smugly.<br>"I see," he said silently. "I can imagine you pouting about that."  
>"Yeah, now go do something about it," I commanded. I leaned back in my chair and folded my arms.<br>"Like what?" He asked confused.  
>"Hug the baby!" Jeezz, Carlos was so clueless.<br>His eyes widened and he took a glance at the girl. "Yeah, you see, I–"  
>"No excuses. You know exactly how to hold a baby. Now get on with it, before I've to do something about it."<br>"Of course, I know how to hold a baby! It's just that I would rather not do it now, because I don't know if it'll hurt her."  
>"Pfft. Babies like it to be hold. How could you possibly hurt her anyway?"<br>"Um, have you not seen the wound on her tummy?"  
>"In fact, I haven't," I told Carlos, a little surprised about that myself. I got up and walked over to Carlos and the small child that had already gone through so much.<br>But what I saw was nothing what I had expected. I had seen burns. Some on my own skin, caused by spilling coffee over my hand, but that was just a feather tickling my skin compared to what this baby had on her belly.  
>It was a large wound, covering all of her stomach, the underside of her chest and the inside of her elbow. It looked like her skin was inside out. It made me think of the scars on Logan's stomach, which had faded away almost completely. Her stomach looked like that a little, but then a million of those cuts were next to each other.<br>I opened my mouth to say something, but I had honestly no idea how I was supposed to react. I felt pity for the baby, but I couldn't really tell her that. It was nothing she could do something about, she wouldn't even understand. I felt kinda bad for James and Carlos too, but I had no idea where that came from. They choose to adopt this baby, it happened before they even knew she existed and it was in no way their fault. I think I felt like that, because I thought they could have so much better. That sounded bad, but it wasn't meant like that. I thought it was wonderful they did this; taking an abused child in instead of a perfectly healthy child. I already knew they were good people, but this made them even better. I just figured they deserved better. I didn't think this baby wasn't a good child; she would probably become an amazingly strong woman, because of the scars she would definitely get, but yeah. It was too hard to explain.  
>I was going to have a pretty hard time getting attached to her. I had no idea how James and Carlos did that. I guess it was easier when you had several months to prepare yourselves for the arrival of your godchild. Or your own child.<br>But Carlos was already looking at the unnamed baby in front of him with the same expression he got on his face when looking at Keira. It made me feel jealous. How could he possibly look at this baby like she was his daughter, while he had only known her for about twenty minutes? How was it possible she already meant just as much to him as Keira?  
>But when I pushed the hard feelings aside, I saw how beautiful it really was that Carlos and James could love so easily. It made them vulnerable, because they trust people easily and get betrayed when people didn't turn out to be as they thought they would be, but it was still something good.<br>"I kinda get what you mean now," I said softly when I was done with my thinking.  
>"Exactly. It's not that I don't want to, I just don't know how," Carlos explained.<br>"I think it's possible if you're really careful and keep from touching the burn."  
>"How am I supposed to pick her up when I can't touch her stomach. That is like, the biggest part of her body!"<br>"Yeah, but if you don't touch the underside of her body and lift her up under her arms-"  
>"She isn't a toddler, Kendall. You have to support her head."<br>"Then, why don't you support her head while I pick her up and lay her in your arms?"  
>Carlos stared at me incredulously, "That could actually work," he said, surprised. "Let's try that."<br>He was already moving forward and placing his hand on her head. "Wait! We should wait for Logan," I told him.  
>"What? We don't need his supervision, you know. We can do this ourselves," Carlos said stubbornly.<br>"I think that too, but wouldn't it be better if we had the opinion from someone with a little medical knowledge before we do this?" I reasoned.  
>Carlos thought about that for a moment. "I guess so..."<br>"I'll get him," I said happily. Everything was better when Logan was close. At least to me. I guess Carlos still had that little reluctance he had from James hitting on him. I guess that wouldn't go away anytime soon.  
>I looked at Kegan for a moment when I walked out and smiled when I saw him lifting his legs. It was so different than last night, when he was barely moving at all. I guessed it had something to do with the oxygen in his blood.<br>I opened the door to see Logan, mom and Katie sitting on the ground against the wall. Keira was sleeping in Logan's lap after yet another long day for her. "Logie, we need your help for a moment," I said, remembering what Carlos said about not telling mom about the baby yet.  
>He frowned and looked worried, but got up and put Keira back in her stroller. I smiled at mom and Katie who were both curious about what was going on and closed the door again.<br>"What's going on?" Logan asked.  
>"We had a discussion about how we should pick up the baby without hurting her and we need some medicalresponsible/whatever advice so we won't hurt her."  
>"Yeah, sure," Logan said. "Spill the plan."<br>"Alright. I pick the baby up under her arms while Carlos supports her head."  
>Logan chuckled and went over to the crib. He pulled a face when he saw the baby, but wasn't nearly as bothered by it as I was. He was feeling bad for her, but had probably seen worse already in a medical book or documentary. "Come closer," he told Carlos.<br>The Latino did, looking a bit hesitant. Logan carefully placed a hand under the blanket under her butt and the other behind her head, again taking the blanket with him. It was such an easy move I couldn't believe I didn't think of that myself.  
>He slowly lifted her into Carlos' arms. "There we go," he said and stepped back. "Just don't hold her upright yet. I think that'll hurt her. If you two are really going to adopt her I suggest one of us goes to find a doctor to get a treatment started. That will ease her pain and it will heal better, so less scars in the future."<br>Carlos nodded, but I didn't think he was really listening. He was looking at the baby again with such care. It made me jealous. I wanted to hold Kegan too. He slowly walked back to his chair and sat down carefully, making sure he didn't wake her up. Logan grabbed my hand and pulled me back to our chairs.  
>Kegan still had his eyes closed, but it looked like he was awake. He was still moving his legs and now also shaking his arms. He was doing odd things with his fingers and moving his tongue in and out of his mouth every so often. He was doing so much better than yesterday.<br>I glanced at the clock and saw it was 8.30. The 24 hours were over. I smiled and kissed Logan's cheek, before going back to looking at Kegan. Logan rested our still entwined hands in his lap and wrapped his other hand around mine too.  
>About one and a half hour later James came back, looking tired but happy. Especially when he saw the baby–they really had to give her a name soon–in Carlos' arms. He took a quick glance at Kegan, but ignored us and sat next to his husband. "We have to sign A LOT of forms tomorrow," he told him after Carlos silently demanded him to tell him what happened. "But apparently there is some three-day boarder wherein the parents that dropped the baby off at the hospital can get the baby back without any consequences. I don't think the people here will really give her back to them if they show up, but it will take a lot of time to adopt her then because the parents will be sued for child abuse and she's evidence and blah, blah, blah. However, if the parents don't show up before the day after tomorrow at noon, she's practically ours."<br>"Seriously?" Carlos asked, flabbergasted.  
>"Yup. Tomorrow, we do all administrative stuff, but that doesn't mean anything until we sign that last form at one minute past noon two days from now."<br>Carlos was beaming, but luckily had enough sense to keep his arms around the baby. Instead James leaned forward and pressed their lips together. If possible, this kiss was even worse than the one they shared earlier this night. "They better not stay that way," I mumbled darkly in Logan's ear. He chuckled, but quickly looked away when James' hands started to do funny things with Carlos' shirt.

"James," I said calmly.

No response. He just continued kissing Carlos and sliding his hands under his shirt.

"James!" I hissed warningly, looking at the baby in Carlos' lap. It wouldn't take long before they were so distracted they forgot all about her. But still they didn't stop.

"James!" I snapped. They quickly pulled apart and started looking at everything except each other or us. Logan rolled his eyes at me and sent me a 'just-let-them-be-for-a-moment' look. I stuck my tongue out at him in response, before turning back to James and Carlos who were looking at us weirdly.

"Let's just pretend none of us remembers anything of what just happened," I made up quickly and got up, pulling looking with me. "We've been waiting until you would come back before we went away. So, we're going now. What are you guys going to do?" They looked at each other for a moment. I wanted an answer. I was getting this weird restless feeling, something you get when you know you're forgetting something, but can't remember what exactly. Only now I was sure I didn't forget anything, which made me wonder where that damn feeling came from. It was really working on my nerves already and I just noticed I got it.

"We're staying here, but I think your mom and Katie really want to go home after spending over 24 hours here. Maybe you can ask them to take Keira," James said while tenderly stroking the baby's head.

"That's a good idea. Well, we'll see you tomorrow then," I said and pulled Logan with me. He waved at James and Carlos and looked at Kegan and then we walked out. Mom and Katie were still sitting on the ground, Katie with her head on mom's shoulder, fast asleep. "Mom, you can go home," I told her.

"Thank god," she said and got up, rudely letting Katie fall on the ground.

"Aw, mom! Careful!" She complained and got up while rubbing the side of her head.

Mom rolled her eyes. "Anything I can do for you boys?" She asked.

"Babysit Keira?"

She groaned, "Fine! But only because she's too tired to cry."

"Thanks, mom" I kissed her cheek and then fled again, needing some time alone with Logan after this...weird day. He yawned and let me pull him along with me, back to his room. We got there after what seemed to be the longest three minutes ever. We went in and I locked the door, not needing any doctors tonight.

"So... What's up with you?" Logan asked amused, but also concerned.

"I don't know!" I said while pacing through the room. "I've this weird feeling that makes me unable to do anything without getting incredibly impatient and irritated. See! Even walking is getting annoying!" I sat down on the bed next to Logan's, but sitting was even worse than walking.

"I see," Logan said and followed me with his eyes while I started examining the room. Opening drawers and closets, looking at the sink and paper cups next to it. The paper towels, plastic gloves, everything. "Aren't you happy?" He asked confused.

"I am! Really happy! Kegan is going to make it, you're doing well and Keira is still okay. James and Carlos finally got what they wanted and are already doing better than they've ever done. Mom is happy, Katie is happy. I am happy! Everything is happy!"

He raised his eyebrows when I sat on the other bed again and started playing with the remote. Mattress up, mattress down, feet up and down, both up, both down. "And you are sure you're not losing your mind?"

"Nope, just feeling like I've a bouncy ball in my head."

"Hmm. Come here," He commanded. I went over and sat on the edge of the bed. "Take your shoes off." I did and pulled my legs on the bed too. Logan slowly pushed me down until I was lying and then he crawled on top of me, resting his head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed the top of his head, feeling a little better already. "You're tired," Logan mumbled and kissed my neck. "A lot happened today. We've been sitting and staring for hours, but it worked and now Kegan is going to make it."

"Yeah," I muttered.

"You got surprised by James and Carlos and that baby. We weren't expecting it and it was kind of a shock. You're confused of what to think of it, but that's okay, because it's something you have to think about first."

"I think so."

"I know so. Just take your time, Kendall. They aren't pushing you for an opinion; you probably don't even have to tell them what you think of it. Sleep, because you haven't done that in a while and then think about this."

I gently took his face in my hands and pulled it up, "Thank you." I whispered before pressing my lips on his. He smiled into it, before pulling away tiredly and resting back on my chest. I pulled the blankets over us. "Good night, Logie."

"G'night," he mumbled half asleep. It didn't take long until we both passed out.

**Alright, not my best work. It was just that I felt guilty, because I let you guys wait this long. So I figured to give you something, instead of nothing. Even if it wasn't great.**

**Next, some of you might have noticed, but One of Us is on hiatus. I couldn't take it anymore and decided this was the best solution. I am going to finish it. I have so much plans with that story, but I just can't bring myself to write it, It doesn't feel good. So now I'm going to wait until I finished this story. Then I'm going to focus completely on One of Us.**

**So then I've some other news. As it looks now, this story has about 4, maybe 5 chapters left. BUT! I'm not done with it yet. I've plans for a sequel. Yeah, I know, a sequel for a sequel… It's going to be a trilogy! :D I just want to know how much people are going to read it. It's not going to be as long as this story, probably more like It all started with Truth or Dare. I just don't really feel like writing a story that's no one going to read. So, tell me?**

**And I have a new Beta! Are there less mistakes now? Is it noticeable?**


	35. Important note

Important note.

I've to say something that is very hard for me, but I'm going to stop writing for a while. It's not that I don't love doing it anymore, because I do, more than anything. It's my door to a different world, but some really bad things are happening in my life right now.

Last week I had finals of my first semester and it didn't go very well. That means that I had bad grades for every exam I made. It scared the shit out of me, because this is going to be very bad for my career.

Some of you know, but I'm going to the National Ballet Academy. I'm doing the highest level of school and so far, everything worked out good for me. But a little while ago I got the news I wasn't good enough to join the National Ballet. Next year is the last time I can audition and I have to work really hard to get invited. It's the only way I can make money with Ballet dancing, my biggest passion. Otherwise I'll have to quit and focus on my school, which I love too, but it's just not what I want to do.

As a result, my grades dropped fast and now I not only fear for not getting asked to join the National Ballet, but also for my place in the Academy. I've now a special position, because I've a great talent for languages and next to those I only have to do mathematics, but if I get kicked out, I will have to start over from the scratch with all subjects every student in the Netherlands has to take.

In other words, my life will become hell.

Which is why I'm going to stop. Not very long, because I can't go very long without writing, but at least until the Christmas holidays in a month.

I am so sorry and I hope you all understand. You've all been so amazing by following my stories and reviewing and stuff and I hate it do disappoint you like this. I just don't have choice.


	36. Making Up

**We got something to celebrate guys. Or at least I do. BECAUSE THEY MADE A MISTAKE! THEY MESSED UP MY NAME WITH THE ONE OF ANOTHER GIRL. I'M IN THE NATIONAL BALLET!**

**So this is for you. For being so amazing and believing in me and being willing to wait for me. I love you guys. **

**Some of you might've noticed, but I posted a new story. It's called Found You. It's a Kogan of course, with Kendall as a vampire and Logan as a human. It sounds cliché, I know, but I swear this is going to be different than other stories. It means a lot to me if you would check it out.**

**Lastly, I noticed over 80 people are following this story. 80! You know how awesome that is?**

**Making Up**

Logan and I woke up at six in the morning, because James and Carlos stormed into the room, both looking very excited. "C'mon, wake up! We're gonna go see the babies!" Carlos said excitedly and pulled the blankets off of us.

Logan muttered something and grabbed onto me tighter when he was hit by the cold, pushing his body against mine. I shook my head, trying to clear my vision and see what James and Carlos were doing. Or standing. Or to see anything at all.

"Come on! Don't you wanna see Kegan, Logan?" James tempted him.

"No, go away" He said and wrapped both his arms and legs around me.

I raised my eyebrows and looked down at Logan who'd closed his eyes again. I turned at James and Carlos and saw them both staring at Logan with raised eyebrows and wide eyes. "Is he like that every morning?" Carlos asked me.

"This? This is nothing, dude. Besides, it's too easy to get him awake" I smirked and started tickling Logan's side, making him squirm and squeak and roll away from me. He almost rolled off the bed, but I grabbed him just in time. I didn't need any more scars on him.  
>"Very effective" James said impressed. "I should try that sometime"<p>

"Oh please! I'm always the one who has to get you out of your bed, you know how hard that is?"

Carlos brought in.

"Kendall, tell him I'm not that bad!" James shouted.

"I've to side with Carlos on this one, you're even worse than Logan. And that says something"

"Hey!" Logan said sleepily.

"Finally! He's awake! Can we go see the babies now?" Carlos asked impatiently.

"No" Logan said stubbornly. "This is payback, for yesterday morning" He stuck his tongue out at Carlos and rolled back on his side, hiding his face in my chest.

"Fine, we'll just go without you" He said and grabbed James' hand before turning around and marching out of the room.

"I knew that would work" Logan said happily and pulled the blankets back up, snuggling back against me and closed his eyes.

I chuckled and wrapped my arms around him, enjoying having him in my arms for a few minutes longer. But not too long, because I really wanted to see Kegan. I kissed his forehead, before I slowly started pushing him away. "No" Logan pouted and gripped on my shirt.

"I want to see Kegan, Logan" I told him and pried his fingers of my shirt.

He sighed and got up too. We quickly got dressed and brushed our teeth. Logan held my hand when we walked upstairs.

I wondered if anything changed today, probably not something bad since he was doing so well, but maybe something nice. Something that would make us happy for a change. We still didn't know the color of his eyes, now that was something that would make me happy. Especially when he had Logan's eyes. I would never get tired of those and I loved to see how they turned out on Keira. I wouldn't really mind if he'd my green eyes, but more brown would just be... amazing.

We walked back into the room and one look at Kegan told me everything I needed to know. Something did change. Something wonderful and awesome and amazing.

"No incubator!" Logan whispered, looking at Kegan in awe. He was frozen next to me and then I realized Logan hadn't touched him yet. Now I thought of it, he must've been pretty sad. First he has to walk around with Kegan inside his stomach for 7 months, unable to touch him, and when he's finally out of him Kegan is put into a big, fake womb made of glass that makes it impossible for us to touch him. I was lucky enough to be here when the nurse showed up to change him, but Logan somehow missed that every time.

I pushed him softly in his back. "Go on" I whispered and placed a kiss on his temple.

But instead of letting go of my hand to run over to our son he pulled me with him, as if he was scared something might happen. The only thing that could happen was that he burned his hand, because instead of the incubator, Kegan was lying under a big lamp. I liked it better. A lamp was warm and light and allowed us to touch our baby. I suddenly felt a lot more love for lamps.

Logan reached out for Kegan, but unlike me he didn't hesitate to touch him and took one of Kegan's little hands between his thumb and index finger. He looked back at me for a second, a big smile plastered on his face and wonder written in his eyes. However, he quickly turned back to Kegan and continued touching him. It took a while before I found out he was examining Kegan like he did with Keira when he first saw her. He was counting fingers and toes and looking for other odds. I saw him relaxing when he didn't find any.

I chuckled softly and put an arm around his waist, letting my other hand rest on top of Kegan's head, caressing his baby soft skin with my thumb. Logan leaned into me while still having his hands on our son.

"I do have good ideas sometimes, you know" Carlos said smugly from the other side of the room.

Logan jumped and hit his head against my chin. "Ow!" He whined and grabbed the back of his head.

"Yeah, like that felt good to me" I muttered grumpy and rubbed my chin.

"Sorry" Logan said apologetically and kissed my chin.  
>"You guys are disgustingly cute" Carlos stated and crunched his nose.<p>

"Why thank you" Logan said and bowed.

"I wasn't talking about you" Carlos snapped, before looking at me. "I was talking about Kendall" He said and winked.

James choked on his water. "Excuse me?"

"You're joking, right?" Logan asked at the same moment.

I just raised my eyes. We weren't going to do this again, right?

"Jeez, guys! I'm just kidding!" Carlos laughed and patted James' head.

"Yeah, well, it's not funny. You're/he's mine" James and Logan said at the same time.

"Did you just say 'you're mine'? Because he's not. You have the blonde, I want this one" James told Logan seriously and wrapped his arms around Carlos' waist.

"I said 'he is', you idiot. 'He' as in Kendall?"

"Why would you want to have that rather than Carlos?" James asked incredulously, making Carlos blush.

"I'm not a that!" I said offended.

Logan leaned his back against my chest and I automatically wrapped my arms around his waist. "I know you're not a that. And I love Kendall more than you"

I grinned and put my chin on top of his head. "Do you really mean that?" Carlos asked pouting, using his own version of the puppy dog eyes. "Then I love Kendall more than I love you too" He said and smirked when everyone was shocked again.

"Dude, Carlos, I think-" I started.

"Oh! No, this time I didn't mean it like that!" He said quickly. James visibly relaxed and pulled Carlos in his lap. "I thought the comparison wouldn't be correct anymore if I said James. I thought I could choose between Kendall or Logan" He said. Logan stuck his tongue out at him, before turning around and snuggling his head in my chest, a clear sign he was done with this discussion.

I kissed his forehead and then sat back in my chair, pulling Logan with me. He wrapped his arms around my neck and buried his face in the crook of my neck. I heard him yawning and he relaxed his body against mine. I had the idea that he would be asleep again soon.

And indeed I felt him calming down and his breathing evening out. Not ten minutes later he was asleep. That was when James decided to drop a bomb. "Hey, did you tell Logan about what happened already?"

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"What caused us all to be here in the first place? The splinters in his body? That he can't get pregnant anymore?"

I frowned. "No, I didn't, but how do you know?"

"Your mom told me, I asked her about it yesterday and she thought you wouldn't mind if we knew"  
>"No, I don't mind" I mumbled, glancing down at Logan to make sure her was still sleeping.<p>

"When are you going to tell him?"

"Soon, I guess"

"He's not going to like it"

"I figured"

James nodded and looked at Carlos who was standing at the baby girl's bed, ready to pick her up.

"Did you talk to a doctor already?" I asked when I remembered her burn.

"We did. Yesterday, after you left. He started the treatment yesterday and I think it's working, because she didn't at all wake up during the night. So no pain"

I grinned. "That's good"

James smirked too and turned back to Carlos who was now sitting next to me with the baby in his arms. "Do you have a name already?" I asked.

"Yes" Carlos replied.

"... And?"

"We're not gonna tell you yet. Not until we signed that last paper tomorrow at noon"

I could live with that and looked away from them, back to Kegan. It was almost like he was awake. He was once again moving his arms and legs and smacked his lips a few time. I just hoped he would open his eyes soon.

Then I remembered something else. "Hey, guys, why are we here so early? It's six thirty!"

"We have to go do all that stuff today and we needed you two to watch your godchild"

I smirked widely when I realized what they were saying. I was now officially a godparent. I expected they would ask me and Logan, sure, but it wasn't official until now. "Awesome. And we will watch her, of course"

"Great. But we don't have to go for another two hours so..."

"You woke us two hours too early?" I asked unbelievably.

"Yeah, well, we figured you wouldn't really mind. And we still have some explaining to do about the last year, so why don't you wake Logan up so we can get that out of the way" James said. Carlos hung his head so I couldn't see his expression while still looking at the little girl in front of him.

I decided to say nothing and nudged Logan softly until he woke up. He glared at me and tried to lay back and close his eyes again, but I didn't let him. "You can sleep later, Logie. I promise" I mumbled in his ear and softly pushed him off my lap. I got up too and grabbed our chairs to bring them over to where James and Carlos were sitting next to their future daughter. I figured it was better to sit close to them instead of on the other side of the room.

Carlos sat back in his chair next to James, both were looking nervously at each other. "We don't know exactly where to begin" Carlos said softly.

"The first time Logan and I noticed something was going on was when came to you to tell you we wanted to move" I said, remembering how surprised I was when they went with it without any objections.

"Oh yeah" Carlos smiled sadly. "Well, I think that for us it started around the time Keira was born"

I frowned. I didn't like thinking about that time at all. But it did make sense. I had been so busy with Logan around that time that I didn't really notice what else was going on around me. "Then start with telling us that"

"Okay. Then here we go" James said and took a deep breath. "When Logan was talking again and getting back to being his normal self, we started to notice how happy you two were with Keira. It was kinda hard on us at first, because for the first time you two did something without us. We were happy for you, honestly, but it was just… weird. Especially because Carlos and I had been talking about children even before you got pregnant with her"

Already so much pieces were clicking in my brain. It made a lot m ore sense now, I didn't understand everything yet, but I now had an idea where this was going. "So the day after James and I got married, we signed ourselves up for adoption. We were on that list for about-"

"Wait, what list?" I asked confused.

"There's a list with people in California that want to adopt a child. The higher you get on that list, the more change you have to get chosen. That lady that advised us told us it could take years before someone would chose us as the parents for the child people didn't want to raise their selves. However, we got chosen a month before Keira's birthday" James finished and glanced at Carlos for a moment.

Carlos went on. "It was the day after you came to us to talk about moving out of the Palm Woods"

"That is why you were so eager to go along with it!" I said. "That makes sense"

Both our friends smiled a little. "We were pretty happy after that, unfortunately it only lasted two months"

"Oh god" Logan whimpered. I looked at him confused, worried something was wrong with him, but he was just looking at James and Carlos with tears appearing in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, guys, but it wasn't on purpose, I swear. We just didn't know and we, it just happened and then you lost it and…"

"We know, Logan. We're not mad"

"I'm lost" I told them.

"We heard the adoption got canceled. Six hours later you and Logan come marching in telling us you would get what we wanted… for the second time" James explained emotionlessly.

I stared at my friends with open mouth. I couldn't even imagine how that must have felt. That they lost their child on the day we found out we were getting Kegan. That was just… cruel. And unfair. I realized that even if we'd known about this back then, there was nothing we could've done about it, but still… Doing this to our friends was just not right. I ran a hand through my hair and looked down at my hands.

I was supposed to be the one to take care of my little group of friends, but now they told me this, I saw that I'd done a pretty shitty job. I should've just made them tell us what was going on so we could've helped them with this. I guess Logan was right when he said I'm oblivious to almost anything besides him and Keira and now Kegan. I didn't mean to, I really didn't. James and Carlos meant just as much to me as Katie and mom. Two more people I was practically ignoring. When did I became such a bad friend?

"I'm sorry" I said softly, because honestly, I didn't know what else to tell him.

"It's okay. We're over that now. It took a while but we pulled through" Carlos said with a smile. I had no idea why he was smiling. How could he be smiling when he went through this? "Anyway, we were good for a while. Sad, but holding on better than I thought. We actually got closer because of this"

"Yeah, we saw that too. I figured something good happened between you guys. Not something like that" Logan told them. He looked at James. "Only then it got worse"

James sighed and looked down. "That was my fault. You two got married and were expecting again and sickeningly happy together. You can pretty much blame me for everything what happened in that few months. I was jealous. I couldn't take it we couldn't be as perfect as you seemed to be"

"Seemed?" I asked with raised eyebrows, making all of them laugh. Only it wasn't meant as a joke. I meant it. To me my relationship with Logan was pretty perfect.

"You guys never fought once. No complaining about each other, no arguments, never was either of you even annoyed by the other! It was driving me insane and the only thing I wanted to see was that you guys have flaws too, but neither of you ever lost his temper. I wanted Carlos and me to be just as perfect as you guys, but it just doesn't work that way" He sighed; having this out of his system was probably a relieve. Carlos took his hand and started playing with his fingers

I looked at him, thinking deeply. I actually understood him. Something I never expected. What he said made sense and I was almost sure I would've done the same in his situation.

"So that is practically it" Carlos said. "Any questions?"

Logan chuckled and shook his head. I opened my mouth to say something when the door opened and the nurse came in. I had to remember to ask for her name so I didn't have to call her 'the nurse' all the time. She checked up on Kegan first, before she came over to us with a bottle in her hands. "Who can I give this to?" She asked smiling. Carlos got up eagerly and took it from her. It was like he forgot all about what just happened. It must be so easy to have a mind that's easily distracted.

While Carlos picked the still unnamed baby up from her crib to feed her Logan got up too and went back to Kegan. He leaned over him and placed a kiss on his forehead. Our baby wriggled a little, but seemed to like his daddy's hands on his body because he didn't cry. I watched them for a while, until I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. "I wanna talk to you" James mumbled and went out of the room.

I got up too and followed him, wondering what he wanted. He was standing in the deserted hallway outside the room. It was a little weird, because for the last few days, Katie or mom would sit here with Keira while the other was watching Kegan inside. There was always someone, but now they were all home. I hoped they would come soon. I missed Keira.

"So…" I started. "What's up?"

"I wanted to apologize. For doing the things I did. For flirting with Logan and hurting you with it. You know why I did it, but it's still no excuse"

"You know? I'm not mad. I kinda understand where you come from and honestly believe I would've done the same thing. Anything that could possibly take even the tiniest bit of pain away"

He looked at me with tears in his eyes. "I hate myself for it"

"Why? I'm impressed you guys managed to get through this on your own. Lots of people would've given up. I think I couldn't have done it, at least not without any help from you guys"

"Carlos didn't do the things I did" He mumbled.

"You're a different person"

"Still, he didn't hurt anyone"

"You didn't either"

"I hurt you"

"No, you didn't"

"Yes I did. Kendall, I'm not stupid. I saw the looks in your eyes every time I was near Logan"

"It's true I didn't really like it, but you didn't hurt me. Logan didn't notice what you were doing until I told him. I knew he wasn't reacting to anything you did. I didn't care what you did as long as he didn't respond to you. I was mad at you because you were hurting Carlos"

"I don't hit on Logan, Kendall. I really don't. I love Carlos. All that I did was only to prove to myself we weren't the only ones with problems. I never really meant to hurt either of you, especially Carlos. I just didn't put that much thought in the whole plan as I should've done"

"No one's relationship is perfect, James. We fight too sometimes. I've to admit it's not often, but we do. Mostly about what you heard us fighting about a few days ago, that I'm too overprotective and that Logan's too stubborn. But smaller things too, like who was supposed to do the laundry or grocery shopping"

He smiled a little, recognizing the things I told him. It was normal stuff, things every couple fought about. He was probably thinking back to the times he and Carlos had those. "Thanks, Kendall"

I smiled and held my arms open. "When was the last time we hugged?"

He laughed, but stepped closer to allow the hug. I was glad we had this talk. It was genuine and I believed that now we might go back to what we once were. Friends. It had been a long time since I really thought of James as a friend. There had been so much going on that I never realized it, but now that we were on one line again I felt better about all this. I'd missed him as a friend.

"Let's go back inside" I said and patted his shoulder. He pulled away and we went back inside, we had a family to take care of.


	37. Skin to Skin

**I love you guys :D**

**Skin to skin**

Logan, James, Carlos and I had quite a good time the rest of the morning. We laughed a lot and we could all talk freely again. A weight was lifted off our shoulders, bad feelings were behind us and we had a great time to look forward to.

James was a lot happier. The difference was really noticeable, almost obvious. The old fire was back in his eyes and he was shamelessly flirting with Carlos, something I hadn't seen him do since he and Carlos got together.

Carlos was enjoying it immensely. He too saw the old James and he was loving it to be for once again the center of James' attention. To be the one James was working his charm on, like he had to be captured again. He too went back to being his old self a little mature, grown up Carlos was still funny and light hearted, but he wasn't as free as teenager Carlos always had been. It was great to see.

Logan was sitting next to Kegan's bassinet and was holding Kegan's arm in his hand, rubbing the baby's skin softly. He was watching James and Carlos together as if he was studying something. It was like he was reading a book, trying to understand what was going on in their heads. I guess we would never find out what they were thinking.

I figured they were just happy. They'd worked together through some pretty though times and now everything was finally going to get better. They almost had what they wanted for so long and were pretty sure they would get it, I mean her. And I couldn't think of two people that deserved it more.

They were going to be amazing fathers.

Their relationship survived too and now they were happier than I'd seen them in a long time. They were making each other happy. Carlos was less reluctant when it came to physical contact, for James' sake. He was returning the hugs his husband gave him and even initiated a few himself. They were both stealing kisses from the other whenever they thought we weren't looking. James was calmer and more patient than before, trying to show Carlos he was his.

I was just sitting in my chair next to Logan and mostly looking at him. Logan looked better than yesterday. He was still a little pale, but I guessed that would disappear while he recovered from the c-section. He'd small bags under his eyes from being so tired. The last few days had been extremely tiring for all of us, but probably especially for Logan who never got the time to lay down and get some much needed sleep. The first day because he wanted to see Kegan. The evening he gave birth he'd been on his feet for at least an hour. The next day we spent sitting here, waiting for something that was never going to happen. Nothing came up with Kegan, he was a fighter and pulled through. But now Logan got even more tired after a whole day of sitting.

And then yesterday evening when I needed him to get me calm again. This morning probably hadn't been this good for him either. He didn't even get a full night of rest and I practically dragged him along. I should've though of this earlier.

All in all he still looked good. My 22 year old husband was doing better than expected. His skin was still soft, his hair was still shining, his eyes still sparkling and his lips still moist. Even after two days of not showering. I would probably have to help him with that tonight. Not that I really minded.  
>James and Carlos left to take care of all the adoption stuff after they made us promise we would watch their baby. She was sleeping now, so we didn't really need to do something yet. However Logan had a different idea since he was constantly walking to her bassinet back to Kegan's. It irritated me, because he was supposed to be taking it easy and sit down so there won't be so much stretch on his cut constantly.<p>

At some point I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards me. He had to sleep so he could heal better. He let me shift him from his chair to my lap. He smiled at me tiredly when I wrapped an arm around his waist and brought the other up to his head to guide it to my shoulder. Within minutes he was fast asleep again.

I rocked him slowly, loving how my Logie was sleeping in my arms. I believe I sat there with him for over two hours. My arms were dead, but I never let go of him. Logan was so much more important than a little pain in my arms.

Logan woke up at 11, but continued to sit in my lap. "Kendall?"

"Hmm?" I asked and kissed his forehead.

"Did they tell you anything about the surgery? They didn't tell me anything"

I hesitantly looked down at him. "Do you mind talking about this later?" I asked. I had no idea how I was going to tell him this yet. I suspected Logan would take it hard, which was why I preferred waiting until we were in bed tonight so he could cry himself to sleep if he wanted. It was always a lot easier than trying to calm him down. And the day just started, I didn't want to see Logan's sad face all day.

He shook his head. "No, I don't mind" He said quietly.

I smiled and leaned in to give Logan a kiss on his lips. He eagerly responded and kissed me back. He sat up straighter and wrapped his arms around my neck before deepening it. He gently pried my lips apart and let him shove his tongue in my mouth. He sucked softly on my tongue, before letting me have the control again.

"Hello! Oh! Wow! Guys!" Mom said loudly.

Logan quickly pulled away and climbed off my lap. I got up too. "Hi, mom" I said and gave her a hug.  
>"Hi, honey. How are you doing? And Kegan- no, incubator!" She squealed and turned around to where Kegan was sleeping. She was immediately all over him, touching his hands and feet, caressing his little cheeks and running her hands over his tummy.<p>

"We're good, mom. Thanks for asking. How are you?" I mumbled sarcastically, more to myself than for anyone else to hear.

"Oh guys, I brought something for you" Mom said when she was done inspecting her grandson. "I figured you didn't have clothes for Kegan yet, or at least not clothes that fit him. So I went shopping this morning, that's why I'm so late"

She gave us a white plastic bag with a baby on it. Inside were three playsuits with matching caps. Logan was beaming and went up to my mom to hug her. "You're the best, mama Knight"

"Thanks, Logan. But I just came to drop this off and see how you were doing. I have my book club now, but maybe I'll come back tonight. Keira is just outside in her stroller, poor thing was exhausted and she's still asleep. Katie's with her. Well, I'm going now. Bye"

She gave both of us a kiss on the cheek and then she was gone. Logan looked up at me questioningly. I shrugged, I too had no idea what was going on with her. "I think she has a date. No one is that eager to go to a book club" Logan said thoughtfully.

"You are"

He hit my arm, but chuckled. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him against me. He put his arms around my neck and pulled my head down to kiss me. This time it was the other way around, I was attacking him. Only Logan didn't let me. "Kendall" He said between my kisses. "Kendall, no, stop it!" He giggled when I sneaked my hands under his shirt.

"But I don't want to" I whispered. "I loooooveee you"

He blushed and let me do what I wanted for a few more moment and then pulled away completely. "I want to see Keira" He said.

"She's sleeping, Logie. We'll get her later"

"Fine" He pouted. He didn't really seem to mind though, because he hugged me again and closed his eyes as he put his head on my shoulder. We stood there for a few minutes, but then James' and Carlos' baby started crying –they really should've told us her name, now we still have to call her 'the baby' or 'unnamed baby girl'.

Logan let go of me and went over to her crib. He picked her up and started rocking her, making sure her stomach didn't touch any of his skin. Even though her skin already looked much better now she got a proper treatment, it must still be painful when someone touches it. I wondered how James and Carlos were going to do that. I was proud of them for taking in a child that really needed them instead of one that was perfectly healthy, but it wasn't going to be easy. She needed extra care and later on she would ask questions about why she doesn't look like her fathers.

But they couldn't handle it. I was sure of it. Especially after everything they'd been through.

Logan managed to calm her down by walking slowly up and down the room. "You know what would be fun?" He asked.

I smiled. "Don't let me wait"

"If they would get together one day"

"Yeah… Not gonna happen"

Logan looked at me with his puppy dog eyes and showed me the girl in his arms. "But she's so cute. I bet she would be the perfect daughter in law"

"Oh, I don't doubt that. I just can't let that happen. If they would get together that would mean James and Carlos won't have to deal with the boyfriend problem like we have to do with Keira. I'm not gonna make it James that easy. Never"

He looked at me thoughtfully and then put the baby back in her crib. "Good point. Let's never bring James and Carlos on the idea"

"Agreed"

The door opened and the nurse came in. "Hello Mr. and Mr. Knight. How are you doing?"

"We're good, thank you" I said. "How's Kegan?" Logan walked up to me. As soon as I could reach for him I pulled him in front of me and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Your son is doing great. In fact, that is what I'm here for" She turned around to look at us. "How would you like it to hold your baby?" The nurse asked kindly and smiled when Logan started beaming. He looked up at me and I smiled encouragingly. I wanted Logan to hold Kegan first, since I was the first to touch and dress him. Something I still hadn't told him.

"Alright then. I'm going to help you with something called a skin-to-skin cuddle. We do this with premature babies to get them into contact with their parents. For a baby it's extremely important to know who his parents are. He completely depends on you for the next few years and it's not good for him to be in an enclosed space without any contact too long"

I nodded. That made sense, it was exactly what I'd thought yesterday when I wasn't allowed to touch him. "Now, a skin-to-skin cuddle is good for a baby, because he can get used to the touch and smell of his parents, the two most important organs in the first few weeks of a baby's life. A baby can only see things that are less than 20 centimeters from his face, he can hear, but won't react to it yet, because he can't connect a certain happening to it. Still a soft, loving tone in your voice is better than yelling or snapping, but he won't notice the difference until he's a few weeks older"

The nurse turned her back on us to open the incubator. We watched closely as she carefully lifted Kegan off the mattress, his upper body fitted in her hand. She spread a blanket out under him before putting him down again and wrapping him in it. Kegan whimpered and wriggled in the blanket, as if he was just as impatient as Logan was. My husband was almost bouncing in his chair. I placed my hands on his shoulders and squeezed softly.

He looked up at me again and I felt him relaxing when he was distracted by me. I leaned in and gave him a quick kiss. "Calm down, sweetie, or the nurse will change her mind" I chuckled. His eyes widened and he froze, afraid that what I said was true.

The nurse was done checking up on his state and if the wires and stuff were still connected. I still had to ask Logan about where those things were good for. "Can you come sit a little closer?"

Logan got up and pushed his chair until it was next to the incubator. "And can you open your shirt?"

Logan unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt and pushed the fabric aside. The nurse picked Kegan up again brought him down in front of Logan, who was watching with wide eyes. He brought his hands up and put one behind Kegan's head and the other under his butt. Carefully she let go of Kegan and Logan brought him to his chest, smiling brightly. He pulled the blanket from Kegan's front, before pressing him against his chest.

And Kegan started crying. Logan bit his lip and fought his own tears back. He rocked Kegan slowly and caressed his cheek with his finger, but Kegan didn't stop causing Logan to spill some tears too. I felt bad for him, he probably imagined this to be a lot happier.

I went over to them and kneeled in front of him. Logan looked at me desperately while holding onto our son. "You can do this, Logie. He's just not used to this"

"What if he doesn't like me?" He whispered.

"He loves you. See, he's already calming down" I said softly. I'd caught onto something and tried not to smile. I waited until Logan looked back at Kegan, before quickly freeing Kegan's foot from the wire he was tangling himself in and hurting himself with.

Kegan's crying immediately got less until he stopped completely. Logan smiled and continued running his finger over Kegan's cheek. "You were right"

I smiled at him and got up. Logan looked up at me and then back at Kegan, as if he was comparing. I kissed his forehead and then went to get my own chair next to his and sat down next to him.

Logan leaned down and kissed the top of Kegan's head. "Hi, baby" He whispered as Kegan's little hand grabbed for Logan's skin. "So glad I can finally see you now, it's weird you're not inside of me anymore"  
>Kegan did seem to like Logan. Our small baby was relaxing against Logan's chest -I wasn't sure if he was sleeping or not, since he still didn't open his eyes- and holding onto Logan's pinkie, that Logan offered him after he found out about the grasping. "You look a lot like your papa, Kegie, just like I hoped you would. We're going to get you through this, buddy. You'll be safe and loved and adored and we'll never let you stand alone"<p>

Kegan sighed and smacked his lips a few times, before he yawned and tried to turn his little head to the other side. Logan helped him with it and made sure the blanket was still covering him completely. He looked up at me. "Go get Keira" He said.

I nodded and got up to get my daughter. She was playing in a corner, with Katie next to her, watching her. I went up to them and smirked at Katie, who raised her brows and clearly thought I lost my mind in all the happiness. I kneeled next to Keira, who grinned when she saw me and dropped the toy she was playing with. "Papa" She said happily.

"Hi, Keira. What are you doing?"

"Coffee bear!" She pointed to the bear in front of her and noticed it had an empty plastic cup in front of its feet. Katie waved at me with hers and Keira dropped her cup on the ground when I sat next to her.  
>"Are you drinking coffee with the bear and Katie?"<p>

She nodded and picked up her cup and held it out for me. "Coffee?"

I chuckled. "Thank you, honey" I said and pretended to take a sip to make her happy. "You made very good coffee, Keira!"

She giggled, got up on her legs and went over to me. I took her hands to help her stand. "Do you think you've a little time to see the baby? Or are you busy?"  
>Her eyes widened and she quickly shook her head. "Baby"<p>

"Alright then" I got up and picked Keira up. I carried her back into the room and put her on the ground to close the door behind me.

She grabbed me leg and peeked around it to look at Logan, before hiding her face again. "Are you shy because of daddy?" I asked chuckling.

She didn't respond, just looked at Logan and the little bundle on his chest. "Don't you wanna see your baby brother?"

Keira nodded and I took her hand. I walked slowly over to Logan so she could keep up with me and sat down in my chair next to him. I lifted her off the floor into my lap, facing Logan and Kegan.

"Hi, honey" He said softly. He pulled Kegan's blanket down so she could see his face. Keira sat up a little straighter to have a better look at her brother.

"Baby" She whispered to me and leaned against my stomach, not taking her eyes off Kegan.

"That's your brother, Keke" I told her. "His name is Kegan"

She frowned and studied the baby closely. "Kegie!"

"No, Keira. Ke-gan" Logan said, trying to teach her his name.

"Kegie" She answered stubbornly and grinned at her brother.

Logan rolled his eyes, but went with it, not having any the will to spend too much time learning Keira a name she's not going to use. "You can stroke his head if you want, Keira"

She smiled and leaned forward, causing me to grab onto her so she wouldn't fall. She put her small hand on the back of Kegan's head and really tried her best to be careful. Kegan whimpered softly when he felt the new hand touching him and curled closer to Logan who gently rocked him to calm him down.

"Kegie's small" Keira whispered to me.

"Yeah, he is"

"When's goin play with Keira?"

"Kegan's not going to play with you yet, Keira. He's a little too young for that"

"Oh" She said sadly. "Papa going to play with Keira?"

"Maybe a little later, okay?"

She nodded and frowned at Kegan. "Kegie's weird" She stated.

I turned to my son and watched how he squeezed his eyes shut and wrinkled his little nose a few times, before slowly parting his eyelids and revealing a pair of eyes I knew so well.

Once again I gained a family member with the most gorgeous brown eyes I'd ever seen in my life. I looked up at Logan and saw him smiling at me. He knew exactly how much I loved his eyes. And Keira's. And now Kegan's. I leaned forward and kissed him softly, placing my arm in front of Keira so she wouldn't fall off my lap. "I love you, Logie" I whispered and kissed him again.

"Love you Logie!" Keira said enthusiastically. Having found a new sentence she could say. I pulled away from Logan to look at her. "Love you Logie!" She said again and put her little arms around my waist in an attempt to hug me, only her arms weren't long enough.

I chuckled. "I'm not Logie, Keira"

"Yes! Logie!"

"I don't think she notices 'Logie' is a name" Logan said smiling.

"She'll find out eventually" I said and looked at Keira as she continued to throw her new line at everything in the room. Kegan closed his eyes as he sneezed and after that they remained closed, sleeping again. Logan was rubbing his back and humming softly to keep him calm.

Yeah, things were getting normal again.

**MORE BROWN! MUAHAHAHA! I'm feeling happy again, guys. I've so much inspiration to write lately that I might even think of something for One of Us! Things are getting back to normal for me too. **

**I have one request though. I've now 290 reviews, can you bring me to 300 with this chapter? **


	38. Elizabeth GarciaDiamond

**So. This is the result of spending Christmas alone. I had to go to London unsuspected with the National Ballet, which resulted in me being alone in my hotel room. I had the days off, but my family is in the Netherlands and Ballet girls are real bitches, so I'd rather be alone than with them. So much for a perfect life... Merry Christmas everyone...****  
><strong>

**Elizabeth Garcia-Diamond**  
>"Thanks again, Kendall," James said gratefully. The two of us were walking back to the hospital room where the babies were. We just went home to get clothes for us and the children.<p>

And since James and Carlos didn't have any stuff for their maybe future daughter, we volunteered to give them Keira's old clothes. Kegan was a boy, so we wouldn't need them anyway. I got James a few other things too. Diapers, pacifiers, bottles, blankets, a diaper bag, vests, cardigans, a small towel, baby bath, baby wipes, burp cloths, formula, digital thermometer, baby nail scissors, a carrier -borrowed, we needed that when we were going to take Kegan home- and a million other things that they needed to buy themselves. Like a crib, a stroller, a baby tub, a changing table, a high chair, toys etc, etc, etc...

Anyway, we managed to fit the most important things in the old diaper bag and the rest of it in the duffel bag James had packed for him and Carlos. I packed one for Keira and Kegan, only barely fitting all the things they need in one bag. Really, children were so much work. Even now I was sure I forgot about something.

"It's fine, James. We can miss those things, we still have a little while before Kegan can go home so we've enough time to get the things that are necessary. You don't have time, so you can have it."

"Doesn't mean I'm not grateful," James said smiling.

I patted his back. "You're welcome, Jamie."

He rolled his eyes and opened the door. I followed him inside and noticed nothing had changed. When James and I left an hour ago, it was six o'clock. James and Carlos just got back at five thirty, but James wanted to get this over with as quick as possible so he could be with Carlos and the baby for the evening. The two of them had been gone all day to sign forms and make appointments and talk to people about adopting this baby. They were hopeful and optimistic, but Logan and I both noticed the fear in their eyes. The fear that they would lose another baby, that the parents showed up and would take her from them, claiming the wound was a horrible accident and they were terribly sorry for it.

I was sure that even if the biological parents showed up, they would never get her back. Not after what happened to this baby, a three days old newborn. Even if they did say it was an accident, no one would believe them. Not when they left their baby in a hospital. It was too suspicious.

So James and Carlos came back and immediately were all over her, completely ignoring us for at least ten minutes. They'd told us that tomorrow they wouldn't come to see her until they knew for sure she was theirs. Something about not becoming too attached. It was useless. Both of them already cared too much about the baby girl. I just hoped they wouldn't blame themselves if the whole thing got canceled.

James instantly went over to Carlos who was sitting next to Logan with the sleeping baby in his arms. The Latino was beaming when he saw all the things James got for the baby. I remember when I first saw Logan with Keira; it was the exact same thing. Carlos got up to kiss James and together they went to the baby's crib to change her. She now had a big bandage on her stomach and got some pills and oil to heal the burnt skin. After the nurse was done with her, it was already looking so much better.

The doctor told Logan and me that if everything went okay and there were no infections, James and Carlos could take her home tomorrow night. They were really excited when we told them that. Now they could take their baby home the day she was officially theirs.

Logan was sitting next to Kegan's crib with the lamp, still holding our son to his chest. When Logan first got to hold him earlier this day, it took me about an hour of begging before he gave in and let me cuddle my baby boy too. When the same amount of time past as he'd held Kegan, Logan demanded I would give him our baby again. I'd agreed reluctantly and so our day past away.

But know Logan had been holding Kegan for over an hour and it was my turn. I went over and pressed one kiss on Logan's lips and another one on Kegan's head. I put the diaper bag down next to them and sat in the chair next to his. "It's my turn, Logie," I said, ready to fight for holding my baby.

"Shh! Look!" He whisper-yelled and pointed in the direction of James and Carlos.

I looked up. Our friends were standing next to the crib where the baby was now lying in and looking for some clothes for her together. They found some playsuit and turned back to the baby in front of them.

They were so careful. James picked her up ever so gently so Carlos could slip the leg parts of the suit on her legs. James put her down again and they each took care of one arm, smiling at each other when they both went to the buttons. James let Carlos do it and settled with hugging his husband from behind.

Logan nudged me, showing me the picture he took of them. I smiled and kissed his cheek. "It's still my turn with Kegan, Logie."

Logan pouted. "Fine. I had to go to the bathroom anyway."

I helped him getting Kegan from under his shirt, making sure all the wires and tubes connected to Kegan were still attached. Logan got up so I could take his seat and unbuttoned my shirt before Logan quickly put a now crying Kegan on my chest. I grabbed the baby blanket while holding Kegan against me with my other hand. Logan helped me covering Kegan's back with it, before taking of to the bathroom. Kegan was still crying, not liking being moved and the cold that touched his thin baby skin.

I gently rocked him, loving it to finally hold my baby. It was a really weird experience. Kegan was so tiny he almost felt like a doll, only he was soft and warm and moved. He had a heartbeat and cried and needed diaper changes. But still felt as if it was impossible for such a small baby to live.

A baby depended on his parents for everything. Most babies of animal could at least walk when they were just born, a human baby was completely helpless. Kegan was only alive because of the machines he was attached too. Yes, he breathed on his own now, but he still couldn't eat. Food was forced in his body, directly into his stomach. He needed people to take care of him until he was at least five or six years old.

It was proved again with the baby girl. Her parents abused her and then left her in a hospital. If she wasn't found she would've died. Not even from the burn, because now that a doctor had examined it, it turned out to be less critical then they thought. It looked bad because of the blisters, but it was only a second degree burn. It would leave a scar though. James and Carlos weren't exactly happy with that, but they were glad that the scar was on a place that could easily be covered by clothes.

Kegan was starting to calm down. He wiggled and curled his legs up until they were next to his sides. I rubbed his back gently and kissed the top of his head.

I only now noticed Keira playing in a corner. She was perfectly fine playing on her own, but now there were two other babies that would get a lot of attention. She wasn't used to that and even if she was good now, it wouldn't stay that way. And I didn't want her to feel left alone. "Keke, what are you doing, baby?" I asked her.

She looked up and showed me her doll. "Kegie!"

I raised my eyebrows. "Why don't you come sit next to me?"

Keira crawled up her feet and came up to me, with her doll that was apparently named 'Kegie.' It took her a while before she managed to climb up the chair next to mine. "What did you call the doll, Keira?"

"Kegie," She answered.

"But your brothers name is Kegan too."

She hugged the doll closely. "My Kegie."

"Your Kegie?"

She nodded seriously. "Keira baby too now."

I grinned. "Oh really?"

"Yes," She said. She looked up when the door opened and Logan came in. "Daddy!"

He smiled at her. "Hey, honey."

"Hey, Logan. Did you know Keira had a baby Kegan too?"

He raised an eyebrow and looked from me to Keira to the doll she was still holding. "Oh, I see," He chuckled.

He picked Keira up and sat in the chair, putting her down in his lap. "So we're gonna have two babies in the house now?" He asked her.

"Yes."

"But you're going to take care of this one, right? Because papa and I can't do it without you," Logan said.

She nodded and then her stomach growled. "Keira hungry," She said pouting.

"I've packed cookies for her in the bag," I told Logan. I took a look at my watched and saw it was already far past her bedtime. I figured it didn't really matter, because she took a long nap this afternoon.

Logan found the cookies and gave them to her. I took a look at James and Carlos and saw they were totally wrapped up in their own little world. James was holding the baby and had his other arm around Carlos, who had his head on James' shoulder and was gently caressing her head.

I looked down at Kegan, who was now sleeping peacefully. Logan slipped his hand into mine, squeezing softly. "Can we go to bed soon?" He asked softly.

"Yeah." I kissed his cheek and squeezed back. Keira was done with her cookies and was leaning back against Logan, who wasn't doing much better than her. Maybe it really was time to go back to the room.

As if she was called the nurse came in and helped me to get Kegan back in his crib under the lamp. We said goodbye to James and Carlos, who told us they would come in about an hour so we could shower first. Yeah, that's right. We shared Logan's hospital room with them. Great.

I picked Keira up from Logan's lap and brought her outside to her stroller. Logan followed me outside and together we went to our room. By the time we got there Keira was asleep. Logan sat on the bed and watched me as I changed Keira into her pajama's and put a blanket over her.

I went up to Logan and kissed him softly. "C'mon," I mumbled and picked Logan up bridal style. He closed his eyes, exhausted after another long day. I carried him to the bathroom and put him down in front of the sink. "Does it hurt?" I asked while I gently pulled his shirt off.

"No," He answered sleepily. As soon as his shirt was off he leaned back against my chest. I grabbed the waistband of his sweat pants and pushed them down.

I didn't ask further. Logan didn't always tell the truth when something was hurting him, but if I pushed it he would get irritated and that was no fun. I would just have to wait until he admitted it himself. When he was naked I quickly undressed myself and turned the water on. "Is that bandage waterproof?" I asked worriedly.

"It is, but water won't cause an infection." I nodded and wrapped an arm around his waist to help him under the water. I closed the curtain and turned around, where Logan immediately put his arms around my waist and leaned against me. I kissed the top of his head and rubbed his back softly. "Yuck. Why did you let me eat so much?" He complained as he looked down at his body.

"Because you were hungry? And pregnant?"

"I look like a cow," He whined as he gripped at his stomach. He was indeed a little chubby, but I didn't care. He was beautiful, and I rather had him a little heavier than underweight.

"You don't look like a cow, Logie. You're gorgeous. And I'm sure that you lost that in a few weeks. But you don't have to for me, if that's what you think," I told him and kissed his forehead.

Logan grumbled something, but had a small smile on his face and put his head back on my chest. I reached over him and grabbed the soap. I put some on my hand and placed the bottle back. I massaged the soap over Logan's body. He enjoyed it for the most part, until I reached his belly. He grimaced and pushed my hands away, but I ignored it and knocked his hands out of the way.

"Kendall," He said warningly.

"Come on, Logan, quit complaining. There are a lot people that would kill to have your body. I wouldn't care if you did look like a cow. So man up and let me get you clean," I said. He kept quiet after that and let me finish my task. He rinsed it off of him and then we got out of the shower. He still didn't say anything as we dried ourselves and got into clothes. When he wanted to walk past me back to the room I grabbed him by his wrist and stopped him. "I'm not mad at you, Logie," I whispered and cupped his face with my other hand.

He smiled a little and leaned into my touch. "I know, and I'm sorry. I was just overreacting. You were right. I'm just tired, I guess."

I smiled too and put my forehead against his. "I know, baby. Let's go to bed."

He nodded and kissed me before pulling me with him back into the room.

"Finally! Did you leave some hot water for us?" Carlos snickered. Apparently we spent more time in the shower than I thought.

"We did. And be quiet when you come back into the room, will you?"

"Yes, sir," Carlos saluted. James rolled his eyes and followed his husband into the bathroom.

Logan was already in bed, but I decided to check up on Keira first. She was sleeping peacefully in her stroller. I tucked her in tighter and ran my hand through her hair. She wiggled a little, but didn't wake up. I turned the stroller so Logan and I could see her from the bed and then went back to Logan. I climbed into the bed behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. Logan hummed sleepily and snuggled closer.

"Tell me about the surgery," He commanded.

I grimaced, not feeling like it at all, but I realized I didn't have a choice. This was about him; about his body. "It started a little earlier then that," I sighed, "you remember when you broke your hip when you gave birth of Keira?"  
>He nodded, confused.<p>

"Well, apparently some of the bone splinters got left behind in the womb. So when you got pregnant with Kegan, he tried to stay away from there. That's why we couldn't feel him move, because he didn't want to. But he grew bigger and suddenly there was no room left and he had to touch there. So he started kicking you and trying to get out. That's what we could feel three days ago."

"So he was hurting?" Logan asked softly.

"That's not your fault, sweetie." I kissed his cheek and rubbed his arm, trying to comfort him.

"Go on," He whispered.

"The doctor performed the c-section and got Kegan out of you. He wasn't breathing at first, but they saved him and you know the rest. The doctor removed the splinters, but-"

"How much did they damage?" Logan asked softly.

"Logan..."

"Just tell me, Kendall. It's not like I expected anything positive when I saw your expression this morning. Do I need to have surgery again? Do I need an kidney transplantation? Am I going to die?"

I was confused at first, but then realized he was purposely talking around it. He knew exactly what was going on. His eyes were squeezed shot and he was trembling in my embrace. "Shh. Logie, it'll be okay," I whispered. I turned him around so his chest was pressed against mine and held him closely while he cried into my chest. I pulled the blankets up over his head and stroked his back gently.

I had a pretty hard time holding back my own tears, but I wanted to for Logan. I hadn't given myself the time to really think about this. But this wasn't something that was only important to Logan; it was important to me too. And not only because Logan was involved. The fact that Logan couldn't -or was unlikely to- get pregnant anymore was a 'we' thing. Something we did together, not just Logan, even though he was the carrier.

I realized that deep down, I still wanted that big family I'd always hoped for. I gave up on that dream when I fell in love with Logan. Two guys couldn't get children together, that was impossible. And I honestly wouldn't have mind to have no children at all, as long as I got Logan. But then we were getting Keira and all of a sudden every impossibility became possible. I could've the big family I wanted.

I quickly came back on those thoughts when I saw how everything went horribly wrong with Keira and wasn't so sure anymore. I wanted children, but not if Logan was the prize.

So I was scared when he told me about getting Kegan. I was excited, but deadly afraid of losing Logan. But then the whole pregnancy went fine; again. And I started to think. Both times Logan was pregnant, the pregnancy went normal. The only thing that I worried about was the pain in Logan's back, but honestly that wasn't a serious injury. It was giving birth where it went wrong. But then again; both times it wasn't something we could've done anything about. Logan giving birth the natural way with Keira had been necessary. Our baby girl had to get out or would die inside Logan from the lack of oxygen. The c-section from a few days ago had been necessary too; or Kegan would've died. Both deliveries had been about saving our babies, Logan turned out to be fine both times.

So I figured, that once everything was back to normal and Kegan and Keira were a little older. We could try to have another baby. Because this time, everything would go fine. No Jett, no bone splinters, and I would watch him even better than the last two times. But it wouldn't happen. The doctor said that it wasn't completely impossible; but let's face it, the chance Logan would ever fall pregnant again was just too small. I rather didn't hope too much, in that way there wouldn't be any disappointment when it didn't work and a surprise when it did happen.

Just... Deep down I knew Logan wanted a third child. And when Logan wanted something, I would try my best to give him it. Even when someone told us it was impossible. We could at least try. It wouldn't be that hard, if we just threw the condoms away and made love without them we would be trying. That wasn't hard at all. Neither of us would mind making love more often.

The bathroom door opened and James and Carlos came out, both in boxers and shirts. They quietly went over to the other bed and climbed in it. I heard them giggled for a few minutes, trying to find the right way to fit in the single bed together. After they exchanged I love you's they were quiet again.

I glanced down at Logan and noticed he was still crying, but trying to keep quiet so James and Carlos wouldn't hear. "Shh, baby," I whispered, soft enough only he could hear. "We're going to find another way, sweetie."

"P-promise?" He whimpered. He curled closer and tangled his legs with mine.

"I swear, Logie. Everything for you."

Logan looked up at me. His teary eyes made my heart ache. "I love you," He whispered.

"I love you too. Go to sleep now, baby."

He nodded, but first pulled my chin down to kiss me. I wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled him against me. I kissed his forehead and tucked his head under my chin.

I heard giggles coming from the other bed. "James, not now! Move that hand!" Whispered Carlos a little too loudly.

"I want a kiss first," James demanded.

"Shh! You're gonna wake Kendall and Logan!"

"Than kiss me!"

It went on like that for a while, bit eventually they stopped and fell asleep. Logan didn't last much longer and cried himself to sleep. I just held him, looking at Keira and thinking of Kegan. We had so much already; a marriage, a daughter, a son, amazing friends with a child of their own. Why wasn't it enough?

I guess it wasn't something you had an answer for. Thinking of a third child with Logan just felt amazing, it felt right for both of us. But the only thing we could do is try and hope for a miracle.

~37~

I woke up the next morning at seven and I quickly found out why. Keira was yelling at us to take her out of the stroller. I heard James and Carlos groan, Logan opened his eyes sleepily and then pulled the blankets over his head.  
>I sighed and rolled my eyes, before getting up to get her ready. "Get used to this guys, if you adopt that baby you're going to have this every morning," I informed them, picking Keira up.<p>

"And every night," Added Logan as he peaked his head out from under the blanket.

"During the day." I made Keira giggle by bouncing her up and down.

"Practically just every moment that isn't the right time," He said and got out of bed. He sped into the bathroom and locked the door.

"We'll manage," Carlos said confidently.

"You want to go cuddle with James and Carlos?" I asked Keira.

She nodded eagerly. I brought her over to them and put her down on Carlos' stomach. She giggled and slapped him in the face.

"Ow! Keira!" He whined.

I rolled my eyes and went back to our side of the room to find some clothes to wear while Carlos and James entertained Keira. Logan came back and I went into the bathroom while he put his clothes on. We'd done this so often already that it became a routine. The first one that was ready would get Keira and take her down for breakfast and the other would put the laundry from that night into the dryer. After that we would bring Keira to mom and then go to the studio or whatever else we'd to do.

We only had a ritual for the morning though, the rest of the day was changed all the time.  
>Within twenty minutes Logan and I were done with getting ourselves and Keira ready. "So, what's your plan for today?" I asked James and Carlos.<p>

They looked at each other. "We're not sure yet," James said hesitantly. "Depends on what happens before noon."  
>"What won't happen before noon, you mean," Logan said and smiled.<p>

"We don't want to hope, Logan. It's easier to think something will happen that will cancel the whole thing; then there is less disappointment when she's taken from us," James explained, but besides all he said he was still hoping. They wanted this so badly and I couldn't think of two people that deserved this more.

"Just... Can you watch her again?" Carlos asked. "Make sure she's okay until we're there?"

"Yeah, of course," Logan said immediately.

I nodded in agreement. "Where can we find you?" I asked them.

Carlos glanced at the clock. "In the cafeteria, I think. At a twelve forty-five that lady from the adoption service arrives and at a second past twelve we're signing; if everything goes well. You have to call us if someone other than a nurse or a doctor comes into that room."

"We will," I promised. "So we'll see you after noon."

"Bye guys," Logan said.

They waved and then we left, taking Keira with us. She wanted to walk, so we put her on the ground between us and held her hand. We were really slow and it took us ten minutes to reach the elevator. I carried her for the rest of the walk there, I wanted to get to Kegan today. Not tomorrow.

Logan immediately went up to Kegan. I put Keira on the ground so she could go play somewhere and went to look at my son too. Kegan was awake, his eyes open and kicking with his legs. I smiled and gave Kegan my pinkie. He grabbed it and brought it to his mouth. "Don't put it in his mouth," Logan said and pulled my hand away from Kegan's. "He's extra vulnerable for infections and do you've any idea how much bacteria you've on you're hands?"

I rolled my eyes, but didn't give Kegan my hand again. Even if it was only to ease Logan's mind. When I made sure Kegan was okay and didn't get worse after yesterday, I went up to James' and Carlos' baby. She was sleeping peacefully in the clothes my friends dressed her in. I ran my fingers over her cheek, unintentionally waking her up. I quickly picked her up before she would start crying, rocking her gently. To my relieve she didn't even think about crying and closed her eyes, going to sleep again.

I wanted to put her down, but Logan stopped me. "Just put her next to Kegan, they easily fit next to each other and then we won't have to walk over all the time."

"Because that's such a long walk," I said sarcastically.

Logan rolled his eyes, but smiled at me. I did as he said and put the baby down next to Kegan. Our son seemed to find the chance very interesting and looked at the baby girl with wide eyes. Logan laughed at him, rubbing his arm. "Four days old and already in bed with a girl."

I chuckled. "Maybe he's gay and this doesn't bother him."

"You know, I don't think he is," Logan said thoughtfully. "Do you think he would mind having two fathers?"

"Are you kidding me? I would love it to have us as my dads! We're cool dudes, we're in a band, we've money, we play sports. He's going to love it. I'm more worried about Keira."

Logan laughed. "Maybe you're right. At least we're not all that old by the time he'll get embarrassed of us. And why would you be worried about Keira?"

I sighed and wrapped my arms around his waist from behind, resting my chin on top of his head. "I don't think she'll talk to us when she has a problem about a guy or other girl stuff. She's exactly like you, Logan. Sometimes I've to force you to tell you how you feel and I think she's going to be even worse."

"If that's true you'll be able to get it out of her. Just do the same as you do with me and you're good."

"I still think she'll rather come to you than to me."

He turned around and gripped my arms. "Even if she does that, I'll tell you everything she said. We're parenting together, Kendall. We're a team. And I'm not good at solving problems on my own."

I smiled. "That's true."

Logan smiled back and kissed me softly, before turning around again to look at the babies. "They're so precious. Are you sure we don't want them to be together?"

"Positive," I answered instantly. I really wasn't going to make it James that easy. Absolutely not. "They can be friends though. That's alright."

"They won't have a choice. They're pretty much forced into friendship, James and Carlos are over at our house so much they have to like each other. "

I nodded in agreement. "I don't think it'll be a problem."

"Me either."

The time past by slowly, at eleven it was almost like time was going backwards. Really, it would be so much easier if James and Carlos just decided to sit here until that woman came with the adoption shit. The biological parents really weren't going to show up.

~37~

At a quarter to twelve Logan said, "I bet at least one of them is freaking out right now."

I let out an skeptical laugh. "They did that an hour ago, they're both in tears by now."

"That's really drastic, Kendall."

"James and Carlos are extreme people after all."

Logan rolled his eyes and chuckled.

~37~

"Should we count down to one minute past twelve? They're not going to waste one second after they signed that paper, I bet they'll be flying in here."

I laughed at the image that came into my head. "Probably. But I think we're already to late with counting down. I think they can come in any second now."

"Oh, Kendall! Take you're phone out! We have to have pictures of this!"

The alarm on my phone told me it was noon exactly. I was relieved, James and Carlos were the official parents of the baby next to Kegan now. I'd known the biological parents wouldn't show up, but it still felt good now the time of waiting was over and James and Carlos had what they wanted. What they've been longing for for so long it was almost insane.

I jumped when the door slammed open and Carlos came in and rushed past us to the crib where the baby used to be lying in, saying, "Lizzy, Lizzy, Lizzy," over and over again. He screamed when he saw she wasn't in her crib.

"She's here, Carlos," I said calmly, pointing to Kegan's bed and trying not to laugh. The immediate relieve that washed over his face was really funny. He sped over and picked her up without hesitating.

By now James was here too. He started beaming as soon as he saw Carlos and his daughter, relaxed now he knew she was still here. He went up to them, hugging Carlos close with their baby between them.

I remembered the phone in my hand and made a picture, cursing myself for not bringing a real camera. I made more pictures; James kissing Carlos, James kissing Lizzy's head, Carlos giving James the baby, Carlos kissing Lizzy. An endless stream of pictures that would be incredibly important to them one day.

"You know, it wasn't funny to move her to another crib," Carlos said pouting when he finally realized we were still here too. "I almost had an heart attack."

"It wasn't meant to scare you, Carlos. We just thought she would be lonely and put her next to Kegan," Logan explained.

Carlos grinned. "Oh, that's okay, I guess."

"So her name is Lizzy?" I asked, wanting some reassurance. I'd hated it to call her 'the baby' or something like this.

"Elizabeth Garcia-Diamond. James wanted to make it sound all stately."

"Hey! I gave you a choice!"

"You said Isabella or Elizabeth, but we're not ever going to call her that. So I choose between Bella and Lizzy and since my daughter is not a cow(1) I choose Lizzy."

James wasn't even listening anymore, instead focusing on the baby in his arms. Rocking her gently and holding her protectively against his chest. Lizzy whimpered softly and James hummed in response to calm her down.

Carlos was gaping at him, he already completely forgot about us. He went up to James and kissed him hard.

Logan came up next to me, holding Keira on his arm. "Kegan's sleeping, let's leave them alone for a while. Those three are going to be one big love mess; too cute to watch without retching."

I smirked and nodded. I wrapped an arm around his waist and we silently left the room.

**(1) In Dutch books they always name cows Bella. I like the name, but I just don't want to compare a baby to a cow…**

**So. Only two chapters after this. I plan on posting them before New Year. The first chapter of the sequel will he up 1-1-12. But what do you think of this chapter? I'm sorry for being so late. I just... I'm really busy... Really, really busy... It's insane, guys.**

**And thank you Hikari no Kasai for thinking I'm pretty! (Yes, the girl on my profile pic is really me)**


	39. Kegan goes home

**I'm finally home! And I went shopping with my mom! I'm sorry, I just don't get to shop often. Because, well, I don't really need a lot of clothes... I only wear tights and ballet suits a lot and when I'm home, I wear sweat pants... So I'm happy!****  
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>Kegan could finally go home. It has been a month since his birth and he was finally strong enough to be safe at home. Two weeks ago the tubes were taken out of his nose; Logan and I got to feed him his first bottle of formula. A week later all the other wires were taken off and now the doctor was sure he wouldn't fall back. He was healthy. Still smaller and lighter than Keira had been, but already louder than she has ever been. His cry was loud. Really loud.<p>

About a week ago, I asked for some advice for when we would take Kegan home. Premature babies were different from normal babies and I wanted to know what I had to do to take good care of him. Apparently, the most important thing was warmth. Babies had to be kept warm most of the time, it was even more important for premature babies. The most natural source of warmth was body heat; not too cold, not too hot, perfect.

So, I bought a baby sling. In that way Kegan could stay close to Logan or me and stay warm. We could make sure he was still healthy and alive. And I wanted to have him with me too. Logan carried him around for almost seven months, but now it was my turn. I wanted to keep my baby against me too.  
>Logan's eyes were gleaming the whole time I was talking, explaining this to him. He told me he was okay with this -there were certain risks that came with using a sling- but he said we just had to keep a close watch on Kegan's breathing when he was lying in it and it would be fine. I was happy.<p>

Keira was happy too when I told her Kegan was coming home. The last month had been crazy for her. Once Logan was fired from the hospital we spend every other day with Kegan, while the other went back to the studio with James or Carlos. They weren't ready yet to leave Lizzy with mom or Katie -who were both willing to babysit her and Keira. So one of them stayed home while the other went to the studio, just like Logan and I did. As a result, I spent one day with Kegan, and the other with James, Kelly and Gustavo in the studio. It was a mess. We would never be able to keep this up long. But we had to, at least until our second album would come out in 6 weeks.

I was done with this too. I wanted three pairs of brown eyes back home, each one of them safe and healthy and happy. Luckily, we were going home now. All of us.

Kegan was securely strapped in his carrier. It was way too big for him, but he was just a baby and probably didn't mind where he was lying if it was soft and warm. Logan put a cloth over it; not because of the sun, but because of the media that was standing outside the hospital doors.

Somehow they knew we were going to take Kegan home today. The whole world knew that Logan gave birth of our son, but his name was still a secret. Lizzy was still unknown to the world. No one knew James and Carlos adopted her, but that could only be a matter of time. Our friends weren't exactly hiding her.

"Ready?" I asked Logan.

He nodded and sighed. "I hate it they want to take pictures of a baby. I mean, he's just a baby! He can't choose for himself if her wants this yet."

"I know, but we've done this before. We'll manage again. Besides, they can't see him now. We won't say anything to them and just go to the car."

"Yeah, I guess," He sighed. "I still don't like it."

"Me either."

We made sure nothing was left behind. Logan took Kegan in the carrier and I took the diaper bag and Keira. She was pouting because she wanted to walk, but Logan and I didn't feel much for all the extra pictures that would be taken when we were slowed down by a walking Keira.

We reached the front door and indeed a lot of journalist and their photographers were standing outside. The picture taking already started when we turned the corner. I held my head down and stepped outside, holding the door open for Logan. I walked in front of him, keeping my mouth shut and ignoring the questions.

They followed us all the way to the car, still taking pictures. Keira was scared and hiding her face in my chest. She almost didn't let me put her in her safety seat. She only did it because Logan decided to sit with her and Kegan in the back seat. Once the carrier was fastened I gave gas and drove away. "It could've been worse," I reasoned.

"That's true," Logan admitted and took the cloth of the carrier. Kegan was still sleeping, not at all bothered by all the flashing lights. Logan smiled and stroked over the few brown hairs on Kegan's head.

Keira was chatting away about something she did with Katie yesterday while we drove home. She was excited to have all of us there again, even if she didn't realize it herself. She was only 19 months old after all. I couldn't believe she has only been part of our lives for one and a half year. It felt like she had always been with us.

I pulled into the driveway and got out of the car. I opened the door of the back seat and took the carrier out so Logan could get out too. He went inside with Kegan while I went to get Keira. I let her walk back, hoping she would now play calmly in a corner. Indeed she did, once we reached the kitchen where Logan was Keira staggered off to the living room where her toys were.

Logan had lifted Kegan out of the carrier and was holding our baby against his chest. Kegan was staring ahead of him and grasping at Logan's shirt with his little fists, whining when he couldn't get a hold on it. I smiled and stepped in front of Logan, gently closing Kegan in between us. He didn't seem to mind, only whimpered a little. Logan smiled up at me and pressed a kiss to my lips. "You want to try the sling, don't you?" He asked smugly, knowing exactly that was what I wanted.

"Yes," I said excitedly. "I hope Kegan likes it."

"He'll love it, Kendall. Don't worry. Go get it."

I nodded and kissed the back of Kegan's head before almost running to the living room where we kept all the baby stuff. I went back to the kitchen once I found it and showed it to Logan. "You've to help me with it the first time," I said and put the cloth on the table.

He nodded and gave Kegan to me. "Tell me what to do."

"You've to fold the cloth in half." Logan did, carefully. Making sure it was exactly in half. "Than put it over my left shoulder and under my right arm, then hold the ends." Logan followed my instructions once again, making it not to tight so I could still slip Kegan in between the two halfs of the cloth.

Which was what I did, holding onto Kegan because I knew Logan didn't tie the ends together yet. "Now tie them together, but not too tight or you'll squeeze Kegan, but not too loose or he'll fall out of it."

He did, tying it up good so it wouldn't slip free out of itself. Slowly I let go of Kegan, gently sinking him into the sling until it was fully supporting his weight. Kegan whimpered and squirmed and I thought he was going to cry, but he seemed to decide he liked this and settled down in the soft fabric. Relaxing his tiny body against my chest, he closed his eyes.

Logan came around me and peeked into the sling. "Told you he would like it," He said smiling. He brought his hand in the sling and caressed Kegan's cheek before feeling under his chin.

"You've to make sure you can put two fingers under his chin," He explained, "Than Kegan is breathing properly."

I nodded and looked down at the little human hanging from my shoulders. I smirked, it felt amazing to have Kegan so close and still be able to use your hands. "So now what?" I asked Logan. It was only three pm, we still had a lot of time to go do something. Or we could stay home and relax a little.

"We could go to James and Carlos, your mom is there now."

"She is? Why don't I know those things?"

"Because we really don't have to now everything. I only now because I was talking to Carlos yesterday and he told me. He said she wanted to spend some time with Lizzy, it was a surprise for her too and now she wants to get used to her other new grandchild."

I smirked. "I bet he was really happy to hear that."

Logan smiled too. "Yeah, he was. But you've to remember his and James' parents live all the way back in Minnesota, they haven't even seen Lizzy yet. And Jennifer has been taking care of us ever since we were sixteen, she means a lot to them too."

"Yeah, I guess," I said thoughtfully. "She does always say how we're all family. Okay, so it's not a weird thing she thinks of Lizzy as a granddaughter."

"No, not at all," Logan agreed. "So we're going over there?"

"I'm fine with it. As long as I get to have Kegan all day."

Logan rolled his eyes. "You do realize he's my baby too, right? I want him tomorrow."

I pouted and Logan chuckled. "Fine."

"Alright, I'm going to call them, maybe they don't want us to come," He said and went to the living room. I looked down at Kegan, smiling when I saw him peacefully looking around. I started walking slowly, but he didn't react to it. Not in a bad way anyway, he even seemed to like his better than just standing still. He yawned and closed his eyes, within a few minutes he was sleeping.

Yeah, I was loving this.

"Look, Logie!" I said softly, but enthusiastically when he came back into the kitchen.

He came closer and looked inside, smiling too. "It's adorable how excited you are about this."

"Yeah... So?"

"Nothing. Just think you're cute."

"Aw. Thanks, Logie," I said smiling and pulled him closer, wrapping an arm around his waist. "So can we come over?"

"Yeah, they're fine with it, as long as we help with cooking and bring beer, because they don't have enough for the four of us." He suddenly started smiling. "Hey, I can drink again!"

I chuckled and shook my head. "Alcoholic."

"You stop drinking for nine months, I bet you won't survive the first day without a beer."

"It was only six and a half months, Logie, but I do like beer..."

"It were fourteen and a half if you count the time I was pregnant with Keira."

"You know what? The next time you get-" I stopped talking when I realized what I was saying. "Right, never mind," I said softly.

Logan looked down at the floor, hiding his eyes for me. We talked about it a lot the past month, but it was still a sensitive subject between the two of us. It was so surreal still. Like it could impossibly be true, while we both new very well it we would never get another child that was from both of us. No, it wasn't impossible. The doctor had said it himself, but it was very unlikely Logan would ever fall pregnant again.

I sighed and kissed his temple. "Not today," I mumbled. "Let's get Keira and go to our friends."  
>Logan nodded and left the kitchen, leaving me here alone again. I looked at Kegan, who was still sleeping. I was going to cherish the few months he was still small and vulnerable. The first few months of his life he would need me and Logan most. We would never get to experience something like it again.<p>

I heard little feet coming closer. "Kegie!" Keira said happily, pointing at the baby sling around my torso.

Logan chuckled and picked her up so she could see Kegan. "Sleeping?" She asked.

"Yes, baby girl. Kegan is sleeping."

She nodded. "Where we going?"

"We're going to see Lizzie. Do you like that?"

She nodded again. Logan set her back on the ground and together we walked to James' and Carlos' place. I looked down at Kegan and saw that he was still sleeping peacefully. Man, I was really, really loving this new arrangement! I could still do everything and hold Kegan close.

Logan opened the door and let Keira go in first. She ran away to find the others.

"Keira!" Cooed mom when she saw he granddaughter. Logan and I followed her into the living room.

"Hi, guys," Carlos said. He was sitting next to mama Knight on the couch, watching Lizzy in her lap. The baby was awake, staring at my mom with her blue eyes.

"Kegie!" Said Keira enthusiastically and pointed at me. All three adults looked up to see the baby sling around my shoulders.

"Oh, Kendall! Look at you, all caring for your family," My mother said emotionally.

I smiled awkwardly and didn't really know what I should do. "I'm just carrying my baby," I mumbled.  
>Mom handed Lizzy to Carlos and came over to hug me, only she couldn't because of Kegan.<p>

Keira had gone to James and was sitting in his lap, telling him about the ride home when she got to sit with Kegan. Logan sat down next to Carlos, looking at Lizzy.

Mom peeked inside the sling to see Kegan sleeping peacefully, curled against my chest. "Let's sit down, mom."

She nodded and sat back in her old place next to Carlos while I took the chair next to James. Kegan squirmed a little, but went back to sleeping.

"I was just telling James and Carlos how happy I am with three grandchildren," Mom said and smiled brightly.

James and Carlos were both beaming. They really did like mom thinking of Lizzy as a grandchild. But why wouldn't she? Logan and I loved Lizzy too, just like Carlos and James loved Keira and Kegan. It was normal. We weren't two different families. We were one big family. Which wasn't that strange after living together for five years.

Kegan opened his eyes and looked up at me. I smiled down at him when he stuck out his tongue and yawned. He crunched his nose cutely and started crying. Not a second later Lizzie started crying as well.

"It's your turn," Carlos and Logan both said and went on talking.

James and I both rolled our eyes, but didn't protest. I got up and rocked from on leg on another to calm Kegan down a little while I waited until James got his daughter from Carlos' lap. We went up to the nursery together. Really, now James and Carlos had a baby too, we never had to bring a bottle or diapers. They had all those stuff too, so there was just no need.

"Wanna bet I've more to clean up than you do?" James asked as he opened the door. He grinned at me.

"That's not fair, Kegan isn't nearly as big as Lizzy and doesn't eat as much as she does."

"True..." James said wondering. "Wanna trade?"

"Yeah, no. My baby," I said possessively as I carefully tilted Kegan out of the sling onto the dresser.  
>Kegan started to cry even harder when he was no longer safely wrapped up in the warm sling. Lizzy was still crying as well and James and I were working quickly to get the babies calm and cleaned up. I heard James mumbling soothingly to her and although I knew it wasn't going to help I started doing the same. "It's okay, buddy. You're getting a clean diaper and then you can go right back in the sling."<p>

I threw the dirty diaper away and cleaned Kegan's butt, before getting a new diaper and putting it on him. I dressed him again and put his cap back on his head. He was already crying less than before as I picked him up and held him to my chest. I rubbed his back soothingly and turned around to see how far James was. He just put on her pants and kissed the top of her head before picking her up again and holding her closely.

Kegan'd stopped whining and was slumbering against my chest, drooling a little. I let Kegan slip back into the sling. He wriggled and whimpered until he was lying comfortable.

He opened his eyes and stared up at me curiously. James got Lizzy to calm down too and together we went down again. Logan and Carlos were both in the kitchen getting drinks and chips. I heard mom and Keira in the living room and decided to go there...

After I kissed Logan.

I wrapped and arm around his waist and placed a kiss on his cheek. "What'cha doin'?"

"Getting drinks," He told me, but left them on the counter to kiss me back. He looked down at Kegan and smiled when he saw our baby looking around curiously. "Hi, baby!" Logan rubbed his belly and then pulled back again. "He'll want to eat soon."

"I figured. Can you make formula? I thought mom would like it to feed her grandson."

"Ahh. Won't you get lonely then?" He teased.

"I'll just put you in it," I told him. "You're so tiny, I think it'll fit."

"Yeah, no."

I pouted and pulled my puppy dog eyes. "But I'll get super lonely!"

"Maybe I'll sit next to you. But only maybe."

I grinned, "Great."

"Now go, I've to make you guys drinks."

"Alright then. Don't forget formula. And something for Keira."

"I'm not stupid, Kendall. Now go."

I kissed his cheek and then went back to the living room. Mom was holding Lizzy again and Keira was standing next to them, talking about the baby. I sat down next to them and pulled Keira in my lap.

She giggled and looked into the sling to see her brother. "Kegie!"

"Shh, sweetie. Lizzy's sleeping," Mom whispered.

Keira nodded wide eyed and sat back in my lap quietly for a minute, before climbing off me and running away to find her daddy.

I felt a little sorry for her, first she was here all alone and suddenly she'd to share all of us with two new babies. She came back after a minute when she found out Logan was busy too.

Her head hung and she sat on the ground in a corner where her toys were. She was too much like Logan to start crying to get attention. Too shy, too caring.

Luckily James noticed too and got up from his chair to get her. He tickled her sides, making her giggle and lifted her into the air. She was smiling again, that was enough for me. James brought her back to his chair, sitting her down in his lap. I smiled at him gratefully.

The rest of the day was spent like that. The babies and Keira constantly switching laps and arms. The sling was now lying on the floor next to me, unfortunately. I found out it was impossible to keep Kegan all to myself all day. Luckily I got him back shortly after dinner, when he started whining because he was sleepy.

We didn't make it late. Keira still had to get used to her old rhythm, since it got messed up when Kegan was born. Also, all four of us had to get up in the middle of the night to feed our respective child. Mom left first and Logan and I left shortly after, after thanking James and Carlos for dinner and everything.

At home Logan brought Keira to bed while I bathed a screaming Kegan. He disliked this even more than Keira had. When I was done I gave him his last bottle for today and put him in his bassinet. Logan was done and was now in our bathroom to get ready for bed. I followed his example, tired after a long day. Luckily it was Sunday tomorrow so we could stay home. Not that it would be any less hectic, because Kegan was here now and a baby and toddler needed a lot of attention.

Not that I minded. I loved them.

Logan was sitting next to Kegan, slowly rocking the bassinet. I sat behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist. "Had fun today?"

"Yeah," He yawned and leaned into my chest. "Really tired now, though."

"We'll get used to it. And he's home now, right? That's good."

He smiled. "Yeah."

We sat there for a while, until Logan's eyes started drooping. I softly pulled him back, into our bed. I lay down and gathered him into my arms. "Happy?" I asked as he rested his head on my chest.

"Yes."

"Good. I love you, sweetie."

"I love you too," He muttered sleepily.

"Sleep tight, Logie."

**And once again, they fall asleep. HOW THE FUCK DO I DO THAT? Anyway, there's only one chapter left, which I will upload tonight. Don't know exactly what time yet. It's already written, so don't worry. And yes, it ends with Kendall and Logan falling asleep. Sorry! ^^**


	40. Past, Present, Future

**HAPPY NEW YEAR! It's been 2012 here for almost two hours now. Pretty cool, because I've a friend in Boston and there it's still 2011. Anyway, this is the last chapter. I've worked on this story for half a year and luckily it's not over yet! The first chapter of the sequel will be up later today. It's already written and I'm really excited for you to read it! If anyone reads this before the sequel comes up, can you tell me what you expect to happen in it? I think I've been giving way too many hints in the last few chapters, but maybe I'm wrong. Anyway, tell me what you would like to see in there! I only have the first part planned, but a lot could happen after that!**

James, Carlos, Logan and I sat together in the living room of my and Logan's house. We just came back here after taking a really hard, but necessary decision. We broke up the band.

After our second album came out the fans got crazier than ever. It was a hit and was the number one album for two months. Everything was great, but with everything going on in our lives we didn't really get the chance to enjoy it. Kegan was born soon after the album came out and James and Carlos got Lizzy now. We put so much of our time in our families and our own personal problems that there simply wasn't any time left for a tour or concerts. Besides, none of us wanted to leaves two small babies and a toddler behind if we went on tour. We would miss them like crazy and we couldn't make mom babysit them for three months or longer. She could handle it for a day and she loved every part of it, but three young children at once was a lot and just couldn't be done for three months straight when you're on your own.

Next to that, we all wanted to go on with our lives. James had a new dream of becoming a model and was already searching for an agent. Carlos was dying for more action and finally decided what he wanted to do when he 'grew up'. He wanted to be a stunt man. Logan didn't talk about it much, but I knew for a fact he still wanted to be a doctor. It was clear every time I caught him watching a medical soap or documentary on tv. He recently found all of his old medical magazines and was rereading them whenever he got the time. I was going to talk about it with him soon. He'd always wanted to do that more than anything and I thought it was time he got to do what he wanted for a while. I knew med school was hard and took a lot of time, but I was sure he would pull through and make some time free for me and our children every once in a while.

And for me? I was perfectly happy. I felt like one of the luckiest men on earth. I had an amazing husband and two wonderful children. Our two best friends had a beautiful baby girl to take care of and their relationship was better than ever. Mom and Katie were doing great and my life was as good as it would ever be. I was fine with doing whatever. On this moment it looked like I was going to be a stay at home dad. If Logan was going to study and James and Carlos both got jobs, there had to be someone here to watch all the children. I didn't really mind doing it. It was a really satisfying job.  
>I sighed and sank against the back rest of the couch. Not a moment later Logan sat next to me. I put a hand on his thigh, squeezing softly. James and Carlos were sitting on the couch right from us, leaning their shoulders together.<p>

"It's over," I said, not really sure how to feel about that yet.

Logan and James nodded and Carlos sighed restlessly. "I'm bored, can't we go do something?"

James chuckled and Logan turned his head to raise his eyebrows at me. I shrugged. I had the feeling Carlos just didn't want to think about such a big part of our lives being over. It was sad, but it was not like we would never see each other again. We lived next to each other. We were all best friends and we would always be that, nothing was going to change, except for the fact we didn't have to go to the studio anymore every day. We could still sing together and I doubted if there would ever be a day we would not see each other.

I got an idea and smirked. "Stay here, I'm right back" I said and got up.

They all looked slightly confused and irritated that I didn't explain anything, but I ignored it and went upstairs, looking for that one box I'd seen this morning in the walk in closet. I found it quickly and picked it up, only to find it was heavier than I thought it would be. I got it eventually and carefully carried it downstairs.

I came back into the living room and put the box on the coffee table. Logan started grinning too when he recognized the box, while James and Carlos looked just as confused and curious as they'd been before I went upstairs. I opened it and started searching for the very first video tape that was ever made of us. I figured that was a good one to start this with. I popped it in the player and took the remote before sitting next to Logan again and pressing play.

James and Carlos laughed when they saw the four of us as five year olds next to a swing in my backyard back in Minnesota. It had been my mom to make all of this short movies of us. "Oh! I remember that!" Carlos said enthusiastically. "This is when I push Logan off the slide because he didn't wait for his turn!"

I vaguely remember something like that, but I always thought it was because Carlos had claimed the slide and pushed Logan off it, because he didn't want to share. I looked at the screen and saw little six year old James and little five year old me sitting in the grass with a cookie and milk, watching how little five year old Carlos climbed up the slide, went down from it, ran back to the stairs and started all over again. Little four year old Logan stood a next to the slide, following Carlos with hopeful eyes, waiting for his chance to climb up and slide down too.

After about a minute later Logan saw his chance as Carlos tumbled into the grass when he tripped over his own hasty feet. Logan climbed up with a big smile on his face while little James and me cheered. Carlos looked up too to see why we were cheering and saw Logan almost at the top of HIS slide. His eyes widened and he crawled up, running to the stairs and climbing up again. He'd done it so much already that he knew precisely how to climb the best way. He reached the top when Logan sat down and got ready to slide down. Carlos, determined to protect his playing object reached out and gave Logan a hard push against his side. Logan, who had no idea what was happening and had no time to grip onto something and keep himself on the slide fell seven feet down to the ground.

We couldn't see Logan falling, because at that moment mom put the camera down and ran over to the little pile of clothes and boy that was Logan. Luckily she placed the camera so that it was filming everything that happened around Logan. Mom was kneeling down next to him and helped him sitting up. We could hear Carlos' cheering for himself as he went down the slide. He quickly stopped when he saw Logan crying his eyes out and watched with wide eyes, his feet nailed to the ground. For a moment little James and me blocked the view of the camera as we ran over to comfort our little friend, the baby of our group.

Logan was now sitting up and pressing his little hands against his forehead, where -as I remembered now- would form a big bruise.

"Logie, does it hurt?" James asked pitifully.

I chuckled and looked at James. "He was crying, of course it hurt!"

James glared at me. "I was six! How could I know?"

"Again, he was crying!"

James huffed and looked away from me, with a small smile lingering on his lips. I looked back too and saw little me and James fighting over who got to hug Logan first. In the mean time Carlos had come over and kneeled next to little, still crying Logan. "I'm sorry, Logan," He said regretful. "I didn't want to hurt you."

"If you didn't want to hurt me than why did you push me off it?" Older Logan asked confused.

Carlos laughed. "Little Logan is going to forgive me, watch it," He said, smirking.

And indeed little Logan smiled at Carlos and took his hands off his forehead. "It's okay."

A second later little Carlos had tackled little Logan to the ground and was hugging him tightly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He said happily as Logan looked like he wasn't getting any air.

He seemed very relieved when little Carlos let go of him and placed a big kiss on Logan's forehead, making Logan giggled. "Now you're getting better really quick" Carlos told him. "It always works when my mommy does it!"

In the meantime I was still surprised about that forehead kiss. I didn't remember that happening and even while Logan and Carlos had been four and five when that happened, I still felt jealous. I'd always thought I was the first one of our friends to kiss Logan.

Now I really thought of it, all three of us had kissed Logan! "I'm married to a slut!" I said before I thought about it.

"Excuse me?" Logan asked offended. He scooted away from me and watched me unbelievably.

"No! I didn't mean it like that. Okay, hear me out. I just realized all three of us have kissed you," I said and couldn't help but sound a little hurt.

I heard James and Carlos laughed and Logan's expression softened. "If you would really pay attention you would've noticed those two..." He pointed to James and Carlos. "Kissed me. I've never put my lips on either one of them."  
>That eased my mind a little and I pulled him back against me. He chuckled and kissed my cheek.<br>James and Carlos were watching us amused and I noticed James' arm around Carlos' shoulders.

"Alright, my turn," Logan said and got up to search for a good movie. I got up too and after I told them I was going to check up on the kids I went upstairs. I first went to Keira's room and saw her lying on her stomach, her little arms and legs spread out and very much asleep. I pulled the blanket up over her legs and ran my fingers through her curls before going to the nursery.

Kegan and Lizzy were both lying in Kegan's crib. They were still small so it fitted perfectly. Kegan was sleeping, surrounded by a hottie an dressed in his thickest pajamas. He still needed the extra warmth, but was quickly growing stronger and soon he wouldn't need the hottie anymore. I kissed his forehead and checked if he was lying comfortably, before turning to the baby girl.

She was awake and kicking her little legs. I guessed she wasn't hungry or she would've started screaming already. However, it couldn't take very long before she would be and it was best to just take her down. "Hi, Lizzy," I cooed and carefully picked her up. She wiggled in my arms and let out a few whines, but seemed comfortable enough with me. I grabbed her blanket from the dresser and then started to make my way out again, leaving the door open so we could hear it if Kegan woke up. I went down with Lizzy on her arm and brought her to the living room.

Carlos started smiling when he saw her and reached out for her. I gave her to him and then went to the kitchen to warm one of the bottles. The moment I came back in the living room she started crying. I gave Carlos the baby bottle and he started feeding her, making her stop. I sat next to Logan again and wrapped my arm around his waist, pulling him against me. He rested his head on my shoulder and pressed play, starting the movie of his choice.

I chuckled softly when I recognized it. It was a movie with the four of us, now 7, 8 and 9 years old. It was Logan's birthday and we were going to the aquarium with Mrs. Mitchell and my mom, who was again filming everything. The first few minutes we saw us running around in the hall, trying to find the aquarium with the biggest and most dangerous fish. We held a contest and Logan's fishie won.

Carlos choice had been a shark, figuring it would kill everyone with his big teeth. James had chosen for a big round fish with spines that were poisoned. My choice had been a lobster, because the scissor claws were pretty creepy. Logan chose a tiny little jelly fish, that would kill you with its poison within ten minutes. We all had to admit that one was the coolest.

And the scariest.

The next part of that day was the six of us during dinner, all listening to Logan who told what a good time he was having. The little boy was shining brightly, it wasn't often he got this much attention.

I felt a little bad for little Logan when I realized it wasn't until I started to like Logan that I really paid attention to what he said. Everything little Logan always said was kind of dorky and James, Carlos and I didn't understand most of it. We just used him to get good grades to stay on the hockey team. And he was of course a team mate. Team mates always came up for one another. I understood this must be quite a precious memory of Logan. I pulled him tighter against me when I realized that, feeling even guiltier. I turned my head and kissed his hear. "I love you," I mumbled and kissed him again.

Logan hummed and placed a hand on my leg. I made sure to keep him closely against me throughout the whole movie.

When it was finished I didn't really feel like getting up or letting Logan go. "Your turn" I told James or Carlos, either one that was listening. I turned my head when I noticed I didn't get an answer. Lizzy had finished drinking and was now lying on James' chest, sleeping again. James was lying too, with his head in Carlos' lap. His hands were folded around her back to prevent the baby from falling. Carlos' hands were in James' hair.

I groaned when I realize they wouldn't come off that couch anytime soon. I gently pushed Logan away and had a hard time ignoring his pout. He didn't want to pull away as much as I did. I smiled and kissed him quickly before getting up, only to be immediately pulled back by Logan who took my face in his hands and started kissing me more.

'What the fuck' I thought and started moving with him. I teased the corners of his mouth with my tongue. Logan parted his lips without thinking about it and let me dominate his mouth.

It took James and Carlos two full minutes to find out what we were doing, but honestly I didn't really care. It had been a while and I just wanted them to leave so I could have my way with Logan. "Dude! Kendall! We don't have to see that!" Carlos said, covering James' eyes.

I smirked when I realized he was referring to my hand in the back of Logan's jeans.

I very slowly pulled my hand back, making sure to touch the most of Logan's skin as possible, trying to get him even more turned on than he already was. For once Logan didn't seem to really mind my game and just rested his head on my shoulder, passively waiting until I was done. I loved him for it.

Although I was glad Carlos had covered James' eyes.

I wasn't ever going to get rid of that thought.

I sighed sadly when my hand was out of Logan's pants, making Carlos roll his eyes and Logan chuckle softly. Carlos decided he didn't want to wait any longer for the next movie and lifted James' head off his lap. "Meh," James whined when his head thumbed back on the couch. "Carlos come back, you're a great pillow."

"Good to know that's all I'm good for," Carlos said and rolled his eyes again.

"I know, right?" I said, totally agreeing with the Latino. "Logan thinks I'm a mattress and a chair."

"That's because I seem to spend more time on you than either one of those objects" Logan reasoned.

"We didn't need to know that," James said.

"Speak for yourself, besides you started it," Carlos said while searching through the movies.

"Yeah, James, but I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks his husband would do better as furniture," Logan said teasingly.

"One more word and the next piece of furniture you're meeting is a guillotine," I threatened halfheartedly.

Logan rolled his eyes, but before he could reply, I heard Kegan crying upstairs. That also meant Keira would wake up soon. I sighed and pushed Logan away from me, trying to ignore his pout. I really didn't want to go now, but I had to. I couldn't just leave Kegan crying upstairs. I felt Logan's eyes on me until I reached the hallway and it took everything to not turn around and go back to him.

I went into the nursery and saw Kegan kicking with his little legs while crying his little lungs out. I went over quickly and picked him up, holding him upright against my chest. He made so much noise for such a tiny thing, but his bawling quickly faded after I held him close to me. I kissed the top of his head and started slowly walking around the room until he was calm again. I wasn't really hasting to go down again, so I took my time to hold my son and calm him down.

"So do you need a clean diaper?" I asked him. "I hope not, because I'm not really looking forward to that."

Unfortunately, when I lifted him up a little to check up on it I could smell it. "Yuck, Kegan! I said I didn't want that!" I whined. Not that Kegan would care as long as I helped him with it. I went to the dresser and gently put him down. He didn't like that and started making little noises in protest. It became much worse when I started undressing him and the cold hit his tiny body. I felt bad for him and tried to be as quick as possible so I could dress him in his warm pajamas again and wrap him in his blanket. "Shh. It's okay, baby," I mumbled as I opened the diaper, revealing not such good things. I went to work and soon after that I had him cleaned up and I a new diaper. I was about to give him some other clothes too when Keira started crying. Since I could split myself and help both of them I had to call 911. "Logan! Keira!" I yelled before going on with what I started.

A minute later I heard Logan reaching the top of the stairs and going into Keira's room. Kegan had calmed down again after he had his clothes back on and was staring up at my face. I smiled when I recognized the look in his eyes and gave him another kiss on his head. "C'mon, buddy. Let's go downstairs," I said and picked him up. I grabbed the blue blanket from his crib and loosely wrapped it around him before walking out of the room. I heard Logan talking with Keira in the other room while he changed he clothes when I went downstairs to the living room.

Carlos had taken his old place on the couch and had James' head in his lap again. Lizzy was awake and looking around curiously, mostly at her own hands which were making quit interesting movements. "Hold Kegan," I ordered Carlos. I gave him Kegan and went to the kitchen to warm another bottle for Kegan and make some food for Keira. It was done the moment Logan came down with Keira and we all went back to the living room. I took my baby from Carlos and settled back in my spot on the couch. Kegan squirmed for a while and rejected that bottle I was making him at first, until the hunger took over and he sucked the content eagerly inside.

In the meantime Logan was feeding Keira and James and Carlos were watching another movie. I wasn't really paying attention until James suddenly started laughing. "Oh, pause the movie!" He said amused. Logan and I both looked up, curious of what James found out. Carlos gave him the remote and James rewind a few seconds.

I know saw it was a movie taken about 13 years ago, when we were 10, 11 and 12 years old. The four of us were going to a hockey match of the Minnesota wilds with Officer Garcia. I think he borrowed moms video camera, because I was pretty sure it was just the boys that night. James and Carlos were walking in front, enthusiastically talking about the upcoming game and making bets with how much points they would win. Logan and I were walking behind them, in front of Mr. Garcia and the video camera. I remember Logan being kind of intimidated by all the men and I wanted to make sure he was doing okay. Hmm. Maybe my crush on Logan formed a little earlier than I'd always thought. Oh well, didn't matter anymore. I was holding mine and Logan's second child, I didn't have to worry about being rejected by him anymore.

James found what he was looking for and pressed play. Logan, Carlos and I watched closely, curious of what was so funny according to James. "Watch Kendall," James hinted.

I frowned, trying to remember what I might have done back then. The four boys on the screen reached the main entrance, still talking excitedly about the game that was coming up. On a certain moment, eleven year old me was licking his lips while looking at something particularly... interesting.

Logan's butt.

James paused the movie and started laughing again, Carlos quickly joining in. I glanced at Logan, who staring horrified at the tv screen. "Kendall, seriously?" He asked stunned. "I was ten, you pervert!"He pretended to be all upset, but he really wasn't. He was even smiling just a little bit.

I closed my eyes and sighed. "And I was eleven. I might not even be looking at his butt and just staring at something on the ground!" I protected my younger self.

"You were staring at something on the ground and licking your lips? That's just gross, Kendall. No, I'm sure you were staring at Logan," James said smugly.

"So we're going to play that game, huh?" I asked and got off the couch, being careful with Kegan. I went to the box and started searching in it, remembering one movie James and Carlos might like a lot. Not.

I found it at the very bottom and quickly popped it in before they could recognize it. I sat down again and pressed play.

James and Carlos both screamed when they saw themselves on the screen, naked as the day they were born and together in the bathtub. Six and seven year old Carlos and James were playing with boats, their legs touching, but not really minding being naked in front of another boy and a video camera recording everything.

"That's just dirty, Kendall. I'm sure there's one of these of you and Logan," Carlos said pouting. He was not looking at the movie and was instead staring at Lizzy. James however was playing close attention to the movie.

"What are you looking at, James?" I asked him amused.

"I'm wondering how my skin could be so perfect back then" He said thoughtfully.

Of course.

Of course that was what James thought. I rolled my eyes and sighed. Kegan let out a whimpered, pushed the bottle out of his mouth with his tongue and started coughing. I quickly pulled him up and against my shoulder, rubbing his back until I heard him burp. Kegan started whining again and squirmed in my arms. "It's okay, buddy. Shh."

Kegan continued showing his discomfort by whimpering and wriggling. I wondered if my old method would work with Kegan. I pulled his blanket aside a little and placed my hands on his belly. I still had no idea why it worked so good to calm Keira down, so I didn't know if it was just her or it worked for other babies too. I had a slight suspicion it had something to do with warmth.

I smiled when I noticed Kegan stopped mopping and started slumbering. I looked back up and noticed all of the guys looking at me. "Okay, I have to ask. How do you do that?" Carlos asked curiously. "It works every time I see you doing it."

"I really don't know, but it works. And now Logan has a reason to keep me around," I said, while looking down at my now sleeping baby. I felt Logan coming closer and leaning against my side.

He kissed my cheek. "I've more reason to keep you around."

"That sounds good. Tell me some," I asked him.

"You're overall pretty amazing," He began and stroked up and down my upper arm.

"Keep going" I urged him.

I glanced at James and Carlos who were watching us weirdly, but also amused and quite grossed out. "You look handsome and sexy and hot," He said, moving his heads down to my stomach and traced my abs.

I nodded, grinning smugly.

"And tonight I will show you why I keep you around," He whispered and placed a kiss on my ear.

"Deal," I said immediately.

We watched more movies the rest of the day, occasionally getting up to take care of a kid, but mostly just sitting and laughing together.

We ordered pizza and ate it in the living room, where after James and Carlos took Lizzy home to bring her to bed. I was now busy with Keira. She was in the bathtub and had the time of her life by trying to get everything wet. Especially me.

"Keira! No, don't do that, honey. Papa doesn't have to get wet yet."

She laughed and splashed more water my way. "Alright, enough water fun," I said and pulled my sleeves up before picking her out of the water.

"No!" Keira said stubbornly and squirmed, trying to get free.

"Yes," I told her and wrapped her in a towel before reaching in the water to let the water flow out of the tub. Keira was still pouting while I dried her off and dressed her in pajamas.

"Now, we're going to say goodnight to daddy and Kegan and then you're going to bed."

She nodded and yawned, but tried to hide it, because she didn't want me to know she was tired. I carried her down to the living room where Logan was sitting on the couch, feeding Kegan. He smiled when he saw Keira. "Are you going to bed?" He asked.

She nodded again and reached out for Logan. I put her next to him on the couch and watched how she crawled up on her legs and kissed Logan's cheek before dropping on her knees again and kissing the top of Kegan's head. "Night, Kegie."

I smiled and picked her up again. "Wave to daddy," I told her. She did and giggled when Logan blew her a kiss.

We went back upstairs and I kissed her forehead. "Sleep tight, baby," I said and put her in her crib.

She reached up to me and patted my cheek with her little hand a few times. "Papa, Logie love?"

I smiled. Over the months, 'love you Logie', became 'Logie love.' She said it so much to both of us we started using it too. "Yeah, Logie love, Keke."

She grinned and laid down so I could pull the blanket over her. "You're good, baby?"

She nodded and yawned again, closing her eyes tiredly. I stroked her hair a last time before quietly walking out of the room and putting the lights out.

I went down stairs again and found Logan lying on the couch with Kegan sleeping on his chest. I wasn't sure if Logan was asleep or just pretending to be so Kegan would go to sleep too.

Anyhow, I sat down next to them, putting a hand on Kegan's back. "How about we go upstairs and get Kegan in bed, hmm?" I asked Logan.

He opened his eyes and nodded. I carefully lifted Kegan off of him and held him on my arm, glad he didn't wake up. I stuck out my other hand for Logan and helped him on his legs. I let go only to wrap my arm around his waist and pull him close for a moment, before walking up the stairs to our room where Kegan was still sleeping with us.

I gave Logan a kiss on his cheek before going into the nursery to change Kegan into his pajamas. He woke up from it, but was too tired to start crying and just watched me with his big brown eyes.

"There you go, baby," I said when I was done. I picked him up again and went back to my bedroom to put him in his bassinet. He closed his eyes immediately. I stroked his little head and then went over to the bathroom where Logan was.

I knocked softly on the door. "Logie, can I come in?" I asked.

"Wait a sec... Yeah, you can."

I opened the door and noticed my husband in front of the mirror with a towel around his body, brushing his teeth. I went over to him and hugged from behind, slowly removing the towel.

Logan grimaced and stopped me with his free hand, shaking his head. I was a little hurt, after all he did promise me we would make love tonight, but said nothing about. He couldn't answer me anyway while he was brushing his teeth.

So I just stood behind him with my arms loosely around his waist and my head on his shoulder. I waited patiently until he was done and rinsed his mouth, before turning him around and taking him back in my arms. "Why not?" I asked and rested my chin on his head. "It's been over a month now."

"I just don't like it if you see another scar on me. You always get that look in your eyes," He mumbled.

"What look?"

"That sad one."

I sighed and placed a hand under his chin, turning his head up so I could see his eyes. "You're beautiful, Logan. It's true I'm not really happy about the scar, but it doesn't bother me. It was necessary, thanks to that we have Kegan."

"I know," He muttered. "It's just me, I guess."

I smiled and cupped his cheek, before slowly leaning in and kissing him. He kissed back eagerly and soon we were making out. I didn't push him to take the towel off and just touched him over it, while I let him take of my shirt and pants.

Before he could reach out for my boxers I pulled away and grinned about his pout. I gave him a quick kiss before I turned around to turn the shower on. When I turned back to Logan he'd dropped the towel and stood there naked as the day he was born. I looked at his face, knowing he would get insecure again the moment I looked down at the scar from the c-section. I would check up on it later.

I pushed my boxers off and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the shower and letting him get in first. I made sure the bathroom door was open, so we would hear it if Keira or Kegan was crying and got into the cabin.

Logan was getting wet, his back turned to me while he ran his hands over his torso. I once again got behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and started kissing his neck. Logan whimpered and turned his head, giving me better access. I moved my hands down until they reached his crotch and wrapped my fingers around him, earning a moan. He grinded his ass back against my member while I stroked him painfully slow. "Kendall," He whimpered.

I smirked and started kissing his neck while I felt him slowly turning into jelly. After ten minutes I got him so close I had to lift him up so he wouldn't fall. I used the wall and one arm to hold him up while I was still using the other to pleasure him.

I pulled away, hearing another moan, but this time in irritation and anticipation. "I knew it," He muttered in my ear and tightened his hold on me, knowing we were just started.

"I'm so predictable," I said and gave him a kiss, before moving a hand down to his entrance. Logan whined quietly when I slowly pushed one finger inside of him. I remembered it hurt Logan quite bad and started kissing him again to distract him from this. It had been a while and he wasn't used to this anymore.

I put another finger in and started scissoring them, creating some more room and also trying to find his sweet spot to make this better for Logan. I found it and brushed over it lightly, making Logan shiver in delight and grab onto me harder. I managed to get a third finger in without any pain for Logan.

I continued doing this until I felt him getting close to release again, but now instead of pulling away I moved my fingers faster inside of him and with a last press on his prostate, Logan fell over the edge.  
>I pulled my fingers out and wrapped my arms around him, holding him tightly until he came down from his high. By then the water washed everything off of us and Logan was ready for a final round.<br>He smiled weakly at me and nodded, giving me a sign it was okay to continue. I didn't hesitate one second and positioned my length at his entrance. Logan gasped when he felt me pushing in and dug his nails in my back. I rubbed his back and whispered sweet nothings in his ear to distract him somewhat. It worked a little, but didn't have the effect I hoped it would have, because by the time I was all the way in he was crying in pain.

I hated it to hurt him like this, but it was something we had to go through to go back to what we had, no pain at all when I pushed inside of Logan.

I started nibbling on his pulse point and ignored the immense pleasure I was already feeling. To me it wasn't pleasure when I was hurting Logan with it. So I waited a fully five minutes until Logan said the pain was bearable and he stopped crying. "Move," He whispered.

I started out slow, like we always did and gave Logan gentle kisses.

Logan moved with me and let out another moan when I hit that spot inside of him. I tried to make this last as long as possible, it has been a while and I wanted to keep that feeling of being close to Logan. But after twenty minutes neither of us could hold on any longer and we both let go.

I hugged him and I felt him withering under my hands. When we both had stopped panting he turned his head up and smiled at me. I helped him back on his feet and wrapped an arm around his waist while I reached out for the soap.

I rubbed it over his back while he put his arms around my neck to keep himself upright. I continued doing this until all the soap turned into bubbles and then turned him around to do his front. Logan had closed his eyes and leaned his head back on my shoulder while I got soap all over his chest, stomach and arms.

I loved doing this, because when we would go to bed later Logan would feel all warm and cozy and would definitely want to cuddle with me. Not that we ever didn't, but it was mostly me who initiated those things.

I pushed him under the water to wash the soap off of him and then turned the water off. I grabbed the towel Logan dropped on the ground before we went into the shower and wrapped him in it so he wouldn't get cold. I started rubbing him dry. "Kendall, I can do that myself you know," He chuckled.

"Shut up. I like taking care of you. Just pretend to be tired after our loving making."

He chuckled and shook his head, but let me do what I wanted. When I got him dry I kissed his cheek and told him to go lie in bed while I finished here.

I dried myself and brushed my teeth before going back into our room too. Logan was sitting at the edge of the bed, slowly rocking Kegan's crib while looking down at our sleeping baby. "He'll wake up soon," I said when I sat beside him.

"Yeah, you gonna feed him?"

"Unless you want to do it yourself?"

"No, I'm good. Go ahead."

I smiled and kissed his cheek before getting Kegan out of his bed and going downstairs. Halfway the stairs Kegan woke up. He looked at me curiously for a moment, almost surprised about the change of environment he fell asleep in. "Hi, buddy. Are you hungry?"

I went into the kitchen and put one of the bottles that were in the refrigerator in the microwave to warm it up.

It was that moment Kegan started to cry. "Yeah, I thought so. Just a minute, baby boy."

Of course Kegan couldn't care less about how long it would take before his formula would be ready and continued bawling until I placed the bottle at his lips. He started sucking eagerly and I went to the living room to sit down while I fed Kegan.

Luckily he was too tired to finish his whole bottle and was already slumbering after half of it. I slowly pulled the bottle away, afraid he would wake up and start crying again, but the opposite happened and he fell asleep again.

I went back upstairs and took a quick look in Keira's room, only to see my baby girl fast asleep on her stomach. I smiled and left the door open a little.

Back in my own room I put Kegan back in his bassinet, carefully tucking him in. I gave him his pacifier that said 'I love daddy' and gave the bassinet a soft push so it would rock for a while.

I turned around, expecting to see Logan in our bed, but he wasn't. I hadn't even noticed he was gone until now. Then I heard the toilet flush and smiled, immediately relaxed now that I knew he was just using the toilet. I sat on the edge of the bed and waited for him to come out, feeling really happy.  
>Everything turned out just fine. James and Carlos were finally happy now they had Lizzy and I could imagine the small blonde baby being happy too. She was saved from a miserable life in an orphanage and was going to have a great life with James and Carlos and us. Secretly, I hoped Logan's little wish would come true. It would be awesome if Lizzy and Kegan started dating. And Carlos and James would worship us forever, because then they didn't have to deal with the whole boyfriend problem Logan and I would have when Keira would be a teenager.<p>

Kegan was doing great too. He grew every day and gained more and more weight. He wasn't as quiet as Keira was as a baby, but what do you expect? He's a Knight. Knights aren't supposed to be silent and shy. Not that I didn't love that about Logan and Keira, I was just proud he looked like me. I never in a million years expected that to happen. I love Logan so much that I figured I would love children that looked like him more than children that looked like me. Wrong conclusion. Kegan was my pride, while Keira would always be my sweetheart.

Logan came out of the bathroom back into our room. He smiled when he saw Kegan sleeping peacefully and me sitting on the bed. "Logie," I said and waved him over. He smiled and came up to me, sitting down on the edge of the bed. I took his hand and pulled him down, until he was lying next to me.

He was a bit confused of what I was planning on, but went with it. I didn't do anything for a few minutes, except for looking in his eyes and wondering how I ended up with a wonderful lover like him. I still didn't know. Logan was amazing. He was so much more than I ever hoped or wished for. Logan was the reason I got up in the morning and fell asleep at night, holding him close to me. I never really fell asleep until I was sure he was sleeping. Every night again I had to make sure he was comfortable enough to sleep in my arms. I wanted him to feel save and loved. I was happy as long as he was happy too. I wanted to make him feel good in whatever way he wanted it.

I just loved Logan that much. He meant the world to me. I guess you could call my love for Logan unconditional. And it was. I couldn't imagine myself ever stopping with loving Logan. Whatever happens, he would always mean just as much to me as right now. If his girl side would take over, I would still love him... or her. If he became blind or deaf, I would still stay with him. If he lost his arms or legs, I would do anything to help him. And if he lost his memory, I would do everything to make him fall in love with me again, because I was never going to stop loving him.

Logan was that one piece in my life that always stayed, that never changed, and I would do everything to keep it that way. I need Logan while Keira and Kegan grew up and started to get lives of their own. I need Logan when mom would grow old and die. I need Logan when Katie would get married and start a family of her own. I need him to be himself as we grow older, I need him to be that one never changing person in my life.

I brought my hand up to his face and carefully placed it on his cheek, as if he was so delicate I would break him if I was too harsh. Instead of telling him everything I just thought and without a doubt make him cry. I just went with three little words that told the exact same thing as everything I'd thought just moments before. A group of words I told him every time I got the chance.

Because Logan would understand. He would instantly know what I'd been thinking, without any chance of misunderstanding. He would get it, because he loved me back. His feelings for me were the same and would stay that way. With those words I could tell him more than I ever thought possible.  
>"I love you," I told him and ran my fingers down his face to his neck, slowly pulling him towards me. I felt him sliding his hand into mine. I closed my hand around his the moment our lips met.<p>

It was a brief kiss, gentle and meaningful. I pulled back and opened my eyes to look at him again. His eyes were still closed and his lips were parted a little as if he was waiting for another kiss. He looked so beautiful, but who was I to let him wait?

So I leaned in again, only stopping when I could feel his breath on my face. Logan sensed I was close again and closed the remaining space between us, lightly grazing his lips over mine, before nipping on my bottom lip.

I trailed my hand from his neck down to his waist and pulled him against me, before I started to kiss him back again, occasionally pulling away to look at him. Logan wrapped his arm around my torso and was rubbing slowly over my upper back and shoulders. I'd begun to softly stroke my thumb over the back of his hand I was still holding.

I pulled away eventually, feeling like I hadn't worshipped him enough yet. I studied his face for a moment and then placed a kiss on his nose. A few on his cheeks and temples. On his forehead and chin and eventually his eyelids. Only to end with another soft kiss on his lips.

Logan looked up at me and smiled shyly when I caught him staring at me. He gripped onto my shirt and hid his face in my chest. "You're so adorable," I mumbled and kissed his hair, wrapping my arms around him tighter.

Logan managed to get the blankets up until our thighs, but then I had to take over. I pulled them up all the way over his head, just how he liked it. I always wondered how he breathed down there, with his face in my chest and hot blankets over his head. I can't breathe when I don't get cold, or at least colder than under the blankets, oxygen. But he was still alive and he liked it, so I didn't say anything about it.

"Sing for me?" He asked, his voice muffled by my chest.

"What song?"

"Stuck."

And I sang. He was still awake after that song so I went on with the next, worldwide, and after that one intermission. I never really liked that song, especially not because it was Logan singing about a break up, but the melody was good and the tone of that song was calm. It worked perfectly to get Logan to sleep.

And he was indeed asleep when I was done. I smiled and kissed the top of his head, before closing my own eyes. I ran my fingers over his back and realized again how lucky I was. I had someone I loved more than Romeo loved Juliet or Clyde loved Bonnie. And he loved me back. I doubted if it came close to what I felt for him, but it was enough to stay with me for the rest of his life.

And that was all I needed.

**So, yeah. Not my best work. I hope you liked it anyway. I want to thank everyone who read/reviewed/alerted/favorited. You've no idea how much it means to me. And if you want to read what happens next, WATCH MY PROFILE! I promise the sequel will be up tomorrow/today, depends on where you live on earth. It's going to be named 'It ended with…' obviously. I'm not going to tell you more :) **

**I love you all! Hope you liked my story! With love, Theresa.**


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